


Unfinished Wattpad Fanfictions

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:34:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 89,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21980260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Exactly as the title says
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

_There's a stranger in my bed_   
_There's a pounding my head_   
_Glitter all over the room_   
_Pink flamingos in the pool_   
_I smell like a minibar_   
_DJ's passed out in the yard_   
_Barbie's on the barbecue_   
_This a hickey or a bruise?_   
_Pictures of last night_   
_Ended up online_   
_I'm screwed_   
_Oh well_   
_It's a blacked out blur_   
_But I'm pretty sure it ruled, damn_   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah we danced on tabletops_   
_And we took too many shots_   
_Think we kissed but I forgot_   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah we maxed our credit cards_   
_And got kicked out of the bar_   
_So we hit the boulevard_   
_Last Friday night_   
_We went streaking in the park_   
_Skinny dipping in the dark_   
_Then had a ménage à trois_   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah I think we broke the law_   
_Always say we're gonna stop-op_   
_Oh whoa_   
_This Friday night_   
_Do it all again_   
_This Friday night_   
_Do it all again_   
_Trying to connect the dots_   
_Don't know what to tell my boss_   
_Think the city towed my car_   
_Chandelier is on the floor_   
_Ripped my favorite party dress_   
_Warrants out for my arrest_   
_Think I need a ginger ale_   
_That was such an epic fail_   
_Pictures of last night_   
_Ended up online_   
_I'm screwed_   
_Oh well_   
_It's a blacked out blur_   
_But I'm pretty sure it ruled_   
_Damn_   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah we danced on table tops_   
_And we took too many shots_   
_Think we kissed but I forgot_   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah we maxed our credits card_   
_And got kicked out of the bar_   
_So we hit the boulevards_   
_Last Friday night_   
_We went streaking in the park_   
_Skinny dipping in the dark_   
_Then had a ménage à trois_   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah I think we broke the law_   
_Always say we're gonna stop-op_   
_Oh whoa_   
_This Friday night_   
_Do it all again_   
_This Friday night_   
_Do it all again_   
_This Friday night_   
_T.G.I.F._   
_T.G.I.F._   
_T.G.I.F._   
_T.G.I.F._   
_T.G.I.F._   
_T.G.I.F._   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah we danced on table tops_   
_And we took too many shots_   
_Think we kissed but I forgot_   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah we maxed our credit cards_   
_And got kicked out of the bar_   
_So we hit the boulevard_   
_Last Friday night_   
_We went streaking in the park_   
_Skinny dipping in the dark_   
_Then had a ménage à trois_   
_Last Friday night_   
_Yeah I think we broke the law_   
_Always say we're gonna stop-op_   
_Whoa-oh_   
_This Friday night_   
_Do it all again_   
_\--------------------------------------------------------------_

**_Tony Stark_** -brilliant, genius, billionaire...drunk addict

**_Steve Rogers_** -smart, out of his league, honorable...drug addict

**_Tony_** meet **_Steve_**

**_Steve_** meet **_Tony_**

\----------------------------------------------

These two young men have gone through a lot.

Now, they've gone through a lot _together_.

With pictures online, friends half-naked strewn across the floor, and someone called Peter Parker at the door, claiming they adopted him, Steve and Tony might just find love in one of the strangest ways.

But, then again, nothings easy with them

\-----------------------------------------

"SORRY, WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?"

"TONY STARK. YOURS?"

"....STEVE ROGERS. ...YOU HAVE THE STRANGEST FRIENDS."

"WELL, YOU'RE NOT SO FAR OFF YOURSELF, ROGERS. BLUEBERRY?"

\--------------------------------------

**ROBERT DOWNEY JR.** _as_ Tony Stark  
  


**CHRIS EVANS** _as_ Steve Rogers  
  


**SCARLET JOHANSSON** _as_ Natasha Romanoff  
  


**TOM HOLLAND** _as_ Peter Parker  
  


**CHRIS HEMSWORTH** _as_ Thor Odinson  
  


**MARK RUFFALO** **** _as_ Bruce Banner  
  


**JEREMY RENNER** _as_ Clint Barton  
  


**SEBASTIAN STAN** _as_ James "Bucky" Barnes and **ANTHONY MACKIE** _as_ Sam Wilson  
  


**DON CHEADLE** _as_ James "Rhodey" Rhodes  
  


**ELIZABETH OLSEN** _as_ Wanda Maximoff and **AARON TAYLOR-JOHNSON** _as_ Pietro Maximoff  
  


**GWYNETH PALTROW** _as_ Pepper Potts  
  


**TOM HIDDLESTON** _as_ Loki Lauyferson

\--------------------------------------------

_I do not own Marvel nor any of these characters._

_Enjoy!_

\------------------------------------

\-------------------------------------

_AU--No powers_

_Pepper, Natasha, Loki, Thor, Rhodey, and Bruce are Tony's friends._   
_Wanda, Pietro, Bucky, Sam, and Clint are Steve's friends._

\----------------------------


	2. Thalia Pond Series 6 Part 1

[Starliner]  
(Near a planet with a thick cloudy atmosphere and a lovely view of the Horse Head Nebula.)   
TANNOY: Would all passengers please return to their seats and fasten their safety belts? We are experiencing slight turbulence.   
(Things are going Bang! on the bridge, which is strongly modelled on the Starship Enterprise.)   
CAPTAIN: Both engines failed, and the storm-gate's critical. The ship is going down. Christmas is cancelled.   
PILOT: Entering atmosphere now. Level. Keep her level.   
CO-PILOT: Level with what? I can't see. What is that stuff?   
CAPTAIN: Clouds?   
PILOT: What kind of clouds?   
(Distress signal activated.)   
CAPTAIN: Are you sending a distress signal?   
PILOT: It's not me.   
(Location: Honeymoon suite.)   
CAPTAIN: Who's in the honeymoon suite?   
(Amy enters, wearing her stripper policewoman outfit.)   
AMY: I've sent for help.   
CAPTAIN: Who the hell are you?   
AMY: Look, there's a friend of mine, okay? And he can help us. He'll come.   
CAPTAIN: And what are you wearing?   
AMY: That doesn't matter.   
CAPTAIN: Are you from the honeymoon suite?   
AMY: Oh, shut up.   
(Enter a Roman Centurion.)   
RORY: Amy, the light's stopped flashing Does that mean he's coming?   
PILOT: Honeymoon suite?   
RORY: Oh. Oh, the clothes. Er. It is just a bit of fun.   
AMY: Really, shut up.   
CO-PILOT: Sensor loss on eighty percent of the hull.   
RORY: So, does this mean he's coming, or does it mean I need to change the bulb?   
AMY: He'll come. He always comes.   
RORY: Right. Well, he is cutting it kind of fine.   
CAPTAIN: If we can't stabilise the orbit, we're finished.   
CO-PILOT: There's nothing to lock onto. I am flying blind.   
AMY: Come on, Doctor, come on.   
CO-PILOT: There's something coming alongside us. Something small, like a shuttle.   
AMY: Just this once, don't be late.   
PILOT: Ma'am. Incoming message. It's from the other ship.   
CAPTAIN: On screen.   
(Message reads - Come along Pond.)   
CAPTAIN: What does that mean?   
AMY: It's Christmas.

[Main room]

(Down below the thick cloud layer is a bustling metropolis, dominated by a domed building sending an energy beam into the sky. A scruffy boy runs through a market area, slightly alien Dickensian.)   
SARDICK: [OC]: On every world, wherever people are, in the deepest part of the winter, at the exact mid-point, everybody stops and turns and hugs, as if to say, well done. Well done, everyone. We're halfway out of the dark. Back on Earth, we called this Christmas, or the Winter Solstice. On this world, the first settlers called it the Crystal Feast.   
SARDICK: You know what I call it? I call it expecting something for nothing.   
(Hello, Ebenezer Scrooge. He turns from the little window and walks into a massive room with just a pieces of furniture around a large but empty fireplace. A poor family are waiting for him, a man, an old woman and a young boy.)   
BENJAMIN: Sir. Mister Sardick. We're only asking for one day. Just let her out for Christmas. She loves Christmas.   
(A cryochamber is wheeled in, containing a young woman.)   
SARDICK: Does she? Oh, does she? I see. Hello. Wakey, wakey. It's Christmas. Do you know what? I think she's a bit cool about the whole thing. Ha, ha! That was funny.   
(The servants chuckle obediently.)   
BOY: She's frozen.   
SARDICK: She's what, sorry?   
BOY: She's in the ice. She can't hear you.   
SARDICK: Oh, what a clever little boy. You must be so irritated. How much?   
(A servant brings an account.)   
SERVANT: Er, it's four thousand five hundred Gideons, sir.   
SARDICK: You took a loan of four thousand five hundred Gideons, and Little Miss Christmas is my security.   
(How very Monty Python Merchant Banker. Another servant brings in a ringing candlestick telephone.)   
BENJAMIN: We're not asking for her back. Just let her have one day. Let her have Christmas with us.   
SERVANT: Sir, it's the President.   
SARDICK: Tell him I'm busy. Now, where were we? Oh, yes. She's pretty, though, your daughter. Maybe I should keep her.   
BENJAMIN: She's not my daughter, sir.   
ISABELLA: She's my sister. She volunteered for the ice when the family were in difficulties many years ago.   
SERVANT: Sorry, sir. The President says there's a galaxy class ship trapped in the cloud layer and, well, we have to let it land.   
SARDICK: Or?   
SERVANT: Well, or it'll crash, sir.   
SARDICK: Oh. Well, it's a kind of landing, isn't it?   
SERVANT: It's from Earth, sir, registering over four thousand lifeforms on board.   
SARDICK: Not if we wait a bit.   
SERVANT: You can't just let it crash, sir.   
(The sound of the Tardis arriving nearby.)   
SARDICK: Says who? Oh, give it here.   
(Sardick takes the telephone.)   
SARDICK: Look, petal, we already have a surplus population. No more people allowed on this planet. I don't make the rules.   
(Soot falls down the chimney.)   
SARDICK: Oh no, hang on, I do.   
(Sardick hangs up the receiver.)   
SARDICK: Right, you lot. Poor, begging people. Off home and pray for a miracle.   
(The Doctor tumbles out of the fireplace in a shower of soot.)   
DOCTOR: Ah. Yes. Blimey. Sorry. Christmas Eve on a rooftop. Saw a chimney, my whole brain just went, what the hell.   
(He goes to the family.)   
DOCTOR: Don't worry, fat fellow will be doing the rounds later. I'm just scoping out the general chimney-ness. Yes. Nice size, good traction. Big tick.   
BENJAMIN: Fat fellow?   
DOCTOR: Father Christmas, Santa Claus or, as I've always known him, Jeff.   
BOY: There's no such person as Father Christmas.   
DOCTOR: Oh, yeah?   
(The Doctor produces an old photograph.)   
DOCTOR: Me and Father Christmas, Frank Sinatra's hunting lodge, 1952. See him at the back with the blonde? Albert Einstein. The three of us together. Brrm. Watch out. Okay? Keep the faith. Stay off the naughty list.   
(The Doctor spots what looks like a big cinema organ.)   
DOCTOR: Ooo. Now, what's this then? I love this. A big flashy lighty thing. That's what brought me here. Big flashy lighty things have got me written all over them. Not actually, but give me time, and a crayon. Now, this big flashy lighty thing is connected to the spire in your dome, yeah? And it controls the sky. Well, technically it controls the clouds, which technically aren't clouds at all. Well, they're clouds of tiny particles of ice. Ice clouds. Love that. Who's she?   
SARDICK: Nobody important.   
DOCTOR: Nobody important. Blimey, that's amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important before. Now, this console is the key to saving that ship, or I'll eat my hat. If I had a hat. I'll eat someone's hat. Not someone who's using their hat. I don't want to shock a nun, or something. Sorry, rambling, because, because this isn't working!   
SARDICK: The controls are isomorphic. One to one. They respond only to me.   
DOCTOR: Oh, you fibber. Isomorphic. There's no such thing.   
(Sardick reaches over and switches it off then on again. All the Doctor gets are annoyed beeps, even with the screwdriver.)   
DOCTOR: These controls are isomorphic.   
SARDICK: The skies of this entire world are mine. My family tamed them, and now I own them.   
DOCTOR: Tamed the sky? What does that mean?   
SARDICK: It means I'm Kazran Sardick. How can you possibly not know who I am?   
DOCTOR: Well, just easily bored, I suppose. So, I need your help, then.   
SARDICK: Make an appointment.   
DOCTOR: There are four thousand and three people in a spaceship trapped in your cloud belt. Without your help, they're going to die.   
SARDICK: Yes.   
DOCTOR: You don't have to let that happen.   
SARDICK: I know, but I'm going to. Bye, bye. Bored now. Chuck.   
(The Doctor wriggles out of the clutches of a servant and goes to Sardick, who is settling into a tall leather armchair by the fireplace.)   
SARDICK: Ooo, look at you, looking all tough now.   
DOCTOR: There are four thousand and three people I won't allow to die tonight. Do you know where that puts you?   
SARDICK: Where?   
DOCTOR: Four thousand and four.   
SARDICK: Was that a sort of threat-y thing?   
DOCTOR: Whatever happens tonight, remember you brought it on yourself.   
SARDICK: Yeah, yeah, right. Get him out of here. And next time, try and find me some funny poor people.   
(The boy throws a stray piece of coal at Sardick as he, his family and the Doctor are hustled out. Sardick runs over to hit the child.)   
DOCTOR: No, stop, don't.   
BENJAMIN: Don't you dare. You leave him.   
SARDICK: Get him out of here. Get that foul-smelling family out of here. Out!   
BOY: We're going!   
(The Doctor remains behind.)   
SARDICK: What? What do you want?   
DOCTOR: A simple life. But you didn't hit the boy.   
SARDICK: Well, I will next time.   
DOCTOR: You see, you won't. Now why? What am I missing?   
SARDICK: Get out. Get out of this house.   
DOCTOR: The chairs. Of course, the chairs. Stupid me, the chairs.   
SARDICK: The chairs?   
DOCTOR: There's a portrait on the wall behind me. Looks like you, but it's too old, so it's your father. All the chairs are angled away from it. Daddy's been dead for twenty years, but you still can't get comfortable where he can see you. There's a Christmas tree in the painting, but none in this house, on Christmas Eve. You're scared of him, and you're scared of being like him, and good for you, you're not like him, not really. Do you know why?   
SARDICK: Why?   
DOCTOR: Because you didn't hit the boy. Merry Christmas, Mister Sardick.   
SARDICK: I despise Christmas.   
DOCTOR: You shouldn't. It's very you.   
SARDICK: It's what? What do you mean?   
DOCTOR: Halfway out of the dark.   
(The servants return and the Doctor leaves.)   
SARDICK: Get her downstairs with the others. And clean up this mess.

[Starliner]

CO-PILOT: Everything's offline. Secondary furnace just vented.   
(Amy is on the phone to the Doctor.)   
AMY: Have you got a plan yet?

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: Yes, I do.

[Starliner]

AMY: Are you lying?

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: Yes, I am.

[Starliner]

AMY: Don't treat me like an idiot.   
RORY: Was he lying?   
AMY: No, no.   
DOCTOR [OC]: Okay

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: The good news. I've tracked the machine that unlocks the cloud belt. I could use it to clear you a flight corridor and you could land easily.

[Starliner]

AMY: Oh, hey. Hey, that's great news.

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: But I can't control the machine.

[Starliner]

AMY: Less great.

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: But I've met a man who can.   
AMY: Ah, well

[Starliner]

AMY: There you go.

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: And he hates me.   
AMY [OC]: Were you being

[Starliner]

AMY: Extra charming and clever?

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: Yeah. How did you know?

[Starliner]

AMY: Lucky guess.

[Sardicktown]

BENJAMIN: Sir? Sir.   
DOCTOR: Hang on.   
BENJAMIN: I've never seen anybody stand up to Mister Sardick like that. Bless you, sir, and merry Christmas.   
DOCTOR: Merry Christmas. Lovely. Sorry, bit busy.   
BENJAMIN: You'd better get inside, sir. The fog's thick tonight, and there's a fish warning.   
DOCTOR: All right, yeah. Sorry, fish?   
BENJAMIN: Yeah. You know what they're like when they get a bit hungry.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, fish, I know fish. Fish?   
BENJAMIN: It's all Mister Sardick's fault, I reckon. He always lets a few fish through the cloud layer when he's in a bad mood. Thank you. Bless you once again, sir.   
DOCTOR: Fish?

[Starliner]

AMY: Doctor, the Captain says we've got less than an hour.

[Sardicktown]

AMY [OC]: What should we be doing?   
(There is a shoal of tiddlers swimming around a street light.)   
DOCTOR: Fish.   
AMY [OC]: Sorry, what?   
DOCTOR: Fish that can swim in fog. I love new planets.   
AMY [OC]: Doctor.

[Starliner]

AMY: Doctor, please don't get distracted.

[Starliner]

(The little fish nibble at the Doctor's outstretched fingers while a big shadow passes some way behind him.)   
DOCTOR: Now, why would people be frightened of you tiny little fellows? Look at you, sweet little fishy-wishies. Mind you, fish in the fog, so the cloud cover. Ooo. Careful up there.

[Starliner]

AMY: Oh great, thanks, Doctor, because there was a real danger we were all going to nod off. We've got less than an hour!

[Sardicktown]

(The town clock shows 11 o'clock.)   
DOCTOR: I know.   
TANNOY: Ding dong merrily on high   
AMY [OC]: Doctor?

[Starliner]

AMY: How are you getting us off here?

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: Oh, just give me a minute. Can't use the Tardis, because it can't lock on. So, that ship needs to land. But it can't land unless a very bad man suddenly decides to turn nice just in time for Christmas Day.

[Starliner]

AMY: Doctor, I can't hear you. What is that? Is that singing?

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: A Christmas carol.

[Starliner]

AMY: A what?

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: A Christmas carol.

[Starliner]

AMY: A what?

[Sardicktown]

DOCTOR: A Christmas Carol!   
TANNOY: Hosanna in excelsis.   
AMY [OC]: Doctor?   
TANNOY: Gloria   
DOCTOR: Kazran Sardick.   
AMY [OC]: Doctor!   
DOCTOR: Merry Christmas, Kazran Sardick.   
TANNOY: Hosanna in excelsis.

[Kazran's bedroom]

(The old Kazran Sardick is sleeping in his big leather chair, when we are shown a video recording of a young boy in his pajamas. The lad is making a video diary on his computer.)   
KAZRAN: Hello, my name is Kazran Sardick. I'm twelve and a half, and this is my bedroom.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Top secret special project.

[Kazran's bedroom]

KAZRAN: This is my top secret special project. For my eyes only. Merry Christmas.   
ELLIOT [OC]: Kazran!

[Main room]

(Old Sardick wakes at the shout from his father. The scene with his young self is being projected on the far wall where the main door is. Elliot Sardick is played as a caricature of Lord Alan Sugar.)   
ELLIOT [on screen]: Kazran! Kazran, what are you doing? What are you doing? I've warned you before about this, you stupid, ignorant, ridiculous child.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: I was just going to make a film of the fish.   
ELLIOT [on screen]: The fish are dangerous.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: I just want to see them.   
ELLIOT [on screen]: Don't be stupid. You're far too young.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: Everyone at school's seen the fish.   
ELLIOT [on screen]: That's enough. You'll be singing to them next, like gypsies.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: The singing works. I've seen it. The fish like the singing.   
ELLIOT [on screen]: What does it matter what fish like?   
KAZRAN [on screen]: People say we don't have to be afraid of the fish. They're not really interested in us.   
ELLIOT [on screen]: You don't listen to people. You listen to me.   
(Elliot, the Sardick father, hits Kazran, the boy, who is now an old man. Sardick flinches as if he had been hit.)   
KAZRAN [on screen]: Ow! I'm sorry, Father.   
ELLIOT [on screen]: This is my house. While you're under my roof, you'll obey my instructions. I don't care what you  
(The Doctor touches Sardick on the shoulder.)   
DOCTOR: It's okay, it's okay.   
SARDICK: What have you done? What is this?   
DOCTOR: Found it on an old drive. Sorry about the picture quality. Had to recover the data using quantum enfolding and a paperclip. Oh, I wouldn't bother calling your servants. They quit. Apparently they won the lottery at exactly the same time, which is a bit lucky when you think about it.   
SARDICK: There isn't a lottery.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, as I say, lucky.   
ELLIOT [on screen]: There's a fog warning tonight. You keep these windows closed, understand? Closed.   
SARDICK: Who are you?   
DOCTOR: Tonight, I'm a Ghost Of Christmas Past.   
ELLIOT [on screen]: Mrs Mantovani will be looking after you tonight. You stay here till she comes. Do you understand? Do you understand?   
DOCTOR: Did you ever get to see a fish, back then, when you were a kid?   
SARDICK: What does that matter to you?   
DOCTOR: Look how it mattered to you.   
SARDICK: I cried all night, and I learned life's most invaluable lesson.   
DOCTOR: Ah. Which is?   
SARDICK: Nobody comes. Get out! Get out of my house!   
DOCTOR: Okay. Okay, but I'll be back. Way back. Way, way back.   
(The Doctor goes through the door and into the Tardis, which dematerialises in the now and rematerialises outside Kazran's window.)   
DOCTOR [on screen]: See? Back.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: Who are you?   
DOCTOR [on screen]: Hi. I'm the Doctor. I'm your new babysitter.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: Where's Mrs Mantovani?   
DOCTOR [on screen]: Oh, you'll never guess. Clever old Mrs Manters, she only went and won the lottery.   
SARDICK: There isn't any lottery.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: There isn't any lottery.   
DOCTOR [on screen]: I know. What a woman.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: If you're my babysitter, why are you climbing in the window?   
DOCTOR: Because if I was climbing out of the window, I'd be going in the wrong direction. Pay attention.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: But Mrs Mantovani's always my babysitter.   
DOCTOR [on screen]: Times change. Wouldn't you say? You see? Christmas Past.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: Who are you talking to?   
DOCTOR [on screen]: You. Now, your past is going to change. That means your memories will too. Bit scary, but you'll get the hang of it.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: I don't understand.   
DOCTOR [on screen]: I'll bet you don't. I wish I could see your face.   
SARDICK: But that never happened. But it did.

[Kazran's bedroom]

DOCTOR: Right then, your bedroom. Great. Let's see. You're twelve years old, so we'll stay away from under the bed. Cupboard! Big cupboard. I love a cupboard. Do you know, there's a thing called a face spider. It's just like a tiny baby's head with spider legs, and it's specifically evolved to scuttle up the backs of bedroom cupboards which, yeah, I probably shouldn't have mentioned. Right. So. What are we going to do? Eat crisps and talk about girls? I've never actually done that, but I bet it's easy. Girls? Yeah?   
KAZRAN: Are you really a babysitter?   
DOCTOR: I think you'll find I'm universally recognised as a mature and responsible adult.   
(He shows Kazran the psychic paper.)   
KAZRAN: It's just a lot of wavy lines.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, it's shorted out. Finally, a lie too big. Okay, no, not really a babysitter, but it's Christmas Eve. You don't want a real one. You want me.   
KAZRAN: Why? What's so special about you?   
DOCTOR: Have you ever seen Mary Poppins?   
KAZRAN: No.   
DOCTOR: Good. Because that comparison would've been rubbish. Fish in the fog. Fish in the clouds. How do people ever get bored? How did boredom even get invented?   
KAZRAN: My dad's invented a machine to control the cloud belt. Tame the sky, he says. The fish'll be able to come down, but only when we let them. We can charge whatever we like.   
DOCTOR: Yeah. I've seen your dad's machine.   
(A shark glides past behind the Doctor's back. The window is still open.)   
KAZRAN: What? You can't have.   
DOCTOR: Tame the sky. Human beings. You always manage to find the boring alternative, don't you? You want to see one? A fish. We can do that. We can see a fish.   
KAZRAN: Aren't you going to tell me it's dangerous?   
DOCTOR: Dangerous? Come on, we're boys. And you know what boys say in the face of danger.   
KAZRAN: What?   
DOCTOR: Mummy.   
(Later, the sonic screwdriver is dangling from a string passed through a lamp fitting in the ceiling and leading into -)

[Cupboard]

(Where the other end is tied to the Doctor's finger.)   
KAZRAN: Are there any face spiders in here?   
DOCTOR: Nah, not at this time of night. They'll all be sleeping in your mattress. So, why are you so interested in fish?   
KAZRAN: Because they're scary.   
DOCTOR; Good answer.   
KAZRAN: What kind of tie is that?   
DOCTOR: A cool one.   
KAZRAN: Why is it cool?   
DOCTOR: Why are you really interested in fish?   
KAZRAN: My school. During the last fog belt, the nets broke and there was an attack. Loads of them. A whole shoal. No one was hurt, but it was the most fish ever seen below the mountains.   
DOCTOR: Were you scared?   
KAZRAN: I wasn't there. I was off sick.   
DOCTOR: Ooo, lucky you. Not lucky.   
KAZRAN: It's all anyone ever talks about now. The day the fish came. Everyone's got a story.   
DOCTOR: But you don't.

[Main room]

DOCTOR [on screen]: I see.   
KAZRAN [on screen]: Why are you recording this?   
DOCTOR [on screen]: Do you pay attention at school, Kazran?

[Cupboard]

KAZRAN: Sorry, what?   
DOCTOR: Because you're not paying attention now.   
(Something is tugging at the string.)   
DOCTOR: Shush.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Now I remember. No, Doctor, you mustn't!   
KAZRAN [on screen]: Doctor, are you sure?

[Cupboard]

DOCTOR: Trust me.   
KAZRAN: Okay.   
DOCTOR: Oi. Eyes on the tie. Look at me. I wear it and I don't care. Trust me.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Yes.

[Cupboard]

KAZRAN: Yes.   
DOCTOR: That's why it's cool.

[Kazran's bedroom]

(A fish is investigating the flashing sonic screwdriver.)   
DOCTOR: Hello, fishy. Let's see. Interesting. Crystalline fog, eh? Maybe carrying a tiny electrical charge. Is that how you fly, little fishy?   
KAZRAN [OC]: What is it?

[Cupboard]

KAZRAN: What kind? Can I see?   
DOCTOR [OC]: Just stay there a moment.

[Kazran's bedroom]

KAZRAN [OC]: Is it big?   
DOCTOR: Nah, just a little one. So, little fellow, what do you eat?   
(Then a shark swoops in and devours the little fish and the sonic screwdriver in one big toothy bite.)

[Cupboard]

KAZRAN: How little?

[Kazran's bedroom]

DOCTOR: Er.   
KAZRAN [OC]: Can I come out?   
DOCTOR: No, no. Maybe just wait there for a moment.   
KAZRAN [OC]: What colour is it?   
DOCTOR: Big. Big colour.

[Cupboard]

KAZRAN: What's happening?   
DOCTOR: Well, concentrating on the plusses, you've definitely got a story of your own now. Also, I got a good look at the fish, and I think I understand how the fog works, which is going to help me land a spaceship in the future and save a lot of lives. And I bet I get some very interesting readings off my sonic screwdriver when I get it back from the shark in your bedroom.   
KAZRAN: There's a shark in my bedroom?   
DOCTOR: Oh fine, focus on that part.   
(Bang! against the door, then quiet.)   
KAZRAN: Has it gone? What's it doing?   
DOCTOR: What do you call it if you don't have any feet, and you're taking a run-up?

[Main room]

(The screen image dissolves into static.)   
SARDICK: No! It's going to eat us.

[Cupboard]

KAZRAN: It's going to eat us. It's going to eat us. It's going to eat us. Is it going to eat us?   
(The shark is stuck in the cupboard door.)   
DOCTOR: Well, maybe we're going to eat it, but I don't like the odds. It's stuck, though. Let's see. Tiny shark brain. If I had my screwdriver, I could probably send a pulse and stun it.   
KAZRAN: Well, where's your screwdriver?   
DOCTOR: Well, concentrating on the plusses, within reach. You know, there's a real chance the way it's wedged in the doorway is keeping its mouth open.   
KAZRAN: There is?   
DOCTOR: Just agree with me, because I've only got two goes, and then it's your turn.   
KAZRAN: Two goes?   
DOCTOR: Two arms. Right, then. Okay. Geronimo. Open wide.

[Balcony]

(Outside Kazran's bedroom window, the shark is lying stunned at the Doctor's feet. The dome is still under construction behind them.)   
DOCTOR: What's the big fishy done to you? Swallowed half of you, that's what. Half a screwdriver, what use is that? Bad, big fishy.   
KAZRAN: Doctor? I think she's dying.   
DOCTOR: Half my screwdriver's still inside, but yeah, I think so. I doubt they can survive long outside the cloud belt. Just quick raiding trips on a foggy night.   
KAZRAN: Can't we get it back up there? We were just going to stun it. I didn't want to kill it.   
DOCTOR: She was trying to eat you.   
KAZRAN: She was hungry.

[Main room]

DOCTOR [OC]: I'm sorry, Kazran. I can't save her.

[Balcony]

DOCTOR: I could take her back up there, but she'd never survive the trip. We need a fully functioning life-support.

[Main room]

KAZRAN [OC]: You mean like an icebox?

[Balcony]

KAZRAN: Okay.

[Main room]

(Kazran and the Doctor run down the stairs. There is a decorated Christmas tree in the room.)   
DOCTOR: Ooo, a tree.   
(Kazran gets a lamp and they go downstairs.)

[Outside the Cryovault]

DOCTOR: What is this?   
KAZRAN: The surplus population. That's what my Dad calls it.   
(They try to open the door.)   
KAZRAN: Oh, it's not turning. Oh, why won't it turn?   
(There is a keypad nearby.)   
DOCTOR: Ah, what's the number?

[Main room]

SARDICK: Seven two five eight.

[Outside the Cryovault]

KAZRAN: I don't know.   
DOCTOR: This place is full of alarms. It's not just the door. I need the number.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Seven two five eight.

[Outside the Cryovault]

DOCTOR: I need the number.   
KAZRAN: I'm not allowed to know until I'm older.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Seven two five eight.   
DOCTOR: Just what I was after. Thank you.

[Outside the Cryovault]

DOCTOR: Seven two five eight. Seven two five eight.

[Cryovault]

DOCTOR: Ah, there's fish down here, too.   
KAZRAN: Yeah, but only tiny ones. The house is built on a fog lake, that's how Dad freezes the people. They're all full, but we could borrow one. Yeah, this one.   
(The young woman, Isabella's sister.)   
DOCTOR: Hello again.   
KAZRAN: You know her?   
DOCTOR: Why her? Important, is she?   
KAZRAN: She won't mind. She loves the fish.   
(Kazran starts a recording.)   
ABIGAIL: My name is Abigail Pettigrew, and I'm very grateful for Mister Sardick's kindness. My father   
KAZRAN: She starts to talk about the fish in a minute.   
ABIGAIL: But I would not allow it. I could not have chosen this path were it not for the compassion and generosity of the great philanthropist and patron of the poor, Mister Elliot Sardick. But I'm also surrounded by the fish, the beautiful, iridescent, magical fish.   
DOCTOR: Why are these people here?   
ABIGAIL: they dash beneath the light as they dart through the fog.   
DOCTOR: What's all this for?   
KAZRAN: My dad lends money. He always takes a family member as, he calls it security.   
(And there are hundreds of them.)   
DOCTOR: Hard man to love, your dad. But I suppose you know that.   
ABIGAIL: Nature. I am not alone, and I am at peace.   
(The recording ends.)   
KAZRAN: What's wrong?   
DOCTOR: Just my half a screwdriver trying to repair itself. It's signalling the other half.   
KAZRAN: The other half's inside the shark.   
DOCTOR: Yeah? Sounds like she's woken up. Okay, so it's homing on the screwdriver.   
(And there is the shark again.)

[Main room]

SARDICK: Run! Run!   
(Kazran finds a place to hide, and Jaws cruises behind him. Then the guest opera singer does her thing with Christina Rosetti's poem.)   
ABIGAIL: (sings) In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan. Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone. Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow. In the bleak midwinter long ago.   
(Abigail is out of her cryochamber and the shark is calm beneath her hand.)   
DOCTOR: It's not really the singing, of course.   
KAZRAN: Yes, it is.   
DOCTOR: Nah.   
KAZRAN: The fish love the singing. It's true.   
DOCTOR: Nah. The notes resonate in the ice crystals, causing a delta wave pattern in the fog. Ow. A fish bit me.   
KAZRAN: Shut up, then.   
ABIGAIL: Heaven and earth shall flee away   
DOCTOR: Of course. That's how the machine controls the cloud belt. The clouds are ice crystals. If you vibrate the crystals at exactly the right frequency, you could align them into ow! Why do they keep biting me?   
KAZRAN: Look, the fish like the singing, okay? Now shut up.   
DOCTOR: Okay.   
ABIGAIL: In the bleak midwinter, falling down before, the ox and ass and camel which adore.

[Main room]

(The portrait behind Sardick's chair is now of Abigail, not his father.)   
SARDICK: It's bigger on

[Cryovault]

(Abigail and Kazran are looking inside the Tardis.)   
KAZRAN: The inside.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, it's the colour. Really knocks the walls back.   
(The shark is in Abigail's cryochamber.)   
DOCTOR: Shark in a box, to go.

[Main room]

SARDICK: Abigail.

[Tardis]

ABIGAIL: This is amazing.   
DOCTOR: Nah, this is transport. I keep amazing out here.   
(The Doctor opens the doors. They are in the clouds, amongst the fish.)   
DOCTOR: Come on, then. Let's get this shark out.   
(Young Kazran takes a photograph which old Sardick digs out of his memory box. The shark is released.)   
KAZRAN: Hey, look at her go.   
(The Doctor closes Abigail's cryochamber and sees a set of dials on the front - 000 008.)   
DOCTOR: Abigail, this number. What does it mean?   
ABIGAIL: It pertains to me, sir, not the fish.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, but how?   
ABIGAIL: You are a doctor, you say? Are you one of mine?   
DOCTOR: Do you need a doctor?   
(The microwave goes ding!)   
DOCTOR: Ah. Sorry. Time's up, kids.   
KAZRAN: Why?   
DOCTOR: It's nearly Christmas Day.

[Cryovault]

(They put Abigail back in her cryochamber.)   
ABIGAIL: If you should ever wish to visit again.   
DOCTOR: Well, you know, if I'm ever in the neighbourhood.   
KAZRAN: He comes every Christmas Eve.   
DOCTOR: What?   
KAZRAN: Yeah, he does. Every time. He promises.   
DOCTOR: No, I don't.   
(Kazran shuts Abigail's cryochamber. Then it opens again, with the Doctor and Kazran wearing red fur-trimmed hats.)   
DOCTOR + KAZRAN: Merry Christmas!   
ABIGAIL: Doctor! What are we going to do?   
KAZRAN: The Doctor's got a great plan. Wait till you hear.   
(They run out of the vault. The dials on Abigail's chamber click down to 000 007.)

[Sardicktown]

ABIGAIL: You are out of your mind. This will never work.   
(They have a carriage with nothing to pull it. The Doctor points his half a sonic screwdriver into the sky.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, don't think shark, think dolphin.   
ABIGAIL: A shark isn't a dolphin.   
DOCTOR: It's nearly a dolphin.   
ABIGAIL: No, it isn't.   
DOCTOR: That's where you're wrong, because. Shut up.   
KAZRAN: It could be anywhere. Will it really come?   
DOCTOR: No chance. Completely impossible. Except at Christmas.   
(So the three go on a shark powered sleigh ride through the skies.)   
KAZRAN: How are we going to get back?   
DOCTOR: I don't know.   
ABIGAIL: Do you have a plan?   
DOCTOR: I don't know.   
(They buzz the roof tops, causing delight to the viewers.)

[Cryovault]

ABIGAIL: Best Christmas Eve ever.   
KAZRAN: Till the next one.

[Main room]

(Sardick has an array of photographs spread before him.)   
SARDICK: New memories. How can I have new memories?

[Cryovault]

DOCTOR + KAZRAN: Merry Christmas!   
ABIGAIL: Doctor. Where to this time?   
DOCTOR: Did I mention, at any point, all of time and space?   
(And the next time.)   
DOCTOR + KAZRAN: Merry Christmas!   
ABIGAIL: Doctor.   
(According to the photographs, Egypt.)   
DOCTOR: Merry Christmas!   
(Kazran is a shy teenager. They are both wearing very long, striped scarves.)   
ABIGAIL: Doctor.   
(Her counter clicks down to 4. They visit somewhere mountainous.)   
DOCTOR + KAZRAN: Merry Christmas!   
(Kazran is now a strapping young man.)   
ABIGAIL: Kazran.   
(3)

[Tardis]

ABIGAIL: You've grown.   
KAZRAN: Yes.   
ABIGAIL: And now you're blushing.   
KAZRAN: I'm sorry.   
ABIGAIL: That's okay.   
KAZRAN: So, Doctor, where this time?   
DOCTOR: Pick a Christmas Eve. I've got them all right here.   
ABIGAIL: Might I make a request?   
DOCTOR: Of course.   
ABIGAIL: This one.

[Outside Eric's home]

(Inside, the family are preparing for Christmas. Abigail stands outside the door, whilst the Doctor and Kazran are a little way off.)   
ERIC [OC]: Thank you, darling.   
KAZRAN: Who are they?   
DOCTOR: Her family. The lady's her sister. I met her once, when she was older.   
KAZRAN: Abigail's crying.   
DOCTOR: Yes.   
KAZRAN: When girls are crying, are you supposed to talk to them?   
DOCTOR: I have absolutely no idea.   
(Kazran goes over to Abigail.)   
ABIGAIL: My sister's family. They're so happy.   
KAZRAN: They look very poor.   
ABIGAIL: They are very poor. Doesn't mean you can't be happy.   
ERIC [OC]: Close the curtains.   
(Their view is shut off.)   
KAZRAN: And then why aren't you?   
ABIGAIL: Because this is the life I can never have.   
KAZRAN: Why not?   
(Abigail squeezes his hand.)   
ABIGAIL: I think you're blushing again.   
(The Doctor opens the curtains from the inside.)   
DOCTOR: Come in.

[Eric's home]

(The Doctor tries a card trick on the youngest boy, who I think grows up into the Benjamin at the top of the show.)   
DOCTOR: Pick a card. Any card at all.   
ISABELLA: Every Christmas Eve? I don't understand.   
ABIGAIL: I'm not sure I do.   
DOCTOR: You memorise the card, you put it back in the deck. Don't let me see it.   
ERIC: Is this what it looked like last year?   
ISABELLA: It doesn't have to be exactly the same.   
ERIC: I'm starting again. Come on, Kazran, we're starting again.   
ISABELLA: That's Sardick's boy, isn't it?   
ABIGAIL: He's not like his father.   
ISABELLA: His father treats everyone like cattle. One day that boy will do the same.   
ABIGAIL: No. He's different.   
DOCTOR: The three of clubs.   
BEN: No.   
DOCTOR: You sure? Because I'm very good at card tricks.   
BEN: It wasn't the three of clubs.   
DOCTOR: Well, of course it wasn't, because it was the seven of diamonds.   
BEN: No.   
DOCTOR: Oi, stop it, you're doing it wrong.   
ISABELLA: I see him around the town sometimes. Never any friends.   
ABIGAIL: He's got me.   
ISABELLA: All those Christmas Eves, you never once came to see us.   
ABIGAIL: I'm here now.   
ISABELLA: Then stay. Stay for tomorrow. Have Christmas dinner with us.   
ABIGAIL: I can't.   
ISABELLA: Well, then. Tomorrow's Christmas dinner is cancelled, as my sister refuses to attend.   
ABIGAIL: Isabella   
ISABELLA: Instead, we'll have it tonight.   
(Around the dinner table, crackers are pulled.)   
DOCTOR: Three, two, one, pull!   
(Ben's has a playing card in it.)   
BEN: How did you do that?   
DOCTOR: Your card, I believe.   
(The eight of hearts.)   
BEN: No.   
DOCTOR: Oh, shut up.   
(Kazran proposes a toast.)   
KAZRAN: Er, Merry Christmas.   
ALL: Merry Christmas.   
(Under the table, Abigail and Kazran are holding hands.)

[Cryovault]

ABIGAIL: Best Christmas Eve ever.   
DOCTOR: Ah. Till the next one.   
ABIGAIL: I look forward to it. Now I'd like to say good night to Kazran.   
DOCTOR: Of course, yes. Well, on you go. Oh. Oh. Yes. Right. Sorry. I'll, er, I'll go, then. Good night. (to Kazran) Good luck. Night. Good night.   
(He backs into another cryochamber.)   
DOCTOR: Sorry.   
(Kazran goes after him.)   
KAZRAN: Doctor. I, er, I think she's going to kiss me.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, I think you're right.   
KAZRAN: I've never kissed anyone before. What do I do?   
DOCTOR: Well, try and be all nervous and rubbish and a bit shaky.   
KAZRAN: Why?   
DOCTOR: Because you're going to be like that anyway. Might as well make it part of the plan, then it'll feel on purpose. Off you go, then.   
KAZRAN: What, now? I kiss her now?   
DOCTOR: Kazran, trust me. It's this or go to your room and design a new kind of screwdriver. Don't make my mistakes. Now, go.   
(Kazran returns to Abigail, who pulls him to her and kisses him.   
In the future, Sardick looks at pictures of them both in front of the Statue of Liberty, Uluru - or Eyres Rock if you prefer - Sydney Opera House, Empire State Building, Eiffel Tower. One says California 1952 on the back. The three are in front of the Hollywood sign.)

[Hollywood 1952]

(A party is going on out of sight. Kazran comes to find his love, who is alone by the swimming pool.)   
KAZRAN: Abigail, are you coming back? The Doctor is going to do a duet with Frank. Abigail? What's wrong?   
ABIGAIL: I have something to tell you.   
KAZRAN: A bad thing?   
ABIGAIL: A very bad thing.   
KAZRAN: What is it?   
ABIGAIL: The truth.   
(The Doctor appears from behind a tree as Abigail and Kazran are kissing. His has lipstick on his face.)   
DOCTOR: Guys, we've really got to go quite quickly. I just accidentally got engaged to Marilyn Monroe. How do you keep going like that? Do you breathe out your ears? Hello? Sorry. Hello? Guys, she's phoned a chapel. There's a car outside. This is happening now.   
MARILYN: Yoo-hoo!   
DOCTOR: Yoo-hoo. Right. Fine. Thank you. I'll just go and get married then, shall I? See how you like that. Marilyn? Get your coat!   
(The Doctor leaves. Kazran and Abigail end their kiss.)   
KAZRAN: What are we going to do?   
ABIGAIL: There is nothing to be done.

[Cryovault]

KAZRAN: Good night, Abigail.   
ABIGAIL: Good night, Kazran.   
(Kazran seals Abigail in her cryochamber.)   
DOCTOR: There we go. Another day, another Christmas Eve. I'll see you in a minute, eh? I mean, a year.   
KAZRAN: Doctor? Listen, why don't we leave it?   
DOCTOR: Sorry, leave what?   
KAZRAN: Oh, you know, this. Every Christmas Eve. It's getting a bit old.   
DOCTOR: Old?   
KAZRAN: Well, Christmas is for kids, isn't it? I've got some work with my dad now. I'm going to focus on that. Get that cloud belt under control.   
DOCTOR: Sorry, I didn't realise I was boring you.   
KAZRAN: Not your fault. Times change.   
DOCTOR: Not as much as I'd hoped. Kazran. I'll be needing a new one, anyway. What the hell.   
(The Doctor gives Kazran his half a screwdriver.)   
DOCTOR: Merry Christmas. And if you ever need me, just activate it. I'll hear you.   
KAZRAN: I won't need you.   
DOCTOR: What's happened? What are you not telling me? What about Abigail?   
KAZRAN: I know where to find her.   
DOCTOR: Yeah.   
(The counter on the cryochamber is down to 000 001.)

[Main room]

(Sardick looks around. His father's portrait is back. Meanwhile, in the past, the Wurlitzer is ready.)   
ELLIOT: Another Christmas Eve, Kazran. But a very special one. It's complete. Look at it. Sound waves. As simple as that. We can control the clouds, the fog, the fish.   
KAZRAN: Why do we want to control the fish?   
ELLIOT: People are cattle. If you want to control cattle, you need to control their predators. What's the face for? Look what I'm giving you. The sky, and everything beneath it. Only you and I can control this. This planet is ours.   
KAZRAN: Excuse me, Father.   
(Kazran returns to his room and takes the screwdriver from his desk drawer. The Doctor is standing outside the window. Kazran draws the curtains on him and puts the screwdriver back. Time passes and old Sardick takes it out again. Shortly after, the telephone rings. Sardick answers it.)   
SARDICK: Yes, what? Oh, Mister President, we've been through this. It's not going to crash on my house, so what's it got to do with me? Yes, I know. four thousand and three. As a very old friend of mine once took a very long time to explain, life isn't fair.   
(A hologram of Amy appears.)   
AMY: Hello.   
SARDICK: Who are you? What are you doing here?   
AMY: You didn't think this was over, did you? I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.   
SARDICK: A ghost? Dressed like that?   
(Amy is replaced by Rory.)   
RORY: Eyes off the skirt.   
(Amy pushes him out of the way.)   
SARDICK: You turned into a Roman.   
AMY: Yeah. Yeah, I do that. I also do this.   
SARDICK: Do what? What are you talking about?   
VOICES [OC]: Silent night, holy night.

[Cryovault]

PEOPLE: (sing) All is calm, all is bright, round yon virgin mother and child, Holy infant so tender and mild. Christ the Saviour is born. Christ the Saviour is born.   
AMY: They're holograms. Projections, like me.   
SARDICK: Who are they?   
AMY: The people on the ship up there. The ones that you're going to let die tonight.   
SARDICK: Why are they singing?   
AMY: For their lives. Which one's Abigail? The Doctor told me.   
SARDICK: Did he now?   
AMY: AH, he doesn't hold back. You know the Doctor.   
SARDICK: How do I? I never met him before tonight. Now I seem to have known him all my life. How? Why?   
AMY: You're the only person who can let that ship land. He was trying to turn you into a nicer person. And he was trying to do it nicely.   
SARDICK: He's changed my past, my whole life.   
AMY: Time can be rewritten.   
SARDICK: You tell the Doctor. Tell him from me, people can't.   
(Sardick walks through the holograms, which vanish, to a particular cryochamber.)   
AMY: That's Abigail?   
SARDICK: I would never have known her if the Doctor hadn't changed the course of my whole life to suit himself.   
AMY: Well, that's good, isn't it?   
SARDICK: No.   
AMY: Why is she still in there? You could let her out any time.   
SARDICK: Oh, yes. Any time at all. Any time I choose.   
AMY: Then why don't you?   
SARDICK: This is what the Doctor did to me. Abigail was ill when she went into the ice. On the point of death. I suppose the rest in the ice helped her. But she's used up her time. All those Christmas Eves with me. I could release her any time I want, and she would live a single day. So tell me, Ghost of Christmas Present, how do I choose which day?   
AMY: I'm sorry. I really am. I'm very, very sorry. But you know what? She's got more time left than I have. More than anyone on this ship.   
SARDICK: Good.   
AMY: Rory, widen the beam.

[Starliner]

CAPTAIN: Status update on engine one.   
SARDICK: How did I get here?   
AMY: You didn't. It's your turn to be the hologram. Since you're going to let a lot of people die, I thought you might like to see where it's all going to happen.   
SARDICK: The singing. What is it? I don't understand.   
RORY: It's the Doctor's idea. The harmonies resonate in the ice crystals, that's why thee fish like it. He thought maybe it would stabilise the ship. But it isn't working. It's not powerful enough.   
SARDICK: Why are they still singing, then?   
CAPTAIN: Because we haven't told them. Sir, I understand you have a machine that controls this cloud layer. If you can release us from it, we still have time to make a landing. Nobody has to die.   
SARDICK: Everybody has to die.   
AMY: Not tonight.   
SARDICK: Tonight's as good as any other. How do you choose?   
AMY: Doctor?   
DOCTOR [OC]: Yeah?   
AMY: Are you hearing this?   
DOCTOR [OC]: I can hear.   
SARDICK: He's here? Where is he? Doctor?

[Cryovault]

SARDICK: Doctor!   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry. I didn't realise.   
SARDICK: All my life, I've been called heartless. My other life, my real life, the one you rewrote. Now look at me.   
DOCTOR: Better a broken heart than no heart at all.   
SARDICK: Oh, try it. You try it. Why are you here?   
DOCTOR: Because I'm not finished with you yet. You've seen the past, the present, and now you need to see the future.   
SARDICK: Fine. Do it. Show me. I'll die cold, alone and afraid. Of course I will. We all do. What difference does showing me make? Do you know why I'm going to let those people die? It's not a plan. I don't get anything from it. It's just that I don't care. I'm not like you. I don't even want to be like you. I don't and never, ever will care.   
DOCTOR: And I don't believe that.   
SARDICK: Then show me the future. Prove me wrong.   
DOCTOR: I am showing it to you. I'm showing it to you right now. So what do you think? Is this who you want to become, Kazran?   
(Sardick turns around to see little boy Kazran standing there in his dressing gown.)   
KAZRAN: Dad?   
(Sardick is about to hit his younger self when he remembers -)   
ELLIOT [memory]: This planet is ours.   
(And the time he nearly hit Benjamin's son, and kissed Abigail and put her back to live for ever. He cries. Kazran cries. They hug each other.)   
SARDICK: I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. It's okay, don't be frightened. I'm, I'm so, so, so   
DOCTOR: Kazran. We don't have much time.

[Starliner]

CO-PILOT: Structural integrity at thirty percent.   
CAPTAIN: We have five minutes max. We need to land.   
DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Hello? Hello? Ah, hello, everyone. Prepare to lock on to my signal.   
AMY: Doctor, what's happening?   
DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: I just saved Christmas. Don't go away.   
AMY: Doctor? Doctor!

[Main room]

(Sardick is at the controls of his father's mighty Wurlitzer.)   
DOCTOR: We good to go, then?   
SARDICK: The controls, they won't respond.   
DOCTOR: Of course they will. They're isomorphic. They're tuned to your brainwaves. They'll only respond to you.   
SARDICK: They won't respond.   
DOCTOR: That doesn't make sense. That's ridiculous. Why wouldn't? Oh. Oh, of course. Stupid, stupid Doctor.   
SARDICK: What's wrong? Tell me, what is it?   
DOCTOR: It's you. It's you. I've changed you too much. The machine doesn't recognise you.   
SARDICK: But my father programmed it.   
DOCTOR: No, your father would never have programmed it for the man you are now.   
SARDICK: Then what do we do?   
DOCTOR: Er, er, I don't know. I don't know.   
KAZRAN: There must be something.   
SARDICK: This. You can use this. I kept it, see?   
DOCTOR: What, half a screwdriver? With the other half up in the sky in a big old shark, right in the heart of the cloud layer. If we use your aerial to boost the signal, set up a resonation pattern between the two halves. Ooo, come on, that would work. My screwdriver, coolest bit of kit on this planet. Coolest two bits. It could do it.   
SARDICK: Do what?   
DOCTOR: Well, my screwdriver is still trying to repair. It's signalling itself. We use the signal, but we send something else.   
KAZRAN: Send what?   
SARDICK: Well, what? What?   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Kazran. I truly am.   
SARDICK: I don't understand.   
We need to transmit something into the cloud belt. Something we know works. We need her to sing.

[Cryovault]

DOCTOR: Her voice resonates perfectly with the ice crystals. It calmed the shark. It will calm the sky, too.   
SARDICK: Could you do it? Could you do this? Think about it, Doctor. One last day with your beloved. Which day would you choose?   
ABIGAIL: Christmas. Christmas Day. Look at you. You're so old now. I think you waited a bit too long, didn't you?   
SARDICK: I'm sorry.   
ABIGAIL: Hoarding my days, like an old miser.   
SARDICK: But if you leave the ice now   
ABIGAIL: We've had so many Christmas Eves, Kazran. I think it's time for Christmas Day.   
SARDICK: Yes.

[Starliner]

AMY: Doctor!   
CAPTAIN: We can't hold this. Time's up. We're going down.   
AMY: Doctor!   
CO-PILOT: Captain, I've got. I don't know what I've got.   
(Singing coming over the speakers.)   
CAPTAIN: What is that? What are you listening to?   
CO-PILOT: This is coming from outside. This is coming from the actual clouds.   
(The turbulence stops as the new Murray Gold song starts.)

[Sardicktown]

(The Doctor has hooked up the screwdriver to the beam transmitter in the dome, and Abigail is using it as a microphone.)   
ABIGAIL: (sings) When you're alone, silence is all you know.   
SARDICK: Well? Well?   
DOCTOR: Well, the singing resonates in the crystals. It's feeding back and forth between the two halves of the screwdriver. Now, one song, filling the sky. The crystals will align and I'll feed in a controlled phase loop, and the clouds will unlock.   
KAZRAN: What does that mean, unlock? What happens when a cloud unlocks?   
DOCTOR: Something that hasn't happened in this town for a very long time now.   
ABIGAIL: (sings) When you're alone, silence is all you see. When you're alone, silence is all you'll be.

[Starliner]

ABIGAIL [OC]: Give me your hand and come to me.   
PILOT: We're flying normally.   
CAPTAIN: Can you land?   
PILOT: I can even land well.   
AMY: Oh, he did it. The Doctor did it.   
RORY: Yeah, he gets all the credit. Which is actually fair enough, if you think about it.

[Sardicktown]

(It is snowing.)   
ABIGAIL: (sings) When you are here, music is all around. When you are near, music is all around. Open your eyes, don't make a sound.   
(The shark glides overhead.)   
SARDICK: Hello, my old friend.   
ABIGAIL: (sings) Let in the shadow.   
DOCTOR: Let's go.   
(Young Kazran goes into the Tardis.)   
ABIGAIL: (sings) Let in the shadow, let in the light of your bright shadow. Let in the shadow, let in the shadow.   
(The Doctor goes into the Tardis and it dematerialises, leaving a clear square in inch or so of fresh snow.)   
ABIGAIL: (sings) Let in the light of your bright shadow.   
(Later, the Doctor is rubbing noses with a snowman.)   
AMY: You know, that could almost be mistaken for a real person. The snowman isn't bad, either.   
DOCTOR: Ah, yes, you two. About time. Why are you dressed like that?   
RORY: Er, kind of lost our luggage. Kind of crash landed?   
DOCTOR: Yeah, but why are you dressed like that at all?   
AMY: Yeah, they really love their snowmen around here, don't they? I've counted about twenty.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, I've been busy.   
AMY: Yeah. Yeah, you have. Thank you.   
DOCTOR: Pleasure. Right, come on then, let's go.   
RORY: Got any more honeymoon ideas?   
DOCTOR: Well, there's a moon that's made of actual honey. Well, not actual honey, and it's not actually a moon, and technically it's alive, and a bit carnivorous, but there are some lovely views.   
RORY: Yeah. Great. Thanks.   
(Rory goes inside the Tardis.)   
AMY: Are you, are you okay?   
DOCTOR: Of course I'm okay. You?   
AMY: Of course. It'll be their last day together, won't it?   
DOCTOR: Everything has got to end some time, otherwise nothing would ever get started.   
RORY: Your phone was ringing. Someone called Marilyn. Actually sounds like the Marilyn.   
AMY: Doctor?   
DOCTOR: Tell her I'll phone her back. And that was never a real chapel.   
AMY: Where are they? Kazran and Abigail.   
DOCTOR: Off on a little trip, I should think.   
AMY: Where?   
DOCTOR: Christmas.   
AMY: Christmas?   
DOCTOR: Yeah, Christmas.   
(Amy joins Rory in the Tardis.)   
DOCTOR: Halfway out of the dark.   
(Sardick and Abigail fly past in their carriage pulled by the shark.)

* * *

London, night. In a top-notch museum, armed security guards are taking up their positions around a golden goblet on a stand.

"Positions," a guard says.

He enters the key code 654 into a pad and turns a lever. A series of lasers surround the artefact.

"Night, boys,"

He leaves. A hole is opened in the cupola overhead and a masked figure lowers itself on a set of wires, switches the contents of a bag for the goblet and goes back up. One of the guards hears a noise and turns around to see a golden novelty cat waving a paw at him. The thief runs along a corridor then takes off her mask. An alarm sounds and the lights come on.

She goes outside into an alleyway to see a man next to what is presumably her getaway car being arrested.

"Sorry, lover," the woman smiles.

She runs through the streets, seeing police everywhere.

"We've got the place surrounded, sir," a policeman says.

The route 200 bus to Victoria pulls up at a stop.

"Hello," the woman gets on. "I'm so terribly sorry. That card paying device thing. That's a Lobster card, am I right?"

"Oyster card," the Driver replied gruffly.

"Ah. Well, that's the problem, you see. I only use my Oyster when there's an R in the month," the woman smiled.

"It's April," the Driver replied.

The policeman in charge is nearby. The woman pursed her lips then takes off her earrings.

"Diamonds. Genuine. Drive," the woman quickly got into the back.

"Works for me," the Driver shrugged.

The woman takes her seat. A man in a long brown coat and wearing plimsolls get on board. He's arguing silently with a girl that has brown hair and is wearing a deep blue skirt with suspenders with a white t-shirt underneath. The skirt has rifles and her hair is swept up in a pony tail.

"You're just in time, mate," the driver told them.

The man swipes his card and the doors close. The bus moves off. The man sits next to the woman and offers her a piece of his chocolate egg. The girl sits in the seat of across.

"I don't know what you're talking about, okay?!" The girl hissed and huffed. "I just appeared alright-oh, hello!" The man looks over at the woman and grins.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor. Happy Easter," he grins.

"The funny thing about that," the girl interrupts. "Is that he doesn't often _do_ Easter. I'm Thalia by the way, Thalia Pond,"

"Well, I can never find it," the Doctor argues. "It's always at a different time. Although I remember the original. Between you and me, what really happened was,"

_Beep, beep._

"Oh. Sorry, hold on to that for me," the Doctor said, handing the egg to the woman. Thalia snorted "Actually, go on, have it. Finish it. It's full of sugar and I'm determined to keep these teeth,"

The Doctor produces a hand-held gizmo which has lit up.

"Ah. Oh, we've got excitation. I'm picking up something very strange,"

"I know the feeling," the woman mumbled.

"Rhondium particles, that's what I'm looking for," the Doctor continues. "This thing detects them. Look, this should to round, that little dish there,"

"Pretty," Thalia rolls her eyes.

"Right now, a way out would come in pretty handy," the woman responded. "Can you detect me one of those?"

The West Indian couple sitting a little way behind on the other side talk.

"Lou, can you hear them?" The woman asked dreamily.

"Hear what, sweetheart?" The man, Lou replied.

"The voices," the woman replied. "So many voices calling to us. Calling so far." Thalia looked at them, intrigued.

"Ah, the little dish is going round," the Doctor grinned.

"Fascinating," the woman rolled her eyes.

"And round. Whoa," the Doctor stared at his thing, running forward and staring at it. Sparks fly off. The blonde woman in front brushes the sparks off her hair.

"Excuse me. Do you mind?" She said.

"Sorry. That was my little dish," the Doctor replied. He walked back to the seat and Thalia gripped the seat part, looking tense as she stared at the dish.

"Can't you turn that thing off?" The woman snapped.

"What was your name?" The Doctor asked.

"Christina," the woman said warily.

"Christina, hold on tight. Everyone, hold on!" A sudden jolt throws everyone forward and they're all thrown about.

"Oh, the voices," the other woman repeated. "The voices. They're screaming." Thalia stared at her. The windows break and sparks fly.

A young man whimpered. "What's going on?" A bright light floods the bus then more jolting. Then there was a loud jump and they paused.

The bus has stopped. Golden light shines in. The Doctor goes outside, followed by Christina.

"End of the line," the Doctor started and Thalia stumbled out as well. "Call it a hunch, but I think we've gone a little bit further than Brixton,"

"We should get out," the man, Lou said. "Even if that's the Sahara, we can't stay on board this thing,"

"I'm not going out there," the woman replied. 'They're still calling. All around us. The voices are crying,"

"What voices, sweetheart?" Lou asked.

"The dead," the woman whispered. "We're surrounded by the dead,"

"It's impossible," the blond woman cries. "There are three suns. Three of them!"

"Like when all those planets were up in the sky," a young black man replied.

"But it was Earth that moved back then, wasn't it?" Another said.

"Oh, man, we're on another world!" The other shouted.

"It's still intact, though," the driver. "Not as bad as it looks, and the chassis's still holding together. My boss is going to murder me,"

"Can you still drive it?" The blonde woman asked.

"Oh no, no, no," the driver shouted. "The wheels are stuck. Look at them, they're never going to budge!"

Christina gets a pair of sunglasses from her rucksack. Thalia looks around then smiles.

"Ready for every emergency," Christina smirked.

The Doctor sonics his spectacle lenses black and examines the sand grains.

"Me too,"

"And what's your name?" Christina asked

"I'm the Doctor," the Doctor replied.

"Name, not rank,"

"The Doctor."

"Surname?"

"The Doctor,"

"You're called the Doctor?"

"Yes, I am."

"That's not a name," Christina snorted. "That's a psychological condition."

"Funny sort of sand, this," the Doctor switched the subject. "There's a trace of something else," he tastes it.

"Why do you-why does he do that?!" Thalia groaned,

"Glah. Not good," the Doctor continues.

"Of course it isn't!" Thalia mumbled to himself.

"Well, it wouldn't be," Christina said aloud. "It's sand."

"No, it tastes like..." the Doctor trailed off. "Never mind,"

"What is it?" Christina looked around. "What's wrong?"

"Hold on a minute," Barclay shouted. "I saw you, mate. You had that thing, that machine. Did you make this happen?"

"Oh, humans on buses, always blaming me," the Doctor muttered, before louder. "Look, look, if you must know, I was tracking a hole in the fabric of reality. Call it a hobby. But it was a tiny little hole. No danger to anyone. Suddenly it gets big, and we drive right through it."

"But then where is it?" The driver demands. "There's nothing. There's just sand."

"All right," Thalia said. "You want proof? We drove through this," she picked up the sand and threw a handful of it at the wormhole.

"And that's?" Christina raised an eyebrow.

"A door," Thalia said slowly. "A door in space."

"So what you're saying is, on the other side of that is home?" The driver said. "We can get to London through there?"

"The bus came through, but we can't." Thalia said.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" the driver shouted. He runs towards the wibbly thing.

"No, no, don't." Thalia and the Doctor cry at the same time.

"I'm going home, mate!" The driver replies.

"We said don't!" The Doctor shouted. The driver enters the wibbly thing anyway and screams. They see him burn briefly and his smoking bones totter out of the tunnel before collapsing.

"He was a skeleton, man!" Barclay screamed. "He was bones. Just bones!"

"It was the bus," Thalia said. ?Look at the damage. That was the bus protecting us. Great big box of metal."

"Rather like a Faraday cage?" Christina suggested.

"Like in a thunderstorm, yeah?" Nathan said shakily. "Safest place is inside a car, because the metal conducts the lightning right through. We did it in school,"

"Good job," Thalia praised.

"But if we can only travel back inside the bus?" Christina said. "A Faraday cage needs to be closed. That thing's been ripped wide open."

"Well, slightly different dynamics with a wormhole," the Doctor said. "There's enough metal to make it work, I think. I hope."

"Then we have to drive five tons of bus, which is currently buried in the sand, and we've got nothing but our bare hands. Correct?" Christina looks at the Doctor.

"I'd say nine and a half tons, but the point still stands, yes," the Doctor corrected.

"Then we need to apply ourselves to the problem with discipline," Christina said. "Which starts with appointing a leader,"

"Yes. At last. Thank you. So," the Doctor starts.

"Well, thank goodness you've got me," Christina interrupts. Thalia snorts. "Everyone do exactly as I say. Inside the bus immediately."

"Is it safe in there?" Nathan whimpered.

"I don't think anything's safe any more, but if it's a choice between baking in there or roasting out here, I'd say baking is slower," Christina said. "Come on. All of you. Right now. And you. The Doctor."

"Yes, ma'am," The Doctor replies, sighing.

"Whipped," Thalia muttered and heads inside.

"Up. Come on," Christina said to Barclay

"Point five," Christina started. "The crucial thing is, do not panic. Quite apart from anything else, the smell of sweat inside this thing is reaching atrocious levels. We don't need to add any more. Point six. Team identification. Names. I'm Christina. This man is apparently the Doctor,"

"Hello," the Doctor grinned.

"That is Thalia," Christina nods at Thalia who waves.

"And you?" Christina looks at the young white man.

"Nathan," they go around in a circle.

"I'm Barclay,"

"Angela. Angela Whittaker,"

"My name's Louis. Everyone calls me Lou. And this is Carmen,"

"Excellent," Christina grinned. "Memorise those names. There might be a test. Point seven. Assessment and application of knowledge. Over to you, the Doctor,"

"I thought you were in charge," the Doctor raised a brow.

"I am," Christina smirked. "And a good leader utilises her strength. You seem to be the brainbox. So, start boxing,"

"Right," the Doctor glanced at Thalia, who raised a brow as well, whistling. "So, the wormhole. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was just an accident,"

"No, it wasn't," Carmen said. "That thing, the doorway? Someone made it for a reason,"

"How do you know?" Thalia asked.

"She's got a gift," Lou smiled. "Ever since she was a little girl, she can just tell things. We do the lottery twice a week."

"You don't look like millionaires," Christina remarked.

"No, but we win ten pounds," Lou admitted. "Every week, twice a week, ten pounds. Don't tell me that's not a gift,"

"Tell me, Carmen," Thalia said slowly, put a hand behind her back. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three," Carmen said. She paused. "Four."

"Very good," Thalia grinned. "Low level psychic ability, exacerbated by an alien sun. What can you see, Carmen? Tell me, what's out there?"

"Something, something is coming," Carmen said dreamily. "Riding on the wind, and shining,"

"What is it?" The Doctor said.

"Death," Carmen gasped. "Death is coming,"

"Charming," Thalia groaned.

"We're going to die," Angela screamed.

"I knew it, man," Barclay yelled. "I said so,"

"We can't die out here," Nathan cried. "No one's going to find us,"

"This isn't exactly helping," Christina groaned.

"You can shut up too," Barclay snapped. "We're not your soldiers,"

"That's not doing any good," Christina snapped back.

"Quiet," Lou ordered.

"Will we be bones, like the bus driver?" Nathan shouted.

"Stop whimpering, all of you," Christina moaned.

"All right now, stop it," the Doctor rose, shouting. "Everyone, stop it! Angela, look at me. Angela? Angela? Answer me one question, Angela. That's it. At me, at me. There we go. Angela, just answer me one thing. When you got on this bus, where were you going?"

"Doesn't matter now, does it?" Angela wailed.

"Answer the question," Thalia said soothingly.

"Just home," Angela whimpered.

"And what's home?" Thalia asked.

"Me and Mike," Angela sniffed. "And Suzanne. That's my daughter. She's eighteen,"

"Suzanne," Thalia said. "Good. What about you?"

"Don't know," Barclay shrugged. "Going round Tina's,"

"Who's Tina?" the Doctor asked. "Your girlfriend?"

"Not yet," Barclay breathed, smiling slightly.

"Good boy," Thalia said. "What about you, Nathan?"

"Bit strapped for cash," Nathan said nervously. "lost my job last week. I was going to stay in and watch TV."

"Brilliant," Thalia grinned.

"And you two?" The Doctor added.

"I was going to cook," Lou said.

"It's his turn tonight," Carmen added. 'Then I clear up."

"What's for tea?" Thalia asked.

"Chops," Lou said. "Nice couple of chops and gravy. Nothing special."

"Oh, that's special, Lou," Thalia tsked. "That is so special. Chops and gravy, mmm. What about you, Christina?"

"I was going so far away," Christina said, a little dreamily.

"Far away," the Doctor said, doing a headcount. "Chops and gravy. Watching TV. Mike and Suzanne and poor old Tina."

"Hey," Barclay said wearily.

"Just think of them," the Doctor said. "Because that planet out there, all three suns, wormholes and alien sand, that planet is nothing. You hear me? Nothing, compared to all those things waiting for you. Food and home and people. Hold on to that, because we're going to get there. I promise. I'm going to get you home," he looked at all of them and Thalia smiled at him.

=================================================

Nathan and Barclay are fetching seats from the bus. Thalia is watching them and the Doctor and Christina walk out of the bus.

"Here we go," Barclay grunted.

"That's my boys," Thalia grinned. "See, we lay a flat surface between the bus and the wormhole, like duckboards, and we reverse into it!"

"Let some air out of the tyres," Christina suggested. "Just a little bit. It spreads the weight of the bus, gives you more grip against the sand."

"Oh, that's good." the Doctor admired.

"Holidays in the Kalahari," Christina flashed him a grin.

"Kalahari-Kalahari? Or Kalahari as in the water park?" Thalia butted in, with a questioning look. Christina gave her a look and Thalia grinned.

"Yeah, but those wheels go deep," Barclay returned the conversation back to the first part.

"Then start digging." Christina raised a brow.

"With what?" Barclay asked, exasperated.

"With this," Christina pulls a spade from her rucksack. The Doctor hands it to Barclay. Thalia looks at the rucksack with a greedy look.

"Got anything else in there?" She remarked.

"Try that," Christina hands Nathan an axe. "It might help with the seats,"

"Thanks," Nathan smiled.

"I can't find the keys," Angela shouts from the front.

"Oh no, buses don't have keys," Thalia told her. "There's a master switch, then it's one button to start, the other one to stop, yeah?"

"Right," Angela said. "Hold on. Oh, I've got it. Here we go. Hold tight. Ding, ding." She grinned and starts the engine. Graunching sounds come from it so she turns it off.

"Ooo, that doesn't sound too good," the Doctor said. They walked around and Doctor, Christina, and Thalia look at the smoking engine at the back.

"Oh, never mind losing half the top deck," the Doctor remarked. "You know what's worse? Sand. Tiny little grains of sand. The engine's clogged up."

"Anyone know mechanics?" Christina shouted.

"Me," Barclay quickly stood up. "I did a two week NVQ at the garage. Never finished it, but..." he trailed off.

"Off you go, then," the Doctor nodded to Christina and Thalia. "Try stripping the air filter. Fast as you can. Back in two ticks,"

"Wait a minute," Christina walks after him. "You're the man with all the answers. I'm not letting you out of my sight,"

"So you're just gonna leave us here?!" Thalia shouted. She watched them walk away and sighed, throwing her arms up in the air before resting them on her hips with a huff.

========================================

"Closer, and closer, and closer." Carmen moaned. Thalia watched her carefully, trying to figure out what she was talking about.

"Where is it?" The Doctor shouted, clambering into the bus.

"There." Barclay pointed. "There on the seat." Barclay's mobile phone.

"Huh?" Thalia frowned. "Am I missing something?"

"You're hardly going to get a signal," Christina pointed out. "We're on another planet."

"Oh, just watch me." The Doctor grinned. He sonics the phone into unlimited roaming. Thalia raised a brow. "Right. Now, bit of hush, thank you. Got to remember the number, very important number," he starts typing it and it rings for a minute before picking up.

"Hello, Pizza Geronimo?" A person said.

"And again," the Doctor groaned and hung up. "Ahhhh."

"Seven six, not six seven," Thalia advised.

"Right," the Doctor typed it in and then frowned at her. "How'd you know that?"

"You told me," Thalia pointed out.

"What?"

"This is the Unified Intelligence Taskforce," a computer voice said. "Please select one of the following four options. If you want to-"

"Oh, I hate these things." The Doctor growled.

"If you keep your finger pressed on zero, you get through to a real person," Angela pointed it out. "I saw it on Watchdog."

"Thank you, Angela." the Doctor smiled.

"UNIT helpline," a person said. "Which department would you like?" The Doctor put it to his ear so they couldn't hear it anymore.

"Listen, it's the Doctor," he said. "It's me." There was a pause. Then he leaned back, frowning. "Did you just salute?" There was another comment and the Doctor shrugged like he didn't believe whatever the person said and continued. "Erisa, it's about the bus. HQ said you're at the tunnel, yeah?" There was a pause and then he stated the obvious. "I'm on the bus. But apart from that, not a clue, except it's very pretty and pretty dangerous." Another pause. "No, and we're not going to, but I'm stuck. I haven't got the Tardis, and I need to analyse that wormhole." There was a pause. "Oh really? We'll see about that," and then he looked at Thalia. "They've got a genius for me,"

"Oh really?" Thalia raised her eyebrows. "Can I hear?" The Doctor nodded and put the phone on speaker and pulled it away from his ear.

"-thanks." A man's voice. "It was just a bit of a sore throat. Although I've got to be honest, a cup of tea might be nice," Thalia smiled to herself.

"It's the Doctor," a woman said. There was a long pause.

"Do you mean the Doctor Doctor?" The man again and Thalia stifled a snort.

"I know," the woman. "We all want to meet him one day, but we all know what that day will bring." Thalia grinned.

"I can hear everything you're saying." The Doctor finally spoke up. There was a yelp and a bit of a scuffle.

"Hello, Doctor?" The man's voice. "Oh, my goodness!"

"Yes, I am," the Doctor said over Thalia's quiet laughter. "Hello, Malcom,"

"The Doctor," the man squeaked. "Cor blimey. I can't believe I'm actually speaking to you. I mean, I've read all the files."

"Really?" The Doctor grinned. "What was your favourite, the giant robot?" Thalia laughed out loud and the Doctor rapidly shook his head. "No, no, hold on. Let's sort out that wormhole. Excuse me,"

"-want anyone keeping secrets," it seems like the woman wanted Malcom to put it on speakerphone.

"Malcolm, something's not making sense here," the Doctor put in. "I've got a storm and a wormhole, and I can't help thinking there's a connection. I need a complete full range analysis of that wormhole. The whole thing."

"Well, I've probably got the wrong idea, but I've wired up an integrator. I thought it could measure the energy signature," Taylor remarked. Thalia's interest piqued.

"No," the Doctor moaned. "No, no, no, no, no. That'll never work. Listen,"

"It's quite extraordinary, though," Taylor interrupted. "I'm measuring an oscillation of fifteen Malcolms per second," there was a pause.

"Fifteen what?" The Doctor asked, eyes wide as he blinked a few times.

"Fifteen Malcoms." Taylor repeated. "It's my own little term. A wavelength parcel of ten kilohertz operating in four dimensions equals one Malcolm."

"You named a unit of measurement after yourself?" The Doctor asked, aghast.

"Well, it didn't do Mister Watt any harm," Taylor laughed. "Furthermore, one hundred Malcolms equals a Bernard."

"And who's that your dad?" The Doctor snarked. Thalia lightly slapped him.

"Don't be ridiculous. That's Quatermass," Taylor assured him. Thalia laughed.

"Right," the Doctor rubbed his eyes. "Fine. But before I die of old age, which in my case would be quite an achievement, so congratulations on that, is there anyone else I can talk to?" Thalia slapped him again and rolled her eyes.

"No, no, no, no, but listen," Taylor insisted. "I set the scanner to register what it can't detect and inverted the image." Now _that_ caused the Doctor to stop.

"You did what?"

"Is that wrong?" Taylor worried.

"No!" The Doctor cried. "Malcolm, that's brilliant. So you can actually measure the wormhole. Okay. I admit that is genius." Thalia laughed.

"The Doctor called me a genius." Taylor said in an awed voice.

"I know," the woman's voice. "I heard." Thalia laughed.

"Now, run a capacity scan," the Doctor ordered. "I need a full report. Call me back when you've done it. And Malcolm?" The Doctor leaned back. "You're my new best friend,"

"And you're mine too, sir," Taylor replied and the Doctor hung up.

"Barclay, I'm holding on to this," the Doctor gestured to the phone.

"Hey, you'd better bring it back," Barclay cried.

"He will," Thalia assured him. "I'll make sure of that," The Doctor and Christina leave the bus. Nathan is still patiently trying to dig out the wheels. Thalia looked out the window and grinned at him.

"Good boy," she cooed. Nathan raised an eyebrow at her and Thalia just grinned.

"So fast and strong," Carmen whispered. "They ride the storm. They are the storm,"

"But what are they?" Thalia pressed.

"They devour," Carmen whispered. "There's something new,"

Thalia tried very hard not to groan in frustration.

===========================  
Over the phone, the Doctor said, "Yeah?"

"Doctor, it's Nathan and Thalia," Nathan put the phone on speaker phone. Thalia bit her lip. "We got those duckboard things down, but..." Nathan trailed off.

"It's my fault," Angela sobbed.

"No, it's not," Nathan interrupted.

"Don't say that," Thalia added, trying to comfort her.

"Why, what's happened?" The Doctor's voice cam over. Thalia grabbed the phone and headed tot he front of the bus, leaving Nathan to comfort Angela.

"We kept on turning the engine, but, we're out of petrol," Thalia said slowly. "Used it all up. Even if we can get those wheels out....This bus is never going to move," there was a pause.

"You promised you'd get them home," Thalia said. More of a pause. "Doctor? Are you still there?" Then there was a loud beeping noise.

"Just keep them calm!" The Doctor yelled through the phone and hung up.

"Doctor?" Thalia brought the phone back and then on her ear. "Doctor!" She pulled the phone back and gave a groan of defeat. "You promised them," she told herself, hoping that maybe the Doctor would be listening. "And I know you sometimes break promises," her eyes hardened. "You better not break it on this one."

============================================

Everyone looked up when a noise was heard.

"It sounds like a storm," Thalia said.

"If it rains, we've got water," Angela sniffed.

"No water. All of it dust. But the girl," Carmen whispered. Thalia kneeled in front of her.

"Don't now, sweetheart," Lou groaned.

"No, no, no, no," Thalia waved him off. "What girl?"

"The girl," Carmen smiled. "She will fly,"

===================================

"What sort of storm is that?" Angela looked out the window, squinting.

"Run," Carmen whispered. "Run. Run. Run. Run. Run," she chanted the words and Thalia shuddered.

===============================

Thalia looked up to see Christina and the Doctor running toward them.

"At last. Where've you been?" Nathan cried.

"Get inside." The Doctor shouted. "Get them sitting down. Now then, let's have a look."

"So what does that crystal do?" Christina asked.

"Seriously, what did you do?" Thalia stared at the clamps, a yellow crystal in the middle.

"Oh, nothing. Don't need the crystal," the Doctor took said crystal and threw it out.

"Oh, I risked my life for that," Christina snapped.

"No, no," the Doctor shook his head and showed the clamps. "You risked your life for these. The clamps," he leaned down and clamped them onto the wheels of the bus.

"One there," the Doctor ran around the bus. "One there. One there. And one there." Finishing the last clamp, the three headed into the bus.

"But what are the clamps for?" Christina persisted. "Do they turn the wheels?"

"Yeah, something like that," the Doctor said, distracted. "I just need to fix this. Have you got a hammer in that bag?" He nodded to the bag.

"Funnily enough," Christina sighed and pulled out a hammer.

"Phone, phone," the Doctor fumbled around. "Press redial," he puts the phone in between his ear and shoulder as he fixes the rest of the crystal assembly to the steering wheel.

"Malcolm, it's me," the Doctor said. He paused. "Ready for what?" Another pause. Then, "I'm going to try to get back. But listen, there might be something following us. You need to close the wormhole," there's another pause.

"I really hate being on one side of a conversation," Thalia groaned and Christina nodded.

"Oh, Malcolm, you're brilliant," the Doctor said suddenly. There was a long pause before he said, "Sorry, got to go,"

"Did they ask about a threat?" Thalia asked snarkily.

"Yes, shut it," the Doctor added as an afterthought. "Oh, it's not compatible!' The Doctor cried. "Bus, spaceship, spaceship, bus. I need to weld the two systems together,"

"And how do you do that?" Christina asked.

"I need something non-corrosive," the Doctor said. "Something malleable. Something ductile. Something..." he trailed off and looked at Christina. "Gold."

"Oh no you don't," Christina groaned.

"Christina, what is it worth now?" The Doctor asked.

"Did I miss something?" Thalia frowned.

"Hey, hey, use this," Barclay comes in, showing his wristwatch.

"I said gold," the Doctor snarked.

"It is gold," Barclay frowned.

"Oh, they saw you coming," the Doctor sighed. "Christina," Barclay returns to his seat, and Christina reluctantly takes the Cup from her rucksack.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa-!" Thalia yelped and stared at it.

"It's over a thousand years old, worth eighteen million pounds. Promise me you'll be careful," Christina slowly handed it to the Doctor. He gently took it..

"I promise," there was a pause as he fixes it to the clamp. Then he grabbed the hammer and began to hammer the cup.

"I hate you," Christina growled.

Thalia yelped with each bang.

==================================

Once the Doctor was ready he funnily played a role play joke-"This is your driver speaking. Hold on tight,"

"But what for?" Barclay asked. "What's he doing?"

"Just do as he says," Thalia called.

"What are you doing?" Christina added as the Doctor fired up the bus.

"Come on," the Doctor muttered. "That's it. You can do it, you beauty. One last trip," The bus slowly rises out of the sand and into the air. Thalia grinned and whooped.

"Ah, you are so kidding me," Barclay groaned.

"We're flying," Nathan laughed. "It's flying."

"He's flying the bus." Lou gasped.

"It's a miracle," Angela whispered.

"Anti-gravity clamps," Thalia remarked.

"Didn't I say?" The Doctor told them. "Round we go," he spun them around.

"Doctor, they're coming," Christina urged. A swarm is close behind them.

"WHAT IS THAT?!" Thalia shrieked.

"Metal flying sting rays!" the Doctor told her. "Now, shut it,"

"WHAT!?"

"Do you think this thing will survive the journey back?" Christina asked.

"Only one way to find out," the Doctor admitted. "Next stop-"

"Planet Earth!" Christina finished. The bus dives into the wormhole, closely followed by the swarm. Everyone is screaming as it shakes, then comes out of the tunnel and up into the air.

"It's London!" Barclay cheered.

"We're back home." Angela grinned.

"He did it. He did it!" Nathan shouted.

"Malcolm, close that wormhole," the Doctor said into the phone. There was a response back. The Doctor suddenly pulled the phone away. "He's hung up on me," Thalia barked a laugh as the Doctor redialed the number. "Malcolm!" A pause. "He's hung up again!" Thalia laughed. He redials. "Malcolm, listen to me." There was another pause. "I need that signal. We've got billions of those things about to fly through," another pause. "Loop it back through the integrator, and keep the signal ramping up." Another pause.

"Oh my god," Thalia moaned and walked away.

"Five hundred Bernards. Do it now!" The Doctor shouted. Something happened and the wormhole collapses at both ends. Thalia pumps a fist in the air and laughs.

"Doctor, it's coming for us!" Nathan shouts.

"Oh no, you don't," the Doctor snarled. He turned the bus, hitting the stingray.

"YEAH!" Thalia whooped.

"Did I say I hated you? I was lying," Christina says in the front. Then something happened and Thalia rolled her eyes as the passengers applaud.

"Do not stand forward of this point," the Doctor says jokingly. "Ladies and gentlemen, you have reached your final destination. Welcome home, the mighty two hundred," The Doctor lands the bus, and UNIT applauds. The passengers disembark.

"Welcome back," a man said. "If you could step away from the bus, just to be safe. As fast as you can, thank you. It's standard procedure. We need to screen you and then you'll all be taken to debriefing," The Doctor flashes his psychic paper and gestures to him and Thalia.

"We don't count," the Doctor said.

"No, but Doctor?" Christina asked.

"With me, thank you," the man said. A man ran up to them.

"Doctor," he said.

"You must be Malcolm," the Doctor grinned. Taylor hugs the Doctor. The Doctor reared slightly and then looked at Thalia. Thalia grinned.

"Oh," Taylor sighed. "Oh. I love you. I love you. I love you,"

"To your station, Doctor Taylor," the woman who was over the phone told him.

"Yes, ma'am," Taylor pulled away. "I love you," and then he ran off. The woman turned to the Doctor and saluted him as the Doctor groaned.

"Doctor, I salute you whether you like it or not," she grinned. Thalia smiled as well. "Now, I take it we're safe from those things?"

"They'll start again," the Doctor admitted. 'Generate a new doorway. It's not their fault, it's their natural life cycle. But I'll see if I can nudge the wormholes on to uninhabited planets. Closer to home, Captain. Those two lads. Very good in a crisis. Nathan needs a job, Barclay's good with engines. You could do a lot worse. Privates Nathan and Barclay, UNIT's finest," he looked at her. The woman thought for a moment.

"I'll see what I can do," she said. "And I've got something for you," she nodded to a truck where the Tardis is being unloaded from.

"Better than a bus, any day," the Doctor grinned. "Hello."

"Found in the gardens of Buckingham Palace," the woman remarked.

"Oh, she doesn't mind," the Doctor replied.

"Now, I've got three dead alien stingrays to clear up," the woman sighed. "don't suppose you fancy helping with the paperwork?"

"Not a chance," the Doctor grinned.

"Till we meet again, Doctor," the woman said and walked off.

"I hope so," the Doctor murmured and Thalia smiled. He grinned at her and then turned to the group that was still huddled near the police. Angela was phoning

"I said I'm back, Suzanne," Angela called. "I'm home. They didn't even know I was gone," she laughed the last bit as the Geiger counter registers on Christina. Christina saw the Doctor and then the police and slapped the man's hand.

"That's quite enough of that," she said and Thalia watched warily as she ran over to them.

"Little blue box, just like you said," Christina grinned. "Right then. Off we go. Come on, Doctor, show me the stars," she smiled.

"No," the Doctor replied, cold. Thalia looked at him, taken aback by the coldness.

"What?" Christina said.

"I said no," the Doctor repeated.

"But I saved your life," Christina argued. "And you saved mine."

"So?" The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"We're surrounded by police," Christina hissed. "I'll go to prison."

"Yeah," the Doctor admitted. Thalia frowned. Really, what had she missed?

"But you were right," Christina persisted. 'It's not about the money. I only steal things for the adventure, and today with you. I want more days like this. I want every day to be like this. We're made for each other. You said so yourself. The perfect team. Why not?"

"People have travelled with me and I've lost them. Lost them all. Never again," the Doctor said. Thalia looked at him sadly. The police had come and surrounded Christina.

"Lady Christina de Souza," a man said, grinning like a giddy kid. "Oh, I have waited a long time to say this. I am arresting you on suspicion of theft. You do not have to say anything, etcetera, etcetera. Dennison, take her away," Christina leaves in handcuffs. Thalia sighed.

"Doctor? Thalia?" Carmen called. The duo looked at her. "You take care now."

"You too." The Doctor and Thalia said in unison.

"Chops and gravy, lovely," Thalia added.

"No, but you be careful," Carmen said, sounding serious and staring at the Doctor. "Because your song is ending, sir."

"What do you mean?" the Doctor's smile dropped.

"It is returning," Carmen said. "It is returning through the dark. And then, Doctor? Oh, but then he will knock four times. And Thalia?"

"What about me?" Thalia raised a brow.

"You shall visit him again." She smiled. "Good luck with the fish people," and then she was gone.

"Fish people?" Thalia mused.

"Didn't you already-?" The Doctor stopped abruptly. "So you really don't know another Thalia with blue hair?"

"No!" Thalia said, irritated. Clearly they had this conversation before.

"Okay..." the Doctor looked at her, suspicious. But then he shrugged his shoulders. "But then again, timey-"

"Wimey spacey wacey, yeah, whatever," Thalia looked at Christina. "Aren't you going to help her? I mean, she's got a ride..." the Doctor perked up. Just as Christina is about to be put into a police car, the Doctor sonics her handcuffs. She gets in one side and straight out the other.

"Oi!" A man shouted.

"Stop that woman!" The official giddy police shouted. "Stop that woman! Stop her. Don't just stand there, stop her!" Christina runs onto the bus and shuts the doors.

"Open the door!" The man repeated, glaring. "I'll add resisting arrest."

"I'd step back, if I were you," Thalia remarked.

"I'm charging you two as well," the man shouted. "Aiding and abetting."

"Yes," the Doctor nodded seriously. "I'll just step inside this police box and arrest myself," Thalia stifled a laugh.

"Out, now!" The man shouted. But Christina starts the bus, and up it goes.

"No! Come back!" MacMillion shouted. The Doctor laughed and he turned to Thalia.

"Now what to do about you?" he said, raising a brow.

"Oh never mind me," Thalia laughed. "My ride is right over there." She gestured behind his police box. Then, she smiled at him and skipped off. The Doctor frowned and looked behind. He smiled when he saw Thalia skip into a different police box. The Doctor looked away and shook his head, walking into his police box.

* * *

"Where did you go!?" the Doctor shouted, grabbing levers and glaring at the eased back Thalia.

"Worm hole and sand shoes man," Thalia remarked, picking her fingernails. The Doctor stoped and stared at her.

"What is she talking about?" Rory frowned. The Doctor sputtered.

"No one!" Thalia said brightly. "Now, since it's only fair and I'm bored of picking planets-Rory! Where would you like to go?"

"Oi!" the Doctor shouted from the top deck. He had walked up the side. "I call the shots!"

"Okay, fine," Thalia rolled her eyes. There was a pause.

"Rory," the Doctor leaned over the railway. "Where would you like to go?"

* * *

The Doctor is whistling whilst working underneath the Tardis console. Thalia sat on the console, swinging her legs and watching the Doctor work. Amy slowly walked over and looked down at the Doctor. She waved a bit at Thalia before speaking to the Doctor.

"Hey," she said.

DOCTOR: Hey.

(She pulls him out from underneath.)

AMY: Listen. Can we talk?

DOCTOR: (shouts) Rory!

AMY: Stop. Shut up. I've just got a question, that's all.

RORY [OC]: You okay up there?

DOCTOR: Yeah, fine, no problem.

AMY: What are you doing?

(Rory is on the lower level.)

RORY: Helping the Doctor. It's humming. Is that okay?

DOCTOR: Yeah, it's fine. We're just entering conceptual space. Imagine a banana, or anything curved. Actually, don't. It's not curved or like a banana. Forget the banana!

AMY: Er, is he helping you fly the Tardis?

DOCTOR: Detach servo-couplings two, seven and eleven, like I showed you.

AMY: How come he gets to have a go? You never let me have a go.

RORY: Er, Doctor, don't. Seriously. I let her drive my car once.

AMY: Yeah, to the end of the road.

RORY: According to Amy, there was an unexpected house.

AMY: He's jealous because I passed my test first time.

RORY: You cheated. You wore a skirt.

AMY: I didn't wear a skirt.

RORY: That would have worked too.

AMY: No, no, I did wear a skirt. But it was any old skirt.

RORY: Have you seen Amy drive, Doctor?

DOCTOR: No.

RORY: Neither did her driving examiner.

AMY: Actually, it was this one. It was this skirt.

(So, just barely covering anything then. The Tardis tilts and goes dark.)

AMY: What was that?

"Rory?" The Doctor called, eyes wide. Thalia stared at him. "Did you drop a thermo-coupling?" There was a pause.

"Sorry," came the meek reply.

"Whaa-haaa-how did you do that?" The Doctor cried. "I told you, don't drop them. I specifically mentioned not dropping!"

AMY: It was my fault.

DOCTOR: Of course it wasn't your fault.

RORY: It kind of was her fault.

DOCTOR: How could it be her fault?

AMY: Because it was my skirt and my husband and your glass floor," there was a pause as the Doctor looked at Amy and then down at Rory. Thalia stifled a laugh as the Doctor looked back up, horrified.

"Oh, Rory!" He yelled.

RORY: Sorry.

DOCTOR: Well, we've landed. Emergency materialisation. Should be fine. Should have dropped off in the safest spot available.

(He brings the power back online. They walk forward to the railing to look at - another Tardis.)

AMY: Doctor, what's happened?

DOCTOR: Safest spot available. The Tardis has materialised inside itself.  
RORY: Is that supposed to happen?  
DOCTOR: Take a guess.  
RORY: No?  
DOCTOR: That's the one.   
(The Doctor goes to touch the other Tardis.)  
AMY: What are you doing?  
DOCTOR: Absolutely no idea.   
(He goes inside it and walks in through the main door.)  
AMY: Okay, that is a bit weird.  
(The Doctor puts his arm outside, and it waves at them from the new Tardis.)  
RORY: That is actually pretty cool.  
(The Doctor goes outside and steps out of the new Tardis.)  
DOCTOR: I'm glad you're entertained, Rory, now that we're stuck here for all eternity at least you won't be bored.   
AMY: Wait, what, we're stuck?  
DOCTOR: The inside of the Tardis is now joined to the outside of the Tardis. Worse than a time loop, a space loop. Nothing can enter or leave this ship ever again.  
(Another Amy walks in.)  
AMY 2: Okay, kids. This is where it gets complicated.

Part Two

[Tardis]

AMY: Who the hell are you?  
AMY 2: I'm you, from your future.   
DOCTOR: Tell me exactly what's happened.  
AMY 2: Well, the exterior shell of the Tardis has drifted forwards in time. If you step into the box now, you step into the control floor a tiny bit in the past.  
AMY: I don't understand.   
AMY 2: (sotto) Neither do I.  
AMY: But you just said it.  
AMY 2: No, I'm just repeating it. I'm just remembering what I heard myself saying when I was standing where you are now, and repeating it. I'm just repeating this too. And this, and this.   
AMY: Oh, I still don't understand.   
AMY 2: You still don't.   
DOCTOR: Okay, when does Amy step inside the box. We need to maintain the time line.  
AMY 2: Ah. As soon as she's slapped Rory.  
AMY: Okay.   
RORY: Huh. No, why do I get slapped?  
DOCTOR: Because we have to stick to the established chain of events. One mistake and the whole time line could collapse. We could end up with two Amy Ponds for ever, and then what would you do?  
(Rory turns to Amy, finger raised. She slaps him.)  
DOCTOR: Okay, you. Into the police box now.   
AMY: And then I become her?  
DOCTOR: Yes. Go, go, go!  
AMY: Do I really look like that?  
AMY 2: Yeah. Yeah, you do.  
AMY: Ooo. Nice choice for your driving lessons.   
AMY 2: I bet you would.  
DOCTOR: Oh, this is how it all ends. Pond flirting with herself. True love at last. Oh, sorry, Rory.  
RORY: (drooling) Absolutely no problem at all.  
DOCTOR: Now, Amy.   
AMY: What's the first line?  
AMY 2: Okay, kids, this is where it gets complicated.  
AMY: Gotcha.   
(She goes into the second Tardis.)  
AMY 2: So, is that it? Are we okay now?  
DOCTOR: No, we're still trapped.   
(Amy and Rory enter the Tardis.)  
DOCTOR: What are you doing?  
RORY 2: You told us to get into the police box. Well, from your point of view you're about to tell us to get into the police box. From our point of view you just told us to get into the police box, which is why we got into the police box, which is why we're here.  
RORY: Do I have to remember all of that?  
RORY 2: It just sort of happens.  
(The two Amys wave at each other happily.)  
AMY 2: Hi.  
AMY 3: Hi.  
DOCTOR: Stop that. You two, in the police box now. Run.   
(Rory and Amy 2 go into the Tardis.)  
AMY 3: So, what now?  
DOCTOR: You two, stay where you are.  
RORY 2: What are you doing?  
DOCTOR: I'm setting up a controlled temporal implosion. It's the only way to rest the Tardis. But unless I find exactly the right lever to control the implosion, we're all going to die.  
AMY 3: You don't know which lever?  
DOCTOR: No. But I'm about to find out.  
(The Doctor enters.)  
DOCTOR 2: The wibbly lever!   
DOCTOR: The wibbly lever. Thank you.  
(He throws the lever and runs into the Tardis, which then dematerialises.)  
DOCTOR: Okay, we're back in normal flight. The Tardis is no longer inside itself, the localised time field is no longer about to implode and rip a hole in all causality. But just in case, Pond, put some trousers on.

* * *

Palace}  
(The restored Monarch and his guards charge through the building.)   
CHARLES: Out of my way!   
(His way is blocked by a locked door. Inside the room, a large unfinished painting shows the naked Doctor as Neptune about to be crowned by a cherub.)   
CHARLES [OC]: Doctor! Doctor! Doctor! Doctor!   
(The irate king bursts in, sword drawn, and confronts the lady artist, who is possibly one of his many illegitimate children.)   
CHARLES: Where's the Doctor?   
MATILDA: Doctor who?   
DOCTOR [OC]: Achoo!   
(The Doctor is hiding underneath Matilda's voluminous skirts.)   
DOCTOR: You know, this isn't nearly as bad as it looks.

[Kitchen]

(Amy is reading from a history book while Rory unpacks the shopping.)   
AMY: At the personal intervention of the King, the unnamed Doctor was incarcerated without trial in the Tower of London.   
RORY: Okay, but it doesn't have to be him.   
AMY: According to contemporary accounts, two nights later, a magical sphere some twenty feet across, was seen floating away from the tower, bearing the mysterious Doctor aloft.   
RORY: Okay. It's him.   
AMY: There's more.

[Tunnel]

(A classic World War 2 escape is in progress.)   
SIMMONS: Doctor. Doctor, what can you see?   
(The Doctor's head appears from the top of the tunnel.)   
DOCTOR: Is the commandant's office painted a sort of green colour with a big flag on the wall?   
(A siren sounds and dogs start barking.)   
DOCTOR: I think the answer's probably yes.

[Living room]

AMY: It's like he's being deliberately ridiculous, trying to attract our attention. Are you watching this again?   
(A Laurel and Hardy film, most likely the Flying Deuces.)   
RORY: Yeah. I've explained the jokes.   
(The doorbell rings and Amy answers it. The postman hands over some letters.)   
RORY: So what are you saying? Do you really think he's back there, trying to wave to us, out of history books?   
(Completely missing the Doctor in a fez waving to the viewer before joining in Stan and Ollie's dance.)   
AMY: Hey, it's the sort of thing he'd do. Thanks.   
RORY: Yeah, but why?   
AMY: Well, he said he'd be in touch.   
RORY: Two months ago.   
AMY: Two months is nothing. He's up to something. I know he is. I know him.   
(She opens an envelope with the number 3 on the back.)   
RORY: What is it? Amy?   
AMY: A date, a time, a map reference. I think it's an invitation.   
RORY: From who?   
AMY: It's not signed. Look, Tardis blue.

[Stormcage]

(Prisoner River Song also gets mail.)   
GUARD: You'd better get down here, sir. She's doing it again. Doctor Song, sir. She's packing. Says she's going to some planet called America.

[Highway]

(The San Juan School District bus lets Rory and Amy off, with their backpacks.)   
AMY: Thanks!   
DRIVER [OC]: You're very welcome.   
AMY: This is it, yeah? The right place?   
RORY: Nowhere, middle of? Yeah, this it.   
DOCTOR: Howdy.   
(They turn to see the Doctor lying on the hood of a big American car.)   
AMY: Doctor!   
DOCTOR: Ha, ha! It's the Pond.   
AMY: Hey!   
(Joyous reunion.)   
DOCTOR: Hello, Pond. Come here.   
AMY: So, someone's been a busy boy then, eh?   
DOCTOR: Did you see me?   
AMY: Of course.   
DOCTOR: Stalker.   
AMY: Flirt.   
RORY: Husband.   
DOCTOR: Rory the Roman! Ooo, come here.   
RORY: Hey, nice hat.   
DOCTOR: I wear a Stetson now. Stetsons are cool.   
(Then someone shoots it off him.)   
RIVER: Hello, sweetie.

[Diner]

(Comparing diaries.)   
RIVER: Right then, where are we? Have we done Easter Island yet?   
DOCTOR: Er, yes! I've got Easter Island.   
RIVER: They worshipped you there. Have you seen the statues?   
DOCTOR: Jim the fish.   
RIVER: Oh! Jim the fish. How is he?   
DOCTOR: Still building his dam.   
RORY: Sorry, what are you two doing?   
AMY: They're both time travellers, so they never meet in the right order. They're syncing their diaries. So, what's happening, then? Because you've been up to something.   
DOCTOR: I've been running, faster than I've ever run. And I've been running my whole life. Now, it's time for me to stop. And tonight, I'm going to need you all with me.   
AMY: Okay. We're here. What's up?   
DOCTOR: A picnic. And then a trip. Somewhere different, somewhere brand new.   
AMY: Where?   
DOCTOR: Space, 1969.

[Lakeside]

(The picnic.)   
DOCTOR: Salud!   
ALL: Salud.   
RORY: So, when are going to 1969?   
AMY: And since when do you drink wine?   
DOCTOR: I'm eleven hundred and three. I must've drunk it sometime.   
(He takes a swig from the bottle and spits it out.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, why it's horrid. I thought it would taste more like the gums.   
AMY: Eleven hundred and three? You were nine hundred and eight the last time we saw you.   
DOCTOR: And you've put on a couple of pounds. I wasn't going to mention it.   
(A strange figure is silhouetted on the skyline.)   
AMY: Who's that?   
RORY: Hmm? Who's who?   
AMY: Sorry, what?   
RORY: What did you see? You said you saw something.   
AMY: No, I didn't.   
DOCTOR: Ah, the moon. Look at it. Of course, you lot did a lot more than look, didn't you? Big, silvery thing in the sky. You couldn't resist it. Quite right.   
RORY: The moon landing was in 69. Is that where we're going?   
DOCTOR: No. A lot more happens in 69 than anyone remembers. Human beings. I thought I'd never get done saving you.   
(A truck pulls up nearby and W Morgan Sheppard gets out. The Doctor waves to him.)   
AMY: Who's he?   
RIVER: Oh, my God.   
(A figure in a NASA spacesuit is standing up to its knees in the lake.)   
DOCTOR: You all need to stay back. Whatever happens now, you do not interfere. Clear?   
(The Doctor goes to meet the figure, who has stepped out of the water.)   
RORY: That's an astronaut. That's an Apollo astronaut in a lake.   
AMY: Yeah.   
DOCTOR: Hello. It's okay. I know it's you.   
(The astronaut raises its gold plated visor.)   
DOCTOR: Well then.   
(They watch as the Doctor says something, then bows his head.)   
AMY: What's he doing?   
(The astronaut shoots the Doctor.)   
AMY: Doctor!   
RIVER: Amy, stay back!   
(And again.)   
RIVER: The Doctor said stay back! You have to stay back!   
AMY: No! No! Doctor!   
(Regeneration energy starts to flow from the Doctor's hands.)   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry.   
(The astronaut shoots again just as the regeneration starts properly.)   
RIVER: No! Doctor!   
AMY: Doctor, please!   
(They run to the Doctor. River scans him with her tricorder.)   
AMY: River. River! River? No.   
(River empties her six-shooter at the retreating astronaut.)   
RIVER: Of course not.   
AMY: River, he can't be dead. This isn't possible.   
RIVER: Whatever that was, it killed him in the middle of his regeneration cycle. His body was already dead. He didn't make it to the next one.   
AMY: Maybe he's a clone or a duplicate or something.   
(The old man approaches, with a petrol can.)   
DELAWARE: I believe I can save you some time. That most certainly is the Doctor. And he is most certainly dead. He said you'd need this.   
RORY: Gasoline?   
RIVER: A Time Lord's body is a miracle. Even a dead one. There are whole empires out there who'd rip this world apart for just one cell. We can't leave him here. Or anywhere.   
AMY: Wake up. Come on, wake up, you stupid, bloody idiot. What do we do, Rory?   
RIVER: We're his friends. We do what the Doctor's friends always do. As we're told.   
RORY: There's a boat. If we're going to do this, let's do it properly.   
(So, as the sun sets, the Doctor gets a Viking funeral.)   
RIVER: Who are you? Why did you come?   
DELAWARE: The same reason as you.   
(He holds out his blue invitation.)   
DELAWARE: Doctor Song, Amy, Rory. I'm Canton Everett Delaware the third. I won't be seeing you again, but you'll be seeing me.   
(Delaware leaves.)   
RIVER: Four.   
RORY: Sorry, what?   
RIVER: The Doctor numbered the envelopes.

[Diner]

RIVER: You got 3, I was 2, Mister Delaware was 4.   
RORY: So?   
RIVER: So, where's 1?   
RORY: What, you think he invited someone else?   
RIVER: Well, he must have. He planned all of this, to the last detail.   
AMY: Will you two shut up? It doesn't matter.   
RIVER: He was up to something.   
AMY: He's dead.   
RIVER: Space, 1969. What did he mean?   
AMY: You're still talking, but it doesn't matter.   
RORY: Hey, it mattered to him.   
RIVER: So it matters to us.   
AMY: He's dead.   
RIVER: But he still needs us. I know. Amy, I know. But right now we have to focus.   
RORY: Look.   
(Another blue envelope on a table near the back.)   
RORY: Excuse me, who was sitting over there?   
BUSBOY: Some guy.   
RIVER: The Doctor knew he was going to his death, so he sent out messages. When you know it's the end, who do you call?   
RORY: Er, your friends. People you trust.   
RIVER: Number 1. Who did The Doctor trust the most?   
(The person who comes out of the restroom, that's Who.)   
RIVER: This is cold. Even by your standards, this is cold.   
DOCTOR: Or hello, as people used to say.   
AMY: Doctor?   
DOCTOR: I just popped out to get my special straw. It adds more fizz.   
AMY: You're okay. How can you be okay?   
DOCTOR: Hey, of course I'm okay. I'm always okay. I'm the King of Okay. Oh, that's a rubbish title. Forget that title. Rory the Roman! That's a good title. Hello, Rory. And Doctor River Song. Oh, you bad, bad girl. What trouble have you got for me this time?   
(River slaps the Doctor, hard.)   
DOCTOR: Okay. I'm assuming that's for something I haven't done yet.   
RIVER: Yes, it is.   
DOCTOR: Good. Looking forward to it.   
RORY: I don't understand. How can you be here?   
DOCTOR: I was invited. Date, map reference. Same as you lot, I assume, otherwise it's a hell of a coincidence.   
AMY: River, what's going on?   
RIVER: Amy, ask him what age he is.   
DOCTOR: That's a bit personal.   
RIVER: Tell her. Tell her what age you are.   
DOCTOR: Nine hundred and nine.   
RIVER: Yeah, but you said you were   
RIVER: So where does that leave us, huh? Jim the fish? Have we done Jim the fish yet?   
DOCTOR: Who's Jim the fish?   
AMY: I don't understand.   
RORY: Yeah, you do.   
DOCTOR: I don't! What are we all doing here?   
RIVER: We've been recruited. Something to do with space 1969, and a man called Canton Everett Delaware the third.   
DOCTOR: Recruited by who?   
RIVER: Someone who trusts you more than anybody else in the universe.   
DOCTOR: And who's that?   
RIVER: Spoilers.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: 1969, that's an easy one! Funny, how some years are easy. Now, 1482, full of glitches. Now then, Canton Everett Delaware the third. That was his name, yeah? How many of those can there be? Well, three, I suppose. Rory, is everybody cross with me for some reason?  
RORY: I'll find out.

[Tardis lower level]

AMY: Explain it again.   
RIVER: The Doctor we saw on the beach is a future version, two hundred years older than the one up there.   
AMY: But all that's still going to happen. He's still going to die.   
RIVER: We're all going to do that, Amy.   
RORY: We're not all going to arrange our own wake and invite ourselves. So, the Doctor, in the future, knowing he's going to die, recruits his younger self and all of us to, to what, exactly? Avenge him?   
RIVER: Uh huh. Avenging's not his style.   
AMY: Save him.   
RORY: Yeah, that's not really his style either.   
AMY: We have to tell him.   
RIVER: We've told him all we can. We can't even tell him we've seen his future self. He's interacted with his own past. It could rip a hole in the universe.   
AMY: Yes, but he's done it before.   
RORY: And in fairness, the universe did blow up.   
AMY: But he'd want to know.   
RIVER: Would he? Would anyone?   
DOCTOR: I'm being extremely clever up here, and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What's the point in having you all?   
RIVER: Couldn't you just slap him sometimes?   
AMY: River, we can't just let him die. We have to stop it. How can you be okay with this?   
RIVER: The Doctor's death doesn't frighten me. Nor does my own. There's a far worse day coming for me.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Time isn't a straight line. It's all bumpy wumpy. There's loads of boring stuff like Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons. But now and then there are Saturdays. Big temporal tipping points when anything's possible. The Tardis can't resist them, like a moth to a flame. She loves a party, so I give her 1969 and NASA, because that's space in the sixties, and Canton Everett Delaware the third, and this is where she's pointing.   
AMY: Washington D.C., April the eighth, 1969. So why haven't we landed?   
DOCTOR: Because that's not where we're going.   
RORY: Oh. Where are we going?   
DOCTOR: Home. Well, you two are. Off you pop and make babies. And you, Doctor Song, back to prison. And me? I'm late for a biplane lesson in 1911. Or it could be knitting. Knitting or biplanes. One or the other. What? A mysterious summons. You think I'm just going to go? Who sent those messages? I know you know. I can see it in your faces. Don't play games with me. Don't ever, ever think you're capable of that.   
RIVER: You're going to have to trust us this time.   
DOCTOR: Trust you? Sure. But, first of all, Doctor Song, just one thing. Who are you? You're someone from my future. Getting that. But who? Okay. Why are you in prison? Who did you kill, hmm? Now, I love a bad girl, me, but trust you? Seriously.   
AMY: Trust me.   
DOCTOR: Okay.   
AMY: You have to do this, and you can't ask why.   
DOCTOR: Are you being threatened? Is someone making you say that?   
AMY: No.   
DOCTOR: You're lying.   
AMY: I'm not lying.   
DOCTOR: Swear to me. Swear to me on something that matters.   
AMY: Fish fingers and custard.   
DOCTOR: My life in your hands, Amelia Pond.   
RIVER: Thank you.   
DOCTOR: So! Canton Everett Delaware the third. Who's he?

[Bar]

(W Morgan Sheppard's son, Mark.)   
CANTON: Who wants to know?   
CARL: Your boss.   
CANTON: I don't have a boss anymore.   
CARL: Maybe you want to tell that to the President of the United States.

[Tardis]

RIVER: Ex FBI. Got kicked out.   
DOCTOR: Why?

[Car]

NIXON [on telephone]: I understand that you have a problem with authority.   
CANTON: Thank you.   
NIXON [on telephone]: That's not a compliment, son.

[Tardis]

RIVER: Six weeks after he left the Bureau, the President contacted him for a private meeting.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, 1969. Who's President?

[Oval office]

NIXON: This is a personal matter. I need someone on the outside, someone with FBI training

[Car]

NIXON [on telephone]: But who's not in contact with them.   
CANTON: I'm flattered.

[Oval office]

NIXON: You were my second choice for this, Mister Delaware.   
CANTON [OC]: That's okay.

[Car]

CANTON: You were my second choice for President, Mister Nixon.

[Tardis]

RIVER: Richard Milhous Nixon. Vietnam, Watergate. There's some good stuff, too.   
DOCTOR: Not enough.   
RIVER: Hippie!   
DOCTOR: Archaeologist.

[Oval office]

NIXON: Every day, wherever I am, I get a phone call.   
CANTON: People can't just call you, Mister President.   
NIXON: It's a direct call every time. Every day for the last two weeks, usually late at night.   
CANTON: Man or woman?   
NIXON: Neither. Listen.   
(Well, he did like recording everything.)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Okay, since I don't know what I'm getting into this time, for once I'm being discreet. I'm putting the engines on silent.   
(He pulls a lever and there is a wail. River throws a different switch and it goes quiet.)   
DOCTOR: Did you do something?   
RIVER: No, just watching.   
DOCTOR: Putting the outer shield on invisible. I haven't done this in a while. Big drain on the power.   
RORY: You can turn the Tardis invisible?   
DOCTOR: Ha!   
RIVER: Very nearly.   
(And she moves another lever.)   
DOCTOR: Er, did you touch something?   
RIVER: Just admiring your skills, sweetie.   
DOCTOR: Good. You might learn something. Okay. Now I can't check the scanner. It doesn't work when we're cloaked. Just give us a mo. Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. You lot, wait a moment. We're in the middle of the most powerful city in the most powerful country on Earth. Let's take it slow.   
(The Doctor steps out of the Tardis.)

[Oval office]

(As Nixon and Canton are listening to the recording.)   
NIXON [OC]: Hello? Who is this? This is President Nixon. Who's calling? Is this you again?   
GIRL [OC]: Mister President?   
CANTON: A child.   
NIXON [OC]: This is the President, yes.   
GIRL [OC]: I'm scared, Mister President. I'm scared of the spaceman.   
CANTON: A little girl?   
NIXON: Boy.   
CANTON: How can you be sure?   
NIXON [OC]: What spaceman? Where are you phoning from? Where are you right now? Who are you?   
(The Doctor quietly gets out a notebook and starts writing.)   
GIRL [OC]: Jefferson Adams Hamilton.   
NIXON [OC]: Jefferson, listen to me.   
(The child rings off.)   
CANTON: Surely this is something the Bureau could handle, sir.   
NIXON: These calls happen wherever I am. How do I know the Bureau isn't involved? I can't trust anyone   
(Nixon turns around and sees the Doctor. Canton stands and turns, too. The Doctor keeps writing.)   
DOCTOR: Oh. Hello. Bad moment. Oh look, this is the Oval Office. I was looking for the er, oblong room. I'll just be off, then, shall I?   
(And walks smack into the cloaked Tardis, causing a big jolt inside.)

[Tardis]

RIVER: Every time.

[Oval office]

DOCTOR: Don't worry! It always does that when its cloaked.   
(Canton wrestles the Doctor to the floor.)   
DOCTOR: Ah, no. Stop that.

[Tardis]

RORY: He said the scanner wouldn't work.   
RIVER: I know. Bless.

[Oval office]

(The Secret Service run in.)   
CARL: Lockdown! Lockdown!

[Tardis]

DOCTOR [on scanner]: Stop that! Argh! Oh!

[Oval office]

DOCTOR: River, have you got my scanner

[Tardis]

DOCTOR [on scanner]: Working yet?   
RIVER: Oh, I hate him.

[Oval office]

DOCTOR: No, you don't!   
CARL: Get the President out of here. Sir, you have to go with them, now.   
DOCTOR: River, make her blue again!   
(The Tardis shimmers into the visible spectrum.)   
NIXON: What the hell is that?   
(While they were distracted, the Doctor has slipped out of their grasp and into Nixon's chair.)   
DOCTOR: Mister President, that child just told you everything you need to know, but you weren't listening. Never mind, though, because the answer's yes. I'll take the case. Fellows, the guns, really? I just walked into the highest security office in the United States and parked a big blue box on the rug. Do you think you can just shoot me?   
RIVER: They're Americans!   
DOCTOR: Don't shoot. Definitely no shooting.   
RORY: Nobody shoot us either. Very much not in need of getting shot. Look, we've got our hands up.   
NIXON: Who the hell are you?   
CANTON: Sir, you need to stay back.   
NIXON: But who are they and what is that box?   
DOCTOR: It's a police box. Can't you read? I'm your new undercover agent on loan from Scotland Yard. Code name the Doctor. These are my top operatives, the Legs, the Nose, and Mrs Robinson.   
RIVER: I hate you.   
DOCTOR: No, you don't.   
NIXON: Who are you?   
DOCTOR: Nah, boring question. Who's phoning you? That's interesting. Because Canton Three is right. That was definitely a girl's voice, which means there's only one place in America she can be phoning from.   
CANTON: Where?   
CARL: Do not engage with the intruder, Mister Delaware.   
You heard everything I heard. It's simple enough. Give me five minutes, I'll explain. On the other hand, lay a finger on me or my friends, and you'll never, ever know.   
CANTON: How did you get it in here? I mean, you didn't carry it in.   
DOCTOR: Clever, eh?   
CANTON: Love it.   
CARL: Do not compliment the intruder.   
CANTON: Five minutes?   
DOCTOR: Five.   
CARL: Mister President, that man is a clear and present danger to   
CANTON: Mister President, that man walked in here with a big blue box and three of his friends, and that's the man he walked past. One of them's worth listening to. I say we give him five minutes. See if he delivers.   
DOCTOR: Thanks, Canton.   
CANTON: If he doesn't, I'll shoot him myself.   
DOCTOR: Not so thanks.   
CARL: Sir, I cannot recommend   
NIXON: Shut up, Peterson! All right, five minutes.   
DOCTOR: I'm going to need a SWAT team, ready to mobilise. Street level maps covering all of Florida. A pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers and a fez.   
CANTON: Get him his maps.   
(Later.)   
CANTON: Why Florida?   
DOCTOR: There's where NASA is. She mentioned a spaceman. NASA's where the spacemen live. Also, there's another lead I'm following.   
AMY: A spaceman, like the one we saw at the lake.   
RIVER: Maybe. Probably.   
(Amy sees a figure in a suit at the open door. It has a large head with sunken eyes and no mouth, and very long fingers. She recalls the sighting at the lake.)   
AMY [memory]: Who's that?   
AMY: I remember.   
RORY: Amy? What do you remember?   
(The figure is gone.)   
AMY: I don't know. I just   
RORY: Amy, what's wrong?   
RIVER: Amy?   
DOCTOR: Are you all right?   
AMY: Yeah. No, I'm fine. I'm just feeling a little sick. Excuse me, is there a toilet or something?   
CARL: Sorry, ma'am, while this procedure's ongoing, you must remain within the Oval office.   
CANTON: Shut up and take her to the restroom.   
PHIL: This way, ma'am.   
AMY: Thanks.   
(Amy leaves. Carl stops Rory from following.)   
CANTON: Your five minutes are up.   
DOCTOR; Yeah, and where's my fez?

[Outside the Rest room]

AMY: Actually, I can usually manage this alone.   
(Phil reluctantly stands guard.)

[Rest room]

(Amy enters to see the weird alien there.)   
AMY: Argh! I saw you before, at the lake. And here. But then I forgot. How did I forget? What are you?   
(A woman comes out of a stall and goes to wash her hands.)   
AMY: Get back. Stay back from it.   
(The woman turns to see the alien.)   
JOY: Eek! Oh, my God. What is that? Is that a mask? Is that a Star Trek thing? Ben, is that you?   
AMY: Get back from it now!   
(Joy turns around.)   
JOY: Back from what, honey?   
AMY: That.   
(Joy turns back again.)   
JOY: Eek! Oh, my God! Look at that. Is that a Star Trek mask? Ben, that's got to be you. Hang on, did I just say all that?   
AMY: No. Please, you've got to stay back.   
JOY: Back, honey? Back from what?   
(The lights flicker.)   
JOY: Oh, those lights. They never fix them.   
AMY: Look behind you.   
JOY: Honey, there is nothing. Argh!   
(The alien uses the electricity from the lights to give Joy a prolonged zap, until she explodes in a shower of ashes.)   
AMY: You didn't have to kill her. She couldn't even remember you. How does that work? We can only remember you while we're seeing you, is that it?   
(Amy takes a photograph with her mobile phone.)   
AMY: Why did you have to kill her?   
SILENCE: Joy. Her name was Joy. Your name is Amelia. You will tell the Doctor.   
AMY: Tell him what?   
SILENCE: What he must know and what he must never know.   
AMY: How do you know about that?   
SILENCE: Tell him.

[Outside the Rest room]

(Amy runs out.)   
PHIL: Are you okay?   
AMY: I'm fine. Much better, thanks.   
PHIL: What's that?   
AMY: It's my phone.   
PHIL: Your phone?   
AMY: I have to tell the Doctor.   
PHIL: Tell him what, ma'am?   
AMY: Sorry, I don't know why I said that.   
PHIL: This way, ma'am.

[Oval office]

(The telephone rings.)   
CANTON: The kid?   
NIXON: Should I answer it?   
DOCTOR: Here! The only place in the United States that call could be coming from. See? Obvious, when you think about it.   
(Amy and Phil return.)   
CANTON: You, sir, are a genius.   
DOCTOR: It's a hobby.   
CANTON: Mister President, answer the phone.   
NIXON: Hello. This is President Nixon.   
GIRL [on telephone}: It's here! The spaceman's here! It's going to get me! It's going to eat me!   
DOCTOR: There's no time for a SWAT team. Let's go. Mister President, tell her help's on the way. Canton, on no account follow me into this box and close the door behind you.   
CANTON: What the hell are you doing?   
(Canton runs into the Tardis behind Rory, Amy, River and the Doctor. It dematerialises.)   
GIRL [on telephone]: Mister President, please help. Please help me!   
NIXON: Jefferson, it's all right. I'm sending my best people.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Jefferson isn't a girl's name. It's not her name either. Jefferson, Adams, Hamilton. River.   
RIVER: Surnames of three of America's founding fathers.   
DOCTOR: Lovely fellows. Two of them fancied me.   
RORY: Are you okay? Coping?   
DOCTOR: You see, the President asked the child two questions. Where are you and who are you? She was answering where.   
CANTON: It's bigger on the inside.   
RORY: Yeah, you get used to it.   
DOCTOR: Now, where would you find three big, historical names in a row like that?   
AMY: Where?   
DOCTOR: Here. Come on.   
CANTON: It's er   
DOCTOR: Are you taking care of this?   
RORY: Why is it always my turn?   
AMY: Because you're the newest.

[Warehouse office]

(A dingy, cluttered place.)   
AMY: Where are we?   
DOCTOR: About five miles from Cape Kennedy Space Centre. It's 1969, the year of the moon. Interesting, don't you think?   
AMY: But why would a little girl be here?   
DOCTOR: I don't know. Lost me a bit. The President asked the girl where she was, and she did what any lost little girl would do. She looked out of the window.   
(Where the street sign points to Hamilton Av, Jefferson St and Adams St.)   
AMY: Streets. Of course, street names.   
DOCTOR: The only place in Florida, probably all of America, with those three street names on the same junction. And Doctor Song, you've got that face on again.   
RIVER: What face?   
DOCTOR: The he's hot when he's clever face.   
RIVER: This is my normal face.   
DOCTOR: Yes, it is.   
RIVER: Oh, shut up.   
DOCTOR: Not a chance.   
(Rory finally gets Canton out of the Tardis.)   
CANTON: We've moved. How, how can we have moved?   
DOCTOR: You haven't even got to space travel yet?   
RORY: I was going to cover it with time travel.   
CANTON: Time travel.   
DOCTOR: Brave heart, Canton. Come on.   
CANTON: So we're in a box that's bigger on the inside, and it travels through time and space.   
RORY: Yeah, basically.   
CANTON: How long have Scotland Yard had this?

[Warehouse]

RIVER: It's a warehouse of some kind. Disused.   
DOCTOR: You realise this is almost certainly a trap, of course?   
RIVER: I noticed the phone, yes.   
AMY: What about it?   
RIVER: It was cut off. So how did the child phone from here?   
AMY: Okay, but why would anyone want to trap us?   
DOCTOR: Let's see if anyone tries to kill us and work backwards.   
(The astronaut watches from the shadows.)   
RIVER: Now, why would a little girl be here?   
DOCTOR: I don't know. Let's find her and ask her.   
(They come across some technology.)   
RIVER: It's nonterrestrial. Definitely alien. Probably not even from this time zone.   
DOCTOR: Which is odd, because look at this!   
(A crate of spacesuits.)   
RIVER: It's earth tech. It's contemporary.   
DOCTOR: It's very contemporary. Cutting edge. This is from the space program.   
RIVER: Stolen?   
AMY: What, by aliens?   
DOCTOR: Apparently.   
AMY: But why? I mean, if you can make it all the way to Earth, why steal technology that can barely make it to the moon?   
DOCTOR: Maybe because it's cooler? Look how cool this stuff is.   
AMY: Cool aliens?   
DOCTOR: Well, what would you call me?   
AMY: An alien.   
DOCTOR: Oi!   
RORY: I, er, I think he's okay now.   
DOCTOR: Ah! Back with us, Canton.   
CANTON: I like your wheels.   
DOCTOR: That's my boy. So, come on. Little girl. Let's find her.   
(Amy and River examine the alien tech, which has a lot of gunk and slime associated with it.)   
AMY: River.   
RIVER: I know what you're thinking.   
AMY: No, you don't.   
RIVER: You're thinking if we can find the spaceman in 1969 and neutralise it, then it won't be around in 2011 to kill the Doctor.   
AMY: Okay, lucky guess.   
RIVER: It's only because I was thinking it too.   
AMY: So let's do it.   
RIVER: It doesn't work like that. We came here because of what we saw in the future. If we try and prevent the future from happening, we create a paradox.   
AMY: Time can be rewritten.   
RIVER: Not all of it.   
AMY: Says who?   
RIVER: Who do you think? What's this?   
(A manhole cover.)   
AMY: We can still save him.   
RIVER: Doctor? Look at this.   
DOCTOR: So where does that go?   
RIVER: There's a network of tunnels running under here.   
DOCTOR: Life signs?   
RIVER: No, nothing that's showing up.   
DOCTOR: Those are the worst kind.   
(River prepares to go down.)   
DOCTOR: Be careful.   
RIVER: Careful? I tried that once. Ever so dull.   
DOCTOR: Shout if you get in trouble.   
RIVER: Don't worry, I'm quite the screamer. Now there's a spoiler for you.   
CANTON: Tell me what's going on here.   
DOCTOR: Er, nothing. She's just a friend.   
RORY: I think he's talking about the possible alien incursion.   
DOCTOR: Okay.   
(River discovers power lines, and more aliens.)   
CANTON: So, I was in a bar having a drink. Tell me, honestly, Am I still there?   
AMY: Afraid not.   
(River returns in a hurry.)   
RIVER: All clear. Just tunnels. Nothing down there I can see. Er, give me five minutes. I want to take another look around.   
DOCTOR: Stupidly dangerous!   
RIVER: Yeah, I like it too. Amy, look after him.   
(River goes back down.)   
DOCTOR: Rory, would you mind going with her?   
RORY: Yeah, a bit.   
DOCTOR: Then I'd appreciate it all the more.   
RORY: Hang on, River. I'm coming too.

[Tunnel]

RORY: Are you okay?   
RIVER: Ah. Yes, yes. I just felt a bit sick. It's the prison food, probably. Okay, this way? What do you think?   
RORY: I keep thinking I hear things.   
RIVER: That's interesting. These tunnels are old. Really old. How can they be really old and nobody notice them?   
(They come across a metal door.)   
RORY: It's a maintenance hatch.   
RIVER: It's locked. Oh, why do people always lock things?   
RORY: What's through there?   
RIVER: I've no idea.   
RORY: Something bad?   
RIVER: Almost definitely.   
RORY: You're going to open it, aren't you?   
RIVER: Well, it's locked. How's a girl supposed to resist?   
RORY: Is this sensible?   
RIVER: God, I hope not.   
RORY: Oh, you and the Doctor. I can kind of picture it.   
RIVER: Keep a look out.   
RORY: What did you mean? What you said to Amy. There's a worst day coming for you.   
RIVER: When I first met the Doctor, a long, long time ago, he knew all about me. Think about that. An impressionable young girl and, suddenly this man just drops out of the sky and he's clever and mad and wonderful, and knows every last thing about her. Imagine what that does to a girl.   
RORY: I don't really have to.   
RIVER: The trouble is, it's all back to front. My past is his future. We're travelling in opposite directions. Every time we meet, I know him more, he knows me less. I live for the days when I see him, but I know that every time I do, he'll be one step further away. And the day is coming when I'll look into that man's eyes, my Doctor, and he won't have the faintest idea who I am. And I think it's going to kill me.   
(She gets the door unlocked.)

[Chamber]

(Dry ice wafting across the floor. A hum of machinery and what looks suspiciously like the time ship that was pretending to the the first floor of 79 Aickman Road, Colchester.)   
RORY: What is this place?   
RIVER: That's an alarm. Check if anything's coming.   
(Rory looks outside and sees the aliens, but when he turns back - )   
RORY: There's nothing out there.   
RIVER: These tunnels, they're not just here, they're everywhere. They're running under the surface of the entire planet. They've been here for centuries.   
(The lights start flickering.)   
RIVER: Rory!

[Warehouse]

AMY: So, you were kicked out of the FBI because you had attitude problems?   
CANTON: No, I just wanted to get married.   
AMY: Is that a crime?   
CANTON: Yes. Doctor who, exactly?   
AMY: Ah. That's classified.   
CANTON: Classified by who?   
AMY: God knows.   
CANTON: Do you work for him?   
AMY: He's my friend, if friend is the right word. I haven't seen him in a while. I had something I wanted to tell him, but stuff always gets in the way.   
CANTON: Stuff does that.   
GIRL [OC]: Help me! Help! Help me!   
CANTON: That's her.   
(Amy suddenly doubles over.)   
DOCTOR: Amy?   
GIRL [OC]: Help me! Please!   
DOCTOR: What's wrong?   
AMY: I need to tell you something. It's important.   
CANTON [OC]: Doctor!   
AMY: It's really, really important.   
CANTON [OC]: Doctor, quickly!   
DOCTOR: What, now?   
(They run through the warehouse to find Canton on the floor.)   
DOCTOR: Canton! Canton, are you okay?   
AMY: Is he all right?   
DOCTOR: Just unconscious. Got a proper whack.   
AMY: Doctor, I need to tell you something. I have to tell you it now.   
DOCTOR: Not a great moment.   
AMY: No, it's important. It has to be now.   
GIRL [OC]: Help! Help me! Help me!   
AMY: Doctor, I'm pregnant.   
(Heavy footsteps behind them.)   
AMY: That's it. The astronaut.   
(The astronaut points at the Doctor. Amy reaches for Canton's gun. The astronaut raises its visor - it is the little girl.)   
GIRL: Help me!   
AMY: Get down!   
DOCTOR: What are you doing?   
AMY: Saving your life!   
DOCTOR: No!   
(Amy shoots at the astronaut, and screams.)

* * *

[Valley of the Gods, Utah]  
(Three months later - July 1969.   
Amy is running for her life from men in a four wheel drive.)   
CANTON: Suspect directly ahead. Coming to you now. Over.   
(Another vehicle is coming from the opposite direction. They trap her by a cliff.)   
AMY: Canton.   
CANTON: Miss Pond.   
AMY: Is that a body bag?   
CANTON: Yes, it is.   
AMY: It's empty.   
CANTON: How about that?   
AMY: Do you even know why you're doing this, eh? Can you even remember the warehouse?

[Warehouse memory]

(The Doctor is dragging Canton away.)   
DOCTOR: Canton. Amy. Amy!   
RORY: River, come on!   
DOCTOR: Run!   
CANTON: What the hell's going on?   
DOCTOR: Look behind you.   
CANTON: There's nothing behind me.   
DOCTOR: Look. Look. Canton, look, I tell you.   
(Canton turns around.)   
SILENCE: Canton.   
(Canton shoots Amy in Utah. She has tally marks on her arms.)

[Area 51, Nevada]

(The Doctor is in a strait-jacket, shackles to a chair with a yellow circle around it. He is surrounded by guards and notices saying Do Not Approach The Prisoner and Do Not Interact With The Prisoner, and has grown a beard.)   
TANNOY: All visitors to remain behind the yellow line. All visitors to remain behind the yellow line.   
CANTON: We found Amy Pond. She had strange markings on her arm. Do you know what they are?   
DOCTOR: Why don't you ask her?

[New York]

(River has tally marks on her arms, too. She is wearing evening dress and running through a skyscraper under construction.)   
RIVER: I see you. I see you.   
(She tallies two more Silence on her arm.)   
CANTON: Doctor Song? Doctor Song? Go! Go! Go!   
(They catch up with her at an open wall.)   
CANTON: Don't move! It's over.   
RIVER: They're here, Canton. They're everywhere.   
CANTON: I know. America's being invaded.   
RIVER: You were invaded a long time ago. America is occupied.   
CANTON: You're coming with us, Doctor Song. There's no way out this time.   
RIVER: There's always a way out.   
(River gently falls backwards out of the skyscraper.

[Area 51]

(A wall is being constructed around the Doctor.)   
CANTON: We found Doctor Song.   
DOCTOR: These bricks, what are they made of? Where is she?   
CANTON: She ran. Off the fiftieth floor.   
DOCTOR: I'd say zero balance dwarf star alloy. The densest material in the universe. Nothing gets through that. You're building me the perfect prison. And it still won't be enough.

[Glen Canyon Dam - Arizona]

(A very dishevelled Rory with lots of tally marks on his skin runs out onto the top of the dam, only to find lots of men with guns waiting for him, and it's a long way down.)   
RORY: What are you waiting for?   
CANTON: I'm waiting for you to run. It'd look better if I shot you while you're running. Then again, looks aren't everything.   
(Canton shoots Rory.)

[Cell]

(Body bags are dragged in to the completed dwarf star alloy cell.)   
DOCTOR: Is there a reason you're doing this?   
CANTON: I want you to know where you stand.   
DOCTOR: In a cell.   
CANTON: In the perfect cell. Nothing can penetrate these walls. Not a sound, not a radio wave, not the tiniest particle of anything.   
(Canton closes the door when the soldiers leave. It vanishes. There is a palm print panel near where it should be.)   
CANTON: In here, you're literally cut off from the rest of the universe. So I guess they can't hear us, right?   
DOCTOR: Good work, Canton. Door sealed?   
CANTON: You bet.   
(The Doctor shakes off his shackles and strait-jacket. The body bags sit up, gasping for breath.)   
DOCTOR: Are you okay?   
AMY: Finally.   
RORY: These things could really do with air holes.   
CANTON: Never had a complaint before.   
AMY: Isn't it going to look odd that you're staying in here with us?   
CANTON: Odd, but not alarming. They know there's no way out of this place.   
DOCTOR: Exactly. Whatever they might think we're doing in here, they know we're not going anywhere.   
(The Doctor slumps to his right, and leans against the Tardis. He snaps his fingers to open the door.)   
DOCTOR: Shall we?   
CANTON: What about Doctor Song?

[Tardis]

CANTON: She dove off a rooftop.   
DOCTOR: Don't worry. She does that. Amy, Rory, open all the doors to the swimming pool.   
(River turns into a dive, and plummets through the Tardis' open door where it is parked on the side of the skyscraper. There is a big Splosh!)   
DOCTOR: So, we know they're everywhere. Not just a landing party, an occupying force, and they 'have been here a very, very long time. But nobody knows that, because no one can remember them.   
CANTON: So what are they up to?   
DOCTOR: No idea. But the good news is, we've got a secret weapon.

[Kennedy Space Centre]

(A Saturn V rocket is on the launch pad nearby.)   
RIVER: Apollo 11's your secret weapon?   
DOCTOR: No, no. It's not Apollo 11. That would be silly. It's Neil Armstrong's foot.

[Car]

(It is a dark and stormy night when a car drives up to the Graystark Hall Orphanage.)   
RADIO [OC]: In just a few days, mankind will set foot on the Moon for the first time. Today, the President reaffirmed America's commitment   
CANTON: Ready. Check.   
(Amy looks at her palm. No tally marks.)   
AMY: Clear.   
(Canton looks at his palm.)   
CANTON: Clear.

[Tardis]

(Earlier, the Doctor has injected something into Canton's palm.)   
CANTON: Ow!   
DOCTOR: Ha. So, three months. What have we found out?   
RORY: Well, they are everywhere. Every state in America. Ahh.   
(Rory got his injection.)   
DOCTOR: Not just America, the entire world.   
RIVER: There's a greater concentration here, though.   
AMY: Ow!   
DOCTOR: Are you okay?   
AMY: All better.   
DOCTOR: Better?   
AMY: Turns out I was wrong. I'm not pregnant.   
RORY: What's up?   
AMY: Nothing. Really, nothing. Seriously.   
CANTON: So you've seen them, but you don't remember them.   
RIVER: You've seen them, too. That night at the warehouse, remember? While you were pretending to hunt us down, we saw hundreds of those things. We still don't know what they look like.   
RORY: It's like they edit themselves out of your memory as soon as you look away. The exact second you're not looking at them, you can't remember anything.   
AMY: Sometimes you feel a bit sick, though, but not always.   
CANTON: So that's why you marked your skin.   
AMY: Only way we'd know if we'd had an encounter.   
CANTON: How long have they been here?   
AMY: That's what we've spent the last three months trying to find out.   
RORY: Not easy, if you can't remember anything you discover.   
CANTON: How long do you think?   
DOCTOR: As long as there's been something in the corner of your eye, or creaking in your house, or breathing under your bed, or voices through a wall. They've been running your lives for a very long time now, so keep this straight in your head. We are not fighting an alien invasion, we're leading a revolution. And today, the battle begins.   
CANTON: How?   
DOCTOR: Like this.   
(The Doctor quickly injects River.)   
RIVER: Ow!   
DOCTOR: (laughs) Nanorecorder. Fuses with the cartilage in your hand. (injects himself) Ow. And it tunes itself directly to the speech centres in your brain. It'll pick up your voice, no matter what. Telepathic connection. So, the moment you see one of the creatures, you activate it, and describe aloud exactly what you're seeing.   
DOCTOR: [OC]: And describe aloud exactly what you're seeing.   
DOCTOR: Because the moment you break contact, you're going to forget it happened. The light will flash if you've left yourself a message. You keep checking your hand if you've had an encounter. That's the first you'll know about it.   
CANTON: Why didn't you tell me this before we started?   
DOCTOR: I did, but even information about these creatures erases itself over time. I couldn't refresh it because I couldn't talk to you.   
(Canton looks away then turns back and adjusts the Doctor's bow tie.)   
CANTON: What? What are you staring at?   
RIVER: Look at your hand.   
(A little dot is flashing.)   
CANTON: Why is it doing that?   
DOCTOR: What does it mean if the light's flashing? What did I just tell you?   
CANTON: I haven't   
DOCTOR: Play it.   
CANTON [OC]: My God, how did it get in here?   
DOCTOR [OC]: Keep eye contact with the creature and, when I say, turn back, and when you do, straighten my bow tie.   
CANTON [OC]: What? What are you staring at?   
RIVER [OC]: Look at your hand.   
(One of the aliens is standing there.)   
DOCTOR: It's a hologram, extrapolated from the photo on Amy's phone. Take a good, long look.   
(The Doctor turns off the image.)   
DOCTOR: You just saw an image of one of the creatures we're fighting. Describe it to me.   
CANTON: I can't.   
DOCTOR: No. Neither can I. You straightened my bow tie because I planted the idea in your head while you were looking at the creature.   
AMY: So they could do that to people. You could be doing stuff and not really knowing why you're doing it.   
RORY: Like posthypnotic suggestion.   
AMY: Ruling the world with posthypnotic suggestion?   
DOCTOR: Now then, a little girl in a spacesuit. They got the suit from NASA, but where did they get the girl?   
CANTON: It could be anywhere.   
DOCTOR: Except they'd probably stay close to that warehouse, because why bother doing anything else? And they'd take her from somewhere that would cause the least amount of attention. But you'll have to find her. I'm off to NASA.   
CANTON: Find her? Where do we look?   
DOCTOR: Children's homes.

[Greystark Hall Orphanage]

RENFREW: Hello?   
CANTON: FBI. You must be Doctor Renfrew. Can we come in?   
RENFREW: The children are asleep.   
AMY: We'll be very quiet.   
RENFREW: Is there a problem?   
CANTON: It's about a missing child.   
RENFREW: What are you. Yes, come in, please. This way. Please excuse the writing. It keeps happening. I try to clean it up.   
(On the wall up the staircase are the words Get Out Leave Now in large red letters.)   
AMY: It's the kids, yeah? They did that.   
RENFREW: Yes, the children. It must be, yes. Anyway, my office is this way.   
CANTON: We nearly didn't come to this place. I understood Graystark Hall was closed in 67.   
RENFREW: That's the plan, yes.   
AMY: The plan?   
RENFREW: Not long now.   
CANTON: It's 1969.   
RENFREW: No, no. We close in 67. That's the plan, yes.   
CANTON: You misunderstood me, sir. It's 1969 now.   
RENFREW: Why are you saying that? Of course it isn't.   
CANTON: July.   
RENFREW: My office is this way. This way.   
AMY: I'll check upstairs.   
CANTON: Be careful.   
(The first dormitory is derelict and deserted, with the walls graffitied with Leave Me Alone and Get Out Now.)

[Apollo 11]

DOCTOR: Amy.

[Dormitory]

AMY: I think we've found the place she was taken from.

[Apollo 11]

DOCTOR: How do you know?   
AMY: Because those things have been here. But the whole place is deserted.

[Dormitory]

AMY: There's just one guy here and I think he's lost it.

[Apollo 11]

DOCTOR: Repeated memory wipes fry your head eventually. Find out what you can, but don't hang around.

[Dormitory]

AMY: Where are you?

[Apollo 11]

DOCTOR: Got to go. Got company.   
(He closes the panel he has been working on.)   
DOCTOR: Don't worry, I've put everything back the way I found it. Except this. There's always a bit left over, isn't there?   
(The scientists are not amused. The Doctor's gizmo quietly beeps to itself inside the module.)

[Dormitory]

(The door slams shut behind Amy. She tried to open it then sees the blinking light in her palm.)   
AMY [OC]: I can see them, but I think they're asleep. Get out. Just get out!   
She tries the windows then sees the tally marks on her hands, and then the lightning shows her reflection in the glass. There are tally marks on her face, too. The aliens are hanging from the ceiling in a cluster, like bats. She bumps into a bucket and they start to wake. Then the door opens and she forgets it all.)

Lecture hall]

(Diagrams of the command module and the lander on the blackboards.)   
GARDNER: Now, one more time, sir. How the hell did you get into the command module?   
DOCTOR: I told you. I'm on a top secret mission for the President.   
GARDNER: Well, maybe if you just get President Nixon to assure us of that, sir, that would be swell.   
DOCTOR: I sent him a message.   
(The President enters, with River and Rory.)   
NIXON: Hello. I believe it's Mister Gardner. Is that correct? Head of Security?   
GARDNER: Er, yes sir. Yes, Mister President.   
NIXON: Mister Grant, is it?   
GRANT: Yes, Mister President.   
NIXON: The hopes and dreams of millions of Americans stand here today at Cape Kennedy, and you're the men who guard those dreams. On behalf of the American people, I thank you.   
GARDNER: You're welcome, Mister President.   
NIXON: I understand you have a baby on the way, Mister Grant.   
GRANT: Yes, Mister President.   
NIXON: What are you hoping for, a boy or a girl?   
GRANT: Just a healthy American, sir.   
NIXON: A healthy American will do just nicely. Now, fellows, listen. This man, here, code name the Doctor, is doing some work for me personally. Could you cut him a little slack?   
GARDNER: Er, Mister President, he did break in to Apollo 11.   
DOCTOR: (silent) Sorry.   
NIXON: Well, I'm sure he had a very good reason for that. But I need you to release him now so he can get on with some very important work for the American people. Could you do that for me?   
GRANT: Well   
NIXON: Son, I am your Commander in Chief.   
GARDNER: Then I guess that would be fine, Mister President.   
NIXON: Glad to hear it.   
(The MP releases the Doctor.)   
DOCTOR: Thank you. Bye, bye.   
NIXON: Carry on, gentlemen.   
(Rory has been examining a model of Eagle. He breaks it.)   
RORY: Ahem. America salutes you.

[Renfrew's office]

CANTON: This place, it's been closed for years. What have you been doing?   
RENFREW: Oh, the child. She must be cared for. It's important. That's what they said.   
CANTON: That's what who said?

[Attic corridor]

(There is a metal door with a small hatch in it. A woman wearing an eye patch looks out at Amy.)   
AMY: Hello. Who are you?   
(The woman turns away and speaks to someone else.)   
EYE PATCH LADY: No, I think she's just dreaming.   
(The cover of the window slides shut. Amy goes to the door and opens it. It is a cozy child's room.)   
AMY: Hello? I saw you looking through the hatch.   
(Except there isn't one any more.)

[Bedroom]

(There are a lot of photographs on the chest of drawers, including one of...)   
AMY: How? How can that be me?   
(She is pictured holding a baby. The astronaut enters.)   
AMY: Who are you? I don't understand, so just tell me who you are.   
(The astronaut raises its gold visor. It is the little girl. There is a crack in the helmet.)   
AMY: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shoot you. I'm glad I missed. But you killed the Doctor. Or you're going to kill him. But who are you? Just please tell me, because I don't understand.   
GIRL: Please help me. Help me. Please.   
(Two aliens enter. Amy screams.)

[Renfrew's office]

(Someone knocks on the door. Renfrew answers it.)   
RENFREW: It's just some questions. Yes, I see.   
CANTON: Who was that? Doctor Renfrew. Who was that?   
RENFREW: Who was who?   
(An alien enters. Canton activates his recorder.)   
CANTON: What are you? You can tell me, because I won't remember. You invaded us. You're everywhere.   
AMY [OC]: Help me! Please. I can't see. Somebody, help me.   
CANTON: Are you armed?   
SILENCE: This world is ours. We have ruled it since the wheel and the fire. We have no need of weapons.   
CANTON: Yeah?   
(Canton shoots the alien.)   
CANTON: Welcome to America. Amy!

[Oval office]

(The Doctor has returned Nixon to Washington in the Tardis.)   
DOCTOR: You have to tape everything that happens in this office. Every word, or you won't know if you're under the influence.   
NIXON: Doctor, you have to give me more than this. What were you doing to Apollo 11?   
DOCTOR: Thing. A clever thing. Now, no more questions. You have to trust me and nobody else.   
(River pops out of the Tardis with the telephone.)   
RIVER: Doctor, it's Canton. Quick, he needs us.

[Attic corridor]

AMY [OC]: Help me. Please, I can't. I can't see. Somebody help me.   
(Canton finds the bedroom door. It is locked.)   
CANTON: Amy! Amy, can you hear me? Amy, I'm going to try to blow the lock. I need you to stand back.   
DOCTOR: Okay, gun down. I've got it.   
RORY: Amy, we're here. Are you okay?   
AMY [OC]: I can't see.   
(They rush into the room. The little girl is hiding along the corridor.)

[Bedroom]

RORY: Where is she, Doctor?   
(The spacesuit is lying on the floor.)   
RIVER: It's empty.   
AMY [OC]: It's dark. So dark. I don't know where I am. Please, can anybody hear me?   
(Amy's nanorecorder is on the floor, flashing.)   
RORY: They took this out of her. How did they do that, Doctor? Why can I still hear her?   
RIVER: Is it a recording?   
DOCTOR: Er, it defaults to live. This is current. Wherever she is right now, this is what she's saying.   
RORY: Amy, can you hear me? We're coming for you. Wherever you are, we're coming, I swear.   
DOCTOR: She can't hear you. I'm so sorry. It's one way.   
RORY: She can always hear me, Doctor. Always. Wherever she is, and she always knows that I am coming for her. Do you understand me? Always.   
AMY [OC]: Doctor, are you out there? Can you hear me? Doctor? Oh, God. Please, please, Doctor, just get me out of this.   
RORY: He's coming. I'll bring him, I swear.   
RENFREW: Hello? Is somebody there? I think someone has been shot. I think we should help. We c. I can't re. I can't remember.

[Renfrew's office]

(The Silence is still alive.)   
DOCTOR: Okay. Who and what are you?   
SILENCE: Silence, Doctor. We are the Silence.   
PRISONER ZERO [memory]: Silence, Doctor.   
DOCTOR [memory]: Rory, listen to that.   
RORY [memory]: Silence.   
ROSANNA [memory]: We ran from the Silence.   
DOCTOR [memory]: The Silence?   
SILENCE: And Silence will fall.

[Area 51]

(The cell door opens and the soldiers ready their weapons.)   
CANTON: Hello again.   
ISHEM: Sir, you've been in there for days. What the hell have you been doing?   
CANTON: It doesn't matter. I need Doctor Shepherd here right now.   
ISHEM: Sir, I need to talk to Colonel Jefferson right now.   
CANTON: No, you really don't.   
(Because their Commander in Chief walks out of the cell.)   
NIXON: Er, hiya, fellows. I'm President Nixon. I want to tell you, on behalf of the American people, how much we appreciate all of your hard work.   
TELEVISION: The target for the Apollo 11 astronauts, the Moon, at liftoff, will be at a distance of 218,096 miles away. We're just past the two minute mark in the countdown. T minus one minute fifty four seconds and counting.

* * *

Curse of the Black Spot

Original Airdate: 7 May, 2011

[On deck]  
(A group of seventeenth century sailors row back to their ship, becalmed in the mist.)   
BOATSWAIN: What's wrong?   
MILLIGAN: Man wounded.   
BOATSWAIN: Wake him.

[Captain's cabin]

(Lots of gold loot lying around.)   
BOATSWAIN: He slipped in the bilge water, Cap'n and fell on to the rigger. His hand. I Don't know if he'll survive.   
(The Captain turns and looks at the tiny cut on the man's middle finger.)   
AVERY: You're a dead man, McGrath.   
(His other hand has a black spot on the palm.)   
AVERY: Same as all the others.   
(A woman's voice starts singing.)   
AVERY: She's here.   
BOATSWAIN: Oh, save our souls.   
McGRATH: I've got to escape!   
BOATSWAIN: Don't go out there! McGrath, don't listen, for God's sake. The siren is a-calling.   
(McGrath grabs a duelling piece and runs out onto the deck. Captain Avery locks himself and his crew into his cabin. The singing stops, there is a scream and then silence.)

[On deck]

(Captain Avery picks up his duelling piece.)   
AVERY: Same as all the others. No sign of a struggle, no bones or blood.   
BOATSWAIN: We're shark bait, every single one of us. Stuck on the ocean, waiting.   
AVERY: Until the wind changes.   
(There is a thumping from below decks.)   
AVERY: What's that?   
BOATSWAIN: It's the creature. It's returned.   
(The hatch to the hold bursts open.)   
DOCTOR: Yo ho ho! Or does nobody actually say that?

[Captain's cabin]

AVERY: We made no signal.   
DOCTOR: Our sensors picked you up. Ship in distress.   
AVERY: Sensors?   
DOCTOR: Yes. Okay, problem word. Seventeenth century. My ship automatically, er, noticed-ish that your ship was having some bother.   
AVERY: That big blue crate?   
BOATSWAIN: That is more magic, Captain Avery. They're spirits. How else would they have found their way below decks?   
DOCTOR: Well, er, I want to say multidimensional engineering, but since you had a problem with sensors, I won't go there. Look, I'm the Doctor. This is Amy, Rory. We're sailors, same as you. Ooo ar. Except for the gun thing. And the beardiness.   
AVERY: You're stowaways. Only explanation. Eight days, we've been stranded here, becalmed. You must have stowed away before we sailed.   
BOATSWAIN: Now what do we do with 'em?   
AVERY: Oh, I think they deserve our hospitality.

[On deck]

(The Doctor is being made to walk the plank.)   
DOCTOR: I suppose that laughing like that is in the job description. Can you do the laugh? Check. Grab yourself a parrot. Welcome aboard.   
AVERY; Stocks are low. Only one barrel of water remains. We don't need three more empty bellies to fill. Take the doxy below to the galley. Set her to work. She won't need much feeding.   
AMY: Rory? A little help?   
(Rory is being held by Dancer, an African born sailor.)   
RORY: Yeah. Hey, listen, right? She's not a doxy.   
AMY: I didn't mean just tell him off. Thanks anyway.   
AVERY: If you're lucky you'll drown before the sharks can take a bite.   
DOCTOR: If this is just because I'm a captain too, you know, you shouldn't feel threatened. Your ship is much bigger than mine. And I don't have the cool boots. Or a hat, even.   
AVERY: Time to go.   
DOCTOR: A bit more laughter, guys?   
(Amy has gone to the hold and found a crate of cutlasses.)   
DOCTOR: Where are the rest of the crew? This is a big ship. Big for five of you. I suppose the rest of them are hiding some place, and they're going to jump out and shout boo.   
AMY: Boo!   
(Amy has taken the time to don a coat and tricorn hat.)   
AMY: Throw the gun down.   
(Avery obeys. She kicks it away.)   
AMY: The rest of you, on your knees.   
DOCTOR: Amy, what are you doing?   
AMY: Saving your life. Okay with that, are you?   
AVERY: Put down the sword. A sword could kill us all, girl.   
AMY: Yeah, thanks. That is actually why I'm pointing it at you.   
(The rest of the sailors start a sword fight with Amy, using wooden staves, while Avery holds on to the Doctor. This might be a good time to point out that there was an Avery mentioned in The Smugglers who hid his gold in the Cornish church. However, the sailors are terrified of getting even the smallest cut from Amy's blade. Amy runs up some steps then swings across on a rope, slashing at the sailor holding Rory as she goes.)   
DANCER: You have killed me.   
AMY: No way. It's just a cut.   
(The black spot appears on his palm.)   
AMY: What kind of rubbish pirates are you?   
AVERY: One drop, that's all it takes. One drop of blood and she'll rise out of the ocean.   
AMY: Come on, I barely even scratched him. What are you all in such a huff about?   
(Amy makes another swing and is grabbed. She is drops the cutlass and Rory grabs for it, cutting himself.)   
RORY: Ow! Argh!   
(The black spot appears.)   
RORY: Er, Doctor, what's happening to me?   
AVERY: She can smell the blood on your skin. She's marked you for death.   
RORY: She?   
AVERY: A demon, out there in the ocean.   
DOCTOR: Okay. Groovy. So not just pirates today. We've managed to bagsy a ship where there's a demon popping in. Very efficient. I mean, if something's going to kill you, it's nice that it drops you a note to remind you.   
(The wordless singing starts.)   
BOATSWAIN: Quickly now, block out the sound.   
RORY: What?   
AVERY: The creature. She charms all her victims with that song.   
RORY: Oh, great. So put my fingers in my ears, that's your plan? Doctor, come on. Let's go. Let's get back to the er, back to the er   
(Rory and Dancer start giggling.)   
BOATSWAIN: The music. It's working on him. Look.   
RORY: You are so beautiful.   
AMY: What?   
RORY: I love your get up. That's great. You should dress as a pirate more often. Hey, hey, cuddle me, shipmate.   
AMY: Rory, stop.   
RORY: Everything is totally brilliant, isn't it? Look at these brilliant pirates. Look at their brilliant beards. I'd like a beard. I'm going to grow a beard.   
AMY: You're not.   
AVERY: The music turns them into fools.   
AMY: Oh, my God.   
(A bright light is rising up through the water. A female figure then flies up and gently lands on the deck. Dancer goes towards her while Amy tries to hold Rory back. When Dancer touches her finger, he explodes in a cloud of soot.)   
RORY: I have to touch her. Let me touch her.   
AMY: Sorry, but he is spoken for.   
(The Siren turns from white to angry red, and a blast of energy throws Amy backwards.)   
DOCTOR: Amy! Everybody into the hold. Rory! Come on!   
(The Doctor drags Rory away.)   
RORY: Hey! Wait!

[Hold]

(There is bilge water a few inches deep in here.)   
AMY: What is that thing?   
AVERY: The legend. The siren. Many a merchant ship laden with treasure has fallen prey to her. She's been hunting us ever since we were becalmed, picking off the injured.   
BOATSWAIN: Like a shark. A shark can smell blood.   
DOCTOR: Okay. Just like a shark, in a dress. And singing. And green? A green singing shark in an evening gown.   
AVERY: The ship is cursed!   
DOCTOR: Yeah, right. Cursed is big with humans. It means bad things are happening but you can't be bothered to find an explanation.   
RORY: She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.   
AMY: Actually, I think you'll find she isn't.   
RORY: She is.   
AMY: We have to leave right now.   
AVERY: That thing of yours really is a ship?   
DOCTOR: Well, it's not propelled by the wind.   
AVERY: Show me. Weigh anchor. Make it sail.   
DOCTOR: And the gun's back. You're big on the gun thing, aren't you. Freud would say you're compensating. Ever met Freud? No? Comfy sofa.   
DE FLORRES: Leave the cursed one, Captain. The creature can have him.   
RORY: Yes, please.   
AVERY: We don't want the siren coming after us.   
(Something latches onto Mulligan's bare leg.)   
AMY: It's a leech!   
DOCTOR: Everyone out of the water!   
DE FLORRES: It's bitten me. I'm bleeding.   
DOCTOR: She wants blood. Why does she want blood?   
AMY: What were you saying about leaving the cursed ones behind?   
DOCTOR: It's okay, we're safe down here. No curse is getting through three solid inches of timber.   
(And there she is.)   
DOCTOR: Oh! Ah. Hello again.   
(De Florres is drawn towards her.)   
ALL: No! No! No!   
(De Florres explodes, just leaving his hat behind.)

[Mess deck]

(A hammock, sacks of food.)   
AMY: Safe?   
DOCTOR: I have my good days and my bad days.   
AVERY: How did she get in?   
DOCTOR: Bilge water. She's using water like a portal, a door. She can materialise through a single drop. We need to go somewhere with no water.   
AMY: Well, thank God we're not in the middle of the ocean.   
RORY: Did you see her eyes? Like crystal pools.   
AMY: You are in enough trouble.   
AVERY: The magazine.   
AMY: What?   
DOCTOR: He means the armoury where the powder's stored.   
AVERY: It's dry as a bone.   
DOCTOR: Good. Let's go there.   
AVERY: I give the orders.   
DOCTOR: Ah. Worried because I'm wearing a hat now? Nobody touch anything sharp!   
AMY: Come on, Rory.   
(The Boatswain shuffles through his collection of keys.)   
AVERY: Quickly, man.   
BOATSWAIN: I can't find the key. Tis gone, Cap'n.   
AVERY: How can it have gone?   
(The door is unlocked.)   
DOCTOR: Someone else had the same idea.

[Magazine]

AVERY: Barricade the door. Careful of that lantern. Every barrel is full of powder.   
DOCTOR: Who's been sleeping in my gun room?   
(Someone coughs. Avery opens a barrel and pulls out a boy.)   
AVERY: You fool! You fool, boy. What are you doing here?   
DOCTOR: Who is he? What, he's not one of the crew?   
AVERY: No. He's my son. What in God's name possessed you, boy? Your mother will be searching for you. When?   
TOBY: Last winter. Fever. She told me all about you. How you were a Captain in the Navy. An honourable man, she said. How I'd be proud to know you. I've come to join your crew.   
AVERY: I don't want you here.   
TOBY: You can't send me back. It's too late. We're a hundred miles from home.   
AVERY: It's dangerous here. There is a monster aboard. She leaves a mark on men's skin.   
TOBY: The black spot?   
(Toby has one on his palm. He coughs again. Later -)   
AVERY: There's nothing wrong with the boy. He has no scars.   
DOCTOR: Yep. Ignore my last theory.   
AMY: He has his good days and his bad days.   
DOCTOR: It's not just blood, she's coming for all the sick and wounded, like a hunter chooses the weakest animal.   
AMY: Okay, look, he's got a fever. The siren knows it.   
DOCTOR: Humans. Second-rate. Damage too easily. It's only a matter of time before everyone gets bruised. My ship, it can sail us all away from here. You and me, we fetch it. Let's go.   
AVERY: You're not the Captain here, remember.   
(Toby opens a fresh-water barrel and the Siren's hand reaches out. The Doctor forces the lid back down.)   
AVERY: The water's dangerous. That's how she gets through. One touch of her hand and you're a dead man.   
BOATSWAIN: We're all cursed if we stay aboard.   
DOCTOR: It's not a curse. Curse means game over. Curse means we're helpless. We are not helpless. Captain, what's our next move?   
AVERY: Wait with the boy.   
BOATSWAIN: Captain, we're all in danger here.   
AVERY: I said wait. And barricade the door after we've gone.   
AMY: Sure you want to go?   
DOCTOR: We have to get Rory and Toby away. She's out there now, licking her lips, boiling a saucepan, grating cheese.   
AMY: Okay. Well, remember, if you get an itch, don't scratch too hard.   
DOCTOR: We've all got to go some time. There are worse ways than having your face snogged off by a dodgy mermaid.

[Mess deck]

AVERY: Do you want to draw lots for who's in charge, then?   
DOCTOR: Darkness? Demon? You can have first go.   
(Avery stumbles and nearly puts his hand on a protruding nail head. The Doctor grabs his arm just in time.)   
AVERY: Nearly. Phew!

[Tardis]

AVERY: By all the   
DOCTOR: Let me stop you there. Bigger on the inside. Don't mind, do you, if we just skip to the end of that moment? Oh, and sorry I lied, by the way, when I said yours was bigger. Kitchen that way. Choice of bathrooms there, there, there.

[Magazine]

RORY: What's wrong?   
AMY: The most beautiful thing you've ever seen?   
RORY: Oh, tell me I didn't really say that.   
AMY: What's going on?   
(The Boatswain is unbarracading the door.)   
BOATSWAIN: We're not staying here to mollycoddle the boy. The Captain's gone soft. It's time for us to leave.

[Tardis]

AVERY: What's this do?   
DOCTOR: That does very, very complicated. That does sophisticated. That does whoa, amazing, And that does whizz, bang, far too technical to explain!   
AVERY: Wheel?   
DOCTOR: Atom accelerator.   
AVERY: It steers the thing.   
DOCTOR: No. Sort of. Yes.   
AVERY: Wheel. Telescope. Astrolabe. Compass. A ship's a ship.   
DOCTOR: Oh.

[Magazine]

TOBY: He told you to wait, you dog. He's your Captain, a Naval Officer. You're honour-bound to do as he tells you.   
BOATSWAIN: Honour-bound? Do you know what kind of ship this is? Do you know what your father does?   
AMY: Don't listen to him, Toby.   
BOATSWAIN: We sail under the black flag. The Jolly Roger.   
TOBY: Liar! He's no wicked pirate!   
BOATSWAIN: Oh, you think so? I have seen your father gun down a thousand innocent men.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: This is how the professionals do it.   
(The time rotor stutters.)   
DOCTOR: Er, it's stuck. Not responding.   
AVERY: Becalmed?   
DOCTOR: Mmm hmm. Yeah, apparently. That's new. You had to gloat, didn't you?   
AVERY: I'm not gloating.   
DOCTOR: I saw that look just now. Ha, ha, his ship is rubbish.   
AVERY: True.

[Magazine]

BOATSWAIN: Get what treasure you can. I'll meet you in the row boat.   
(Toby has found a cutlass.)   
TOBY: You're going to remain at your post.   
BOATSWAIN: I am not playing games with you, boy. You put that down.   
TOBY: One more step and I'll use this, you blaggard.   
BOATSWAIN: You don't know how to fight with a cutlass, boy.   
TOBY: Don't need to, do I.   
(And cuts the Boatswain's hand.)   
BOATSWAIN: No

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: It can't get a lock on the plane.   
AVERY: The what?   
DOCTOR: The space we travel in. The ocean. Sort of ocean but not water. The Tardis can't see. It's sulking because it thinks the space doesn't exist. Without a plane to lock onto we're not going anywhere.   
AVERY: I'm confused.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, well, it's a big club. We should get T-shirts.   
(Jolt, grind.)   
DOCTOR: What's happening?

[Magazine]

BOATSWAIN: You little swabber!   
AMY: Congratulations. You made it to the menu. Probably shouldn't go out there now.   
BOATSWAIN: You scurvy ape!   
RORY: Don't shoot. The powder will blow and kill us all.   
(Mulligan takes the keys from the Boatswain's belt.)   
BOATSWAIN: Mulligan, what are you doing?   
(Mulligan leaves.)   
AMY: No honour among pirates.   
(The Boatswain puts down his pistol and starts rebuilding the barricade.)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Okay, she's had her little sulk. Now she's heading for the full-on screaming tantrum.   
AVERY: Can you fix it?   
DOCTOR: Argh! The parametric engines are jammed. Orthogonal vector's gone. I'm almost out of ideas.   
AVERY: Almost?   
DOCTOR: Well, we could try stroking her and singing her a song.   
AVERY: Will that help?   
DOCTOR: Hard to say. Never has before. I've lost control of her. She's about to dematerialise. We could end up anywhere!   
AVERY: That sounds bad!   
DOCTOR: Yes, it is! Out! Out now! Abandon ship! Abandon ship!   
(They run out as things start going Bang!)

[Hold]

(Not your usual dematerialisation.)   
DOCTOR: Okay, okay, okay. Tardis runs off on its own. That's a bit of a new one. Bang goes our only hope of getting them out of here.   
AVERY: Not much of a Captain without a ship, are you?

[Mess deck]

(Mulligan pulls two pistols on his captain. He has a jewelled gold crown around his wrist.)   
AVERY: Mulligan, what are you doing? This is mutiny.   
MULLIGAN: She doesn't want me. She only wants Toby and the scrawny looking fellow.   
DOCTOR: He's got the last of the supplies. We should go after him.   
AVERY: Never mind the damned supplies. What about my treasure?   
(Mulligan shoots at them.)   
DOCTOR: Don't get injured. Don't get injured.

[Store room]

AVERY [OC]: Come out of there, you mutinous dog!   
(Mulligan lights a flame, then drops it when it burns his fingers.)

[Mess deck]

(Siren song. The Doctor and Avery check themselves for injury. Then a light glows under the door to the hold.)   
DOCTOR: She's inside.   
AVERY: She's come for Mulligan.   
MULLIGAN [OC]: Argh!

[Store room]

AVERY: No water in here. How did she take him? You said she uses water like a door, that's how she enters a room.   
(Avery picks up the crown.)   
DOCTOR: I was wrong. Please ignore all my theories up to this point.   
AVERY: What, again?   
DOCTOR: We're all in danger. The water's not how she's getting in. When we were down in the hold, think what happened. You, me, Amy, Rory, leeches.   
AVERY: She sprang from the water.   
DOCTOR: Yes, only when it grew still. Still water. Nature's mirror.   
AVERY: So, you mean   
DOCTOR: Yes. Not water, reflection.   
(Toby has a medallion his father has given him, of a mermaid. A nice shiny medallion, which he starts polishing.)   
DOCTOR: That siren legend. The curse.   
AVERY: You said curses weren't real.   
DOCTOR: Folklore springs from truth. She attacks ships filled with treasure. Where else do you get a perfect reflection?   
AVERY: Polished metal.   
DOCTOR: Hmm.   
(He hides the crown under a piece of clothing.)   
AVERY: We must warn them.

[Magazine]

DOCTOR [OC]: Amy! Open the door!   
AVERY [OC]: Toby, open the door! Toby!   
DOCTOR [OC]: Open the door.   
AVERY [OC]: Toby!   
(The Doctor grabs the medallion and breaths on it to cloud the reflection.)

[Captain's cabin]

(The Doctor uses the butt of a musket to break the glass windows.)   
DOCTOR: We've got to destroy every reflection. Gold, silver, glass, she could spring from any of them. Oh, yes, yes, I know, I know. Very bad luck to break it. But look at it this way. There's a stroppy homicidal mermaid trying to kill all.   
AVERY: How much worse can things get?   
DOCTOR: Yep. Help me lug this lot out.   
AVERY: Where are we taking it?   
DOCTOR; The ocean.   
AVERY: No! No. This is the treasure of the Mogul of India.   
DOCTOR: Oh, good. For a moment there I thought it was yours.   
AVERY: No, no. Doctor, wait. Must we do this?   
DOCTOR: Any reflection, any mirror, and the siren will attack. We have to protect Rory and Toby. Go and get the crown from the storeroom.   
(The Doctor starts throwing Avery's gold out of the broken windows.)

[Magazine]

RORY: Just wait?   
DOCTOR: Not my most dynamic plan, I realise.   
AMY: Tardis?   
DOCTOR: It's been towed.   
AMY: What?   
DOCTOR: Sorry. We might be stuck here for a while.   
RORY: So you're saying that we should all just wait here below?   
AVERY: The sea is still calm, like a mirror. If you go out on deck she'll rise up and attack you.   
DOCTOR: It's okay. The calm won't last forever. When the wind picks up we'll all set sail.   
AVERY: Until it does, you have to hide down here.   
(Later, Rory and Amy are asleep.)   
AVERY: I'm sorry about your mother. You miss her a lot.   
TOBY: Three years. No word from you.   
AVERY: Toby.   
TOBY: You promised her. You promised you'd come home. And she believed you would, right up until the day she died. What made you do it? What made you turn pirate?   
AVERY: Get some sleep now.   
EYE PATCH LADY [OC]: It's fine. You're doing fine. Just stay calm.   
(Amy opens her eyes just in time to see an apparent hatch in the side of the ship slide shut on the face of the mysterious woman.)

[On deck]

DOCTOR: It's not one star, it's two. The Dog star, Sirius. Binary system.   
AVERY: I use it to navigate the ocean.   
DOCTOR: I've travelled far, like you. Space can be very lonely, and the greatest adventure is having someone share it with you.   
AVERY: If we get out of this I'll take him back to England. He can't stay with me. I'm not the father he needs.   
DOCTOR: Who are you, Henry Avery? Respected naval officer, wife and child at home. How did you end up here, wandering the oceans with a band of rogues?   
AVERY: I've set my course now. Nothing I can do to alter it.   
DOCTOR: People stared at it for centuries and never knew. Things can suddenly change, when you're least expecting.

[Captain's cabin]

AMY: Doctor?   
DOCTOR: Shush.   
AMY: What can you see?   
DOCTOR: Feels like something's out there, staring straight at me.   
(Lightning! Thunder!)   
DOCTOR: Man the sails!

[On deck]

(The rain is lashing down.)   
AVERY: To the rigging, you dogs! Let go the sails. Avast ye! Put the bunt into the slack of the clews.   
(Amy and Rory pull on the sheets.)   
AMY: I swear he's making half this stuff up.   
RORY: Well, we're going to need some kind of phrase book.   
(The Doctor is at the wheel, trying to turn her bow on to the storm.)   
AVERY: Toby! Find my coat. My compass is inside it, boy. Heave ho, you bilge rats.   
RORY: Rats was all I could hear.   
(Toby returns with the coat, and the crown falls out and rolls along the deck. The Siren comes out of the crown and flies up into the rigging, then descends again to the deck.)   
AVERY: Don't let her take you!   
(Toby reaches out to the Siren.)   
AVERY: No!   
(Toby is gone in a puff of smoke.)   
AVERY: No!   
(The Doctor throws the crown overboard, and the Siren disappears.)   
AVERY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.   
DOCTOR: You couldn't give up the gold, could you. That's why you turned pirate. Your commission, your wife, your son. Just how much is that treasure worth to you, man?   
(A loose spar knocks Rory overboard.)   
AMY: Rory! Rory! I can't see him. Doctor? I'm going in.   
DOCTOR: He's drowning. He's drowning! You go in after him, you'll drown too. There's only one thing that can save him now.   
AMY: What are you talking about?   
DOCTOR: The Siren. The Siren, she wants him. We have to release her.   
AMY: Doctor, no.   
(The Doctor opens a fresh water barrel and the Siren zooms out.)   
DOCTOR: He's drowning. Go and find him!   
(The Siren dives into the sea.)   
AMY: What, what did you do?   
DOCTOR: If he stays in there he'll die.   
AMY: But she'll destroy him.   
DOCTOR: That thing isn't just a ravenous hunter. It's intelligent. We can reason with it. And maybe, just maybe, they're still alive somewhere. We have to follow.   
AVERY: Are you mad?   
DOCTOR: If we ever want to see them again, we have to let the Siren take us. We'll prick our fingers. All agreed? Yeah?   
AVERY: Aye.   
AMY: Aye.   
DOCTOR: Aye.   
(The Doctor draws blood from each of them. The black spot appears on their palms and the Siren appears. There is a flash of bright light.)

[Spaceship]

(They wake up on a metal floor.)   
AMY: Where are we?   
DOCTOR: We haven't moved. We're in exactly the same place as before.   
(They look through a window onto the deck of the ship.)   
AVERY: We're on a ghost ship.   
DOCTOR: No. It's real. Space ship trapped in a temporal rift.   
AMY: How can two ships be in the same place?   
DOCTOR: Not the same. Two planes, two worlds, two cars parked in the same space. There are lots of different universes nested inside each other. Now and again they collide, and you can step from one to the other.   
AMY: Okay, I think I understand.   
DOCTOR: Good, because it's not like that at all. But if that helps.   
AMY: Thanks.   
DOCTOR: All the reflections have suddenly become gateways.   
(The Doctor throws a piece of metal at the window. It goes through and lands on the deck.)   
DOCTOR: Ever look in a mirror and think you're seeing a whole other world? Well, this time it's not an illusion.   
(Beep, beep.)   
AMY: The signal.   
DOCTOR: Yes.   
AMY: The distress call.   
DOCTOR: Uh huh.   
AMY: There was a second ship here all the time.   
DOCTOR: And the Siren is on board.   
(He opens a door to reveal an alien skeleton. Its spacesuit says D.I.H.S)   
DOCTOR: Dead.

[Bridge]

(More skeletal crew.)   
AMY: You were right. There was something staring at us the whole time. How long has this ship been marooned here?   
AVERY: Long enough for the Captain to have run out of grog.   
AMY: I don't understand. If this is the Captain, then what's the Siren?   
DOCTOR: Same as us. A stowaway.   
AMY: She killed it?   
DOCTOR: Human bacteria.   
AMY: What?   
DOCTOR: A virus from our planet. Airborne, travelling through the portal. That's what killed it. Didn't get its jabs. Urgh. Look.   
(The Doctor has put his hand in some gunk.)   
AMY: What is it?   
DOCTOR: Sneeze! Alien bogies.   
(He wipes his hand on the sleeve of Amy's pirate coat.)

[Sickbay]

(Lots of people lying on beds floating in midair, and connected by a tube to the ceiling.)   
AVERY: McGrath! He's one of my men.   
AMY: He's still breathing.   
AVERY: My entire crew is here. Toby!   
AMY: Rory!   
DOCTOR: The Tardis!   
AVERY: We have to get them out of here.   
DOCTOR: Wait. His fever's gone.   
AMY: He looks so well.   
DOCTOR: She's keeping him alive. His brain is still active, but all its cellular activity is suspended. It's not a curse, it's a tissue sample. Why get samples of people you are about to kill?   
AMY: Help me get him up.   
(Rory begins to wake. Beep, beep.)   
DOCTOR: She's coming.   
(They hide behind a bank of monitors. The Siren floats in, singing her wordless song, and goes to Rory. He calms down and sleeps again.)   
DOCTOR: Anaesthetic.   
AVERY: What?   
DOCTOR: The music. The song. So she anaesthetises people and puts their body in stasis.   
(The Siren goes to Toby. Avery steps out, gun ready.)   
DOCTOR: Avery, no!   
(Avery shoots, and the Siren turns red. She advances on Avery, then the Doctor sneezes. The Siren heads for him instead.)   
DOCTOR: Fire. That's new. What does fire do? Burn? Yes. Destroy? What else? Sterilise! I sneezed. I've brought germs in.   
(The Doctor blows his nose and throws the handkerchief on the floor. The Siren blasts the offending article. Amy runs to Rory.)   
DOCTOR: Amy, stop. Don't interfere. Don't touch him. Anaesthetic, tissue sample, screen, sterile working conditions. Ignore all my previous theories!   
AMY: Yeah? Well, we stopped paying attention a while back.   
DOCTOR: She's not a killer at all, she's a doctor!   
(Amy stops fiddling with Rory's life support and the Siren returns to green.)   
DOCTOR: This is an automated sick bay. It's teleporting everyone on board. The crew are dead, and so the sick bay has had nothing to do. It's been looking after humanity whilst it's been idle. Look at her. A virtual doctor able to sterilise a whole room.   
AMY: Able to burn your face off.   
DOCTOR: She's just an interface, seeped through the join between the planes, broadcast in our world. Protean circuitry means she can change her form, and become a human doctor for humans. Oh, sister, you are good.   
AVERY: She won't let us take them.   
DOCTOR: She's keeping them alive, but she doesn't know how to heal them.   
AMY: I'm his wife, for God's sake. Why can't I touch him?   
DOCTOR: Tell her, Amy. Show her your ring. She may be virtual but she's intelligent. You can't do anything without her consent. Come on. Sophisticated girl like you. That must be somewhere in your core program.   
AMY: Look, he's very ill, okay? I just want to look after him. Why won't you let me near my husband?   
(The Siren holds out her hand, and a circle of light appears around it.)   
DOCTOR: Consent form. Sign it. Put your hand in the light. Rory's sick. You have to take full responsibility.   
(Amy does so, and the Siren disappears. Amy turns off Rory's life support.)   
DOCTOR: He can't breathe. Turn it back on.   
AMY: What do we do? I can't just leave him here.   
AVERY: He'll die if you take him out.   
AMY: Rory? Rory, wake up.   
RORY: Where am I?   
DOCTOR: You're in a hospital. If you leave, you might die.   
AMY: But if you don't, you'll have to stay forever.   
RORY: You're saying that if I don't get up now   
AMY: You can never leave.   
DOCTOR: The Siren will keep you safe.   
RORY: And if I come with you?   
DOCTOR: Drowning, on the point of death.   
RORY: I'm a nurse.   
AMY: What?   
RORY: I can teach you how to save me.   
AMY: Whoa. Hold on.   
RORY: I was drowning. You just have to resuscitate me.   
AMY: Just?   
RORY: You've seen them do it loads of times in films. CPR. The kiss of life.   
AMY: Rory, this isn't a film, okay? What if I do it wrong?   
RORY: You won't.   
AMY: Okay, what if you don't come back to life? What if   
RORY: I trust you.   
AMY: What about him? I mean, why do I have to be the one? Why do I have to save you?   
RORY: Because I know you'll never give up.   
DOCTOR: We have to send this ship back into space. Imagine if the Siren got ashore. She would have to process every injured human.   
AVERY: What about Toby?   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry. Typhoid fever. Once he returns it's only a matter of time.   
AVERY: What if I stay with him, here. The Siren will look after him. I can't go back to England. And what home does he have now, if not with me?   
DOCTOR: Do you think you can sail this thing?   
AVERY: Just point me to the atom accelerator.   
RORY: I know you can do this. Of course, if you muck it up I am going to be really cross. And dead.   
AMY: I'll see you in a minute.   
(The Doctor rips off Rory's restraints. They get him off the bed and carry him into -)

[Tardis]

(Where Amy starts CPR, doing 1 breath to 5 chest compressions.)   
DOCTOR: Come on. Come on, Rory. Not here. Not this way. Not today.   
AMY: He trusted me. He trusted me to save him.   
DOCTOR: You still can. You can still do this. He believes in you. Come on, Amy. Come on!   
AMY: Please, please, please wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Come on. Come on.   
(But finally even she gives up. After a few moments, Rory starts coughing up water.)   
RORY: Amy. Amy, you did it. You did it!   
(Later, Captain Avery has control of the spaceship, with Toby as his co-pilot, still attached to his life support mechanism. The rest of his crew come to watch as they fly between the stars.)   
AMY: I thought I was an excellent pirate.   
RORY: I thought you were an excellent nurse.   
AMY: Easy, tiger. Goodnight, Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Goodnight, Amelia.   
AMY: You only call me Amelia when you're worrying about me.   
DOCTOR: I always worry about you.   
(Amy remembers the moment of the Doctor's death by the lake.)   
AMY: Mutual.   
DOCTOR: Go to bed, Pond.   
RORY: (sotto) You can't tell him. It's his future.   
AMY: I know.   
(The body scan is still undecided as to whether Amy is pregnant or not.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, Amelia.

* * *


	3. Thalia Pond Series 6 Part 2

[Spaceship]

(A young woman is led in by an older woman. She speaks to a man wearing a tattered Confederate Army uniform.)   
IDRIS: Will it be me, Uncle?   
UNCLE: Yes, it's going to be you. I only wish I could go in your place, Idris. Nah, I don't, because it's really going to hurt.   
(An Ood with glowing green eyes appears behind Idris.)   
IDRIS: It's starting. What will happen?   
AUNTIE: Oh. Er, Nephew will drain your mind and your soul from your body and leave your body empty.   
(Idris goes up onto a platform with a bit of alien tech dangling around the place. The Ood holds Idris' head.)   
IDRIS: I'm scared.   
AUNTIE: I expect so, dear. But soon you'll have a new soul. There'll be a Time Lord coming.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: And then we discovered it wasn't the Robot King after all, it was the real one. Fortunately, I was able to re-attach the head.   
RORY: Do you believe any of this stuff?   
AMY: I was there.   
DOCTOR: Oh, it's the warning lights. I'm getting rid of those. They never stop.   
RORY: Hey. You're still thinking about it, aren't you?   
AMY: Oh, shush. We saw him die.   
RORY: Yeah, two hundred years in the future.   
AMY: Yes, but it's still going to happen.   
(Rat tat a tat tat on the Tardis door.)   
AMY: What was that?   
DOCTOR: The door. It knocked.   
RORY: Right. We are in deep space.   
DOCTOR: Very, very deep.   
(Shave and a haircut, two bits.)   
DOCTOR: And somebody's knocking.   
(The Doctor opens the doors. A small glowing box is outside.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, come here. Come here, you scrumptious little beauty.   
(The box flies inside and ends up hitting the Doctor on the chest.)   
RORY: A box?   
AMY: Doctor, what is it?   
DOCTOR: I've got mail. Time Lord emergency messaging system. In an emergency, we'd wrap up thoughts in psychic containers and send them through time and space. Anyway, there's a living Time Lord still out there, and it's one of the good ones.   
RORY: You said there weren't any other Time Lords left.   
DOCTOR: There are no Time Lords left anywhere in the universe. But the universe isn't where we're going. See that snake?   
(The Ourobouros, the snake swallowing its own tail.)   
DOCTOR: The mark of the Corsair. Fantastic bloke. He had that snake as a tattoo in every regeneration. Didn't feel like himself unless he had the tattoo. Or herself, a couple of times. Ooo, she was a bad girl.   
(Things go Bang!)   
RORY: Oh, what is happening?   
DOCTOR: We're leaving the universe.   
AMY: How can you leave the universe?   
DOCTOR: With enormous difficulty. Right now I'm burning up Tardis rooms to give us some welly. Goodbye, swimming pool. Goodbye, scullery. Sayonara, squash court seven.   
(Whoosh, thump, crash, then all is still and silent.)   
AMY: Okay, okay. Where are we?   
DOCTOR: Outside the universe, where we've never, ever been.   
(The lights go out in the Tardis.)   
RORY: Is that meant to be happening?   
DOCTOR: The power, it's draining. Everything's draining. But it can't. That's, that's impossible.   
RORY: What is that?   
DOCTOR: It's as if the Matrix, the soul of the Tardis, has just vanished. Where would it go?   
(Idris gasps and sits up again. A little golden energy comes out of her mouth, to the accompaniment of the Tardis sound.)

[Junkyard]

(To the rear of a large crashed spaceship.)   
AMY: So what kind of trouble's your friend in?   
DOCTOR: He was in a bind. A bit of a pickle. Sort of distressed.   
AMY: Ah, you can't just say you don't know.   
RORY: But what is this place? The scrap yard at the end of the universe?   
DOCTOR: Not end of, outside of.   
RORY: How we can we be outside the universe? The universe is everything.   
DOCTOR: Imagine a great big soap bubble with one of those tiny little bubbles on the outside.   
RORY: Okay.   
DOCTOR: Well, it's nothing like that. Completely drained. Look at her.   
AMY: Wait. So we're in a tiny bubble universe, sticking to the side of the bigger bubble universe?   
DOCTOR: Yeah. No. But if it helps, yes. This place is full of rift energy. She'll probably refuel just by being here. Now, this place. What do we think, eh? Gravity's almost Earth normal, air's breathable, but it smells like   
AMY: Armpits.   
DOCTOR: Armpits.   
RORY: What about all this stuff? Where did this come from?   
DOCTOR: Well, there's a rift. Now and then stuff gets sucked through it. Not a bubble, a plughole. The universe has a plughole and we've just fallen down it.   
IDRIS: Thief! Thief! You're my thief!   
AUNTIE: She's dangerous. Guard yourselves.   
(Idris runs up to the Doctor.)   
IDRIS: Look at you. Goodbye. No, not goodbye, what's the other one?   
(Idris kisses the Doctor.)   
UNCLE: Watch out. Careful. Keep back from her. Welcome, strangers. Lovely. Sorry about the mad person.   
DOCTOR: Why am I a thief? What have I stolen?   
IDRIS: Me. You're going to steal me. No, you have stolen me. You are stealing me. Oh tenses are difficult, aren't they?   
AUNTIE: Oh. Oh, we are sorry, my dove. She's off her head. They call me Auntie.   
UNCLE: And I'm Uncle. I'm everybody's Uncle. Just keep back from this one. She bites!   
IDRIS: Do I? Excellent.   
(Idris bites the Doctor's ear.)   
DOCTOR: Ow! Ow!   
IDRIS: Biting's excellent. It's like kissing, only there's a winner.   
UNCLE: So sorry. She's doolally.   
IDRIS: No, I'm not doolally. I'm, I'm. It's on the tip of my tongue. I've just had a new idea about kissing. Come here, you.   
AUNTIE: No, Idris, no.   
IDRIS: Oh, but now you're angry. No, you're not. You will be angry. The little boxes will make you angry.   
DOCTOR: Sorry? The little what? Boxes?   
IDRIS: Oh, ho, no. Your chin is hilarious. It means the smell of dust after rain.   
RORY: What does?   
IDRIS: Petrichor.   
RORY: But I didn't ask.   
IDRIS: Not yet. But you will.   
AUNTIE: No, no, Idris. I think you should have a rest.   
IDRIS: Rest. Yes, yes. Good idea. I'll just see if there's an off switch.   
(Idris collapses.)   
UNCLE: Is that it? She dead now. So sad.   
RORY: No, she's still breathing.   
UNCLE: Nephew, take Idris somewhere she can not bite people.   
(Nephew is the Ood.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, hello!   
AMY: Doctor, what is that?   
DOCTOR: Oh, no, it's all right. It's an Ood. Oods are good. Love an Ood. Hello, Ood. Can't you talk? Oh, I see. It's damaged. May I? It might just be on the wrong frequency.   
AUNTIE: Nephew was broken when he came here. Why, he was half dead. House repaired him. House repaired all of us.   
CORSAIR [OC]: If you are receiving this message, please help me. Send a signal to the High Council of the Time Lords on Gallifrey. Tell them that I am still alive. I don't know where I am. I'm on some rock-like planet.   
(Behind the message is a lot of other voices trying to speak at the same time.)   
RORY: What was that? Was that him?   
DOCTOR: No, no. It's picking up something else. But that's, that's not possible. That's, that's. Who else is here? Tell me. Show me. Show me.  
AUNTIE: Just what you see. Just the four of us, and the House. Nephew, will you take Idris somewhere safe where she can't hurt nobody?   
DOCTOR: The House? What's the House?   
AUNTIE: House is all around you, my sweets. You are standing on him. This is the House. This world. Would you like to meet him?   
RORY: Meet him?   
DOCTOR: I'd love to.   
UNCLE: This way. Come, please. Come.   
AMY: What's wrong? What were those voices?   
DOCTOR: Time Lords. It's not just the Corsair. Somewhere close by there are lots and lots of Time Lords.

[Brig]

(Idris is in a barred chamber. Nephew stands guard.)   
IDRIS: I'm, I'm. Big word, sad word. Why is that word so sad? No. Will be sad. Will be sad.

[Spaceship]

UNCLE: Come. Come, come. You can see the House and he can look at you, and he   
(They lead the Doctor to the device where Idris had her soul drained and replaced. The Doctor looks down the grating on the floor.)   
DOCTOR: I see. This asteroid is sentient.   
AUNTIE: We walk on his back, breathe his air, eat his food.   
AMY: Smell its armpits.   
(House speaks through Uncle and Auntie as if they are marionettes. It is a nice, refined voice.)   
HOUSE [OC]: And do my will. You are most welcome, travellers.   
AMY: Doctor, that voice. That's the asteroid talking?   
DOCTOR: Yes. So you're like a sea urchin. Hard outer surface, that's the planet we're walking on. Big, squashy, oogly thing inside, that's you.  
HOUSE [OC]: That is correct, Time Lord.   
DOCTOR: Ah. So you've met Time Lords before?   
HOUSE [OC]: Many travellers have come through the rift, like Auntie and Uncle and Nephew. I repair them when they break.   
DOCTOR: So there are Time Lords here, then?   
HOUSE [OC]: Not any more, but there have been many Tardises on my back in days gone by.   
DOCTOR: Well, there won't be any more after us. Last Time Lord. Last Tardis.   
HOUSE [OC]: A pity. Your people were so kind. Be here in safety, Doctor. Rest, feed, if you will.   
RORY: We're not actually going to stay here, are we?   
DOCTOR: Well, it seems like a friendly planet. Literally. Mind if we poke around a bit?   
AUNTIE: You can look all you want. Go. Look. (to Amy) House loves you.   
DOCTOR: Come on then, gang. We're just going to, er, see the sights.

[Brig]

IDRIS: Are there a see zero that ito emo we. Ah! What was that? Do fish have fingers? Like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike. What am I saying? Why am I saying that? Thief? Where's my thief? Thief!

[Corridor]

IDRIS [OC]: Thief!   
DOCTOR: Shush, shush, shush.   
RORY: So, as soon as the Tardis is refuelled, we go, yeah?   
DOCTOR: No. There are Time Lords here. I heard them and they need me.   
AMY: You told me about your people, and you told me what you did.   
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, but if they're like the Corsair, they're good one and I can save them.   
AMY: And then tell them you destroyed the others?   
DOCTOR: I can explain. Tell them why I had to.   
AMY: You want to be forgiven.   
DOCTOR: Don't we all?   
AMY: What do you need from me?   
DOCTOR: My screwdriver. I left it in the Tardis. It's in my jacket.   
RORY: You're wearing your jacket.   
DOCTOR: My other jacket.   
RORY: You have two of those?   
AMY: Okay, I'll get it. But Doctor, listen to me. Don't get emotional because that's when you make mistakes.   
(She throws him her mobile phone.)   
DOCTOR: Yes, boss.   
AMY: I'll call you from the Tardis. Rory, look after him.   
DOCTOR: Rory, look after her.   
RORY: Yeah.

[Junkyard]

AMY: I told you to look after him.   
RORY: He'll be fine. He's a Time Lord.   
AMY: It's just what they're called. It doesn't mean he actually knows what he's doing.   
(They go into the Tardis, which is then surrounded by neon green gas.)

[Tardis]

(Amy phones the Doctor.)   
AMY: Hey, we're here. Screwdriver's in your jacket, yeah?

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Yeah, it's around somewhere. Have a good look.   
(He has it in his hand, and uses it to lock the Tardis door remotely.)

[Tardis]

AMY: Did you do that?   
RORY: I didn't do anything. Right. Jacket.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Come on. Where are you? Now, where are you all? Where are you?   
(He pulls back a curtain to a small alcove.)   
DOCTOR: Well, they can't all be in here.   
(There are indistinct voices nearby. He opens a small cupboard and finds at least 10 of those message boxes all chattering away.)   
MAN [OC]: Please do you read me.   
WOMAN [OC]: Structural integrity failure. Damage to dimensional stabiliser.   
MAN 2: If you can hear, come and help.   
(Uncle and Auntie come up behind him.)   
DOCTOR: Just admiring your Time Lord distress signal collection. Nice job. Brilliant job. Really thought I had some friends here, but this is what the Ood translator picked up. Cries for help from the long dead. How many Time Lords have you lured here the way you lured me, and what happened to them all?   
AUNTIE: House, House is kind and he is wise.   
DOCTOR: House repairs you when you break. Yes, I know. But how does he mend you? You've got the eyes of a twenty year old.   
UNCLE: Thank you.   
DOCTOR: No. Oh, no, I mean it literally. Your eyes are thirty years younger than the rest of you. Your ears don't match, your right arm is two inches longer than you're left, and how's your dancing? Because you've got two left feet. Patchwork people. You've been repaired and patched up so often, I doubt there's anything left of what used to be you. I had an umbrella like you once.   
(Auntie's forearm has a snake tattoo.)   
AUNTIE: Oh, now, it's been a great arm for me, this.   
DOCTOR: Corsair.   
AUNTIE: He was a strapping big bloke, wasn't he, Uncle?   
UNCLE: Big fellow.   
AUNTIE: I got the arm and then Uncle got the spine and the kidneys.   
UNCLE: Kidneys.   
DOCTOR: You gave me hope, and then you took it away. That's enough to make anyone dangerous. God knows what it will do to me. Basically, run!   
UNCLE: Poor old Time Lord. Too late. House is too clever.   
(Auntie and Uncle leave. The phone rings.)

[Tardis]

AMY: No sonic screwdriver. Also the doors seemed to have locked behind us. Rory thinks there's a perfectly innocent explanation, but I think you lied to us.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Time Lord stuff. Needed you out of the way.

[Tardis]

AMY: What, we're not good enough

[Corridor]

AMY [OC]: For your smart new friends?   
DOCTOR: The boxes will make you angry. How could she know?

[Tardis]

AMY: Doctor, what are you talking about?

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Stay put. Stay exactly where you are.

[Tardis]

We don't have much choice.

[Brig]

DOCTOR: How did you know about the boxes? You said they'd make me angry. How did you know?   
IDRIS: Ah, it's my thief.   
DOCTOR: Who are you?   
IDRIS: It's about time.

[Tardis]

(The gas is working its way up the side of the Tardis.)   
AMY: He's not trusting us and he's being emotional. This is bad. This is very, very bad.   
RORY: Yeah, I think it probably is.   
AMY: Sometimes I hate being right.

[Brig]

DOCTOR: I don't understand. Who are you?   
IDRIS: Do you not know me? Just because they put me in here?   
DOCTOR: They said you were dangerous.   
IDRIS: Not the cage, stupid. In here. They put me in here. I'm the. Oh, what do you call me? We travel. I go (Tardis sound)   
DOCTOR: The Tardis?   
IDRIS: Time And Relative Dimension In Space. Yes, that's it. Names are funny. It's me. I'm the Tardis.   
DOCTOR: No, you're not. You're a bitey, mad lady. The Tardis is up and downy stuff in a big blue box.   
IDRIS: Yes, that's me. A Type Forty Tardis. I was already a museum piece when you were young, and the first time you touched my console you said   
DOCTOR: I said you were the most beautiful thing I had ever known.   
IDRIS: And then you stole me. And I stole you.   
DOCTOR: I borrowed you.   
IDRIS: Borrowing implies the intention to return the thing that was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?   
DOCTOR: You're the Tardis?   
IDRIS: Yes.   
DOCTOR: My Tardis?   
IDRIS: My Doctor. Oh. We have now reached the point in the conversation where you open the lock.   
(The Doctor sonicks open the cage.)   
IDRIS: Are all people like this?   
DOCTOR: Like what?   
IDRIS: So much bigger on the inside. I'm, oh, what is that word? It's so big, so complicated. It's so sad.   
DOCTOR: But why? Why pull the living soul from a Tardis and pop it in a tiny human head? What does it want you for?   
IDRIS: Oh, it doesn't want me.   
DOCTOR: How do you know?   
IDRIS: House eats Tardises.   
DOCTOR: House what? What do you mean?   
IDRIS: I don't know. It's something I heard you say.   
DOCTOR: When?   
IDRIS: In the future.   
DOCTOR: House eats Tardises?   
IDRIS: There you go. What are fish fingers?   
DOCTOR: When do I say that?   
IDRIS: Any second.   
DOCTOR: Of course. House feeds on rift energy and Tardises are bursting with it. And not raw, all lovely and cooked. Processed food. Mmm, fish fingers.   
IDRIS: Do fish have fingers?   
DOCTOR: But you can't eat a Tardis. it would destroy you. Unless, unless   
IDRIS: Unless you deleted the Tardis Matrix first.   
DOCTOR: So it deleted you.   
IDRIS: But House can't just delete a Tardis' consciousness. That would blow a hole in the universe. So he pulls out the Matrix, sticks it in a living receptacle and then it feeds off the remaining Artron energy. Oh. You were about to say all that. I don't suppose you have to now.   
DOCTOR: I sent Amy and Rory in there. They'll be eaten. Amy! Amy? Rory? Get the hell out of there.

[Tardis]

AMY; Doctor, something's wrong.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: It's House. He's after the Tardis. Just get out both of you.

[Tardis]

AMY: We can't. You locked the door, remember?

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: But I've unlocked it.

[Tardis]

AMY: You stupid well haven't.   
(The Cloister Bell starts to toll and a wind blows through.)   
AMY: Doctor, I don't like this.

[Junkyard]

(The Doctor tries the screwdriver again, and snaps his fingers.)   
DOCTOR: Open!

[Tardis]

AMY: Doctor?

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: Open this door!

[Tardis]

AMY: Rory, hold my hand.

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: Amy. Rory!   
(The Tardis dematerialises. The Doctor tries the phone again.)   
DOCTOR: Amy? Amy, can you hear me? (no) Okay, right. I don't, I really don't know what to do. That's a new feeling.

[Tardis]

(The Tardis is hurtling towards a Rift.)   
RORY: Listen, whatever happens, at least we're together. And we're in the Tardis, so we're safe.   
AMY: Yeah.   
HOUSE [OC]: You're half right. I mean, you are in the Tardis. What a great adventure. I should have done this half a million years ago. So, Amy, Rory, why shouldn't I just kill you now?

[Spaceship]

DOCTOR: It's gone.   
IDRIS: Eaten?   
DOCTOR: No, it left. Not eaten, hi-jacked. But why?   
AUNTIE: It's time for us both to go, and keep together.   
DOCTOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go? What do you mean, go? Where are you going?   
AUNTIE: Well, we're dying, my love. It's time for Auntie and Uncle to pop off.   
UNCLE: I'm against it.   
AUNTIE: It's your fault, isn't it, sweets? Because you told House it was the last Tardis. House can't feed on them if there's none more coming, can he?   
UNCLE: So now he's off to your universe to find more Tardises.   
DOCTOR: It won't.   
AUNTIE: Oh, it'll think of something.   
(Auntie collapses.)   
UNCLE: Actually, I feel fine.   
(Then he drops.)   
DOCTOR: Not dead. You can't just die!   
IDRIS: We need to go to where I landed, Doctor, quickly.   
DOCTOR: Why?   
IDRIS: Because we are there in three minutes. We need to go now. Ow. Roughly how long do these bodies last?   
DOCTOR: You're dying.   
IDRIS: Yes, of course I'm dying. I don't belong in a flesh body. I could blow the casing in no time. No, stop it. Don't get emotional. Hmm. That's what the orangey girl says. You're the Doctor. Focus.   
DOCTOR: On what? How? I'm a madman with a box, without a box. I'm stuck down the plughole at the end of the universe on a stupid old junkyard. Ooo.   
IDRIS: Ooo what?   
DOCTOR: I'm not.   
IDRIS: Not what?   
DOCTOR: Because it's not a junkyard. Don't you see? It's not a junkyard.   
IDRIS: What is it then?   
DOCTOR: It's a Tardis junkyard. Come on! Oh, sorry. Do you have a name?   
IDRIS: Seven hundred years, finally he asks.   
DOCTOR: But what do I call you?   
IDRIS: I think you call me Sexy.   
DOCTOR: Only when we're alone.   
IDRIS: We are alone.   
DOCTOR: Oh. Come on then, Sexy.

[House]

HOUSE [OC]: Corridors. I have corridors. So much to learn about my new home. But you haven't answered my question, children.   
RORY: Er, question?   
HOUSE [OC]: You remember. Tell me why I shouldn't just kill you both now?   
AMY: Well, because. Rory, why?   
RORY: Because killing us quickly wouldn't be any fun. And you need fun, don't you? That's what Uncle and Auntie were for, wasn't it? Someone to make suffer. I had a PE teacher just like you. You need to be entertained, and killing us quickly wouldn't be entertainment.   
HOUSE [OC]: So entertain me. Run.

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: A valley of half eaten Tardises. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?   
IDRIS: I'm thinking that all of my sisters are dead. That they were devoured, and that we are looking at their corpses.   
DOCTOR: Ah. Sorry. No, I wasn't thinking that.   
IDRIS: No. You were thinking you could build a working Tardis console out of broken remnants of a hundred different models. And you don't care that it's impossible.   
DOCTOR: It's not impossible as long as we're alive. Rory and Amy need me. So yeah, we're going to build a Tardis.

[Tardis corridor]

HOUSE [OC]: So are we having fun yet? I'm rather enjoying the sensation of having you running around inside me.   
(Amy nearly falls down a perpendicular corridor.)   
HOUSE [OC]: I've turned off the corridor anti-gravs, so do be careful.   
AMY: Come on.   
(They edge their way around the hole and keep running.)

[Junkyard]

IDRIS: Bond the tube directly into the Tachyon Diverter.   
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I have actually rebuilt a Tardis before, you know. I know what I'm doing.   
IDRIS: You're like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike in his bedroom. And you never read the instructions.   
DOCTOR: I always read the instructions.   
IDRIS: There's a sign on my front door. You have been walking past it for seven hundred years. What does it say?   
DOCTOR: That's not instructions.   
IDRIS: There's an instruction at the bottom. What does it say?   
DOCTOR: Pull to open.   
IDRIS: Yes. And what do you do?   
DOCTOR: I push.   
IDRIS: Every single time. Seven hundred years. Police Box doors open out the way.   
DOCTOR: I think I have earned the right to open my front doors any way I want.   
IDRIS: Your front doors? Have you any idea how childish that sounds?   
DOCTOR: You are not my mother.   
IDRIS: And you are not my child.   
DOCTOR: You know, since we're talking with mouths, not really an opportunity that comes along very often, I just want to say, you know, you have never been very reliable.   
IDRIS: And you have?   
DOCTOR: You didn't always take me where I wanted to go.   
IDRIS: No, but I always took you where you needed to go.   
DOCTOR: You did. Look at us talking. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could always talk, even when you're stuck inside the box?   
IDRIS: You know I'm not constructed that way. I exist across all space and time, and you talk and run around and bring home strays.   
(Idris buckles at the knees. The Doctor catches her.)   
DOCTOR: You okay?   
IDRIS: One of the kidneys has already failed. It doesn't matter. We need to finish assembling the console.   
DOCTOR: Using a console without a proper shell. It's not going to be safe.   
IDRIS: This body has about eighteen minutes left to live. The universe we're in will reach Absolute Zero in three hours. Safe is relative.   
DOCTOR: Then we need to get a move on. Eh, old girl?

[Tardis corridor]

(A bulkhead slams shut, separating Amy and Rory.)   
RORY: No! Amy!   
AMY: No!   
RORY: Amy.   
RORY [OC]: Amy? Amy? Amy?   
(Rory is sitting at the other end of the corridor.)   
AMY: Rory?   
RORY: Where have you been?   
AMY: I stepped through that door and it came down here.   
RORY: But you've been hours.   
AMY: No, I haven't. It's House, and it's messing with the Tardis. Come on, back this way.   
(And a bulkhead slams shut, separating them again.)   
RORY: No!   
AMY: No! Oh.

[Junkyard]

(The console is almost complete.)   
IDRIS: You'll need to install the time rotor.   
(He does.)   
DOCTOR: How is this going to make it through the rift? How? We're almost done. Thrust diffuser? Er, retroscope. Blue thingy.   
(Idris examines a wire coat hanger.)   
IDRIS: Do you ever wonder why I chose you all those years ago?   
DOCTOR: I chose you. You were unlocked.   
IDRIS: Of course I was. I wanted to see the universe, so I stole a Time Lord and I ran away. And you were the only one mad enough.   
DOCTOR: Right. Perfect. Look at that. What could possibly go wrong?   
(A piece falls off the console.)   
DOCTOR: That's fine. That always happens. No, hang on. Wait.   
(He gets a couple of pieces of red rope with hooks on the ends.)

[Tardis corridor]

(An old bearded man is crouching by a stanchion.)   
RORY: Amy?   
AMY: Oh, my God. Rory?   
RORY: You left me. How could you do that? How could you leave me?   
AMY: How long have you been here?   
RORY: Two thousand years I waited for you. You did it to me again.   
AMY: I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. Rory, what are you doing?   
RORY: They come for me at night. Every single night, they come for me and they hurt me. Amy, they hurt me over and over and over and over   
AMY: Rory.   
RORY: How could you leave me? How could you do that to me?   
(Amy backs away, and a bulkhead shuts, separating them.)

[Junkyard]

(The ropes are safety lines.)   
DOCTOR: Right. Okay, let's go. Follow that Tardis.   
(Nothing happens.)   
DOCTOR: Oh no, come on. There's rift energy everywhere. You can do it. Okay, diverting all power to thrust. Let's be having you.   
(Bang, sparks.)   
DOCTOR: No, no, no, no.   
IDRIS: What's wrong?   
DOCTOR: It can't hold the charge. It can't even start. There's no power. I've got nothing.   
IDRIS: Oh, my beautiful idiot. You have what you've always had. You've got me.   
(Idris kisses her finger, and transfers golden energy to the console. They dematerialise.)

[Tardis corridor]

(Hate Amy Kill Amy Die Amy is written on the wall in blood. A decayed corpse is lying around the corner.)   
AMY: No! No! Rory, I'm so, so sorry.   
RORY: Amy?   
(The corpse and graffiti disappear.)   
RORY: It's messing with our heads. Come on, run.

[Rift]

DOCTOR: Whoo hoo!   
IDRIS: We've locked on to them. They'll have to lower the shields when I'm close enough to phase inside.   
DOCTOR: Can you get a message to Amy? The telepathic circuits are online.   
IDRIS: Which one's Amy? The pretty one?

[Ladder]

(Rory gets a headache.)   
RORY: Argh.   
AMY: Rory, what's wrong?   
RORY: It's like I'm getting a message.   
IDRIS: Hello, Pretty.   
RORY: What the hell is that?   
DOCTOR: Don't worry. Telepathic messaging. No, that's Rory.   
IDRIS: You have to go to the old control room. I'm putting the route in your head. When you get there use the purple slider on the nearest panel to lower the shields.   
DOCTOR: The pretty one?   
IDRIS: You'll have about twelve seconds before the room goes into phase with the invading Matrix. I'll send you the pass key when you get there. Good luck.   
AMY: What was that?   
RORY: It was that woman. That mad woman and the Doctor.   
AMY: The Doctor?   
RORY: We have to keep going.

[Rift]

DOCTOR: How's he going to be able to take down the shields anyway? The House is in the control room.   
IDRIS: I directed him to one of the old control rooms.   
DOCTOR: There aren't any old control rooms. They were all deleted or remodelled.   
IDRIS: I archive them, for neatness. I've got about thirty now.   
DOCTOR: But I've only changed the desktop, what, a dozen times?   
IDRIS: So far, yes.   
DOCTOR: You can't archive something that hasn't happened yet.   
IDRIS: You can't.

[Tardis corridor]

AMY: What happened to the lights?   
RORY: The lights are fine. Oh, it's messing with our heads again. Okay, stay there a second.   
AMY: What is it? What?   
RORY: Just hang on.   
AMY: Don't leave me. I can hardly see, you idiot.   
(Rory goes round the corner into a bright light.)   
RORY [OC]: Argh.   
AMY: Rory? Rory?   
RORY [OC]: It's okay, I'm fine. Come towards my voice.   
AMY: What happened? Where are you?   
RORY [OC]: I just banged my head. Just keep coming. Reach out your hand.   
(Amy walks past Rory lying unconscious on the floor and touches the Ood's tentacles. She screams, the lights come up and Rory comes to her.)   
RORY: This way. Come on, run!

[Rift]

DOCTOR: Keep going. You're doing it, you sexy thing.   
IDRIS: See, you do call me that. Is it my name?   
DOCTOR: You bet it's your name.   
IDRIS: Whoo!

[Tardis corridor]

AMY: I can see now, Rory. I can see.   
RORY: It was the Ood thing, the Nephew and it's still coming.   
AMY: I know. So where is this place?   
(They come to a dead end.)   
RORY: This is where she told me to go. She said she'd send me the pass key. Ow!   
IDRIS + RORY: Crimson. Eleven. Delight. Petrichor.   
AMY: Petrichor?   
RORY: What do I do? Do I say it? Crimson. Eleven. Delight. Petrichor. I said it.   
AMY: Petrichor. Petrichor.   
RORY: I said it.   
AMY: Petrichor. She told you what it meant. The smell of wet dust, remember? So, oh, it's the meaning, not the word.   
RORY: The meaning of what?   
AMY: The Tardis interface is telepathic. You don't say it, you think it.   
(The Ood is at the far end of the corridor.)   
RORY: It's coming.   
AMY: Quiet. Crimson. Eleven. Delight. The smell of dust after rain. Crimson, eleven, delight, the smell of dust after rain. Crimson, eleven, delight, the smell of dust after rain.   
(Amy pictures a flat, a birthday cake, her wedding, a raindrop falling into dust. The door opens.)

[Tardis]

AMY: What is this place? Another control room?   
RORY: Right, shields. Got it.

[Spaceship]

(A young woman is led in by an older woman. She speaks to a man wearing a tattered Confederate Army uniform.)   
IDRIS: Will it be me, Uncle?   
UNCLE: Yes, it's going to be you. I only wish I could go in your place, Idris. Nah, I don't, because it's really going to hurt.   
(An Ood with glowing green eyes appears behind Idris.)   
IDRIS: It's starting. What will happen?   
AUNTIE: Oh. Er, Nephew will drain your mind and your soul from your body and leave your body empty.   
(Idris goes up onto a platform with a bit of alien tech dangling around the place. The Ood holds Idris' head.)   
IDRIS: I'm scared.   
AUNTIE: I expect so, dear. But soon you'll have a new soul. There'll be a Time Lord coming.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: And then we discovered it wasn't the Robot King after all, it was the real one. Fortunately, I was able to re-attach the head.   
RORY: Do you believe any of this stuff?   
AMY: I was there.   
DOCTOR: Oh, it's the warning lights. I'm getting rid of those. They never stop.   
RORY: Hey. You're still thinking about it, aren't you?   
AMY: Oh, shush. We saw him die.   
RORY: Yeah, two hundred years in the future.   
AMY: Yes, but it's still going to happen.   
(Rat tat a tat tat on the Tardis door.)   
AMY: What was that?   
DOCTOR: The door. It knocked.   
RORY: Right. We are in deep space.   
DOCTOR: Very, very deep.   
(Shave and a haircut, two bits.)   
DOCTOR: And somebody's knocking.   
(The Doctor opens the doors. A small glowing box is outside.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, come here. Come here, you scrumptious little beauty.   
(The box flies inside and ends up hitting the Doctor on the chest.)   
RORY: A box?   
AMY: Doctor, what is it?   
DOCTOR: I've got mail. Time Lord emergency messaging system. In an emergency, we'd wrap up thoughts in psychic containers and send them through time and space. Anyway, there's a living Time Lord still out there, and it's one of the good ones.   
RORY: You said there weren't any other Time Lords left.   
DOCTOR: There are no Time Lords left anywhere in the universe. But the universe isn't where we're going. See that snake?   
(The Ourobouros, the snake swallowing its own tail.)   
DOCTOR: The mark of the Corsair. Fantastic bloke. He had that snake as a tattoo in every regeneration. Didn't feel like himself unless he had the tattoo. Or herself, a couple of times. Ooo, she was a bad girl.   
(Things go Bang!)   
RORY: Oh, what is happening?   
DOCTOR: We're leaving the universe.   
AMY: How can you leave the universe?   
DOCTOR: With enormous difficulty. Right now I'm burning up Tardis rooms to give us some welly. Goodbye, swimming pool. Goodbye, scullery. Sayonara, squash court seven.   
(Whoosh, thump, crash, then all is still and silent.)   
AMY: Okay, okay. Where are we?   
DOCTOR: Outside the universe, where we've never, ever been.   
(The lights go out in the Tardis.)   
RORY: Is that meant to be happening?   
DOCTOR: The power, it's draining. Everything's draining. But it can't. That's, that's impossible.   
RORY: What is that?   
DOCTOR: It's as if the Matrix, the soul of the Tardis, has just vanished. Where would it go?   
(Idris gasps and sits up again. A little golden energy comes out of her mouth, to the accompaniment of the Tardis sound.)

[Junkyard]

(To the rear of a large crashed spaceship.)   
AMY: So what kind of trouble's your friend in?   
DOCTOR: He was in a bind. A bit of a pickle. Sort of distressed.   
AMY: Ah, you can't just say you don't know.   
RORY: But what is this place? The scrap yard at the end of the universe?   
DOCTOR: Not end of, outside of.   
RORY: How we can we be outside the universe? The universe is everything.   
DOCTOR: Imagine a great big soap bubble with one of those tiny little bubbles on the outside.   
RORY: Okay.   
DOCTOR: Well, it's nothing like that. Completely drained. Look at her.   
AMY: Wait. So we're in a tiny bubble universe, sticking to the side of the bigger bubble universe?   
DOCTOR: Yeah. No. But if it helps, yes. This place is full of rift energy. She'll probably refuel just by being here. Now, this place. What do we think, eh? Gravity's almost Earth normal, air's breathable, but it smells like   
AMY: Armpits.   
DOCTOR: Armpits.   
RORY: What about all this stuff? Where did this come from?   
DOCTOR: Well, there's a rift. Now and then stuff gets sucked through it. Not a bubble, a plughole. The universe has a plughole and we've just fallen down it.   
IDRIS: Thief! Thief! You're my thief!   
AUNTIE: She's dangerous. Guard yourselves.   
(Idris runs up to the Doctor.)   
IDRIS: Look at you. Goodbye. No, not goodbye, what's the other one?   
(Idris kisses the Doctor.)   
UNCLE: Watch out. Careful. Keep back from her. Welcome, strangers. Lovely. Sorry about the mad person.   
DOCTOR: Why am I a thief? What have I stolen?   
IDRIS: Me. You're going to steal me. No, you have stolen me. You are stealing me. Oh tenses are difficult, aren't they?   
AUNTIE: Oh. Oh, we are sorry, my dove. She's off her head. They call me Auntie.   
UNCLE: And I'm Uncle. I'm everybody's Uncle. Just keep back from this one. She bites!   
IDRIS: Do I? Excellent.   
(Idris bites the Doctor's ear.)   
DOCTOR: Ow! Ow!   
IDRIS: Biting's excellent. It's like kissing, only there's a winner.   
UNCLE: So sorry. She's doolally.   
IDRIS: No, I'm not doolally. I'm, I'm. It's on the tip of my tongue. I've just had a new idea about kissing. Come here, you.   
AUNTIE: No, Idris, no.   
IDRIS: Oh, but now you're angry. No, you're not. You will be angry. The little boxes will make you angry.   
DOCTOR: Sorry? The little what? Boxes?   
IDRIS: Oh, ho, no. Your chin is hilarious. It means the smell of dust after rain.   
RORY: What does?   
IDRIS: Petrichor.   
RORY: But I didn't ask.   
IDRIS: Not yet. But you will.   
AUNTIE: No, no, Idris. I think you should have a rest.   
IDRIS: Rest. Yes, yes. Good idea. I'll just see if there's an off switch.   
(Idris collapses.)   
UNCLE: Is that it? She dead now. So sad.   
RORY: No, she's still breathing.   
UNCLE: Nephew, take Idris somewhere she can not bite people.   
(Nephew is the Ood.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, hello!   
AMY: Doctor, what is that?   
DOCTOR: Oh, no, it's all right. It's an Ood. Oods are good. Love an Ood. Hello, Ood. Can't you talk? Oh, I see. It's damaged. May I? It might just be on the wrong frequency.   
AUNTIE: Nephew was broken when he came here. Why, he was half dead. House repaired him. House repaired all of us.   
CORSAIR [OC]: If you are receiving this message, please help me. Send a signal to the High Council of the Time Lords on Gallifrey. Tell them that I am still alive. I don't know where I am. I'm on some rock-like planet.   
(Behind the message is a lot of other voices trying to speak at the same time.)   
RORY: What was that? Was that him?   
DOCTOR: No, no. It's picking up something else. But that's, that's not possible. That's, that's. Who else is here? Tell me. Show me. Show me.  
AUNTIE: Just what you see. Just the four of us, and the House. Nephew, will you take Idris somewhere safe where she can't hurt nobody?   
DOCTOR: The House? What's the House?   
AUNTIE: House is all around you, my sweets. You are standing on him. This is the House. This world. Would you like to meet him?   
RORY: Meet him?   
DOCTOR: I'd love to.   
UNCLE: This way. Come, please. Come.   
AMY: What's wrong? What were those voices?   
DOCTOR: Time Lords. It's not just the Corsair. Somewhere close by there are lots and lots of Time Lords.

[Brig]

(Idris is in a barred chamber. Nephew stands guard.)   
IDRIS: I'm, I'm. Big word, sad word. Why is that word so sad? No. Will be sad. Will be sad.

[Spaceship]

UNCLE: Come. Come, come. You can see the House and he can look at you, and he   
(They lead the Doctor to the device where Idris had her soul drained and replaced. The Doctor looks down the grating on the floor.)   
DOCTOR: I see. This asteroid is sentient.   
AUNTIE: We walk on his back, breathe his air, eat his food.   
AMY: Smell its armpits.   
(House speaks through Uncle and Auntie as if they are marionettes. It is a nice, refined voice.)   
HOUSE [OC]: And do my will. You are most welcome, travellers.   
AMY: Doctor, that voice. That's the asteroid talking?   
DOCTOR: Yes. So you're like a sea urchin. Hard outer surface, that's the planet we're walking on. Big, squashy, oogly thing inside, that's you.  
HOUSE [OC]: That is correct, Time Lord.   
DOCTOR: Ah. So you've met Time Lords before?   
HOUSE [OC]: Many travellers have come through the rift, like Auntie and Uncle and Nephew. I repair them when they break.   
DOCTOR: So there are Time Lords here, then?   
HOUSE [OC]: Not any more, but there have been many Tardises on my back in days gone by.   
DOCTOR: Well, there won't be any more after us. Last Time Lord. Last Tardis.   
HOUSE [OC]: A pity. Your people were so kind. Be here in safety, Doctor. Rest, feed, if you will.   
RORY: We're not actually going to stay here, are we?   
DOCTOR: Well, it seems like a friendly planet. Literally. Mind if we poke around a bit?   
AUNTIE: You can look all you want. Go. Look. (to Amy) House loves you.   
DOCTOR: Come on then, gang. We're just going to, er, see the sights.

[Brig]

IDRIS: Are there a see zero that ito emo we. Ah! What was that? Do fish have fingers? Like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike. What am I saying? Why am I saying that? Thief? Where's my thief? Thief!

[Corridor]

IDRIS [OC]: Thief!   
DOCTOR: Shush, shush, shush.   
RORY: So, as soon as the Tardis is refuelled, we go, yeah?   
DOCTOR: No. There are Time Lords here. I heard them and they need me.   
AMY: You told me about your people, and you told me what you did.   
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, but if they're like the Corsair, they're good one and I can save them.   
AMY: And then tell them you destroyed the others?   
DOCTOR: I can explain. Tell them why I had to.   
AMY: You want to be forgiven.   
DOCTOR: Don't we all?   
AMY: What do you need from me?   
DOCTOR: My screwdriver. I left it in the Tardis. It's in my jacket.   
RORY: You're wearing your jacket.   
DOCTOR: My other jacket.   
RORY: You have two of those?   
AMY: Okay, I'll get it. But Doctor, listen to me. Don't get emotional because that's when you make mistakes.   
(She throws him her mobile phone.)   
DOCTOR: Yes, boss.   
AMY: I'll call you from the Tardis. Rory, look after him.   
DOCTOR: Rory, look after her.   
RORY: Yeah.

[Junkyard]

AMY: I told you to look after him.   
RORY: He'll be fine. He's a Time Lord.   
AMY: It's just what they're called. It doesn't mean he actually knows what he's doing.   
(They go into the Tardis, which is then surrounded by neon green gas.)

[Tardis]

(Amy phones the Doctor.)   
AMY: Hey, we're here. Screwdriver's in your jacket, yeah?

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Yeah, it's around somewhere. Have a good look.   
(He has it in his hand, and uses it to lock the Tardis door remotely.)

[Tardis]

AMY: Did you do that?   
RORY: I didn't do anything. Right. Jacket.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Come on. Where are you? Now, where are you all? Where are you?   
(He pulls back a curtain to a small alcove.)   
DOCTOR: Well, they can't all be in here.   
(There are indistinct voices nearby. He opens a small cupboard and finds at least 10 of those message boxes all chattering away.)   
MAN [OC]: Please do you read me.   
WOMAN [OC]: Structural integrity failure. Damage to dimensional stabiliser.   
MAN 2: If you can hear, come and help.   
(Uncle and Auntie come up behind him.)   
DOCTOR: Just admiring your Time Lord distress signal collection. Nice job. Brilliant job. Really thought I had some friends here, but this is what the Ood translator picked up. Cries for help from the long dead. How many Time Lords have you lured here the way you lured me, and what happened to them all?   
AUNTIE: House, House is kind and he is wise.   
DOCTOR: House repairs you when you break. Yes, I know. But how does he mend you? You've got the eyes of a twenty year old.   
UNCLE: Thank you.   
DOCTOR: No. Oh, no, I mean it literally. Your eyes are thirty years younger than the rest of you. Your ears don't match, your right arm is two inches longer than you're left, and how's your dancing? Because you've got two left feet. Patchwork people. You've been repaired and patched up so often, I doubt there's anything left of what used to be you. I had an umbrella like you once.   
(Auntie's forearm has a snake tattoo.)   
AUNTIE: Oh, now, it's been a great arm for me, this.   
DOCTOR: Corsair.   
AUNTIE: He was a strapping big bloke, wasn't he, Uncle?   
UNCLE: Big fellow.   
AUNTIE: I got the arm and then Uncle got the spine and the kidneys.   
UNCLE: Kidneys.   
DOCTOR: You gave me hope, and then you took it away. That's enough to make anyone dangerous. God knows what it will do to me. Basically, run!   
UNCLE: Poor old Time Lord. Too late. House is too clever.   
(Auntie and Uncle leave. The phone rings.)

[Tardis]

AMY: No sonic screwdriver. Also the doors seemed to have locked behind us. Rory thinks there's a perfectly innocent explanation, but I think you lied to us.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Time Lord stuff. Needed you out of the way.

[Tardis]

AMY: What, we're not good enough

[Corridor]

AMY [OC]: For your smart new friends?   
DOCTOR: The boxes will make you angry. How could she know?

[Tardis]

AMY: Doctor, what are you talking about?

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Stay put. Stay exactly where you are.

[Tardis]

We don't have much choice.

[Brig]

DOCTOR: How did you know about the boxes? You said they'd make me angry. How did you know?   
IDRIS: Ah, it's my thief.   
DOCTOR: Who are you?   
IDRIS: It's about time.

[Tardis]

(The gas is working its way up the side of the Tardis.)   
AMY: He's not trusting us and he's being emotional. This is bad. This is very, very bad.   
RORY: Yeah, I think it probably is.   
AMY: Sometimes I hate being right.

[Brig]

DOCTOR: I don't understand. Who are you?   
IDRIS: Do you not know me? Just because they put me in here?   
DOCTOR: They said you were dangerous.   
IDRIS: Not the cage, stupid. In here. They put me in here. I'm the. Oh, what do you call me? We travel. I go (Tardis sound)   
DOCTOR: The Tardis?   
IDRIS: Time And Relative Dimension In Space. Yes, that's it. Names are funny. It's me. I'm the Tardis.   
DOCTOR: No, you're not. You're a bitey, mad lady. The Tardis is up and downy stuff in a big blue box.   
IDRIS: Yes, that's me. A Type Forty Tardis. I was already a museum piece when you were young, and the first time you touched my console you said   
DOCTOR: I said you were the most beautiful thing I had ever known.   
IDRIS: And then you stole me. And I stole you.   
DOCTOR: I borrowed you.   
IDRIS: Borrowing implies the intention to return the thing that was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?   
DOCTOR: You're the Tardis?   
IDRIS: Yes.   
DOCTOR: My Tardis?   
IDRIS: My Doctor. Oh. We have now reached the point in the conversation where you open the lock.   
(The Doctor sonicks open the cage.)   
IDRIS: Are all people like this?   
DOCTOR: Like what?   
IDRIS: So much bigger on the inside. I'm, oh, what is that word? It's so big, so complicated. It's so sad.   
DOCTOR: But why? Why pull the living soul from a Tardis and pop it in a tiny human head? What does it want you for?   
IDRIS: Oh, it doesn't want me.   
DOCTOR: How do you know?   
IDRIS: House eats Tardises.   
DOCTOR: House what? What do you mean?   
IDRIS: I don't know. It's something I heard you say.   
DOCTOR: When?   
IDRIS: In the future.   
DOCTOR: House eats Tardises?   
IDRIS: There you go. What are fish fingers?   
DOCTOR: When do I say that?   
IDRIS: Any second.   
DOCTOR: Of course. House feeds on rift energy and Tardises are bursting with it. And not raw, all lovely and cooked. Processed food. Mmm, fish fingers.   
IDRIS: Do fish have fingers?   
DOCTOR: But you can't eat a Tardis. it would destroy you. Unless, unless   
IDRIS: Unless you deleted the Tardis Matrix first.   
DOCTOR: So it deleted you.   
IDRIS: But House can't just delete a Tardis' consciousness. That would blow a hole in the universe. So he pulls out the Matrix, sticks it in a living receptacle and then it feeds off the remaining Artron energy. Oh. You were about to say all that. I don't suppose you have to now.   
DOCTOR: I sent Amy and Rory in there. They'll be eaten. Amy! Amy? Rory? Get the hell out of there.

[Tardis]

AMY; Doctor, something's wrong.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: It's House. He's after the Tardis. Just get out both of you.

[Tardis]

AMY: We can't. You locked the door, remember?

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: But I've unlocked it.

[Tardis]

AMY: You stupid well haven't.   
(The Cloister Bell starts to toll and a wind blows through.)   
AMY: Doctor, I don't like this.

[Junkyard]

(The Doctor tries the screwdriver again, and snaps his fingers.)   
DOCTOR: Open!

[Tardis]

AMY: Doctor?

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: Open this door!

[Tardis]

AMY: Rory, hold my hand.

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: Amy. Rory!   
(The Tardis dematerialises. The Doctor tries the phone again.)   
DOCTOR: Amy? Amy, can you hear me? (no) Okay, right. I don't, I really don't know what to do. That's a new feeling.

[Tardis]

(The Tardis is hurtling towards a Rift.)   
RORY: Listen, whatever happens, at least we're together. And we're in the Tardis, so we're safe.   
AMY: Yeah.   
HOUSE [OC]: You're half right. I mean, you are in the Tardis. What a great adventure. I should have done this half a million years ago. So, Amy, Rory, why shouldn't I just kill you now?

[Spaceship]

DOCTOR: It's gone.   
IDRIS: Eaten?   
DOCTOR: No, it left. Not eaten, hi-jacked. But why?   
AUNTIE: It's time for us both to go, and keep together.   
DOCTOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go? What do you mean, go? Where are you going?   
AUNTIE: Well, we're dying, my love. It's time for Auntie and Uncle to pop off.   
UNCLE: I'm against it.   
AUNTIE: It's your fault, isn't it, sweets? Because you told House it was the last Tardis. House can't feed on them if there's none more coming, can he?   
UNCLE: So now he's off to your universe to find more Tardises.   
DOCTOR: It won't.   
AUNTIE: Oh, it'll think of something.   
(Auntie collapses.)   
UNCLE: Actually, I feel fine.   
(Then he drops.)   
DOCTOR: Not dead. You can't just die!   
IDRIS: We need to go to where I landed, Doctor, quickly.   
DOCTOR: Why?   
IDRIS: Because we are there in three minutes. We need to go now. Ow. Roughly how long do these bodies last?   
DOCTOR: You're dying.   
IDRIS: Yes, of course I'm dying. I don't belong in a flesh body. I could blow the casing in no time. No, stop it. Don't get emotional. Hmm. That's what the orangey girl says. You're the Doctor. Focus.   
DOCTOR: On what? How? I'm a madman with a box, without a box. I'm stuck down the plughole at the end of the universe on a stupid old junkyard. Ooo.   
IDRIS: Ooo what?   
DOCTOR: I'm not.   
IDRIS: Not what?   
DOCTOR: Because it's not a junkyard. Don't you see? It's not a junkyard.   
IDRIS: What is it then?   
DOCTOR: It's a Tardis junkyard. Come on! Oh, sorry. Do you have a name?   
IDRIS: Seven hundred years, finally he asks.   
DOCTOR: But what do I call you?   
IDRIS: I think you call me Sexy.   
DOCTOR: Only when we're alone.   
IDRIS: We are alone.   
DOCTOR: Oh. Come on then, Sexy.

[House]

HOUSE [OC]: Corridors. I have corridors. So much to learn about my new home. But you haven't answered my question, children.   
RORY: Er, question?   
HOUSE [OC]: You remember. Tell me why I shouldn't just kill you both now?   
AMY: Well, because. Rory, why?   
RORY: Because killing us quickly wouldn't be any fun. And you need fun, don't you? That's what Uncle and Auntie were for, wasn't it? Someone to make suffer. I had a PE teacher just like you. You need to be entertained, and killing us quickly wouldn't be entertainment.   
HOUSE [OC]: So entertain me. Run.

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: A valley of half eaten Tardises. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?   
IDRIS: I'm thinking that all of my sisters are dead. That they were devoured, and that we are looking at their corpses.   
DOCTOR: Ah. Sorry. No, I wasn't thinking that.   
IDRIS: No. You were thinking you could build a working Tardis console out of broken remnants of a hundred different models. And you don't care that it's impossible.   
DOCTOR: It's not impossible as long as we're alive. Rory and Amy need me. So yeah, we're going to build a Tardis.

[Tardis corridor]

HOUSE [OC]: So are we having fun yet? I'm rather enjoying the sensation of having you running around inside me.   
(Amy nearly falls down a perpendicular corridor.)   
HOUSE [OC]: I've turned off the corridor anti-gravs, so do be careful.   
AMY: Come on.   
(They edge their way around the hole and keep running.)

[Junkyard]

IDRIS: Bond the tube directly into the Tachyon Diverter.   
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I have actually rebuilt a Tardis before, you know. I know what I'm doing.   
IDRIS: You're like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike in his bedroom. And you never read the instructions.   
DOCTOR: I always read the instructions.   
IDRIS: There's a sign on my front door. You have been walking past it for seven hundred years. What does it say?   
DOCTOR: That's not instructions.   
IDRIS: There's an instruction at the bottom. What does it say?   
DOCTOR: Pull to open.   
IDRIS: Yes. And what do you do?   
DOCTOR: I push.   
IDRIS: Every single time. Seven hundred years. Police Box doors open out the way.   
DOCTOR: I think I have earned the right to open my front doors any way I want.   
IDRIS: Your front doors? Have you any idea how childish that sounds?   
DOCTOR: You are not my mother.   
IDRIS: And you are not my child.   
DOCTOR: You know, since we're talking with mouths, not really an opportunity that comes along very often, I just want to say, you know, you have never been very reliable.   
IDRIS: And you have?   
DOCTOR: You didn't always take me where I wanted to go.   
IDRIS: No, but I always took you where you needed to go.   
DOCTOR: You did. Look at us talking. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could always talk, even when you're stuck inside the box?   
IDRIS: You know I'm not constructed that way. I exist across all space and time, and you talk and run around and bring home strays.   
(Idris buckles at the knees. The Doctor catches her.)   
DOCTOR: You okay?   
IDRIS: One of the kidneys has already failed. It doesn't matter. We need to finish assembling the console.   
DOCTOR: Using a console without a proper shell. It's not going to be safe.   
IDRIS: This body has about eighteen minutes left to live. The universe we're in will reach Absolute Zero in three hours. Safe is relative.   
DOCTOR: Then we need to get a move on. Eh, old girl?

[Tardis corridor]

(A bulkhead slams shut, separating Amy and Rory.)   
RORY: No! Amy!   
AMY: No!   
RORY: Amy.   
RORY [OC]: Amy? Amy? Amy?   
(Rory is sitting at the other end of the corridor.)   
AMY: Rory?   
RORY: Where have you been?   
AMY: I stepped through that door and it came down here.   
RORY: But you've been hours.   
AMY: No, I haven't. It's House, and it's messing with the Tardis. Come on, back this way.   
(And a bulkhead slams shut, separating them again.)   
RORY: No!   
AMY: No! Oh.

[Junkyard]

(The console is almost complete.)   
IDRIS: You'll need to install the time rotor.   
(He does.)   
DOCTOR: How is this going to make it through the rift? How? We're almost done. Thrust diffuser? Er, retroscope. Blue thingy.   
(Idris examines a wire coat hanger.)   
IDRIS: Do you ever wonder why I chose you all those years ago?   
DOCTOR: I chose you. You were unlocked.   
IDRIS: Of course I was. I wanted to see the universe, so I stole a Time Lord and I ran away. And you were the only one mad enough.   
DOCTOR: Right. Perfect. Look at that. What could possibly go wrong?   
(A piece falls off the console.)   
DOCTOR: That's fine. That always happens. No, hang on. Wait.   
(He gets a couple of pieces of red rope with hooks on the ends.)

[Tardis corridor]

(An old bearded man is crouching by a stanchion.)   
RORY: Amy?   
AMY: Oh, my God. Rory?   
RORY: You left me. How could you do that? How could you leave me?   
AMY: How long have you been here?   
RORY: Two thousand years I waited for you. You did it to me again.   
AMY: I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. Rory, what are you doing?   
RORY: They come for me at night. Every single night, they come for me and they hurt me. Amy, they hurt me over and over and over and over   
AMY: Rory.   
RORY: How could you leave me? How could you do that to me?   
(Amy backs away, and a bulkhead shuts, separating them.)

[Junkyard]

(The ropes are safety lines.)   
DOCTOR: Right. Okay, let's go. Follow that Tardis.   
(Nothing happens.)   
DOCTOR: Oh no, come on. There's rift energy everywhere. You can do it. Okay, diverting all power to thrust. Let's be having you.   
(Bang, sparks.)   
DOCTOR: No, no, no, no.   
IDRIS: What's wrong?   
DOCTOR: It can't hold the charge. It can't even start. There's no power. I've got nothing.   
IDRIS: Oh, my beautiful idiot. You have what you've always had. You've got me.   
(Idris kisses her finger, and transfers golden energy to the console. They dematerialise.)

[Tardis corridor]

(Hate Amy Kill Amy Die Amy is written on the wall in blood. A decayed corpse is lying around the corner.)   
AMY: No! No! Rory, I'm so, so sorry.   
RORY: Amy?   
(The corpse and graffiti disappear.)   
RORY: It's messing with our heads. Come on, run.

[Rift]

DOCTOR: Whoo hoo!   
IDRIS: We've locked on to them. They'll have to lower the shields when I'm close enough to phase inside.   
DOCTOR: Can you get a message to Amy? The telepathic circuits are online.   
IDRIS: Which one's Amy? The pretty one?

[Ladder]

(Rory gets a headache.)   
RORY: Argh.   
AMY: Rory, what's wrong?   
RORY: It's like I'm getting a message.   
IDRIS: Hello, Pretty.   
RORY: What the hell is that?   
DOCTOR: Don't worry. Telepathic messaging. No, that's Rory.   
IDRIS: You have to go to the old control room. I'm putting the route in your head. When you get there use the purple slider on the nearest panel to lower the shields.   
DOCTOR: The pretty one?   
IDRIS: You'll have about twelve seconds before the room goes into phase with the invading Matrix. I'll send you the pass key when you get there. Good luck.   
AMY: What was that?   
RORY: It was that woman. That mad woman and the Doctor.   
AMY: The Doctor?   
RORY: We have to keep going.

[Rift]

DOCTOR: How's he going to be able to take down the shields anyway? The House is in the control room.   
IDRIS: I directed him to one of the old control rooms.   
DOCTOR: There aren't any old control rooms. They were all deleted or remodelled.   
IDRIS: I archive them, for neatness. I've got about thirty now.   
DOCTOR: But I've only changed the desktop, what, a dozen times?   
IDRIS: So far, yes.   
DOCTOR: You can't archive something that hasn't happened yet.   
IDRIS: You can't.

[Tardis corridor]

AMY: What happened to the lights?   
RORY: The lights are fine. Oh, it's messing with our heads again. Okay, stay there a second.   
AMY: What is it? What?   
RORY: Just hang on.   
AMY: Don't leave me. I can hardly see, you idiot.   
(Rory goes round the corner into a bright light.)   
RORY [OC]: Argh.   
AMY: Rory? Rory?   
RORY [OC]: It's okay, I'm fine. Come towards my voice.   
AMY: What happened? Where are you?   
RORY [OC]: I just banged my head. Just keep coming. Reach out your hand.   
(Amy walks past Rory lying unconscious on the floor and touches the Ood's tentacles. She screams, the lights come up and Rory comes to her.)   
RORY: This way. Come on, run!

[Rift]

DOCTOR: Keep going. You're doing it, you sexy thing.   
IDRIS: See, you do call me that. Is it my name?   
DOCTOR: You bet it's your name.   
IDRIS: Whoo!

[Tardis corridor]

AMY: I can see now, Rory. I can see.   
RORY: It was the Ood thing, the Nephew and it's still coming.   
AMY: I know. So where is this place?   
(They come to a dead end.)   
RORY: This is where she told me to go. She said she'd send me the pass key. Ow!   
IDRIS + RORY: Crimson. Eleven. Delight. Petrichor.   
AMY: Petrichor?   
RORY: What do I do? Do I say it? Crimson. Eleven. Delight. Petrichor. I said it.   
AMY: Petrichor. Petrichor.   
RORY: I said it.   
AMY: Petrichor. She told you what it meant. The smell of wet dust, remember? So, oh, it's the meaning, not the word.   
RORY: The meaning of what?   
AMY: The Tardis interface is telepathic. You don't say it, you think it.   
(The Ood is at the far end of the corridor.)   
RORY: It's coming.   
AMY: Quiet. Crimson. Eleven. Delight. The smell of dust after rain. Crimson, eleven, delight, the smell of dust after rain. Crimson, eleven, delight, the smell of dust after rain.   
(Amy pictures a flat, a birthday cake, her wedding, a raindrop falling into dust. The door opens.)

[Tardis]

AMY: What is this place? Another control room?   
RORY: Right, shields. Got it.

[Rift]

IDRIS: They did it. Shields down.

[Tardis]

HOUSE [OC]: How did you find this place? It's not on my internal schematics. I had hoped you two could join Nephew as my servants. But you two are nothing but trouble. Nephew, kill them.   
(Rory gets another painful telepathic message.)   
IDRIS: We're coming through. Get out of the way or you'll be atomised.   
RORY: Where are you coming through?   
IDRIS: I don't know.   
RORY: Oh, great. Thanks.

[Rift]

(The console is closing on the Tardis.)   
IDRIS: It's not going to hold.

[Tardis]

RORY: Hold on.   
(The console materialises in a shower of sparks.)   
AMY: Doctor.   
IDRIS: Not good. Not good at all. How do you walk around in these things?   
DOCTOR: We're not quite there yet. Just hold on. Amy, this is, well, she's my Tardis. Except she's a woman. She's a woman, and she's my Tardis.   
AMY: She's the Tardis?   
DOCTOR: And she's a woman. She's a woman and she's the Tardis.   
AMY: Did you wish really hard?   
DOCTOR: Shut up. Not like that.   
IDRIS: Hello. I'm Sexy.   
DOCTOR: Oh. Still shut up.   
HOUSE [OC]: The environment has been breached. Nephew, kill them all.   
RORY: Where's Nephew?   
AMY: He was standing right where you materialised.   
DOCTOR: Ah. Well, he must have been redistributed.   
RORY: Meaning what?   
DOCTOR: You're breathing him.   
AMY: Oh, come on.   
DOCTOR: Another Ood I failed to save.   
HOUSE [OC]: Doctor. I did not expect you.   
DOCTOR: Well, that's me all over, isn't it? Lovely old unexpected me.   
HOUSE [OC]: The big question is, now you're here, how to dispose of you? I could play with gravity.   
(They get pulled to the floor for a few seconds.)   
HOUSE [OC]: Or I could evacuate the air from this room and watch you choke.   
DOCTOR: You really don't want to do that.   
HOUSE [OC]: Why shouldn't I just kill you now?   
DOCTOR: Because then I won't be able to help you. Listen to your engines. Just listen to them. You don't have the thrust and you know it. Right now I'm your only hope for getting out of your little bubble through the rift, and into my universe. And mine's the one with the food in.   
IDRIS: Water, water.   
DOCTOR: You just have to promise not to kill us. That's all, just promise.   
AMY; You can't be serious.   
DOCTOR: I'm very serious. I'm sure it's an entity of its word.   
RORY: Doctor, she's burning up. She's asking for water.   
DOCTOR: Hey. Hang in there, old girl. Not long now. It'll be over soon.   
IDRIS: I always liked it when you call me old girl.   
HOUSE [OC]: You want me to give my word? Easy. I promise.   
DOCTOR: Fine. Okay. I trust you. Just delete, oh er, thirty percent of the Tardis rooms, you'll free up thrust enough to make it through. Activate subroutine Sigma nine.   
HOUSE [OC]: Why would you tell me this?   
DOCTOR: Because we want to get back to our universe as badly as you do. And I'm nice.   
HOUSE [OC]: Yes. I can delete rooms. And I can also rid myself of vermin if I delete this room first. Thank you, Doctor. Very helpful. Goodbye, Time Lord. Goodbye, little humans. Goodbye, Idris.   
(Bright light. The Tardis returns to normal space with an empty console room. Then the four of them appear.)   
DOCTOR: Yes. I mean, you could do that, but it just won't work. Hardwired fail safe. Living things from rooms that are deleted are automatically deposited in the main control room. But thanks for the lift.   
HOUSE [OC]: We are in your universe now, Doctor. Why should it matter to me in which room you die? I can kill you just as easily here as anywhere. Fear me. I've killed hundreds of Time Lords.   
DOCTOR: Fear me. I've killed all of them.   
(Idris is still telepathically telling Rory stuff.)   
RORY: I don't understand. There isn't a forest in here.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, you're right. You've completely won. Oh, you can kill us in oodles of really inventive ways, but before you do kill us allow me and friends Amy and Rory to congratulate you on being an absolutely worthy opponent.   
AMY: Congratulations.   
DOCTOR: Yep, you've defeated us. Me and my lovely friends here, and last but definitely not least, the Tardis Matrix herself, a living consciousness you ripped out of this very control room and locked up into a human body. And look at her.   
RORY: Doctor, she's stopped breathing.   
HOUSE [OC]: Enough. That is enough.   
DOCTOR: No. It's never enough. You forced the Tardis into a body so she'd burn out safely a very long way away from this control room. A flesh body can't hold the Tardis Matrix and live. Look at her body, House.   
HOUSE [OC]: And you think I should mourn her?   
DOCTOR: No. I think you should be very, very careful about what you let back into this control room. You took her from her home. But now she's back in the box again, and she's free.   
(The golden energy streams from Idris into the console then out again and through the Tardis.)   
HOUSE [OC]: No. Doctor, stop this. Argh! Stop this now.   
DOCTOR: Oh, look at my girl. Look at her go. Bigger on the inside. You see, House?   
HOUSE [OC]: Make her stop.   
DOCTOR: That's your problem. Size of a planet, but inside you are just so small.   
HOUSE [OC]: Make it stop.   
DOCTOR: Finish him off, girl.   
HOUSE [OC]: Ow. Don't do this! Argh!   
(Golden Idris is standing on the stairs.)   
IDRIS: Doctor, are you there? It's so very dark in here.   
DOCTOR: I'm here.   
IDRIS: I've been looking for a word. A big, complicated word, but so sad. I've found it now.   
DOCTOR: What word?   
IDRIS: Alive. I'm alive.   
DOCTOR: Alive isn't sad.   
IDRIS: It's sad when it's over. I'll always be here, but this is when we talked, and now even that has come to an end. There's something I didn't get to say to you.   
DOCTOR: Goodbye?   
IDRIS: No. I just wanted to say hello. Hello, Doctor. It's so very, very nice to meet you.   
DOCTOR: Please. I don't want you to. Please.   
(Idris dematerialises.)   
DOCTOR: Where?   
(Later, the Doctor is doing some work below the console.)   
RORY: How's it going under there?   
DOCTOR: Just putting a firewall around the Matrix. Almost done.   
AMY: Are you going to make her talk again?   
DOCTOR: I can't.   
RORY: Why not?   
AMY: Spacey wacey, isn't it?   
DOCTOR: Well, actually, it's because the Time Lords discovered that if you take an eleventh dimensional matrix and fold it into a mechanical then. Yes, it's spacey wacey.   
RORY: Sorry. At the end, she was talking. She kept repeating something. I don't know what it meant.   
DOCTOR: What did she say?   
RORY: The only water in the forest is the river. She said we'd need to know that someday. It doesn't make sense, does it?   
DOCTOR: Not yet. You okay?   
RORY: No. I watched her die. I shouldn't let it get to me, but it still does. I'm a nurse.   
DOCTOR: Letting it get to you. You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now, that's all that counts. Nearly finished. Two more minutes, then we're off. The Eye of Orion's restful, if you like restful. I can never really get the hang of restful. What do you think, dear? Where shall we take the kids this time?   
AMY: Look at you pair. It's always you and her, isn't it, long after the rest of us have gone. A boy and his box, off to see the universe.   
DOCTOR: Well, you say that as if it's a bad thing. But honestly, it's the best thing there is. The House deleted all the bedrooms. I should probably make you two a new bedroom. You'd like that, wouldn't you?   
AMY: Okay. Er, Doctor, this time could we lose the bunk beds?   
DOCTOR: No. Bunk beds are cool. A bed with a ladder. You can't beat that. It's your room. Out those stairs, keep walking till you find it. Off you pop.   
RORY: Doctor, do you have a room?   
(Amy pulls Rory away. Later, the Doctor's work is finished.)   
DOCTOR: Are you there? Can you hear me? Oh, I'm a silly old. Okay. The Eye of Orion, or wherever we need to go.   
(Levers move on their own.)   
DOCTOR: Ha ha! Whoo hoo.

* * *

[Corridor]  
(A monastery cum castle on an island. Think St Michael's Mount, but a bit flatter and further from any shoreline.)   
JIMMY: Lights.   
(The lights come on and the two men and a woman walk forward. They are wearing protective clothing.)

[Acid room]

JIMMY: Lights. You know the drill, people. Plastic visors down and locked. Buzzer?   
(Buzzer raises the lid on a large vat.)   
JENNIFER: Reading of nine point seven.   
JIMMY: Sounds a bit low for unrefined. How's the average?   
JENNIFER: The acid potency stats have definitely dropped below the mean during the last quarter.   
BUZZER: Prettier than a computer, isn't she?   
JENNIFER: Give over, Buzz.   
(Buzzer is standing on the edge of the vat when she gives him a nudge. He falls in.)   
JENNIFER: Buzzer. Buzz.   
JIMMY: Oh, great. Nice going, twinkle toes.   
JENNIFER: I shouldn't have swung at him. Sorry, Buzz. My bad.   
BUZZER: No, you're all right. Jimmy?   
JIMMY: Well, no point carrying you back legless. Sorry, Buzzer. You're dead.   
BUZZER: Well, this is a right pain in the armour. Heart's gone now.   
JIMMY: Look, we'd best get off. Got to write this one up for the boss. Those suits cost a bomb. If I miss my boy's birthday filling out forms, I'll kill you again.   
(Buzzer raises a farewell hand, which melts. Jennifer and Jimmy leave.)   
JIMMY: Lights.

[Corridor]

JENNIFER: I'm looking at these readings, Jimmy, and the potency stats are way too low. We may have to take that read again. This thing is still jamming up on me.   
BUZZER: So I think we'd better talk about what just happened back there. I could get compensation. I've seen the holo-ads. Had an accident in the workplace? Yeah, I have as it goes. I melted.   
JIMMY: Let it go.   
BUZZER: Just remember. When you're doing your report, it wasn't my fault. She took a swing at me.   
JENNIFER: I never touched you. You've got two left feet, Buzzer.   
BUZZER: I haven't got two left feet. Or any arms, neck, head, the chin. This body costs money, love.   
JIMMY: Not as much as that acid suit.   
BUZZER: Oh, lighten up. It's not like anyone was hurt.   
(The version of Buzzer in the acid vat finally dissolves.)

[Tardis]

(Loud music reverberates through the Tardis. I'm told it is called Supermassive Black Hole by Muse. Whatever. Rory and Amy are playing darts.)   
AMY: Forty six. Rubbishy, rubbishy, rubbish.   
RORY: Hello? It's a double top.   
AMY: Wrong side of the wire, mister.   
RORY: You're on the oche, Red.   
(The scanner still cannot decide whether Amy is pregnant or not. The Doctor turns off the music.)   
DOCTOR: Who wants fish and chips?   
(Rory raises his hand.)   
DOCTOR: I'll drop you both off. Take your time. Don't rush.   
RORY: Er, and you? Things to do. Things involving other things.   
AMY: Well, we'll stay with you. We'll do the other things.   
DOCTOR: Nope.   
AMY: Whatever you're up to, I'd personally like to be a part of it. What?   
(A klaxon blares, then everyone gets thrown around.)   
DOCTOR: Solar tsunami. Came directly from your sun. A tidal wave of radiation. Big, big, big.   
RORY: Oh Doctor, my tummy's going funny.   
DOCTOR: Well, the gyrator disconnected. Target tracking is out.   
(The Tardis heads for Earth.)   
DOCTOR: Assume the position!   
(Amy and Rory put their heads between their knees, then it all goes still.)   
DOCTOR: Textbook landing.

[St John's Island]

DOCTOR: Behold, a cockerel! Love a cockerel.   
(A weathervane.)   
DOCTOR: And underneath, a monastery. Thirteenth century.   
AMY: Oh, we've gone all mediaeval.   
RORY: I'm not sure about that.   
AMY: Really? Mediaeval expert are you?   
RORY: No, it's just that I can hear Dusty Springfield.   
(You Don't Have To Say You Love Me. The Doctor inspects a hole in the ground with a pipe running through it. The pipe is labelled Danger Corrosive.)   
DOCTOR: These fissures are new. Solar tsunami sent out a huge wave of gamma particles. This is caused by a magnetic quake that occurs just before the wave hits.   
AMY: Well, the monastery's standing.   
(The Doctor takes a snow globe out of his pocket and shakes it.)   
DOCTOR: Yeah, for now.   
RORY: Doctor, look.   
DOCTOR: Yeah. It's a supply pipe. Ceramic inner lining. Something corrosive. They're pumping something nasty off this island to the mainland.   
RORY: My mum's a massive fan of Dusty Springfield.   
DOCTOR: Who isn't? Right, let's go. Satisfy our rabid curiosity.

[Courtyard]

AMY: So where are these Dusty Springfield loving monks, then?   
DOCTOR: I think we're here. This is it.   
RORY: Doctor, what are you talking about? We've never been here before.   
DOCTOR: Hmm?   
AMY: We came here by accident?   
DOCTOR: Accident? Yes, I know. Accident.   
RORY: Ow!   
DOCTOR: Acid. They're pumping acid off this island. That's old stuff. Fresh acid, you wouldn't have a finger.   
TANNOY: Intruder alert. Intruder alert.   
DOCTOR: There are people coming. Well, almost.   
AMY: Almost coming?   
DOCTOR: Almost people.   
RORY: I think we should really be going.   
AMY: Come on!   
RORY: I'm telling you. When something runs towards you, it is never for a nice reason.

[Harness room]

(Buzzer and others are reclining in harnesses in the alcoves.)   
AMY: What are all these harnesses for?   
RORY: The almost people?   
AMY: What are they, prisoners, or are they meditating, or what?   
DOCTOR: Well, at the moment they fall into the or what category.   
TANNOY: Halt and remain calm.   
DOCTOR: Well, we've halted. How are we all doing on the calm front?   
JIMMY: Don't move!   
BUZZER: Stay back, Jen. We don't know who they are.   
JENNIFER: So let's ask them. Who the hell are you?   
(Amy looks around at the same people in the harnesses.)   
DOCTOR: Well, I'm the Doctor, and this is Amy and Rory, and it's all very nice, isn't it?   
AMY: Hold up. You're all. What are you all? Like identical twins?   
(Two more people walk in wearing acid suits. The woman seems to be in charge.)   
CLEAVES: This is an Alpha Grade industrial facility. Unless you work for the military or for Morpeth Jetson, you are in big trouble.   
DOCTOR: Actually, you're in big trouble.   
(He gets out the psychic paper.)   
CLEAVES: Meteorological Department? Since when?   
DOCTOR: Since you were hit by a solar wave.   
CLEAVES: Which we survived.   
DOCTOR: Just, by the look of it. And there's a bigger one on the way.   
CLEAVES: Which we'll also survive. Dicken, scan for bugs.   
BUZZER: Backs against the wall. Now.   
DOCTOR: You're not a monastery, you're a factory. Twenty second century army-owned factory.   
AMY: You're army?   
CLEAVES: No, love. We're contractors, and you're trespassers.   
DICKEN: It's clear, boss.   
CLEAVES: All right, weatherman, your ID checks out. If there's another solar storm, what are you going to do about it? Hand out sunblock?   
DOCTOR: I need to see your critical systems.   
CLEAVES: Which one?   
DOCTOR: You know which one.

[Flesh room]

(Another vat, this time filled with bubbling milky liquid.)   
DOCTOR: And there you are.   
CLEAVES: Meet the government's worst kept secret. The Flesh. It's fully programmable matter. In fact, it's even learning to replicate itself at the cellular level.   
AMY: Right. Brilliant. Lost.   
CLEAVES: Okay. Once a reading's been taken, we can manipulate its molecular structure into anything. Replicate a living organism down to the hairs on its chinny chin chin. Even clothes. And everything's identical. Eyes, voice   
DOCTOR: Mind, soul?   
CLEAVES: Don't be fooled, Doctor. It acts like life but it still needs to be controlled by us, from those harnesses you saw.   
RORY: Wait, whoa. Hold it. So, you're Flesh now?   
CLEAVES: I'm lying in a harness back in that chamber. We all are, except Jennifer here. Don't be scared. This thing, just like operating a forklift truck.   
DOCTOR: You said it could grow. Only living things grow.   
CLEAVES: Moss grows. It's no more than that. This acid is so dangerous we were losing a worker every week. So now we mine the acid using these doppelgangers. Or Gangers. If these bodies get burnt or fall in the acid   
BUZZER: Then who the hell cares, right, Jen?   
JENNIFER: Nerve endings automatically cut off like airbags being discharged. We wake up and get a new Ganger.   
JIMMY: It's weird, but you get used to it.   
CLEAVES: Jennifer, I want you in your Ganger. Get back to the harness.   
(Jennifer leaves. The Doctor scans the Flesh.)   
BUZZER: Hang on, what's he up to? What you up to, pal?   
DOCTOR: Stop it. Strange. It was like for a moment there it was scanning me.   
CLEAVES: Doctor.   
(The Doctor's hand is pulled to the surface of the Flesh.)   
CLEAVES: Get back, Doctor. Leave it alone.   
(He finally yanks his hand back.)   
DOCTOR: I understand.   
AMY: Doctor? Are you all right?   
DOCTOR: Incredible. You have no idea. No idea. I mean, I felt it in my mind. I reached out to it, and it to me.   
CLEAVES: Don't fiddle with the money, Doctor.   
DOCTOR: How can you be so blinkered? It's alive. So alive. You're piling your lives, your personalities directly into it.   
(Bang, flash.)   
DOCTOR: It's the solar storm. The first waves come in pairs. Pre-shock and fore-shock. It's close.   
CLEAVES: Buzzer, we got anything from the mainland yet?   
BUZZER: No, the comms are still too jammed with radiation.   
CLEAVES: Okay. Then we'll keep pumping acid until the mainland says stop. Now why don't you stand back and let us impress you?

[Harness room]

COMPUTER: ID confirmed. Jennifer Lucas.   
JENNIFER: The meter is running.   
(Jennifer puts her hand on a scanner then gets into her harness.)   
JENNIFER: Cardio and respiratory online. Motor functions online. Plumbing in.

[Flesh room]

(A smaller tank is filling with Flesh. A face appears in it and a few moments later a new Jennifer sits up.)   
DOCTOR: Well, I can see why you keep it in a church. Miracle of life.   
BUZZER: No need to get poncey. It's just gunge.   
CLEAVES: Guys, we need to get to work.   
JIMMY: Okay, everybody, let's crack on.   
DOCTOR: Did I mention the solar storm? You need to get out of here.   
JIMMY: Where do you want us to go? We're on a tiny island.   
DOCTOR: Well, I can get you all off it.   
CLEAVES: Don't be ridiculous. We've got a job to do.   
DOCTOR: It's coming.   
JENNIFER: That's the alarm.   
DOCTOR: How do you get power?   
CLEAVES: We're solar. We use a solar router. The weathervane.   
DOCTOR: Big problem.   
JIMMY: Boss, maybe if the storm's back we should get underground. The factory's seen better days. The acid pipes might not withstand another hit.   
CLEAVES: We have two hundred tons of acid to pump out. We fall behind, we stay another rotation. Anyone want that?   
DOCTOR: Please, you are making a massive mistake here. You're right at the crossroads of it. Don't turn the wrong way. If you don't, if you don't prepare for this storm, you are all in terrible danger. Understand?   
CLEAVES: My factory, my rules.   
DOCTOR: I need to check the progress of the storm. Monitoring station? Monitoring station.   
JENNIFER: Three lefts, a right and a left. Third door on your left.   
DOCTOR: Thank you.

[Monitoring station]

(A big storm lights up the sky.)   
DOCTOR: Waves disturbing the Earth's magnetic field. There is going to be the mother and father of all power surges. See this weathervane, the cock-a-doodle-do? It's a solar router feeding the whole factory with solar power. When that wave hits, ka-boom. I've to get to that cockerel before all hell breaks loose. I never thought I'd have to say that again. Amy, breathe.   
AMY: Yeah! I mean, thanks. I'll try.   
(The Doctor heads up the spiral staircase to the tower top. The weathervane is spinning very fast.   
Down in the harness room, the Gangers are watching their originals as the storm gathers force.   
Down in the crypt and outside, pipes burst and acid leaks out. The ground below the Tardis dissolves, and it sinks.   
Up in the air, the Doctor opens the Danger High Voltage box and starts pulling relays. There is a strike and he is thrown off the ladder.   
Electricity blasts down into the Flesh vat. All the Gangers faces become slightly molten, and they cry out.   
After a short time, the Doctor wakes. The weathervane has been destroyed. The monastery goes dark.)

[Flesh room]

(Amy and Rory are out cold on the floor.)   
RORY: Oh. For want of a better word, ow!

[Courtyard]

DOCTOR: Cleaves, you're not in your harness.   
CLEAVES: I'm sorry, Doctor. You were right.   
DOCTOR: You've lost all power to the factory.   
CLEAVES: Doctor, I abandoned my team.   
DOCTOR: Then let's go get them.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: How long would you say we were unconscious for, Cleaves?   
CLEAVES: Not long. A minute, two minutes?   
DOCTOR: I'd hazard we've been out a teensy bit longer.   
CLEAVES: Well, how long?   
DOCTOR: An hour. I've seen whole worlds turned inside out in an hour. A lot can go wrong in an hour.

[Harness room]

(Buzzer is being helped down from his harness.)   
BUZZER: I feel like I been toasted.   
JIMMY: What the hell happened?   
AMY: The tsunami happened. You hurt?   
JIMMY: It feels like the National Grid's run through my bones but apart from that   
BUZZER: I hope the meter's not bust. I still want to get paid.   
RORY: Jennifer! Jennifer. Hey, all right?   
JENNIFER: It hurt so much.   
RORY: Hey. Hey, it's okay. It's over.   
(Rory comforts Jennifer. Amy doesn't look happy about it.)   
JENNIFER: I couldn't get out of my harness.   
RORY: Shush.   
JENNIFER: I thought I was going to die.   
RORY: Welcome to my world.   
(The Doctor and Cleaves run in.)   
AMY: Doctor, these are all real people, so where are their Gangers?   
CLEAVES: Don't worry. When the link shuts down the Gangers return to pure Flesh. Now, the storm's left us with acid leaks all over, so we need to contact the mainland. They can have a rescue shuttle out here in no time.   
(The Dusty Springfield song starts up.)   
JIMMY: That's my record. Who's playing my record?   
DOCTOR: Your Gangers. They've gone walkabout.   
CLEAVES: No, it's impossible. They're not active. Cars don't fly themselves, cranes don't lift themselves and Gangers don't

[Dining hall]

BUZZER: No way.   
CLEAVES: I don't, I don't believe this.   
JIMMY: They could've escaped through the service door at the back.   
BUZZER: This is just like the Isle of Sheppey.   
DOCTOR: It would seem the storm has animated your Gangers.   
CLEAVES: They've ransacked everything.   
DOCTOR: Not ransacked, searched.   
CLEAVES: Through our stuff!   
DOCTOR: Their stuff.   
JIMMY: Searching for what?   
DOCTOR: Confirmation. They need to know their memories are real.   
BUZZER: Oh, so they've got flaming memories now.   
DOCTOR: They feel compelled to connect to their lives.   
CLEAVES: Their stolen lives.   
DOCTOR: No, bequeathed. You gave them this. You poured in your personalities, emotions, traits, memories, secrets, everything. You gave them your lives. Human lives are amazing. Are you surprised they walked off with them?   
BUZZER: I'll say it again. Isle of Sheppey. Ganger got an electric shock, toddled off, killed his operator right there in his harness. I've seen the photos. This bloke's ear was all hanging   
JIMMY: Even if this has actually happened, they can't remain stable without us plumbed in to them, can they, boss.   
CLEAVES: Guess we'll find out.   
RORY: Are you okay? Do you need some water?   
JENNIFER: I feel funny. I need the washroom.   
RORY: I'll come with you.   
(Rory follows Jennifer out. Dicken sneezes and makes Amy jump.)   
DICKEN: Sorry.   
AMY: Oh! Okay.   
(The Doctor examines a card tower on the table.)   
BUZZER: That's me. It's good to have a hobby. So what, my Ganger did that all on its own?   
DOCTOR: Who taught you to do this?   
BUZZER: My granddad.   
DOCTOR: Well, your Ganger's granddad taught him to do it, too. You both have the same childhood memories, just as clear, just as real.   
BUZZER: No.   
DOCTOR: Scared, disorientated, struggling to come to terms with an entire life in their heads.

[Washroom]

RORY: The Doctor's always saying don't wander off. First rule with him, actually. Don't wander off.   
JENNIFER: I just need a minute.   
RORY: Oh, yeah. Sure. Take all the time you need. I've got your back. You're fine.   
(In the mirror, Jennifer's face flickers from human to part-formed Ganger and back. She slumps forward and a piece of Flesh falls into the sink.)   
RORY: Er, Jennifer? What's up, Jennifer?   
(Jennifer runs into a cubicle.)   
We er, we'd better get going. Everything okay in there, Jen?   
(A hand comes out through a hole in the cubicle door on an elongated arm, hitting Rory and breaking the mirror. Then Jennifer's head comes out on a stretchy neck.)   
JENNIFER: Just let us live.   
(Rory runs away.)

[Dining hall]

JIMMY: We need to protect ourselves.   
(The Doctor pops a meal into the microwave.)   
DOCTOR: Are you a violent man, Jimmy?   
JIMMY: No.   
DOCTOR: Then why would the other Jimmy be?   
CLEAVES: Don't tell me you can eat at a time like this, Doctor.   
DOCTOR: You told me we were out cold for a few minutes, Cleaves, when in fact it was an hour.   
CLEAVES: Sorry, I just assumed   
DOCTOR: Well, it's not your fault. Like I said, they're disoriented. Amy, when you got to the alcoves, who was in harness?   
AMY: Jimmy and Dicken were helping Buzzer out.   
DOCTOR: Jennifer?   
AMY: She was standing on her own when we got to her.   
(The microwave dings. The Doctor hands the plate to Cleaves.)   
DOCTOR: It's hot.   
(Cleaves drops the plate.)   
DOCTOR: Trans-matter's still a little rubbery. Nerve endings not quite fused properly.   
CLEAVES: What are you talking about?   
DOCTOR: It's okay.   
CLEAVES: Why didn't I feel that?   
DOCTOR: You will. You'll stabilise.   
CLEAVES: No, stop it. You're playing stupid games. Stop it!   
DOCTOR: You don't have to hide. Please, trust me. I'm the Doctor.   
(Cleaves turns around with a Ganger face. Buzzer grabs a knife and Jimmy holds him back.)   
BUZZER: Where's the real Cleaves, you thing? What have you done with her?   
DOCTOR: That's it. Good, you remember. This is early Flesh. The early stages of the technology. So much to learn.   
AMY: Doctor, what's happened to her?   
DOCTOR: She can't stabilise. She's shifting between half-formed and full-formed, for now at least.   
CLEAVES: We are living.   
(She runs out of the room, screaming.)   
DOCTOR: Let her go.   
AMY: Doctor, Rory.   
DOCTOR: Rory?   
AMY: Rory!   
DOCTOR: Oh, Rory. Rory! Always with the Rory.

[Monastery]

(Their way is blocked by the contents of some broken drums.)   
JIMMY: Explosion must've ruptured the acid feeds. We're going to need the acid suits.   
DOCTOR: No, no, no. We haven't got time. Back, back, back!   
(Rory comes upon the spill from the other direction.)   
JENNIFER [OC]: Rory? Rory? Rory?   
(Rory hides. Her face is half-formed.)

[Washroom]

AMY: Rory.   
(There is a hole punched in the wall to the outside.)   
DOCTOR: Of course, Jennifer's a Ganger too.   
AMY: Doctor, you said they wouldn't be violent.   
DOCTOR: But I did say they were scared and angry.   
JIMMY: And early technology, is what you said. You seem to know something about the Flesh.   
AMY: Do you? Doctor?   
JIMMY: You're no weatherman. Why are you really here?   
DOCTOR: I have to talk to them. I can fix this.   
JIMMY: Wait. What's going on? Where's the real Jennifer?

[Corridor]

(Another pipe ruptures.)   
DOCTOR: It is too dangerous out here with acid leaks.   
AMY: We have to find Rory.   
DOCTOR: Yes. I'm going back to the Tardis. Wait for me in the dining hall. I want us to keep together, okay. No more wandering off.   
AMY: And what about Rory?   
DOCTOR: Well, it would be safer to look for Rory and Jennifer with the Tardis.   
JIMMY: Here we go. Distress flares.   
DOCTOR: Exit?   
JIMMY: Keep going straight. Can't miss it. But you're never going to get your vehicle in here.   
DOCTOR: I'm a great parker.   
JIMMY: We really need those acid suits. I've sent Buzzer and Dicken to get them.   
AMY: Fine and dandy. I'm just going to find my husband, so cheers.   
JIMMY: Amy, I wouldn't.   
AMY: Nor would I. What can you do, eh?   
JIMMY: At least wait for an acid suit.

[Locker room]

(Rory finds Jennifer.)   
G-JENNIFER: When I was a little girl, I got lost on the moors, wandered off from the picnic. I can still feel how sore my toes got inside my red welly boots. And I imagined another little girl, just like me, in red wellies, and she was Jennifer too. Except she was a strong Jennifer, a tough Jennifer. She'd lead me home. My name is Jennifer Lucas. I am not a factory part. I had toast for my breakfast. I wrote a letter to my mum. And then you arrived. I noticed your eyes right off.   
RORY: Did you?   
G-JENNIFER: Nice eyes. Kind.   
RORY: Where is the real Jennifer?   
G-JENNIFER: I am Jennifer Lucas. I remember everything that happened in her entire life. Every birthday, every childhood illness. I feel everything she has ever felt and more. I'm not a monster! I am me. Me! Me! Me!   
(She looks completely human now.)   
G-JENNIFER: Why did they do this to us? Help me, Rory. Help me.   
RORY: Shush, shush.

[Flesh room]

(The Doctor scans the vat with his sonic screwdriver, then leaves. A pair of lips appear in the vat.)   
LIPS: Trust me.

[St Johns Island]

(Just the top of the Tardis is visible, sticking out of the ground.)   
DOCTOR: Oh. What are you doing down there?   
(Then he notices that his shoes are dissolving. He abandons them and runs back into the monastery.)

[Locker room]

BUZZER: Clear.   
(The Acid Suit locker is empty.)   
BUZZER: Those damn Gangers got to the acid suits.   
DICKEN: There is acid leaking everywhere. Did you see the boss' eyes back there in the hall?   
BUZZER: I've never seen a Ganger look at me like that.   
DICKEN: I don't know what they are now, but they ain't us.   
(Dicken sneezes.)

[Acid room]

(Ganger Dicken, Buzzer and Jimmy are waiting for their leader.)   
G-CLEAVES: We have the advantage now. We have the acid suits. We can move freely. Strike at will.

[Monastery]

RORY: Are you sure you're feeling better? No more super-elastic punches?   
G-JENNIFER: I'm different now. Stronger.   
RORY: The Doctor won't hurt you. He wants to help, Jennifer, okay?   
G-JENNIFER: You used my name. You used my name. Thank you.   
(She kisses Rory.)   
G-JENNIFER: Amy's a lucky girl.   
RORY: Yeah, she is. Let's go.   
(Someone was hiding up a staircase, listening. It is dark, but I think it was Cleaves.)

[Room]

AMY: Rory. Rory?   
(The Eye Patch woman is looking through a hatch in the far wall.)

[Corridor]

(Amy slams the door shut again.)   
RORY: Amy!   
AMY: You're okay. What happened?   
(G-Jennifer peeks out from behind Rory's back.)   
RORY: She needs protecting.   
(Buzzer and Dicken come up from behind.)   
BUZZER: Jen?   
AMY: No, it's a Ganger. Rory, listen.   
RORY: Look, you listen. Nobody touches her.

[Acid room]

(The Doctor finds the acid suits, and the Gangers.)   
DOCTOR: Hello. How are you all getting on?   
G-CLEAVES: Why don't you tell us?   
DOCTOR: Well, we have two choices. The first is to tear each other apart. Not my favourite. The second is to knuckle down and work together. Try to work out how best we can help you.

[Corridor]

(The Doctor leads the Gangers out.)   
DOCTOR: Now, I know its hard for you to hold your fully human form. That's why you keep shifting between the Flesh stages, but do try. It'll make the others less scared of you.

[Dining hall]

BUZZER: Where's Jen? What have you done with her?   
G-JENNIFER: I haven't seen her, I swear. But look, I'm her. I'm just like her. I'm real.   
JIMMY: You're a copy. You're just pretending to be like her.   
AMY: Rory, we don't really know anything about them yet.   
RORY: Well, I know that she's afraid and she needs our help.   
G-JENNIFER: Jimmy, Buzzer. Come on, you guys. We've worked together for two years.   
BUZZER: I worked with Jennifer Lucas, not you.   
AMY: Okay, let's not do anything at all   
AMY + DOCTOR: Until the Doctor gets here. Hello.   
(The Gangers look fully human. This is going to get confusing.)   
JIMMY: This is   
G-JIMMY: You're telling me.   
G-CLEAVES: All right, Doctor, you've brought us together. Now what?   
DOCTOR: Before we do anything, I have one very important question. Has anybody got a pair of shoes I could borrow? Size ten. Although I should warn you, I have very wide feet.

[Locker room]

CLEAVES: That's it, Doctor befriend them. Team up with them, why don't you? Make a football team. How about that? You're going to have us all together singing campfire songs.   
(She collects some equipment.)

[Dining room]

(The Doctor has acquired boots.)   
DOCTOR: The Flesh was never merely moss. These are not copies. The storm has hardwired them. They are becoming people.   
JIMMY: With souls?   
DICKEN: Rubbish! Achoo.   
DOCTOR: Bless you. We were all jelly once. Little jelly eggs sitting in goop.   
AMY: Yeah, thanks. Too much information.   
DOCTOR: We are not talking about an accident that needs to be mopped up. We are talking about sacred life. Do you understand? Good. Now, the Tardis is trapped in an acid pool. Once I can reach her, I can get you all off this island, humans and Gangers, eh? How does that sound?   
JIMMY: Can I make it home for Adam's birthday?   
G-JIMMY: What about me? He's my son too.   
JIMMY: You? You really think that?   
G-JIMMY: I feel it.   
JIMMY: Oh, so you were there when he was born, were you?   
G-JIMMY: Yeah. I drank about eight pints of tea, then they told me I had a wee boy and I just burst out laughing. No idea why. I miss home, as much as you.   
DOCTOR: Look, I'm not going to lie to you. It's a right old mess, this. But as you might say up North, oh well, I'll just go to't foot of stairs. Eee by by gum. Or not. Good. Right. First step is we get everyone together, then get everyone safe. Then, get everyone out of here.   
AMY: But we're still missing Jennifer and Cleaves.   
JIMMY: I'll go and look for them.   
G-JIMMY: I'll give you a hand, if you like. Cover more ground.   
JIMMY: Yeah, okay. Thanks.   
CLEAVES: This circus has gone on long enough.   
G-CLEAVES: Oh, great. You see, that is just so typically me.   
CLEAVES: Doctor, tell it to shut up!   
DOCTOR: Cleaves, no. No, no.   
CLEAVES: Circuit probe. Fires about ooo, forty thousand volts? Would kill any one of us, so I guess she'll work on Gangers just the same.   
DOCTOR: It's interesting you refer to them as it, but you call a glorified cattle prod a she.   
CLEAVES: When the real people are safely off this island, then I'll happily talk philosophy over a pint with you, Doctor.   
AMY: What are you going to do to them?   
CLEAVES: Sorry. They're monsters. Mistakes. They have to be destroyed.   
DOCTOR: Give me the probe, Cleaves.   
CLEAVES: We always have to take charge, don't we, Miranda. Even when we don't really know what the hell is going on.   
(Ganger Buzzer tries to rush her. Cleaves zaps him.)   
DOCTOR: Argh! He's dead!   
CLEAVES: We call it decommissioned.   
DOCTOR: You stopped his heart. He had a heart. Aorta, valves, a real human heart. And you stopped it.   
RORY: Jen?   
G-JENNIFER: What happened to Buzzer will happen to all of us if we trust you.   
DOCTOR: Wait, wait, just wait.   
RORY: No!   
(Rory jumps Cleaves and disconnects the power from the probe. The Gangers run away.)   
AMY: You idiot!   
DOCTOR: Wait! Look at what you have done, Cleaves.   
CLEAVES: If it's war, then it's war. You don't get it, Doctor. How can you? It's us and them now. Us and them.   
DICKEN: Us and them.   
JIMMY: (sighs) Us and them.

[Acid room]

G-JENNIFER: You tried. We all tried and look what they did. Us and them now.   
G-JIMMY: Us and them.   
G-DICKEN: Us and them.   
G-CLEAVES: Jennifer.   
G-JENNIFER: Buzzer warned you it was a trick and now he's dead. If we want to live, then it's time to go to war. I'll take care of the spare one running around out there.

[Flesh room]

(Jennifer hobbles in. The lips now have a body, but we don't see it.)   
VOICE: Trust me.   
(Jennifer runs.)

[Dining hall]

RORY: Look, I just wanted to help her.   
AMY: Well, we all do, okay?   
RORY: Don't be like that. Listen, she's   
AMY: I said I agree with you. Drop it.   
DOCTOR: The most fortified and defendable room in the monastery. Cleaves, the most fortified and defendable room in the monastery.   
CLEAVES: The chapel.   
DOCTOR: Thank you.   
CLEAVES: Only one way in. Stone walls two feet thick.   
DOCTOR: You've crossed one hell of a line, Cleaves. You've killed one of them. They're coming back, in a big way.   
(They are, dressed in the acid suits.)

[Corridor]

RORY [OC]: Jennifer!   
JENNIFER: Rory?   
(Her Ganger is watching her, stuck to the ceiling.)

[Outside the Chapel]

JIMMY: What about the flares?   
DOCTOR: We'll worry about the flares when we're locked inside. Rory, Pond.   
(There is a scream.)   
AMY: Rory, come on.   
RORY: Jen's out there. She's out there and she's on her own.   
DOCTOR: Well, if she's got any sense, then she's hiding. Rory!   
RORY: I can't leave her out there!   
DOCTOR: Rory.   
RORY: I know you understand that.   
AMY: Get in here. Get in here!   
(The Gangers approach. Rory ducks down a side corridor.)   
G-CLEAVES: There they are.   
DOCTOR: Amy.   
AMY: Rory!

[Chapel]

DOCTOR: Amy, they are not after him, they're after us.   
VOICE [OC]: Why? Why?   
DOCTOR: Show yourself. Show yourself!

[Corridor]

RORY: Jennifer?

[Chapel]

AMY: Doctor!   
CLEAVES: Pass me the barrel.   
DICKEN: We need something heavy. Anything you can find.   
(They barricade the door.)   
JIMMY: This is insane. We're fighting ourselves.   
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, it's insane, and it's about to get even more insanerer. Is that a word? Show yourself, right now!   
AMY: Doctor, we are trapped in here and Rory's out there with them. Hello? We can't get to the Tardis and we can't even leave the island.   
G-DOCTOR: Correct in every respect, Pond. It's frightening, unexpected, frankly a total, utter splattering mess on the carpet, but I am certain, one hundred percent certain, that we can work this out. Trust me. I'm the Doctor.

* * *

[Chapel]  
(The new Doctor is suffering.)   
G-DOCTOR: Argh. What's happening? I wonder if we'll get back. Yes, one day. Argh. I've reversed the polarity of the neutron flow.   
DOCTOR: The Flesh is struggling to cope with our past regenerations. Hold on.   
DOCTOR 4 [OC]: Would you like a jelly baby?   
G-DOCTOR: Why? Why? Why?   
DOCTOR: Why what?   
G-DOCTOR: Hello. I'm the Doctor. No, let it go, we've moved on.   
DOCTOR: Hold on, hold on, you can stabilise.   
G-DOCTOR: I've reversed the jelly baby of the neutron flow. Would you like a Doctor, Doctor, I'm, I'm the. I can't.   
DOCTOR: No, listen, hold on. Hold on.   
G-DOCTOR: No! Argh.   
(The other Gangers are trying to batter their way in. Then it all goes quiet.)   
BUZZER: I think I liked it best when they were being noisy.   
AMY: Mmm hmm. Doctor, we need you. Get over here.   
G-DOCTOR: Hello.   
AMY: Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Cybermats.   
G-DOCTOR: Do we have time for this?   
DOCTOR: We make time. I'd like more proof that you're me. Cybermats.   
G-DOCTOR: Created by the Cybermen. They kill by feeding off brainwaves.   
AMY: Are you sure there aren't any weapons to can get to, like big guns with bits on?   
BUZZER: Yeah, big guns would be good right now.   
JIMMY: Why would we have guns? We're a factory. We mine.   
AMY: Acid.   
(The door starts to dissolve and the Gangers recommence their battering.)   
DOCTOR: Rory and Amy, they may not trust both of us.   
G-DOCTOR: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?   
DOCTOR: Inevitably.   
G-DOCTOR: I'm glad we're on the same   
DOCTOR: Wavelength. You see, great minds.   
G-DOCTOR: Exactly. So, what's the plan?   
DOCTOR: Save them all, humans and gangers.   
G-DOCTOR: Tall order. Sounds wonderful.   
DOCTOR: Is that what you were thinking? It's just so inspiring to hear me say it.   
G-DOCTOR: I know.   
AMY: Doctor, come on.   
G-DOCTOR: So, what now, Doctor?   
DOCTOR: Well, time to get cracking, Doctor.   
BOTH: Hello. Sorry, but we had to establish a few ground rules.   
DOCTOR: Formulate a protocol.   
G-DOCTOR: Protocol? Very posh.   
DOCTOR: A protocol between us. Otherwise   
G-DOCTOR: It gets horribly embarrassing.   
DOCTOR: And potentially confusing.   
AMY: I'm glad you've solved the problem of confusing.   
G-DOCTOR: That's sarcasm.   
DOCTOR: She's very good at sarcasm.   
BOTH: Breathe.   
AMY: What?   
DOCTOR: We have to get you off this island. And the Gangers too.   
CLEAVES: Sorry, would you like a memo from the last meeting? They are trying to kill us!   
DOCTOR: They're scared.   
AMY: Doctor, we're trapped in here.   
DOCTOR: Right, See, I don't think so. The Flesh Bowl is fed by cabling from above.   
G-DOCTOR: But where are the earthing conduits?   
DOCTOR: All this piping must go down into a tunnel or a shaft or something, yes? With us?   
(He finds a grating in the wall.)   
DOCTOR: Yowza. An escape route.   
AMY: Yowza?   
DOCTOR: You know, I'm starting to get a sense of just how impressive it is to hang out with me.   
G-DOCTOR: Do we tend to say yowza?   
DOCTOR: That's enough, let it go, okay? We're under stress.   
(When the armoured Gangers break in, the Doctor is sonicking the grating shut again. The two Cleaves stare at each other briefly.)

[Monastery]

G-JENNIFER: Stop. Stop. Stop, stop.   
(Rory watches her go.)

[Corridor]

BUZZER: The army will send a recon team our.   
CLEAVES: We need to find a way to contact the mainland.   
AMY: What about Rory and Jen? They are both out there.   
DOCTOR: No, this place is a maze. Takes a long time to find someone in a maze. I bet you lot have got a computer map, haven't you?   
CLEAVES: If we can get power running, we can scan for them. Be a lot quicker.   
(They start coughing.)   
AMY: Doctor, you said earlier to breathe.   
DOCTOR: Very important, Pond. Breathe.   
AMY: Yeah, well, I'm struggling to.   
DOCTOR: Acid interacting with the stone.   
G-DOCTOR: Creating an asphyxiant miasma.   
CLEAVES: A what?   
DOCTOR: Choking gas. Extra heavy. If we can get above it.   
CLEAVES: The evac tower. It's this way.

[Chapel]

G-CLEAVES: Oh, damned headaches. I'm so tired.   
G-JIMMY: They could be anywhere. How are we going to find them?   
G-CLEAVES: Think about it. With all that gas out there, my guess would be the evac tower. Get above it, try to get power up.   
G-JIMMY: So? Let's stop them.   
G-CLEAVES: It's a narrow doorway. I could defend it easy enough. So can she. Ow.

[Evac tower]

AMY: Oh. I think I coughed so hard, I pulled a muscle or something. It's okay, it's better. It's easing off.   
(The church bell starts ringing.)   
JIMMY: It's midnight. It's Adam's birthday. My son's five. Happy birthday, bud.

[Chapel]

G-JIMMY: Happy birthday, Adam. He'll be so excited. Out of bed at the crack of dawn. It's funny, he's got this wee dance he does when he gets over-excited.   
G-JENNIFER: Listen to me. I tried to block the memories, but now I know I must remember. It's the eyes. The eyes are the last to go.   
G-JIMMY: What are you talking about?   
G-JENNIFER: When they destroy us, the eyes are the last things to melt. And there's one question in those eyes. Why? Why should we suffer for the sake of human beings?   
G-DICKEN: I heard in India there's over ten million Gangers.   
G-JENNIFER: We can reach out. Inspire them to rise up.   
G-CLEAVES: Revolution? Look, I just, I just want to be left to live in peace, Jen.   
G-JENNIFER: They will melt you. Have you become so human that you've forgotten the truth? Don't you remember all the times you were decommissioned, or should I say executed?   
G-CLEAVES: No, we don't remember.   
G-JENNIFER: Well, I do. It's us or them.   
G-JIMMY: She's right.   
G-JENNIFER: I have a plan, and it'll destroy them all.

[Evac tower]

(The two Doctors keep bobbing up and down behind the console. I think the Ganger is on our left and the original on our right, but I could be wrong.)   
CLEAVES: Can you really get the power back?   
G-DOCTOR: Oh, there's always some power floating around.   
DOCTOR: Sticking to the wires, like bits of lint.   
AMY: Can you stop finishing each other's   
DOCTOR: Sentences? No probs.   
G-DOCTOR: Yes.   
AMY: No, hang on. You said that the Tardis was stuck in acid, so won't she be damaged?   
DOCTOR: Nah, she's a tough old thing. Tough, old, sexy.   
G-DOCTOR: Tough, dependable, sexy.   
AMY: Come on. Okay, how can how can you both be real?   
G-DOCTOR: Well, because we are. I'm the Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Yeah and so am I. We both contain the knowledge of over nine hundred years of memory and experience.   
DOCTOR: We both wear the same bow tie, which is cool.   
G-DOCTOR: Because bow ties are   
DOCTOR: And always will be.   
AMY: But how did the Flesh read you? Because you weren't linked up to the it.   
DOCTOR: Well, it must've been after I examined it. Thus, a new, genuine Doctor was created.   
G-DOCTOR: Ta-da.   
AMY: No getting away from it. One of you was here first.   
DOCTOR: Well, okay. After the Flesh scanned me, I had an accident with a puddle of acid. Now, new shoes. A situation which did not confront me learned self here.   
G-DOCTOR: That satisfy you, Pond?   
AMY: Don't call me Pond, please. What?   
G-DOCTOR: Interesting. You definitely feel more affection for him than me.   
AMY: No, no, I. Look, you're fine and everything, but he's the Doctor. No offence. Being almost the Doctor is pretty damn impressive.   
G-DOCTOR: Being almost the Doctor's like being no Doctor at all.   
AMY: Don't overreact.   
G-DOCTOR: You might as well call me Smith.   
AMY: Smith?   
G-DOCTOR: John Smith.   
DOCTOR: Yes! Communication a go-go.   
(Cleaves rushes to the console.)   
AMY: Find Rory! Show me the scanning tracking screen. Come on, Rory, let's be having you.   
CLEAVES: There's no sign of him anywhere.   
AMY: Come on. Come on, baby, show yourself.

[Monitoring station]

G-JIMMY: You're right, there's power.   
G-CLEAVES: Well, boys, I don't know much, but I know my own minds. She'll be straight on the comlink to the mainland.

[Evac tower]

CLEAVES: Saint John's calling. Emergency Alpha.

[Monitoring station]

G-CLEAVES: Let's see if we can intercept.   
CLEAVES [OC]: Saint John's calling the mainland. Are you receiving me, Captain? Come in.

[Evac tower]

CLEAVES: We'll never get a signal through this storm. Saint John's calling the mainland. Come in, this is urgent.   
CAPTAIN [OC]: We're just about reading you, Saint John's. How are you doing? We've had all kinds of trouble here.

[Monitoring station]

CLEAVES [OC]: Request immediate evacuation. We're under attack. The storm's affected our Gangers.

[Evac tower]

CLEAVES: They're running amok.   
CAPTAIN [OC]: Your Gangers?   
CLEAVES: Yes, our Gangers are attacking us. We need you to take us off the island immediately and wipe them out.

[Monitoring station]

CAPTAIN [OC]: Copy that, Saint John's. Shuttle's despatched. Hang on.

[Evac tower]

CLEAVES: You'll need to airlift us off the roof of the evac tower.

[Monitoring station]

CLEAVES [OC]: And Captain, any further transmission sent by me must come with the following codeword. I'm typing it, in case they're listening in.   
G-CLEAVES: Oof. See how smart I am? That's why I'm paid the big bucks.   
CAPTAIN [OC]: Got it. We'll swing in, get you out and decommission the Flesh.   
G-CLEAVES: Jennifer's right. We're going to have to fight if we want to survive.

[Thermostatic room]

(The computer rejects Jennifer's handprint as non-human.)   
COMPUTER: Thermostatic override rejected. Can only be operated by recognised source.   
G-JENNIFER: I am recognised. I'm Jennifer Lucas.

[Evac tower]

BUZZER: We've got to get out of here. We are, we're going to get out.   
AMY: We're not leaving without them.   
BUZZER: I want them found too, but it's about casualties, innit? Can't be helped.   
AMY: What are you doing?   
DOCTOR: Making a phone call.   
AMY: Who to?   
DOCTOR: No one yet. It's on delay.   
AMY: Right. Not getting it. Why exactly are you making a phone call?   
DOCTOR: Because, Amy, I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams. The wheels are in motion. Done.   
AMY: You know really there can be only one.   
DOCTOR: Hmm?   
AMY: Oh, nothing. Carry on. Be amazing.   
(Amy is drawn to the far wall. A hatch opens and she sees the Eye Patch Lady again.)   
DOCTOR: Amy? What happened?   
AMY: It's her again.   
DOCTOR: It's who again?   
AMY: There's a woman I keep seeing. A woman with an eyepatch, and she has this habit of sliding walls open and staring at me. Doctor?   
DOCTOR: It's nothing.   
AMY: Doesn't seem like nothing.   
DOCTOR: It's a time memory. Like a mirage. It's nothing to worry about.   
G-DOCTOR: It's in my head.   
(The Ganger Doctor leaves.)   
JIMMY: Hey, hold on.   
CLEAVES: Don't let him go.   
AMY: No, leave it to me.

[Outside the tower]

AMY: I'm sorry. What I said about you being almost the Doctor, it's just really hard, because I've been through so much with him. I've even seen. I've even seen the moment of his. Can you die? If you really are the same, then you can die. You can be killed, and I might have seen that happen.   
G-DOCTOR: Why?   
AMY: Why? Because you invited us to see it. Your death.   
(He pushes Amy against the wall.)   
G-DOCTOR: Why?   
AMY: You're hurting me.   
G-DOCTOR: It's all the eyes say. Why? I can feel them as they work each day, knowing the time was coming for them to be thrown away again. Not again, please. And then they are destroyed and they feel death, and all they can say is, why?   
(He lets Amy go, and she runs back inside.)

[Evac tower]

DOCTOR: Why?   
(Amy enters, followed by the Ganger Doctor.)   
AMY: Keep him away from me.   
G-DOCTOR: Did you sense it?   
DOCTOR: Briefly. Not as strong as you.   
G-DOCTOR: Amy, I'm sorry.   
AMY: No, you keep away. We can't trust you.   
G-DOCTOR: It would appear I can connect to the Flesh.   
AMY: You are Flesh.   
G-DOCTOR: I'm beginning to understand what it's been through, what it needs.   
AMY: What you want. You are it.   
G-DOCTOR: It's much more powerful than we thought. The Flesh can grow, correct?   
CLEAVES: Its cells can divide.   
G-DOCTOR: Well, now it wants to do that at will. It wants revenge. It's in pain, angry. It wants revenge.   
AMY: I was right. You're not the Doctor. You can't ever be. You're just a copy.   
CLEAVES: Doctor, it might be best if you stayed over there for now, hmm?   
DOCTOR: Hold on a minute, hold your horses. I thought I'd explained this. I'm him, he's me.   
CLEAVES: Doctor, we have no issue with you, but when it comes to your Ganger   
DOCTOR: Don't be so absurd.   
CLEAVES: Buzzer.   
BUZZER: Sure, boss.   
(Buzzer puts out a barrel for the Ganger Doctor to sit on.)   
BUZZER: Take a seat, mate.   
G-DOCTOR: Nice barrel, very comfy. Why not? Is this really what you want?

[Corridor]

(Rory is still searching for Jennifer. He is now armed with a large stick.)   
JENNIFER [OC]: Help me. No, get away.   
RORY: Jen? Jen?

[Crypt]

(There are two identical Jennifers here.)   
JENNIFER: Rory?   
JENNIFER 2: I'm sorry. She found me. Rory, listen to me.   
JENNIFER: Don't listen to her.   
JENNIFER 2: I'm Jennifer Lucas. This woman is Flesh.

[Evac tower]

PILOT [OC]: This is the shuttle. We're right above you, but we can't get low enough. Gamma static could fry our nav-controls. Sit tight. We'll get to you. Just   
(The Doctor scans Cleaves with his sonic screwdriver.)   
JIMMY: Hello? Can you hear me?   
AMY: I can't find Rory. I'm going out there.   
DOCTOR: We could use the sonic to track him. Humans and Gangers give off slightly different signals. The sonic needs to tell the difference.   
AMY: Oh, so the sonic knows Gangers are different. The other Doctor is different.   
DOCTOR: He is the Doctor.   
AMY: Not to me. I can tell.   
DOCTOR: Sure you're not prejudiced?   
AMY: Nice try, but I know, okay? We've been through too much. You're my Doctor. End of.

[Crypt]

RORY: So one of you is human, and one of you I sat with and talked with. Why can't you just tell me the truth? The Doctor wants you to live, and I'm with him all the way.   
JENNIFER: That's a lovely idea, Rory, but the Flesh want to kill us now.   
RORY: You're limping. You're not.   
JENNIFER 2: So? So what? You think a Ganger can't put on a limp?   
RORY: Show me your leg.   
JENNIFER: It got burnt while I was in the harness.   
JENNIFER 2: She's lying. She's telling you what you want to hear.   
RORY: But look, you can't fake a burn.   
(Jennifer 2 attacks injured Jennifer.)   
RORY: No! No, you don't. Stop it. Stop it! Fighting each other is pointless. Come on. Please, please stop. Jen. Both Jens, stop it. No!   
(The fight ends with one Jennifer being pushed backwards into a pool of acid. It is the Ganger, and it dissolves into Flesh.)   
JENNIFER: She, she attacked me. I knew you'd find me. We're in this together, Rory, and we've got to trust each other.   
RORY: Okay. Come on, let's go.

[Evac tower]

BUZZER: Hey, there's a camera up. We've got a visual.   
AMY: That's Rory and Jennifer.   
CLEAVES: They're heading for the thermostatic room.   
AMY: Let's go get them.   
(The Doctor throws the sonic screwdriver to his counterpart.)   
AMY: Hang on.   
CLEAVES: We can't let him go. Are you crazy?   
DOCTOR: Am I crazy, Doctor?   
G-DOCTOR: Well, you did want to plumb your brain into the core of an entire planet just to halt its orbit and win a bet.   
AMY: He can't go rescue them. I'm going.   
DOCTOR: Do you know, I want him to go. And I'm rather adamant.   
BUZZER: Well then, he'll need company. Right, boss? It's fine. I'll handle it.   
G-DOCTOR: Thank you, Buzzer. It'll be all right. I'll find him.   
DOCTOR: Can't explain it to you now, but I need you to trust him. Can you do that for me, Amy?   
AMY: And what if you're wrong?

[Thermostatic room]

JENNIFER: This is the thermostatic chamber. We can stir the oxygen supply from here.   
RORY: What?   
JENNIFER: We're going to choke to death if we don't clean this air. Keep a look out in case of Gangers. Rory!   
RORY: What's wrong?   
JENNIFER: It's this wheel. It's just too tough for a girl to turn. Are you feeling strong?   
RORY: I'll break out the big guns.   
(Jennifer puts Rory's hand on the palm print scanner. Why?)   
JENNIFER: This first.   
COMPUTER: Human source recognised.   
(Rory turns the wheel.)   
COMPUTER: Thermostatic override granted.

[Evac tower]

CLEAVES: These temperature gauges are rising. Jennifer and Rory must have shut off the underground cooling vents.   
DICKEN: Why do that? They'll kill us.   
CLEAVES: There's a million gallons of boiling acid under our feet.   
DOCTOR: And now it's heating up the whole island. How long till it blows?   
(Rumble.)   
DICKEN: Gangers or no Gangers, we need to get the hell out of here.   
CLEAVES: Shuttle, we need evac. Where are you? Can you hear me? Can you   
(Cleaves is struck by a stabbing headache.)   
DOCTOR: Cleaves? Cleaves? Cleaves, sit down.   
CLEAVES: I'm fine.

[Monitoring station]

G-DICKEN: You don't look good.   
G-CLEAVES: Monsters never do. I'm fine. I remember medics doing tests.

[Evac tower]

CLEAVES: I'm waiting for results, so let it go.   
DOCTOR: It's a very deep parietal clot.   
CLEAVES: How can you possibly? Inoperable?   
DOCTOR: On Earth, yes.   
CLEAVES: Well, seeing as Earth's all that's on offer. Hmm. I'm no healthy spring chicken, and you're no weatherman. Right?   
(Big rumble.)   
AMY: Something just cracked. I heard it.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, we can't stay here. Let's go.   
JIMMY: He's right. Let's shift.   
CLEAVES: Cleaves to Shuttle. Respond. We need to move, and we can't be collected from the Evac tower.   
PILOT [OC]: Give us the codeword.   
CLEAVES: The codeword is   
(Rumble. Bang. Alarms.)   
DOCTOR: Cleaves? Cleaves, it's dead. It's dead. We need to get out of here. We need to get back downstairs and get those vents back on. Come on.

[Monitoring station]

G-CLEAVES: This is our chance. I can reroute the shuttle to the courtyard.   
G-JIMMY: You can't guess the codeword.   
G-CLEAVES: Yes, I can, Jimmy, because I created the codeword. Shuttle, do you read me? This is Foreman Cleaves.   
PILOT [OC]: Read you. You got cut off. Say again. What's the request?   
G-CLEAVES: You need to reroute and pick us up from the courtyard.   
PILOT [OC]: Courtyard. As soon as we can. Give me the codeword.   
G-CLEAVES: Shuttle, the codeword is Bad Boy. I repeat, Bad Boy.   
PILOT [OC]: Copy that. The courtyard. Still want us to take care of those Gangers?   
G-CLEAVES: Negative. They've all been incinerated.   
G-JIMMY: Bad Boy? Good call.   
G-CLEAVES: Yeah, well, it wasn't luck. We're the same person.

[Down in the crypt area]

JENNIFER: This room's always sealed. Power surge must have thrown the bolts.   
RORY: What is that?   
(A pile of uniforms with gunge and blank faces.)   
JENNIFER: Discarded Flesh. Faulty, probably. Just thrown away. Look at them. One of my old Gangers.   
(It opens its eyes.)   
JENNIFER: Left to rot, fully conscious. Can you imagine what kind of hell they're in?   
RORY: But Cleaves, the Company, how could they do this? How could they?   
JENNIFER: Who are the real monsters?   
RORY: We can't let this carry on. Jen, we have to make people see.   
JENNIFER: Okay, Rory. I have an idea. You came for me. We have a bond, right? We trust each other.   
RORY: Yeah.   
JENNIFER: So trust me on this.

[Courtyard]

G-DOCTOR: I'm getting something.   
BUZZER: Is it human?   
G-DOCTOR: Yeah, it's human, but it's fading. It's fading. This is bad. Fading is very bad. Argh. The signal's gone. She's dead.   
(They find Jennifer.)   
G-DOCTOR: She was hanging onto the edge of life and she just, just slipped away. Oh, Jennifer, I'm so sorry. She's been out here for hours.   
BUZZER: But if the real Jen's been lying out here?   
G-DOCTOR: Rory's in trouble.   
(Buzzer hits the Ganger Doctor over the head with his torch.)   
BUZZER: Sorry, pal. it's boss's orders. Us and them, innit?

[Passageway]

(Lots of Ganger eyes watching from the wall.)   
DOCTOR: Ah. The eyes have it.   
AMY: Why are they here?   
DOCTOR: To accuse us.   
CLEAVES: Ignore them. It's not far.

[Staircase]

(Another rumble.)   
BUZZER: I should have been a postman like me dad.   
G-JENNIFER [OC]: Shush. I'm here. I'm here. I'm with you. I know, it hurts. I'm sorry. Go to sleep. Sleep.

[Crypt area]

(Jennifer is stroking the discarded Flesh.)   
BUZZER: You killed her. You killed our Jen.   
G-JENNIFER: And I'm stronger, Buzz. I can grow.   
(She stretches her mouth open very, very wide and rushes at him. He screams off camera.)

[Thermostatic room]

DOCTOR: It's a chemical chain reaction now. I can't stop it. This place is going to blow sky high.   
CLEAVES: Exactly how long have we got?   
DOCTOR: An hour? Five seconds? Er, somewhere in between.   
(A klaxon wails.)   
DOCTOR: Out!

[Passageway]

(They meet Rory coming the other way.)   
RORY: Thank God. All right?   
AMY: Oh, Rory. Oh, Rory.   
RORY: There's a way out. Jennifer found it. A secret tunnel under the crypt.   
CLEAVES: From the crypt? It's not on the schematics.   
RORY: It runs right out of the monastery. Maybe even under the Tardis, Doctor. Follow me.

[Courtyard]

(The Ganger Doctor wakes to find the other Gangers standing over him.)   
G-DOCTOR: Got anything for a sore head?   
G-CLEAVES: This is how they'll always treat us. Do you see now? After all, you're one of us, Doctor.   
G-DOCTOR: Call me Smith. John Smith.

[Acid room]

JIMMY: We can't leave without Buzzer.   
CLEAVES: I'll go back for him.   
RORY: Er, Doctor, look. I'd better tell you. I haven't been quite straight with you.   
(Ganger Jennifer closes the door, locking the rest in.)

[Outside the Acid room]

DOCTOR: Rory!   
RORY: Hang on, Jen. We don't need to lock them up. We should just show them what we've found.   
G-JENNIFER: I don't think so.   
DOCTOR: Rory Pond, Roranicus Pondicus!   
AMY: Rory, What the hell are you playing at?   
RORY: They've been throwing away old Flesh and leaving it to rot. Alive. I think the world should see that.   
DOCTOR: Rory, there is no time. The factory's about to explode.   
RORY: Are you sure about this? Because I'm not. Let them out.   
G-JENNIFER: The little girl got strong.   
RORY: What?   
G-JENNIFER: The little girl lost on the moors in her red wellies, looking for a way home? Well, she got strong, Rory. I told you, remember?   
RORY: But that wasn't. It was the other Jennifer that told me about being a little girl.   
G-JENNIFER: Oh? What other Jennifer?   
RORY: Well, the, the er. Wait, you tricked me? Let me go. I'm opening the door. Let me. I'm sorry!   
(Ganger Jennifer drags Rory away.)   
AMY: No!   
G-CLEAVES: We have to be free.   
CLEAVES: I'm sorry too, Miranda. Of all the humans in the world, you had to pick the one with the clot. But hey, them's the breaks. Welcome to the human race.

[Acid room]

(The Doctor scans the acid vat with the sonic screwdriver, which I thought the Ganger Doctor had?)   
DOCTOR: This is going to overheat and fill the room with acid, just as a point of interest.   
CLEAVES: And we can't stop it?   
DOCTOR: Just as a point of interest? No.

[Dining hall]

RORY: You created another Ganger just to trick me. You tricked me. When I found you, you were both Flesh and you tricked me into trusting you. Jen's dead, isn't she?   
G-DOCTOR: She's gone, Rory. Gone.   
PILOT [OC]: Shuttle. We're dropping down on our approach. Stand by for evac.   
G-JENNIFER: The humans will be melted, as they deserve, and then the factory will be destroyed. Once we get to the mainland, the real battle begins. The humans won't stand a chance. You're one of us, Doctor. Join the revolution.   
RORY: I've got to go and get them out.   
(The Doctor pushes him back.)

[Acid room]

(Dicken is lowering the lid onto the vat.)   
JIMMY: It'll never hold her.   
DOCTOR: If you have a better plan, I'm all ears. In fact, if you have a better plan, I'll take you to a planet where everyone is all ears.

[Dining hall]

RORY: Doctor, we can't just let them die.   
(The Doctor checks his wrist watch.)   
G-DOCTOR: Ring, ring.   
RORY: Doctor!   
G-DOCTOR: Ring, ring.

[Acid room]

CLEAVES: The acid's eating through.

[Dining hall]

(The whole monastery shakes.)   
G-DOCTOR: Stay.   
RORY: Okay.   
(The telephone rings.)   
G-DOCTOR: Ah, that'll be the phone. Somebody get the phone. Jimmy, get the phone. No? Fine, I'll get the phone. Stay put.   
(It is a holographic communication system. A little boy in pajamas is standing underneath the words Morpeth Jetsan Pre-Booked Holo-Call 011-109-4455)   
COMPUTER: Thank you for booking your holo-call with Morpeth Jetsan, bringing the world together.   
G-DOCTOR: Ha! Hello, Adam, I'm the Doctor. Well, other Doctor. Or Smith. It's complicated and boring. Anyway, who cares. It's your birthday.  
ADAM: Yay.   
G-DOCTOR: Yay. Now, have you been getting up very early and jumping on the bed?   
ADAM: Yes, really high.   
G-DOCTOR: I expect chocolate for breakfast. If you don't feel sick by mid-morning, you're not doing it right. Now, I think you want to speak to Dad.   
ADAM: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Daddy?   
G-DOCTOR: You'll do, Jimmy. What does the other Jimmy matter now? You're both the same dad, aren't you? Come on, Adam's waiting.   
ADAM: Daddy? Daddy, what's that rumbly noise? What's going on, Daddy? Daddy?   
(Ganger Jimmy runs out.)   
G-JENNIFER: You've tricked him into an act of weakness, Doctor.   
G-DOCTOR: No, I've helped him into an act of humanity. Anyone else like the sound of that? Act of humanity.   
G-CLEAVES: Dicken, drain the acid well in Crypt One.   
G-JENNIFER: Don't you dare.   
G-CLEAVES: I've had it with this. What's the point in this ridiculous war? Look at you, Jen. You were a sweet kid. Look at you now. The stuff of nightmares. I don't want my world populated by monsters.   
G-JENNIFER: You can't stop the factory from melting down, boss. I'll take revenge on humanity with or without you.   
G-DOCTOR: It doesn't have to be about revenge. It can be so much better than that.   
(Jennifer runs out.)

[Acid room]

(Jimmy is trying to keep the lid on the boiling vat. He gets burnt by acid just before his Ganger comes in.)   
JIMMY: Argh.   
G-JIMMY: Let me through.   
DOCTOR: There's nothing we can do. The acid's reached his heart.   
G-JIMMY: Hang in there, mate.   
JIMMY: I'm quite handsome from this angle.   
G-JIMMY: I'm sorry. I'm the fake. Adam deserves his real dad.   
JIMMY: Shut up.   
G-JIMMY: What do you want me to do? Anything. Just say.   
JIMMY: The way things are, mate, it's up to you now. Be a dad. You remember how.   
(Jimmy hands over his wedding ring then dies.)   
DOCTOR: Jimmy Wicks, you're a dad.

[Dining hall]

ADAM: Daddy? Where's my daddy?   
(The rescued group enters. Amy and Rory hug. The two Cleaves stare at each other.)   
ADAM: Daddy, it's me.   
G-JIMMY: Hey, sunshine. What are you up to?   
ADAM: Opening all my presents.   
G-JIMMY: Ha ha, good lad. You have fun today. And remember your dad, he loves you very, very much.   
ADAM: When are you coming home?   
DOCTOR: Daddy's coming home today, Adam.   
ADAM: Yay.   
DOCTOR: Now we need to move.

[Crypt]

(Ganger Jennifer morphs into a ravening beast.)   
DOCTOR: Run. Run. Run! Ooo, roof's going to give.   
(They get to a security door marked No Humans.)   
G-DICKEN: We have to stop her. This door doesn't lock.   
DICKEN: No, but the far one does.   
(Dicken runs back along the passage and struggles with the jammed door as the monster approaches. He finally gets it shut with himself on the wrong side.)   
DICKEN [OC]: Argh.   
G-DICKEN: No!   
G-DOCTOR: Here she comes.   
(The Tardis crashes through.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, she does like to make an entrance.   
(He opens the door.)   
DOCTOR: Everyone move.   
G-DOCTOR: Go. Go, go, go.   
G-CLEAVES: Get on board. Go.   
CLEAVES: I'm not leaving.   
G-CLEAVES: Go.   
AMY: Hey, hey. Now's our chance.   
G-DOCTOR: I have to stay. Hold this door closed. Give you time to dematerialise.   
AMY: Oh, don't be crazy. Okay, what happens to you?   
DOCTOR: Well, this place is just about to explode. But I can stop her.   
AMY: Both of you can survive this, okay? There has to be a way.   
DOCTOR: Or perhaps you think I should stay instead? Mister Smith.   
AMY: No, of course not. But look, this man, I've flown with him, you know? And you are amazing and yeah, I misjudged you, but you're not him. I'm sorry.   
G-DOCTOR: Amy, we swapped shoes.   
DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor.   
G-DOCTOR: And I'm the Flesh.   
AMY: You can't be. You're the real him.   
G-DOCTOR: No, I'm not, and I haven't been all along.   
AMY: What?   
DOCTOR: I'm the original Doctor, Amy. We had to know if we were truly the same. It was important, vital we learn about The Flesh, and we could only do that through your eyes.   
(Amy hugs the Ganger Doctor. I'm not going back and changing any designations in previous scenes. That would spoil it and make no sense.)   
AMY: I never thought it possible.   
G-DOCTOR: What?   
AMY: You're twice the man I thought you were.   
G-DOCTOR: Push, Amy. But only when she tells you to.   
RORY: Amy, come on!   
G-DOCTOR: Well, my death arrives, I suppose.   
DOCTOR: But this one, we're not invited to.   
G-DOCTOR: Pardon?   
DOCTOR: Nothing. Your molecular memory can survive this, you know. It may not be the end.   
(The Doctor throws a sonic screwdriver to his Ganger.)   
G-DOCTOR: Yeah, well, if I turn up to nick all your biscuits, then you'll know you were right, won't you.   
AMY: Doctor! No, please.   
G-DOCTOR: You too, Cleaves. Off you pop.   
G-CLEAVES: I'm staying.   
G-DOCTOR: This is not the time for grand gestures.   
G-CLEAVES: Says the king of grand gestures. This is my factory. I'm not going anywhere.   
G-DOCTOR: Foreman Miranda Cleaves, marvellous. Beware of imitations.   
G-CLEAVES: Clear off out of here, the lot of you.   
(The Doctor, Amy and Rory run into the Tardis to join the others. It dematerialises.)   
G-DOCTOR: This will dissolve her.   
G-CLEAVES: And us too.   
G-DOCTOR: There may be a way back from this.   
G-CLEAVES: From being vaporised? How?   
G-DOCTOR: Don't know. Let's find out, eh?   
(He flings open the door and fires the sonic screwdriver at Monster Jennifer.)   
DOCTOR: Geronimo.   
(The monster goes Splat! then so do they.)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: The energy from the Tardis will stabilise the Gangers for good. They're people now.   
CLEAVES: And what happens to me? I still have this.   
DOCTOR: Ah, that's not a problem. I have something for that. It's small and red and tastes like burnt onions. Ha. But it'll get rid of your blood clot.   
(The Doctor throws a small vial to Cleaves, then plucks a red balloon from somewhere.)   
DOCTOR: Happy endings.

[Beach]

(The Doctor watches the family reunion from a distance.)   
G-JIMMY: Hey! Hello, bud.   
ADAM: Daddy, you're back.   
G-JIMMY: Hello, my boy. How are you doing?

[Morpeth Jetsan]

(The Tardis parks herself in the big steel and glass company headquarters.)   
CLEAVES: You really want us to do this?   
DOCTOR: Your company's telling the world that the situation is over. You need to get in there and tell them that the situation's only just begun. Make them understand what they're doing to the Flesh. Make them stop. Dicken, remember, people are good. In their bones, truly good. Don't hate them, will you?   
G-DICKEN: How can I hate them? I'm one of them now.   
DOCTOR: Yeah. And just remember, people died. Don't let that be in vain. Make what you say in that room count.   
CLEAVES: Ready? Side by side.   
G-DICKEN: You got it, boss.   
(They open the door on the press conference.)   
REPORTER [OC]: Have the army dealt with the imposters, sir?   
WOMAN [OC]: What sort of threat is there to the public?   
AMY: You okay?   
DOCTOR: I said breathe, Pond. Remember? Well, breathe.   
AMY: Why?   
DOCTOR: Breathe.   
(Amy doubles over in pain.)   
AMY: Oh!   
RORY: Whoa.   
AMY: Oh.   
RORY: What's wrong with her?   
DOCTOR: Get her into the Tardis.   
AMY: Oh.

[Tardis]

RORY: Doctor! What is happening to her?   
DOCTOR: Contractions.   
RORY: Contractions?   
DOCTOR: She's going into labour.   
AMY: Did he say? No. No, no. Of course he didn't. Rory, I don't like this. Ow.   
RORY: You're going to have to start explaining some of this to me, Doctor.   
DOCTOR: What, the birds and the bees? She's having a baby. I needed to see the Flesh in its early days. That's why I scanned it. That's why we were there in the first place. I was going to drop you off for fish and chips first, but things happened and there was stuff and shenanigans. Beautiful word, shenanigans.   
AMY: It hurts.   
RORY: But you're okay?   
DOCTOR: Breathe. I needed enough information to block the signal to the Flesh.   
AMY: What signal?   
DOCTOR: The signal to you.   
AMY: Doctor. Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Stand away from her, Rory.   
RORY: Why? No. And why?   
DOCTOR: Given what we've learned, I'll be as humane as I can, but I need to do this and you need to stand away!   
(Rory slowly steps back.)   
AMY: No. No. Doctor, I am frightened. I'm properly, properly scared.   
DOCTOR: Don't be. Hold on. We're coming for you. I swear it. Whatever happens, however hard, however far, we will find you.   
AMY: I'm right here.   
DOCTOR: No, you're not. You haven't been here for a long, long time.   
(The Doctor aims his sonic screwdriver at her.)   
AMY: Oh, no.   
(Amy goes splosh. )

[Cubicle]

(A hatch opens in the top.)   
EYE PATCH LADY: Well, dear, you're ready to pop, aren't you? Little one's on its way. Here it comes. Push!   
(Pregnant Amy screams.)

* * *

A Good Man Goes To War

Original Airdate: 4 Jun, 2011

[White room]  
(On Demon's Run, an asteroid modified into a habitation, a baby has been born. Her name is Melody Pond.)   
AMY: I wish I could tell you that you'll be loved, that you'll be safe and cared for and protected. But this isn't a time for lies. What you are going to be, Melody is very, very brave.   
(The Eye Patch Lady steps forward from the line of armed guards.)   
KOVARIAN: Two minutes.   
AMY: But not as brave as they'll have to be. Because there's someone coming. I don't know where he is, or what he's doing, but trust me, he's on his way.

[Cyberspaceship]

(Twenty thousand light years away, non-Cybus Industries logoed but otherwise identical cybermen stomps through the corridors.)   
CYBERMAN: Intruder level nine.   
CYBERLEADER: Seal level nine.

[White room]

AMY: There's a man who's never going to let us down, and not even an army can get in the way.   
(Madame Kovarian comes to take the baby.)   
AMY: Leave her. Just you leave her. Please leave her! Please, leave her!

[Cyberspaceship]

(The ship is shaking.)   
CYBERMAN: Intruder level eleven.   
CYBERLEADER: Seal levels twelve, thirteen and fourteen.   
CYBERMAN: Intruder, level fifteen.

[White room]

(Melody is in a high-tec Moses basket.)   
AMY: He's the last of his kind. He looks young, but he's lived for hundreds and hundreds of years. And wherever they take you, Melody, however scared you are, I promise you, you will never be alone. Because this man is your father.

[Cyberspaceship]

CYBERLEADER: Prepare to engage.

[White room]

AMY: He has a name, but the people of our world know him better

[Cyberspaceship]

AMY [OC]: As the Last Centurion.   
RORY: I have a message and a question. A message from the Doctor and a question from me. Where is my wife? Oh, don't give me those blank looks. The Twelfth Cyber Legion monitors this entire quadrant. You hear everything. So you tell me what I need to know. You tell me now, and I'll be on my way.   
CYBERLEADER: What is the Doctor's message?   
(Outside, all the other ships in the Legion explode.)   
RORY: Would you like me to repeat the question?

[Docking bay]

(Two Cleric soldiers are walking along.)   
LUCAS: A whole Cyber Legion though. He just blew them all up to make a point.   
DOMINICUS: We're being paid to fight him, not praise him. Praising costs way more.   
(They get into a lift.)   
LUCAS: Level Minus Twenty Three Transept.

{Level -23]

LUCAS: Digger says he once chased the Atraxi off a planet, then called them back for a scolding.   
DOMINICUS: Fight him, not praise him.   
TANNOY: Reminder. This base is on Yellow Alert. This base is on Yellow Alert.   
(They pass a young woman doing some sewing.)

[Control room]

(The two Clerics have her on CCTV.)   
LUCAS: Is she sewing?   
DOMINICUS: She's on a break. She can do what she likes. Now try again.   
(He holds up two pieces of paper.)   
LUCAS: That one.   
DOMINICUS: No, that's the psychic. You've got to look for the fractals. Don't look bored, we're on Yellow Alert.   
LUCAS: We've been on Yellow Alert for three weeks.

[Corridor]

TANNOY: Reminder. Do not interact with Headless Monks without divine permission. Do not interact with Headless Monks without divine permission.   
FAT ONE: You're not supposed to stare at them. And if they think you're trying to see under their hoods, they'll kill you on the spot.   
THIN ONE: But why are they called the Headless Monks? They can't really be headless?   
LORNA: They believe the domain of faith is the heart, and the domain of doubt is the head. They follow their hearts, that's all.   
THIN ONE: You're Lorna Bucket, aren't you?   
LORNA: Yeah.   
THIN ONE: Hello. I'm the Thin One. This is my husband. He's the Fat One.   
LORNA: Don't you have names?   
FAT ONE: We're the thin fat gay married Anglican marines. Why would we need names as well?   
(Three Headless Monks are 'looking' at them.)   
FAT ONE: Oh, looks like I'm off. Time for my conversion tutorial. See you in a bit. Do you lot have Lent? Because I'm not good at giving things up.   
(The Fat One leaves with the Monks.)   
THIN ONE: Lorna Bucket. You've had an Encounter, haven't you? You've met him.   
LORNA: I was just a kid.   
THIN ONE: But what's he like? The Doctor.   
LORNA: He said run.   
THIN ONE: Just run?   
LORNA: He said it a lot.   
THIN ONE: And this was in the Gamma Forests, yeah? Because you're a Gamma girl, aren't you? What are you doing here? The Forests are heaven neutral.   
LORNA: Yeah, and thirty seconds of the Doctor is the only thing that ever happened there.

[Conversion chamber]

(Red light.)   
FAT ONE: Oh, this is nice, I like this. I mean, quite a lot of red. I hope it's not to hide the stains. What's in the little boxes?   
VOICE [OC]: Welcome, applicant, to the order of the Headless. It is traditional for visiting armies of other faiths to offer individuals for conversion to our order. You have been selected. Are you ready to make a donation?   
(A Monk brings forward an empty box.)

[Corridor]

THIN ONE: So, what do you think? If the Doctor's really coming here, where is he?   
LORNA: He's the Doctor. He could be anywhere in time and space.

[London, 1888 A.D.]

(A horsedrawn cab pulls up and a woman gets out. She references Lady Penelope from Thunderbirds.)   
PARKER: Whoa!   
VASTRA: Thank you, Parker. I won't be needing you again tonight.   
PARKER: Yus, my lady.

[Vastra's home]

(The lady goes into her house and is greeted by her maid.)   
JENNY: You're back early, ma'am. Another case cracked, I assume?   
(The mysterious lady puts a Samuri sword back on its stand.)   
VASTRA: Send a telegram to Inspector Abberline of the yard. Jack the Ripper has claimed his last victim.   
JENNY: How did you find him?   
(The lady throws back her hood to reveal that she is a Silurian.)   
VASTRA: Stringy, but tasty all the same. I shan't be needing dinner.   
JENNY: Congratulations, ma'am. However, a matter has arisen in the drawing room.

[Drawing room]

JENNY: It just appeared. What does it mean?   
VASTRA: It means a very old debt is to be repaid.   
(It is the Tardis.)   
VASTRA: Pack the cases, Jenny. And we're going to need the swords.

[The Battle of Zaruthstra, 4037 A.D.]

HARCOURT: Nurse! Nurse! Damn it, where's the nurse!   
ELEANOR: He needs help.   
HARCOURT: Madame President, I'm sorry, but we have to go now! Those things could be here any second.   
(A little boy is lying on a bed in the tent. He is very still. A Sontaran warrior enters.)   
STRAX: Did somebody call for a nurse?   
(Strax tends to the boy.)   
ARTHUR: Will I be okay?   
STRAX: Of course you will, my boy. You'll be up and around in no time. And perhaps one day, you and I shall meet on the field of battle, and I will destroy you for the glory of the Sontaran Empire.   
ARTHUR: Thanks, Nurse.   
(Strax leaves, and Harcourt follows him.)   
HARCOURT: Commander Strax. I just have to ask. A Sontaran nurse?   
STRAX: I serve a penance to restore the honour of my clone batch. It is the greatest punishment a Sontaran can endure, to help the weak and sick.   
HARCOURT: Who came up with that one?   
(The sound of the Tardis materialising.)   
STRAX: Tonight, though, perhaps my penance is over. Captain Harcourt, I hope some day to meet you in the glory of battle, when I shall crush the life from your worthless human form. Try and get some rest.

[Stormcage]

(River Song is returning from a Regency era Frost Fair, by the looks of her clothes. The alarms are blaring. She picks up the guard's phone.)   
RIVER: Oh, turn it off. I'm breaking in, not out. This is River Song, back in her cell. Oh, and I'll take breakfast at the usual time. Thank you.   
(She sees a figure standing in the corridor.)   
RIVER: Oh, are you boys dressing up as Romans now? I thought nobody read my memos.   
RORY: Doctor Song. It's Rory. Sorry, have we met yet? Time streams. I'm not quite sure where we are.   
RIVER: Yes. Yes, we've met. Hello, Rory.   
RORY: What's wrong?   
RIVER: It's my birthday. The Doctor took me ice skating on the River Thames in 1814, the last of the great Frost Fairs. He got Stevie Wonder to sing for me under London Bridge.   
RORY: Stevie Wonder sang in 1814?   
RIVER: Yes, he did. But you must never tell him.   
RORY: I've come from the Doctor too.   
RIVER: Yes, but at a different point in time.   
RORY: Unless there's two of them.   
RIVER: Now, that's a whole different birthday.   
RORY: He needs you.   
(River checks her diary.)   
RIVER: Demon's Run.   
RORY: How, how did you know?   
RIVER: I'm from his future. I always know. Why on Earth are you wearing that?   
RORY: The Doctor's idea.   
RIVER: Of course. His rules of engagement. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.   
RORY: Look ridiculous.   
RIVER: Have you considered heels?   
RORY: They've taken Amy. And our baby. The Doctor's getting some people together. We're going after her, but he needs you, too.   
RIVER: I can't. Not yet, anyway.   
RORY: I'm sorry?   
RIVER: This is the Battle of Demon's Run. The Doctor's darkest hour. He'll rise higher than ever before and then fall so much further, and I can't be with him till the very end.   
RORY: Why not?   
RIVER: Because this is it. This is the day he finds out who I am.

[Space bar]

(A large blue skinned alien is packing a small case.)   
DORIUM: Goodbye.   
KOVARIAN: You appear to be closing down, Dorium. What have you heard?   
DORIUM: That you pricked the side of a mighty beast, Madame Kovarian, and entirely failed to run. I admire your courage. I should like to admire it from afar.   
KOVARIAN: We've been waiting a month. He's done nothing.   
DORIUM: Do you really think so? There are people all over this galaxy that owe that man a debt. By now, a few of them will have found a blue box waiting for them on their doorstep, poor devils.   
MANTON: You think he's raising an army?   
DORIUM: You think he isn't? If that man is finally collecting on his debts, God help you, and God help his debtors.   
MANTON: Why?   
DORIUM: Colonel Manton, all those stories you've heard about him, they're not stories, they're true. Really. You're not telling me you don't know what's coming?   
MANTON: We're wasting our time here.   
KOVARIAN: Agreed.   
DORIUM: The asteroid, where you've made your base. Do you know why they call it Demon's Run?   
MANTON: How do you know the location of our base?   
DORIUM: You're with the Headless Monks. They're old customers of mine.   
KOVARIAN: It's just some old saying.   
DORIUM: A very old saying. The oldest. Demons run when a good man goes to war.   
(Kovarian and Manton leave. Dorium is about to leave when the Tardis sound is heard.)   
DORIUM: No. No, no, please. Not me. You don't need me. Why would you need me? I'm old, I'm fat, I'm blue. You can't need me!

[Demon's Run]

(Colonel Manton addresses his assembled troops.)   
MANTON: He is not the devil. He is not a god. He is not a goblin, or a phantom or a trickster. The Doctor is a living, breathing man, and as I look around this room I know one thing. We're sure as hell going to fix that.   
(The troops cheer.)

[White room]

(Amy is watching the rally from her window. Lorna enters.)   
LORNA: Sorry. I shouldn't be here. I'm meant to be at the thing. I brought you something. Your child's name in the language of my people. It's a prayer leaf and we believe, if you keep this with you, your child will always come home to you.   
(It is what she was sewing earlier.)   
AMY: Can I borrow your gun?   
LORNA: Why?   
AMY: Because I've got a feeling you're going to keep talking.   
(She turns back to the window.)   
AMY: They're talking like he's famous. The Doctor isn't famous.   
LORNA: He meets a lot of people. Some of them remember. He's sort of like a, I don't know, a dark legend.   
AMY: Dark? Have you met him?   
LORNA: Yeah. But I was just a little girl.   
AMY: So was I.   
LORNA: You've been with him a long time, then.   
AMY: No. He came back for me.   
LORNA: You must be very special.   
AMY: Hey. You can wait a long time for the Doctor, but he's worth it, okay? The thing is, he's coming. No question about it. Just you make sure you're on the right side when he gets here. Not for my sake, for yours.   
(Amy takes the prayer leaf.)   
AMY: Thank you.

[Demon's Run]

MANTON: On this day, in this place, the Doctor will fall.   
ALL: Hoo Rah!   
MANTON: The man who talks, the man who reasons, the man who lies, will meet the perfect answer.   
ALL Hoo Rah!   
MANTON; Some of you have wondered why have we have allied ourselves with the Headless Monks. Perhaps you should have wondered why we call them Headless. It's time you knew what these guys have sacrificed for faith. As you all know, it is a Level One Heresy, punishable by death, to lower the hood of a Headless Monk. But by the divine grant of the Papal Mainframe herself, on this one and only occasion, I can show you the truth. Because these guys never can be persuaded.   
(Colonel Manton lowers one Monk's hood. It has no head, just the skin of the neck tied off..)   
MANTON: They never can be afraid.   
(A second hood lowered.)   
MANTON: And they can never, ever be   
(The third hood reveals -)   
DOCTOR: Surprised! Ha, ha! Hello, everyone. Guess who. Please, point a gun at me if it helps you relax.   
(The army takes aim, except for Lorna. The Monks get their flaming swords ready.)   
DOCTOR: You're only human.

[Control room]

(Lucas and Dominicus have very sharp swords at their throats.)   
VASTRA: Go on, resist. I am ever so hungry.   
JENNY: Now, dear. Which button controls the lights?

[Demon's Run]

MANTON: Doctor, you will come with me right now.   
DOCTOR: Three minutes forty seconds. Amelia Pond! Get your coat!   
(The lights go out for a few seconds.)   
DOCTOR [OC]: I'm not a phantom.   
MANTON: Doctor?   
DOCTOR [OC]: I'm not a trick.   
MANTON: Doctor?   
DOCTOR [OC]: I'm a monk.   
MANTON: Doctor, show yourself.   
MAN: It's him! He's here! It's him!   
(The army faces off against the Monks. A shot is fired.)   
MANTON: Weapons down! Do not fire!   
(A Monk kills a soldier.)   
MANTON: No!   
KOVARIAN: Follow me.   
MANTON: Doctor! Doctor!

[Control room]

(Lucas and Dominicus are tied up and sitting on the floor.)   
JENNY: Clever, isn't he?   
VASTRA: And rather attractive.   
JENNY: You do realise he's a man, don't you, ma'am?   
VASTRA: Mammals. They all look alike.   
JENNY: Oh, thank you.

[Demon's Run]

MANTON: Do not fire. Nobody discharge their weapon in this room. Nobody! Do not fire!   
(A sonic screwdriver is in use.)

[Control room]

(Lucas is eyeing the door lock control.)   
VASTRA: Was I being insensitive again, dear? I don't know why you put up with me.   
(She turns and lashes Lucas with her extendible tongue.)

[Demon's Run]

MANTON: Stop. Wait. Listen to me. I am disarming my weapon pack. Monks, I do this in good faith. I am now unarmed. All of you, discharge your weapon packs. The Doctor is trying to make fools of us. We are soldiers of God. We are not fools. We are not fools. We are not fools. We are not fools.   
SOLDIER: We are not fools!   
MANTON: We are not fools.   
SOLDIERS: We are not fools.   
MANTON: We are not fools.   
SOLDIER 2: We are not fools.

[Control station]

VASTRA: Colonel Manton is regaining control.   
JENNY: Where's the Doctor gone?

[Demon's Run]

(Lorna has left the assembly and found a discarded habit in a corridor. She runs on.)   
ALL: We are not fools. We are not fools. We are not fools.   
(Silurians beam in to the galleries around the assembly. Some Judoons appear, too)   
STRAX: This base is now under our command.   
MANTON: I have a fleet out there. If Demon's Run goes down, there's an automatic distress call.   
DOCTOR [OC]: Not if we knock out your communications array. And you've got incoming.   
PILOT [OC]: Danny Boy to the Doctor. Danny Boy to the Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Give 'em hell, Danny Boy.   
(The Spitfires strafe the asteroid's communications array.)

[Corridor]

KOVARIAN: I need to get off this station now. Bring me the child!

[Demon's Run]

PILOT [OC]: Target destroyed.   
STRAX: Don't slump. It's bad for your spine.

[Outside the airlock]

(Madame Kovarian's guard have brought Melody in her sealed up Moses basket.)   
KOVARIAN: Get back in there with the rest of them. Remember, the Doctor must think he's winning, right until the trap closes. I'll take my ship from here.   
(Lorna has overheard her.)   
COMPUTER: Airlock engaged. Shuttle ready for boarding.   
RORY: No.   
KOVARIAN: I have a crew of twenty. How do you expect to gain control of my ship?   
(The airlock opens. A pirate captain and his young son step out.)   
AVERY: This ship is ours, milady.

[Control room]

(Strax marches Manton in at gunpoint.)   
STRAX: All airlocks sealed. Resistance neutralised.   
DOCTOR: Sorry, Colonel Manton. I lied. Three minutes forty two seconds.   
STRAX: Colonel Manton, you will give the order for your men to withdraw.   
DOCTOR: No. Colonel Manton, I want you to tell your men to run away.   
MANTON: You what?   
DOCTOR: Those words. Run away. I want you to be famous for those exact words. I want people to call you Colonel Run Away. I want children laughing outside your door, because they've found the house of Colonel Run Away. And, when people come to you, and ask if trying to get to me through the people I love is in any way a good idea, I want you to tell them your name. Oh, look, I'm angry. That's new. I'm really not sure what's going to happen now.   
KOVARIAN: The anger of a good man is not a problem. Good men have too many rules.   
DOCTOR: Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.   
KOVARIAN: Give the order. Give the order, Colonel Run Away.

[White room]

(Someone is hammering at the door. Amy rummages in a drawer and finds what might be an electric toothbrush.)   
AMY: Who's that? Who's there? You watch it, because I'm armed and really dangerous, and cross.   
RORY [OC]: Yeah, like I don't know that.   
AMY: Rory? Rory, is that you.   
RORY [OC]: Yeah, it's me. Look, hang on a minute.   
(It sounds like Rory is trying to sonic his way in.)   
AMY: They took her. Rory, they took our baby away.   
(The door opens. Rory is carrying Melody.)   
RORY: Now, Mrs Williams, that is never, ever going to happen.   
AMY: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Where's she been? What have they done to her?   
RORY: She's fine. Amy, she's fine. I checked. She's beautiful. Oh God, I was going to be cool. I wanted to be cool. Look at me.   
AMY: You're okay. Crying Roman with a baby. Definitely cool. Come here, you.   
DOCTOR: Urgh. Kissing and crying. I'll, I'll be back in a bit.   
RORY: Oi, you. Get in here, now. My daughter. What do you think?   
DOCTOR: Hello. Hello, baby.   
AMY: Melody.   
DOCTOR: Melody? Hello, Melody Pond.   
RORY: Melody Williams.   
AMY: Is a geography teacher. Melody Pond is a superhero.   
DOCTOR: Well yes, I suppose she does smell nice. Never really sniffed her. Maybe I should give it a go. Amelia Pond, come here.   
AMY: Doctor.   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry we were so long.   
AMY: It's okay. I knew you were coming. Both of you. My boys.   
DOCTOR: It's okay. She's still all yours. And really, you should call her mummy, not big milk thing.   
AMY: Okay, what are you doing?   
DOCTOR: I speak Baby.   
AMY: No, you don't.   
DOCTOR: I speak everything, don't I, Melody Pond. No, it's not. it's cool.   
VASTRA: Doctor? Take a look. They're leaving. Demon's Run is ours without a drop of blood spilled. My friend, you have never risen higher.

[Outside the Tardis]

(Amy carried Melody out of the Tardis.)   
RORY: Hey, what's wrong?   
AMY: She doesn't like the Tardis noise. I asked him to turn something off, but it was all, but I don't want to punch a hole in the space-time continuum. Shush.   
JENNY: Rory! The Judoon have escorted the Clerics out of the quadrant. Spitfires have returned to their own time. Captain Avery and his men are going. Is she all right?   
AMY: Yes, she's just crying.   
STRAX: Give her to me, human fool. She needs changing.   
AMY: I just changed her. I think she might need a feed.   
STRAX: A feed, of course. I'll take care of everything.   
RORY: Er, I really don't think you will, actually.   
STRAX: I have gene-spliced myself for all nursing duties. I can produce magnificent quantities of lactic fluid.   
(The Doctor comes out of the Tardis with a wooden cot that has an orrary dangling over it.)   
DOCTOR: She's not hungry, she's tired. Sorry, Melody, they're just not listening.   
AMY: What's this?   
DOCTOR: Very pretty, according to your daughter.   
RORY: It's a, it's a cot.   
DOCTOR: No flies on the Roman. Give her here.   
AMY: Hey, there we go.   
RORY: But where would you get a cot?   
AMY: It's old. Really old. Doctor, er, do you have children?   
DOCTOR: No.   
AMY: Have you ever had children?   
DOCTOR: No, it's real. It's my hair.   
AMY: Who slept in here?   
VASTRA [OC]: Doctor, we need you in the main control room.   
DOCTOR: Be right there! Things to do. I've still got to work out what this base is for. We can't leave till we know.   
AMY: But this is where I was? The whole time I thought I was on the Tardis, I was really here?   
DOCTOR: Er, Centurian, permission to hug?   
RORY: Be aware, I do have a sword.   
DOCTOR: At all times. You were on the Tardis, too. Your heart, your mind, your soul. But physically, yes, you were still in this place.   
AMY: And when I saw that face looking through the hatch, that woman looking at me.   
DOCTOR: Reality bleeding through. They must have taken you quite a while back. Just before America.   
RORY: That's probably enough hugging now. So her Flesh avatar was with us all that time. But that means they were projecting a control signal right into the Tardis wherever we were in time and space.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, they're very clever.   
AMY: Who are?   
RORY: Whoever wants our baby.   
AMY: But why do they want her?   
DOCTOR: Exactly.   
RORY: Is there anything you're not telling us? You knew Amy wasn't real. You never said.   
DOCTOR: Well, I couldn't be sure they weren't listening.   
AMY: But you always hold out on us. Please, not this time. Doctor, it's our baby. Tell us something. One little thing.   
DOCTOR: It's mine.   
RORY: What is?   
DOCTOR: The cot. It's my cot. I slept in there.   
AMY: Oh, my God. It's the Doctor's first stars.   
RORY: She's   
(Amy wipes Melody's dribble with the prayer leaf.)   
STRAX: Drop your weapons. State your rank and intent. I found it listening at the door.   
(It is Lorna.)

[Control room]

DOCTOR: You've hacked into their software, then?   
DORIUM: I believe I sold it to them.   
DOCTOR: Ooo. So what have we learned?   
VASTRA: That anger is always the shortest distance to a mistake.   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry?   
VASTRA: The words of an old friend who once found me in the London Underground, attempting to avenge my sisters on perfectly innocent tunnel diggers.   
DOCTOR: Well, you were very cross at the time.   
VASTRA: As you were today, old friend. Point taken, I hope. Now, I have a question. A simple one. Is Melody human?   
DOCTOR: Sorry, what? Of course she is. Completely human. What are you talking about?   
DORIUM: They've been scanning her since she was born, and I think they found what they were looking for.   
DOCTOR: Human DNA.   
VASTRA: Look closer. Human plus. Specifically, human plus Time Lord.

[Outside the Tardis]

LORNA: I heard her talking. This is a trap. Why would I lie to you?   
RORY: Well, you might want to take a look at your uniform.   
LORNA: The only reason I joined the Clerics was so I could meet the Doctor again.   
JENNY: You wanted to meet him, so you joined an army to fight him?   
LORNA: Well, how else do you meet a great warrior?   
AMY: He's not a warrior.   
LORNA: Then why is he called the Doctor?   
(The lights go out.)   
LORNA: It's starting. Please, listen to me.

[Control room]

DOCTOR: But she's human. She's Amy and Rory's daughter.   
VASTRA: You've told me about your people. They became what they did through prolonged exposure to the time vortex. The Untempered Schism.   
DOCTOR: Over billions of years. It didn't just happen.   
VASTRA: So how close is she? Could she even regenerate?   
DOCTOR: No, no. I don't think so.   
VASTRA: You don't sound so sure.   
DOCTOR: Because I don't understand how this happened.   
VASTRA: Which leads me to ask when did it happen?   
DOCTOR: When?   
VASTRA: I am trying to be delicate. I know how you can blush. When did this baby begin?   
DOCTOR: Oh, you mean   
VASTRA: Quite.   
DOCTOR: Well, how would I know? That's all human-y, private stuff. It just sort of goes on. They don't put up a balloon, or anything.   
VASTRA: But could the child have begun on the Tardis in flight, in the vortex.   
DOCTOR: No! No! Impossible! It's all running about, sexy fish vampires and blowing up stuff. And Rory wasn't even there at the beginning. Then he was dead, then he didn't exist, then he was plastic. Then I had to reboot the whole universe. Long story. So, technically the first time they were on the Tardis together in this version of reality, was on their w   
VASTRA: On their what?   
DOCTOR: On their wedding night.

[Outside the Tardis]

STRAX: Confirmed. No life forms registering on this base, except us and the Silurians.   
LORNA: The Headless Monks aren't alive. They don't register as life forms.   
(And one is creeping up on a Silurian warrior.)

[Control room]

DOCTOR: It doesn't make sense. You can't just cook yourself a Time Lord.   
VASTRA: Of course not. But you gave them one hell of a start, and they've been working very hard ever since.   
DORIUM: And yet they gave in so easily. Does this not that bother anyone else?   
DOCTOR: Amy. She worried the baby would have a time head. She said that   
VASTRA: Only you would ignore the instincts of a mother.   
DORIUM: Or the instincts of a coward. This is too easy. There's something wrong.   
DOCTOR: Why even do it? Even if you could get your hands on a brand new Time Lord, what for?   
VASTRA: A weapon?   
DOCTOR: Why would a Time Lord be a weapon?   
VASTRA: Well, they've seen you.   
DOCTOR: Me?   
VASTRA: Mister Maldovar, you're right. This was too easy. We should get back to the others.   
(Vastra and Dorium leave.)   
DOCTOR: Me?   
(The Doctor thinks back to the warehouse in 1969.)   
RIVER [memory]: I'd say she's human, going by the life-support software. She climbed out of the suit, like she forced her way out. She must be incredibly strong.   
KOVARIAN [on screen]: I see you accessed our files. Do you understand yet? Oh, don't worry, I'm a long way away. But I like to keep tabs on you. The child, then. What do you think?   
DOCTOR: What is she?   
KOVARIAN [on screen]: Hope. Hope in this endless, bitter war.   
DOCTOR: What war? Against who?   
KOVARIAN [on screen]: Against you, Doctor.

[Outside the Tardis]

(The Monks are on the move. A white light cone appears around the Tardis.)   
AMY: What's that?   
VASTRA: A force field.   
LORNA: And those are the doors locking.   
VASTRA: Apparently we're not leaving.   
RORY: Is that the Monks?   
DORIUM: Oh, dear God. That's the attack prayer.   
RORY: Quick, come with me.   
VASTRA: Commander Strax!   
STRAX: I'm trying to seal off this area of the lighting grid.   
VASTRA: This is where we'll make our stand. Clear lines of sight on all approaches.   
(Rory hides Amy and Melody behind some boxes.)   
AMY: Rory, no offence to the others, but you let them all die first, okay?   
RORY: You're so Scottish.   
VASTRA: Centurian, you're needed!   
LORNA: There should be some plasma pistols somewhere. They left everything.   
STRAX: Then find them, boy!   
VASTRA: She's definitely a girl.   
JENNY: Oh, stop it!   
DORIUM: We don't have to fight them. I'm friends to the Monks. They know me.   
RORY: Yeah, and they know you just sold them out to the Doctor.   
DORIUM: Oh, they'll understand it's only me. Only silly old me. You understand, don't you?   
VASTRA: Mister Maldovar, get back here!   
STRAX: Arm yourself, fool!   
RORY: Dorium!   
(Dorium walks into the darkness, arms outstretched. There is a swish of metal, and something falls to the floor.)   
VASTRA: Mister Maldovar?   
RORY: Dorium?   
(Two Monks escort the headless Dorium back into view.)   
VASTRA: The child. At all costs, protect the child!

[Control room]

DOCTOR: A child is not a weapon!   
KOVARIAN [on screen]: Oh, give us time. She can be. She will be.   
DOCTOR: Except you've already lost her, and I swear I will never let you anywhere near her again.   
KOVARIAN [on screen]: Oh, Doctor. Fooling you once was a joy, but fooling you twice the same way? It's a privilege.   
DOCTOR: Amy. Amy.

[Outside the Tardis]

(The fight is on as the Doctor runs. Madame Kovarian appears through a hatch behind Amy.)   
RIVER [OC]: Demons run when a good man goes to war. Night will fall and drown the sun, when a good man goes to war. Friendship dies and true love lies, night will fall and the dark will rise, when a good man goes to war.   
DOCTOR: Amy!   
RIVER [OC]: Demons run but count the cost. The battle's won, but the child is lost.   
DOCTOR: Amy!   
KOVARIAN: Wakey, wakey.   
DOCTOR: Amy!   
(Melody suddenly goes splat in Amy's arms.)   
AMY: Rory? Rory! Rory!   
(The Doctor is behind a locked door.)   
DOCTOR: Amy, she's not real! Melody, she's a Flesh avatar. Amy!   
(The Doctor runs in. Everything is quiet.)   
DOCTOR: Amy! Amy.   
RORY: Yeah, we know.   
(The Monks are dead, and Strax is wounded.)   
STRAX: It's strange. I have often dreamed of dying in combat. I'm not enjoying it as much as I'd hoped.   
RORY: Come on, Strax. Don't give up.   
STRAX: It's all right. I've had a good life. I'm nearly twelve.   
RORY: Listen to me. You'll be back on your feet in no time. You're a warrior.   
STRAX: Rory, I'm a nurse.   
(The Doctor goes to where Jenny is comforting Amy.)   
AMY: So they took her anyway. All this was for nothing.   
DOCTOR: I am so sorry.   
JENNY: Amy, it's not his fault.   
AMY: I know. I know.   
VASTRA: Doctor, there's someone who wants to speak to you. Her name is Lorna. She came to warn us.   
(Lorna is also dying.)   
DOCTOR: Hey. Hello.   
LORNA: Doctor.   
DOCTOR: You helped my friends. Thank you.   
LORNA: I met you once, in the Gamma Forests. You don't remember me.   
DOCTOR: Hey, of course I remember. I remember everyone. Hey, we ran, you and me. Didn't we run, Lorna?   
(Lorna dies.)   
DOCTOR: Who was she?   
VASTRA: I don't know, but she was very brave.   
DOCTOR: They're always brave. They're always brave.   
VASTRA: So, what now? They'd almost certainly have taken her to Earth. Raise her in the correct environment.   
DOCTOR: Yes, they did. And it's already too late.   
VASTRA: You're giving up? You never do that.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, and don't you sometimes wish I did?   
(There is a flash of lightning.)   
RIVER: Well then, soldier. How goes the day?   
DOCTOR: Where the hell have you been? Every time you've asked, I have been there. Where the hell were you today?   
RIVER: I couldn't have prevented this.   
DOCTOR: You could have tried!   
RIVER: And so, my love, could you. I know you're not all right. But hold tight, Amy, because you're going to be.   
DOCTOR: You think I wanted this? I didn't do this. This, this wasn't me!   
RIVER: This was exactly you. All this. All of it. You make them so afraid. When you began, all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you'd become this? The man who can turn an army around at the mention of his name. Doctor. The word for healer and wise man throughout the universe. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean? To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word Doctor means mighty warrior. How far you've come. And now they've taken a child, the child of your best friends, and they're going to turn her into a weapon just to bring you down. And all this, my love, in fear of you.   
DOCTOR: Who are you?   
RIVER: Oh look, your cot. Haven't seen that in a very long while.   
DOCTOR: No, no, you tell me. Tell me who you are.   
RIVER: I am telling you. Can't you read?   
(The Old High Gallifreyan on the cot.)   
DOCTOR: Hello.   
RIVER: Hello.   
DOCTOR: But but that means   
RIVER: I'm afraid it does.   
DOCTOR: Ooo. But you and I, we, we, we, er (kiss kiss)   
RIVER: Yes.   
(The Doctor is getting all excited with anticipation.)   
DOCTOR: How do I look?   
RIVER: Amazing.   
DOCTOR: I'd better be.   
RIVER: Yes, you'd better be.   
DOCTOR: Vastra and Jenny, till the next time. Rory and Amy, I know where to find your daughter, and on my life, she will be safe. River, get them all home.   
RORY: Doctor!   
AMY: No! Where are you going?   
(The Doctor takes down the forcefield around the Tardis and goes inside.)   
AMY: No!   
(The Tardis dematerialises.)   
AMY: Where's he going and what did you tell him?   
RIVER: Amy, you have stay calm.   
(Amy picks up a gun.)   
AMY: Tell me what you told the Doctor.   
RORY: Amy, no. Stop it!   
RIVER: It's okay, Rory. She's fine. She's good. It's the Tardis translation matrix. It takes a while to kick in with the written word. You have to concentrate.   
AMY: I still can't read it.   
RIVER: It's because it's Gallifreyan and doesn't translate. But this will.   
(The prayer leaf.)   
RIVER: It's your daughter's name in the language of the Forest.   
AMY: I know my daughter's name.   
RIVER: Except they don't have a word for Pond, because the only water in the forest is the River. The Doctor will find your daughter, and he will care for her whatever it takes. And I know that. It's me. I'm Melody. I'm your daughter.


	4. Thalia Pond Series 6 Part 3

Let's Kill Hitler

Original Airdate: 27 Aug, 2011

[Car]  
(Rory is driving through a corn field very fast. Amy is navigating by tulip symbols, like on a road rally.)   
AMY: Okay, left. Sharp turn! Okay, right. No, no, no, I mean left. No, sorry, right, right. I definitely meant right. Now loop the loop.   
(More corn gets crushed beneath the tyres.)   
AMY: Stop! Stop!   
(And there, in the middle of the crop circle they have just made, is the Tardis. The Doctor comes out, holding a copy of the Leadworth Chronicle with the headline Leadworth's Crop Circle.)   
DOCTOR: Seriously?   
(They have made the word Doctor in the field.)   
RORY: Well, you never answer your phone.   
AMY: Okay, you've had all summer. Have you found her? Have you found Melody?   
DOCTOR: Permission?   
RORY: Granted.   
(The Doctor gives the newspaper to Rory and hugs Amy.)   
DOCTOR: You know who she grows up to be, so you know I will find her.   
AMY: But you haven't yet.   
RORY: Hang on. What's this bit?   
(There is a line through the middle of their crop design in the photograph.)   
AMY: That wasn't us.   
(Another car is driving towards them through the corn.)   
ALL: Argh!   
(They dive for safety as the Chevrolet Corvette skids to a halt by the Tardis. A young woman gets out wearing a River Song type costume.)   
MELS: You said he was funny. You never said he was hot.   
RORY: Mels!   
AMY: What are you doing here?   
MELS: Following you. What do you think?   
RORY: Er, where did you get the car?   
(Police sirens in the distance.)   
MELS: It's mine. Ish.   
AMY: Oh, Mels, not again.   
RORY: You can't keep doing this. You're going to end up in prison.   
DOCTOR: Sorry. Hello. Doctor not following this. Doctor very lost. You never said I was hot?   
MELS: Is that the phone box? The bigger on the inside phone box? Oh, time travel. That's just brilliant. Yeah, I've heard a lot about you. I'm their best mate.   
DOCTOR: Then why don't I know you? I danced with everyone at the wedding. The women were all brilliant. The men were a bit shy.   
MELS: I don't do weddings.   
(The sirens get closer.)   
MELS: And that's me out of time.   
(Mels pulls a gun on the Doctor.)   
AMY: Mels!   
RORY: For God's sake!   
AMY: What are you doing?   
MELS: I need out of here, now.   
(A helicopter is coming, too.)   
DOCTOR: Anywhere in particular?   
MELS: Well, let's see. You've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell. Let's kill Hitler.

[Amy's bedroom]

(Back when they were children. Amelia is getting her Doctor toys out of a cardboard box.)   
YOUNG MELS: Is he hot?   
AMELIA: No, he's funny.   
YOUNG MELS: But how can he travel in time?   
AMELIA: Because he's got a time machine, stupid.   
(A little boy enters.)   
YOUNG RORY: I thought we were playing hide and seek. I've been hiding for hours.   
AMELIA: Well, we just haven't found you yet.   
YOUNG RORY: Okay. Hi, Mels.   
YOUNG MELS: Hi, Rory.   
(Young Rory leaves.)

[Classroom]

WOMAN TEACHER: Mels, did you not understand the question? I'm asking you why the Titanic sank?   
YOUNG MELS: Because the Doctor didn't save it. Except you don't know about the Doctor because you're stupid.

[School]

(Mels leaves the Headmaster's Study.)   
AMELIA: Why are you always in trouble? You're the most in trouble in the whole school, except for boys.   
YOUNG MELS: And you.   
AMELIA: I count as a boy.   
(Rory is blindfolded for a game that they were playing earlier.)   
YOUNG RORY: Am I getting warm?   
AMELIA: Yes, Rory.

[Classroom]

(The children are now teenagers.)   
TEACHER: Mels?   
MELS: A significant factor in Hitler's rise to power was the fact that the Doctor didn't stop him.

[School]

(After another visit to the Headmaster.)   
AMY: I can't keep doing this.

[Police station]

(Mels is let out of a cell. They've all left school by now.)   
AMY: Mels!

[Amy's bedroom]

MELS: It was late. I took a bus.   
RORY: Er, you stole a bus.   
AMY: Who steals a bus?   
MELS: I returned it.   
RORY: You drove it through the Botanical garden.   
MELS: Short cut.   
AMY: Why can't you just act like a person? Like a normal legal person?   
MELS: I don't know, maybe I need a Doctor.   
AMY: Stop it.   
RORY: Er, I'd better go. I'm on earlies tomorrow.   
AMY: Okay.   
MELS: It's all right for you. You've got Mister Perfect keeping you right.   
AMY: He's not even real. Just a stupid dream when I was a kid.   
MELS: No, I wasn't talking about him.   
AMY: What, Rory? How have I got Rory?   
RORY: Yeah, how, how's she got me?   
AMY: He's not mine.   
RORY: No. No. I'm not hers.   
MELS: Oh, come on. Seriously, it's got to be you two. Oh, cut to the song. It's getting boring.   
AMY: Nice thought, okay, but completely impossible.   
RORY: Yeah, impossible.   
AMY: I mean, I'd love to. He's gorgeous. He's my favourite guy. But he's, you know   
RORY: A friend.   
AMY: Gay.   
RORY: I'm not gay.   
AMY: Yes, you are.   
RORY: No. No, I'm not.   
AMY: Course you are. Don't be stupid. In the whole time I've known you, when have you shown any interest in a girl?   
MELS: Penny in the air.   
AMY: I mean, I've known you for, what, ten years? I've seen you practically every day. Name one girl you've paid the slightest bit of attention to?   
(Rory flees.)   
AMY: Oh, my God! Rory!   
(Amy runs after him.)   
MELS: And the penny drops.   
AMY [OC]: Rory!   
MELS: Catch you later, Time Boy.

[Tardis]

(The Tardis is out of control.)   
DOCTOR: You've shot it! You shot my Tardis! You shot the console!   
MELS: It's your fault!   
DOCTOR: Argh! How's it my fault?   
MELS: You said guns didn't work in this place. You said we're in a state of temporal grace.   
DOCTOR: That was a clever lie, you idiot! Anyone could tell that was a clever lie.

[Teselecta]

(Berlin, 1938. A cleaner turns to watch an Nazi General walking down a corridor in the Reich Chancellory with a creak and click of gears. A man watches through its eyes on a bank of monitors.)   
CARTER: Okay, we like him.   
ANITA: Costume want to know about the suit.   
CARTER: Just colour and shape. Don't need anything detachable.   
JIM: Musculature good to go.   
CARTER: That was quick.   
JIM: They're showing off. Art department want to talk skin tone.   
HARRIET: Yes, I do. I don't trust the sensors, I want to take a look myself.   
JIM: We're in a hurry. We're not trying to win an award.   
HARRIET: Yeah, that's what you said when we made Rasputin green.   
CARTER: Okay, get your fat one up there. Run!   
HARRIET: Yes, Captain.   
CARTER: Harriet's going to eyeball. Everyone else, good to go, please.

[Office]

(The General is going through a filing cabinet when the cleaner enters.)   
ZIMMERMAN: What do you want? What are you doing?

[Teselecta]

ANITA: Musculature online.   
JIM: Five foot eleven, confirmed.   
(The cleaner grows to the same height as the General.)   
CARTER: Harriet, are you up there yet?   
(Harriet's wrist monitor goes red.)   
ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.   
CARTER: Harriet, have you updated your privileges?

[Teselecta eye level]

HARRIET: Yes, of course I have.   
(The monitor turns green again.)   
HARRIET: Look, I'm staff, see? Look, staff!   
ANTIBODY: You are authorised. Your existence will continue.

[Office]

ZIMMERMAN: I don't understand.   
(The cleaner's overalls transform into a replica of his uniform.)

[Teselecta eye level]

CARTER [OC]: Harriet, shift!   
HARRIET: Five seconds to eyeball.   
(Harriet opens the internal shield and looks out of the pupil.)   
HARRIET: Shades forty four to eighty nine, peaking at sixty. Standard density. He's sweating a bit, so compensate.

[Office]

ZIMMERMAN: What are you?

[Teselecta]

CARTER: All hands, prepare for tessellation. Prepare for tessellation.   
(The cleaner transforms into a duplicate General Zimmerman. He slumps back against the filing cabinet as the double reaches for him, and takes his glasses.)   
CARTER: Okay, clean up.   
(A beam of light from the Teselecta's eye transports the General onto the eye level catwalk.)   
ZIMMERMAN: Argh!   
CARTER: Who is he?   
ANITA: Eric Zimmerman. Loyal member of the Nazi Party. Guilty of Category Three hate crimes.   
CARTER: Well, then. Leave him to the Antibodies.

[Teselecta eye level]

(The Antibodies look like metallic jellyfish.)   
ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. Welcome. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death. Remain calm while your life is extracted.   
(Zimmerman vanishes with a scream.)

[Hitler's work study]

HITLER: What do you want? Who let you in here?   
(Faux Zimmerman strides forward.)

[Teselecta]

(The Captain's coffee cup falls of the arm of his chair.)   
CARTER: What's wrong with the shock absorbers?   
JIM: Problem in the knees.   
CARTER: Let's hope we don't have to run.

[Hitler's work study]

ZIMMERMAN: Do not call for help. This room has been sound screened. You have been found guilty. Justice mode activating.   
(White light streams from the Teselecta to Hitler.)

[Teselecta]

JIM: Hang on! This is 1938. We're too early. We need to go later in his time stream.   
ANITA: Something else. We've got incoming!   
CARTER: On screen. What the hell is that?

[Hitler's work study]

(The Tardis crashes through the windows of the Chancellery, knocking the Teselecta over.)   
DOCTOR: Out, out, out! Everybody out. Don't breathe the smoke, just get out!   
AMY: Where are we?   
DOCTOR: A room.   
RORY: What room?   
DOCTOR: I don't know what room. I haven't memorised every room in the universe yet. I had yesterday off. Mels, don't go in there.   
(The Doctor takes Mels' gun away.)   
MELS: Oi.   
DOCTOR: Bad smoke. Don't breathe the bad, bad, smoke. Bad, deadly smoke because somebody shot my Tardis!   
(Rory has gone to Zimmerman.)   
RORY: Doctor. This guy, I think he's hurt.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Transmit normal life signs!   
JIM: Artificial gravity holding, but we should get upright when we can.

[Hitler's work study]

RORY: No, hang on. No, he's fine.   
(The Doctor puts the gun in a fruit bowl. It's owner gets up from behind his desk.)   
DOCTOR: Ooo, hello. Sorry, is this your office? Had a sort of collision with my vehicle. Faults on both sides, let's say no more about   
(Then they sees who he is talking to)   
DOCTOR: It.   
RORY: Who?   
AMY: Is that? No, it can't be, Doctor?   
HITLER: Thank you, whoever you are. I think you have just saved my life.   
DOCTOR: Believe me, it was an accident.   
HITLER: What is this thing?   
AMY: What did he mean, we saved his life? We could not have just saved Hitler.   
DOCTOR: You see? You see? Time travel, it never goes to plan.   
HITLER: This box. What is it?   
DOCTOR: It's a police telephone box from London, England. That's right, Adolf. The British are coming.   
(Zimmerman stands up.)   
HITLER: No, stop him!   
(The Doctor ducks as Hitler shoots Zimmerman.)

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Damage report! Damage report!

[Hitler's work study]

(Rory punches Hitler and grabs his gun.)   
RORY: Sit still, shut up.   
(Amy goes to Zimmerman.)   
AMY: Are you okay?   
(Carter uses the speaker.)   
ZIMMERMAN: Yes, yes. Yes, I'm fine. I think he missed.   
HITLER: He was going to kill me.   
RORY: Shut up, Hitler!   
DOCTOR: Rory, take Hitler and put him in that cupboard over there. Now do it.   
RORY: Right. Putting Hitler in the cupboard. Cupboard, Hitler. Hitler, cupboard. Come on.   
HITLER: But I am the Fuhrer!   
RORY: Right, in you go!   
HITLER: Who are you?   
(Rory shuts Hitler in a large cupboard lined with shelves.)

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Are you okay?   
ANITA: Sir, what do we do know?   
JIM: Suggestion, we should go into surveillance mode.   
CARTER: Agreed. Let's faint.

[Hitler's work study]

ZIMMERMAN; Oh, I   
RORY: I think he just fainted.   
DOCTOR: Yes, that was a faint. A perfect faint.   
AMY: Mels?   
MELS: Hitler   
DOCTOR: What about him?   
MELS: Lousy shot.   
(Mels collapses, clutching her side.)   
AMY: Mels! Mels!   
DOCTOR: Rory!   
RORY: No, no, no, no! I've got to stop the bleeding.

[Teselecta]

JIM: Sir, that blue box. I've got a match. We're trying to bag war criminals, we've got the biggest one ever right under our noses. Forget Hitler. If we take this one down, the Justice Department will give us the rest of the year off.   
CARTER: Are you sure?   
JIM: There's no question. It's her.   
AMY: How bad is it? Rory, what can we do?   
RORY: Just keep her conscious. Stay with us, Mels.   
DOCTOR: Hey, look at me. Just hold on.   
MELS: I used to dream about you. All those stories Amy used to tell me.   
DOCTOR: What stories? Tell me what stories. Vampires in Venice. That's a belter.   
MELS: When I was little, I was going to marry you.   
DOCTOR: Good idea, let's get married. You stay alive and I'll marry you, deal? Deal?   
MELS: Shouldn't you ask my parents permission?   
DOCTOR: As soon as you're well, I'll get on the phone.   
MELS: Might as well do it now, since they're both right here. Penny in the air. Penny drops.   
(Mels, obviously short for Melody rather than Melissa, begins to regenerate.)   
RORY: What the hell's going on?   
DOCTOR: Back! Back! Back! Get back!   
MELS: Last time I did this, I ended up a toddler in the middle of New York.   
AMY: Okay, Doctor, explain what is happening, please.   
DOCTOR: Mels. Short for   
MELS: Melody.   
AMY: Yeah. I named my daughter after her.   
DOCTOR: You named your daughter after your daughter.   
MELS: It took me years to find you two. I'm so glad I did. And you see? It all worked out in the end, didn't it. You got to raise me after all.   
AMY: You're Melody?   
RORY: But if she's Melody, that means that she's also   
MELS: Shut up, Dad. I'm focusing on a dress size.   
(And Mels transforms into -)   
RIVER: Oh! Oh! Oh! Whoa! Right, let's see, then. Ooo, it's all going on down there, isn't it? The hair! Oh, the hair. It just doesn't stop, does it? Look at that. Everything changes. Oh, but I love it. I love it! I'm all sort of mature.   
(She strikes a Mrs Robinson pose.)   
RIVER: Hello, Benjamin.   
DOCTOR: Who's Benjamin?   
RIVER: The teeth. The teeth, the teeth! Oh, look at them.   
(River pins the Doctor against Hitler's desk.)   
RIVER: Watch out that bow tie. Excuse me, you lot. I need to weigh myself.   
(She runs off into a side room.)   
AMY: That's Melody.   
RORY: That's River Song.   
RIVER: Who's River Song?   
DOCTOR: Spoilers.   
RIVER: Spoilers? What's spoilers? Hang on, just something I have to check.   
RORY: Is anybody else finding today just a bit difficult? I'm getting a sort of banging in my head.   
AMY: Yeah, I think that's Hitler in the cupboard.   
RORY: That's not helping.   
DOCTOR: This isn't the River Song we know yet. This is her right at the start. Doesn't even know her own name.   
RIVER [OC} Oh, that's magnificent!   
RIVER: I'm going to wear lots of jodhpurs.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Well, that's her all right. Melody Pond, the woman who kills the Doctor.

[Hitler's work study]

RIVER: Well, now, enough of all that. Down to business.   
(She has somehow got Hitler's gun.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, hello. I thought we were getting married.   
RIVER: I told you I'm not a wedding person.   
RORY: Doctor, what's she doing?   
DOCTOR: What she's programmed to.   
RORY: Where'd she get the gun?   
DOCTOR: Hello, Benjamin.   
RIVER [memory]: Hello, Benjamin!   
(She picked it up from the chair.)   
RIVER: You noticed.   
(She tries to fire it, but the chambers are empty.)   
DOCTOR: Of course I noticed.   
(He took the bullets out while she was regenerating.)   
DOCTOR: As soon as I knew you were coming, I tidied up a bit.   
RIVER: I know you did.   
RIVER [memory]: Watch out that bow tie.   
(She spotted the gun in the fruit bowl.)   
DOCTOR: I know you know.   
(He turns the bowl and she points a banana at him instead.)   
RIVER: Goodness, is killing you going to take all day?   
DOCTOR: Why? Are you busy?   
RIVER: Oh, I'm not complaining.   
(She grabs a letter opener and he sonicks it away.)   
DOCTOR: If you were in a hurry, you could've killed me in the cornfield.   
RIVER: We'd only just met. I'm a psychopath. I'm not rude.   
(She grabs Zimmerman's automatic, but the Doctor has the clip.)   
AMY: You are not a psychopath. Why would she be a psychopath?   
RIVER: Oh, Mummy, Mummy, pay attention. I was trained and conditioned for one purpose. I was born to kill the Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Demons Run, remember? This is what they were building. My bespoke psychopath.   
RIVER: I'm all yours, sweetie.   
(She kisses him lightly.)   
DOCTOR: Only River Song gets to call me that.   
RIVER: And who's River Song?   
DOCTOR: An old friend of mine.   
RIVER: Stupid name. Oh, look at that. Berlin on the eve of war. A whole world about to tear itself apart. Now that's my kind of town. Mum, Dad, don't follow me. And, yes, that is a warning.   
DOCTOR: No warning for me then?   
RIVER: No need, my love. The deed is done and so are you.   
(The Doctor staggers.)   
AMY: Doctor, what's wrong?   
DOCTOR: What have you done? River!   
RIVER: Oh, River, River, River. More than a friend, I think.   
DOCTOR: What have you done?   
RIVER: It was never going to be a gun for you, Doctor. The man of peace who understands every kind of warfare, except, perhaps, the cruellest.   
RIVER [memory]: I'm all yours, sweetie.   
RIVER: Kiss, kiss.   
(River jumps out of the broken window.)   
RORY: What's wrong with you? What's she done to you?   
DOCTOR: Poisoned me. But I'm fine. Well, no, I'm dying, but I've got a plan.   
AMY: What plan?   
DOCTOR: Not dying. See? Fine.

[Teselecta]

ANITA: Scanning him. He's dying all right.   
JIM: But he can't be.

[Hitler's work study]

RORY: Okay, what do we do? How do we help you?   
DOCTOR: Take this. The Tardis can home in on it. Now, go. Get after her.   
(The Doctor gives Amy the screwdriver. Rory looks out of the first floor window onto the street.)

[Wilhelmstrasse]

(An officer and five soldiers stop River at gunpoint.)   
OFFICER: Halt!   
RIVER: Hello, boys.

[Hitler's work study]

AMY: You said the smoke was deadly.   
DOCTOR: No, no, the smoke's fine. The poison will kill me first. Now, get after River!   
AMY: I don't understand, okay? One minute she's going to marry you and then she's going to kill you.   
DOCTOR: Ah, well, she's been brainwashed. It all makes sense to her. Plus, she is a woman. Oh, shut up. I'm dying.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Extractor fans on! Oh, that works.

[Wilhelmstrasse]

OFFICER: What are you doing here?   
RIVER: Well, I was on my way to this gay Gypsy Bar-Mitzvah for the disabled, when I thought gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish. I think I'll kill the Fuhrer. Who's with me?   
OFFICER: Shoot her.   
(Rory watches as the soldiers fire lots of bullets.)   
RORY: No!   
RIVER: Tip for you all. Never shoot a girl while she's regenerating.   
(River blasts them with her golden energy then takes their weapons.)   
RIVER: Ah! Now, that hit the spot. Thanks, boys. Call me.   
(River gets on a motorbike.)   
AMY: What are you doing?   
RIVER: New body, new town. I'm going shopping.   
(River drives away. A soldier come out on another bike.)   
RIVER: Look, I know how this looks. Let me explain everything from the beginning.   
(The soldier starts to try and get his gun from its holster.)   
RORY: Heil!   
SOLDIER: Heil!   
(Rory hits him.)   
RORY: Come on!   
AMY: Can you ride a motorbike?   
RORY: I expect so. It's that sort of day.   
(They drive off and the soldier gets up. It is -)

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Okay. This time, let's do the bike, too.   
(They grow a motorbike and drive off after Rory and Amy and River.)   
JIM: You see, he can't be dying.   
CARTER: But the Doctor is confirmed deceased. We have his records.   
JIM: But he doesn't die here. He dies in Utah, by Lake Silencio, April the twenty second, 2011.   
ANITA: Time can be rewritten. Remember Kennedy?   
JIM: This time can't. It's a confirmed fixed point. The Doctor must always die exactly then. He always has and he always will.   
CARTER: Then someone's screwed up, because he's dying right now.

[Tardis]

(The Doctor is on his knees.)   
DOCTOR: I'm shutting down. I need an interface. Voice interface. Come on, emergency.   
HOLO-DOCTOR: Voice interface enabled.   
DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no, no, no. Give me someone I like.   
(Holo-Rose Tyler.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, thanks. Give me guilt.   
(Holo-Martha Jones.)   
DOCTOR: Also guilt.   
(Holo-Donna Noble.)   
DOCTOR: More guilt. Argh. Come on, there must be someone left in the universe I haven't screwed up yet.   
HOLO-AMELIA: Voice interface enabled.   
DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, Amelia Pond, before I got it all wrong. My sweet little Amelia.   
HOLO-AMELIA: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface.   
DOCTOR: Hey, let's run away and have adventures. Come along, Pond.   
HOLO-AMELIA: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface.   
DOCTOR: You are so Scottish. How am I doing?   
HOLO-AMELIA: Your system has been contaminated by the poison of the Judas tree. You will be dead in thirty two minutes.   
DOCTOR: Okay. So, basically better regenerate, that's what you're saying.   
HOLO-AMELIA: Regeneration disabled. You will be dead in thirty two minutes.   
DOCTOR: Unless I'm cured, yeah?   
HOLO-AMELIA: There is no cure. You will be dead in thirty two minutes.   
DOCTOR: Why do you keep saying that?   
HOLO-AMELIA: Because you will be dead in thirty two minutes.   
DOCTOR: You see? There you go again. Basically skipping thirty one whole minutes when I'm absolutely fine. Scottish, that's all I'm saying.   
HOLO-AMELIA: You will be fine for thirty one minutes. You will be dead in thirty two minutes.   
DOCTOR: Scotland's never conquered anywhere, you know. Not even a Shetland. River needs me. She's only just beginning. I can't die now.  
HOLO-AMELIA: You will not die now. You will die in thirty two minutes.   
DOCTOR: I'm going out in the first round. Ringing any bells? Argh! Okay, need something for the pain now. Come on, Amelia. It's me. Please.  
HOLO-AMELIA: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface.   
DOCTOR: Amelia, listen to me. I can be brave for you, but you have got to tell me how.   
HOLO-AMELIA: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface.   
DOCTOR: Amelia. Amelia, please.   
HOLO-AMELIA: Fish fingers and custard.   
DOCTOR: What did you say? Fish fingers and custard? Oh, Amelia Pond. Fish fingers and custard. Fish fingers and custard!

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

(The elite of Berlin are wining and dining in style as a string quartet plays. Their pleasure is interrupted by a hail of bullets.)   
RIVER: Ladies and gentleman, I don't have a thing to wear. Take off your clothes.

[Outside Hotel Adlon]

RORY: Okay, all of Berlin. How do we find her?   
AMY: I don't know. Look for clues.   
RORY: Clues? What kind of clues?   
AMY: Shut up.   
(Screaming, then men and women running out of the hotel dressed only in their underwear.)   
RORY: Okay.   
(The Teselecta pulls up beside them. It is now a replica of Amy.)

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

RIVER: Now, look at that. Now that's fun from every angle.   
(Amy enters. But which one?)   
RIVER: Now dear, I told you not to follow me.

[Teselecta eye level]

RORY: Okay. Okay, I am trapped inside a giant robot replica of my wife. I'm really trying not to see this as a metaphor.   
AMY: How can we be in here?   
RORY: Er.   
AMY: How do we fit?   
RORY: Miniaturisation ray.   
AMY: How would you know that?   
RORY: Well, there was a ray, and we were miniaturised.   
AMY: All right.   
ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.   
AMY: Er, what's that?   
RORY: Er, I don't know. It's in your head.   
ANTIBODY: Please remain calm while your life is terminated.   
AMY: We come in peace!   
RORY: When has that ever worked?   
AMY: Oh, shut up!   
(They try to run but are trapped.)   
ANTIBODY: Please cooperate in your officially sanctioned termination. It is normal to experience fear during your incineration.   
AMY: Stop or I sonic.   
RORY: What are you doing?   
AMY: Er, I don't know.   
RORY: Okay. Psychic interface. Just point and think.   
AMY: I know, but what do I think?   
RORY: I don't know!   
(The lift doors open. Jim is there.)   
JIM: It's okay. Stay still and don't move.   
(He puts green monitors on their wrists.)   
JIM: Privileges activated. See? Activated.   
ANTIBODY: You are authorised. Your existence will continue.   
JIM: And you can put your hands down. This is Justice Department Vehicle six zero one eight. You're not guilty of anything. Welcome aboard the Teselecta.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

RIVER: I might take the age down a little, just gradually, to freak people out.   
TESELECTA-AMY: You killed the Doctor.   
RIVER: Oh yes, I know, dear. I hope you're not going to keep on about it. Oh, regeneration. It's a whole new colouring to work with.   
(River is trying on a Luftwaffe uniform.)   
TESELECTA-AMY: You killed the Doctor on the orders of the movement known as the Silence and Academy of the Question. You accept and know this to be true?   
RIVER: Quite honestly, I don't really remember. It was all a bit of jumble.   
(Teselecta Amy opens its mouth and a bright beam hits River's head.)   
RIVER: No! No! Get off me!   
DOCTOR: Sorry, did you say she killed the Doctor? The Doctor? Doctor who?   
(The Doctor is leaning against his Tardis, wearing evening clothes, top hat and carrying a cane.)

[Teselecta]

CARTER: You said he was dying.   
ANITA: He is.   
JIM: When you're done here, your memories will be wiped and you'll be able to   
AMY: Doctor?

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

RIVER: You're dying and you stopped to change?   
DOCTOR: Oh, you should always waste time when you don't have any. Time is not the boss of you. Rule four hundred and eight. Amelia Pond, judgment death machine. Why am I not surprised? Sonic cane.   
RIVER: Are you serious?

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Never knowingly. Never knowingly be serious.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Rule twenty seven. You might want to write these down. Oh, it's a robot.

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: With four hundred and twenty three life signs inside. A robot

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Worked by tiny people. Love it. But how do you all get in there, though.

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Bigger on the inside? No, basic miniaturisation sustained by a

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Compression field. Ooo. Watch what you eat, it'll get you every time.

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Amy, if you and Rory are okay, signal me.   
(Amy activates the sonic screwdriver, and the cane lights up.)   
DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Thanking you.   
CARTER: How'd you do that?

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Argh! I'm so sorry. Leg went to sleep. Just had a quick left leg power nap. I forgot I had one scheduled. Actually, better sit down. I think I heard the right one yawning.   
(River tries to run. The Teselecta grabs her with its beam.)   
DOCTOR: Don't you touch her! Do not harm her in any way!   
(River is trapped in an energy field.)

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Why would you care? She's the women who kills you.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: I'm not dead.   
TESELECTA-AMY: You're dying.   
DOCTOR: Well, at least I'm not a time travelling shape shifting robot operated by miniaturised cross people, which, I have got to admit, I didn't see coming. What do you want with her?   
TESELECTA-AMY: She's Melody Pond.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: According to records, the woman who kills the Doctor.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: And I'm the Doctor. So what's it to you?

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Throughout history, many criminals have gone unpunished in their lifetimes. Time travel has responsibilities.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: What? You got yourselves time travel, so you decided to punish dead people?

[Teselecta]

CARTER: We don't kill them. We extract them near the end of their established timelines.   
DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: And then what?   
CARTER: Give them hell.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: I'd ask you who you think you are

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: But I think the answer is pretty obvious. So, who do you think

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: I am, huh? The woman who killed the Doctor. It sounds like you've got my biography in there. I'd love a peek.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Our records office is sealed to the public. Foreknowledge is dangerous.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Yeah, well, I'll be dead in three minutes.

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: There isn't much foreknowledge left.   
CARTER: Sorry, can't do that.   
AMY: That man is my best friend. That woman is my daughter. You give him anything he wants.   
JIM: If she's family, she has privileges.   
(Carter taps keys on Amy's green wrist band.)   
JIM: Say access personal records, the Doctor.   
AMY: Access personal records, the Doctor.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: Records available.   
DOCTOR: Question. I'm dying. Who wants me dead?   
TESELECTA-AMY: The Silence.   
DOCTOR: What is the Silence? Why is it called that? What does it mean?   
TESELECTA-AMY: The Silence is not a species. It is a religious order, or movement. Their core belief is that silence will fall when the question is asked.   
DOCTOR: What question?   
TESELECTA-AMY: The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight.   
DOCTOR: Yes, but what is the question?   
TESELECTA-AMY: Unknown.   
DOCTOR: Oh. Well, fat lot of use that is, you big ginge. Call yourself a Records argh! Argh! Kidneys are always the first to quit. I've had better, you know.

[Teselecta]

ANITA: Okay, he's finished.   
AMY: Oh, my God.   
CARTER: Well then, let's do what we do. Give her hell.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

(The white forcefield turn to red painful energy around River.)   
DOCTOR: Amy. Rory. Amy

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Can you hear me?   
AMY: Yeah?   
CARTER: You can talk to him.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: What do we do?

[Teselecta]

AMY: This is me. This is me actually talking.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: What do we do?   
DOCTOR: Just stop them. She's your daughter. Just stop them.

[Teselecta]

AMY: How? How?

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: How?   
DOCTOR: Just do it!

[Teselecta]

JIM [memory]: Privileges activated, see?   
DOCTOR [memory]: She's your daughter. Just stop them.   
RORY: What are you doing?   
AMY: Pointing and thinking. Get ready to run.   
(Amy zaps her wrist band with the sonic screwdriver. It turns red and alarms sound.)   
ANTIBODY: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.   
AMY: Okay, Captain. Release her now, or I take down the whole Teselecta.   
RORY: Amy.   
CARTER: You can't.   
AMY: They can.   
(Anita and Jim's wrist bands turn red.)   
AMY: Rory, go!   
ANTIBODY: All privileges withdrawn.   
JIM: What have you done?   
ANTIBODY: All life forms prepare for immediate decease. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death.   
(Rory and Amy are in the lift. The Antibody lassoes Anita's throat.)   
CARTER: Shut it down.   
JIM: I'm trying!   
CARTER: Shut everything down!

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

(River is released from the hell-energy.)   
DOCTOR: Please. Now we have to save your parents. Don't run. Now, I know you're scared, but never run when you're scared. Rule seven. Please.

[Teselecta body]

ANTIBODY: Remain calm while your life is extracted.   
AMY: Run! Keep running.   
RORY: Where?   
AMY: I don't know. Just run!

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Mothership! Mothership, get us out of here! Emergency beam up now! Everyone!   
(Only the Antibodies remain on the bridge.)   
ANTIBODY: Only two life forms remain. This will be rectified.

[Teselecta body]

AMY: Where'd everyone go?   
RORY: How can they just disappear?   
AMY: Doctor, can you help us? Doctor? Doctor, help us!

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: Doctor, help us! Doctor, please!   
(The dying Doctor struggles to his feet and tries to make his way to the Tardis. He can't make it.)   
TESELECTA-AMY: Doctor! Help!   
RIVER: Look at you. You still care.   
TESELECTA-AMY: Doctor, help! Doctor, help us! Please help us.   
RIVER: It's impressive, I'll give you that.   
DOCTOR: River, please.   
RIVER: Again? Who is this River? She's got to be a woman. Am I right?   
DOCTOR: Help me. Save Amy and Rory. Help me.   
RIVER: Tell me about her. Go on.   
DOCTOR: Just help me.

[Teselecta eye level]

(Rory and Amy are at the eyeball and surrounded by lots of Antibodies.)   
ANTIBODY: You are unauthorised. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.   
AMY: I love you.   
RORY: I love you too.   
(Amy and Rory hug each other, then there is the wind of a materialising Tardis.)   
ANTIBODY: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.

[Tardis]

(It materialises around Amy and Rory.)   
AMY: Doctor? Doctor, you did it. He did it!   
(River steps out from behind the console.)   
RIVER: I seem to be able to fly her. She showed me how. She taught me. The Doctor says I'm the child of the Tardis. What does he mean?   
AMY: Where is he?

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

AMY: You can't die now. I know you don't die now.   
DOCTOR: Oh, Pond, you've got a schedule for everything.   
AMY: But it doesn't make any sense.   
RORY: Doctor, what do we do? Come on. How do we help you?   
DOCTOR: No. Sorry, Rory, you can't. Nobody can. Ponds, listen to me. I need to talk to your daughter.   
(Rory and Amy move away from the Doctor, and let River approach.)   
DOCTOR: Find her. Find River Song and tell her something from me.   
RIVER: Tell her what?   
(The Doctor whispers in her ear.)   
RIVER: Well, I'm sure she knows.   
(The Doctor is dead.)   
RIVER: Who's River Song?   
AMY: Are you still working? Because I'm still a relative. Access files on River Song.   
TESELECTA-AMY: Records available.   
AMY: Show me her. Show me River Song.   
(The Teselecta transforms.)   
AMY: What did he say? The Doctor gave you a message for River Song. What was it?   
(River starts to glow.)   
AMY: What's happening? River, what are you doing?   
RIVER: Just tell me. The Doctor, is he worth it?   
AMY: Yes! Yes, he is!   
(River pours her golden regeneration energy into the Doctor, and he revives.)   
DOCTOR: River. No. What are you doing?   
RIVER: Hello, sweetie.   
(River kisses the Doctor.)

[Hospital]

(River wakes up in a bed.)   
AMY: Hey.   
RIVER: Hey. Where am I?   
AMY: You're safe now. Apparently, you used all your remaining regenerations in one go. You shouldn't have done that.   
RIVER: Mother, I had to try.   
AMY: I know.   
RIVER: He said no-one could save him, but he must have known I could.   
DOCTOR: Rule one. The Doctor lies.   
NURSE: She just needs to rest. She'll be absolutely fine.   
DOCTOR: No, she won't. She will be amazing.   
(The Doctor leaves a brand new Tardis-style diary on the bedside cabinet.)

[Tardis]

AMY: So that's it, se leave her there?   
DOCTOR: Sisters of the Infinite Schism. Greatest hospital in the universe.   
AMY: Yeah, but she's our daughter. Doctor, she's River and she's our daughter.   
DOCTOR: Amy, I know. But we have to let her make her own way now. We have too much foreknowledge. Dangerous thing, foreknowledge.   
(His Teselecta biography is on the scanner.)   
AMY: What's that?   
DOCTOR: Nothing.   
(He turns it off.)   
DOCTOR: Just some data I downloaded from the Teselecta. Very boring.   
RORY: Doctor, River was brainwashed to kill you, right?   
DOCTOR: Well, she did kill me, and then she used her remaining lives to bring me back. As first dates go, I'd say that was mixed signals.   
RORY: But that stuff that they put in her head, is that gone now? The River that we know in the future, she is in prison for murder.   
AMY: Whose murder? Will we see her again?   
DOCTOR: Oh, she'll come looking for us.   
AMY: Yeah, but how? How do people even look for you?   
DOCTOR: Oh, Pond. Haven't you figured that one out yet?

[The Luna University, 5123]

(A professor is interviewing a prospective student.)   
CANDY: So then, tell me. Why do you want to study archaeology?   
RIVER: Well, to be perfectly honest, Professor, I'm looking for a good man.

* * *

NEXT CHAPTER IS THE DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER - EPISODE WHERE THEY FIND WHERE THALIA IS AND SHE REGENERATES

* * *

_Thalia Pond has regenerated._

INTRODUCING:

**Hayley Williams**

As

_Thalia Song_

* * *

**Thalia is only separated for a little bit. When Amy goes into that white room, she doesn't wait and heads into a room. Thalia ends up heading into a different room and meeting with present time Rory. She doesn't wait all that long**

[Tardis]  
DOCTOR: Apalapucia.   
AMY: Say it again?   
DOCTOR: Apalapucia.   
AMY Apalapu   
DOCTOR: Chia.   
RORY: Apalapucia.   
DOCTOR: Apalapucia.   
AMY: Apalapucia. What a beautiful word.   
DOCTOR: Beautiful word, beautiful world. Apalapucia, voted number two planet in the top ten greatest destinations for the discerning intergalactic traveller.   
RORY: Why couldn't we go to number one?   
DOCTOR: It's hideous. Everyone goes to number one. Planet of the coffee shops. Apalapucia. I give you sunsets, spires, soaring silver colonnades. I give you   
(The Doctor opens the Tardis door to reveal - a white space with a door.)   
RORY: Doors.

[White space]

DOCTOR: Doors. Yes. I give you doors. But on the other side of those doors, I give you sunsets, spires, soaring silver colonnades.   
AMY: Have you seen my phone?   
DOCTOR: Your phone?   
AMY: Yeah.   
DOCTOR: Your mobile telephone? I bring you to a paradise planet, two billion light years from Earth, and you want to update Twitter.   
AMY: Sunsets, spires, soaring silver colonnades. It's a camera phone.   
DOCTOR: On the counter, by the DVDs.   
AMY: Thank you.   
RORY: How do we get in?   
DOCTOR: I don't know. Push a button.   
(There is a choice of two - Green Anchor and Red Waterfall. Rory presses the Green.)

[Green Anchor room]

(Still stark white decor, with a glass table and three avante guarde chairs.)   
DOCTOR: Okay, so rain check on the soaring silver colonnades.   
RORY: Yeah. It's a magnifying glass.   
(And it is in the middle of the table.   
(Amy comes out of the Tardis with her phone.)   
AMY [OC]: Hey? Hey, it's locked.   
RORY: Yeah, push the button.   
(Of course, she presses the Red Waterfall button.)

[Red Waterfall room]

(Identical to Green Anchor except there are no people here.)   
AMY: Rory?

[Green Anchor room]

RORY: Come on, Amy.

[Red Waterfall room]

(The door shuts.)   
AMY: Great.

[Green Anchor room]

(Rory opens the door.)   
RORY: Where is she? Where on wherever we are is my wife?   
(The Doctor presses the green button on the magnifying glass. Amy looks into the glass in her room and the Doctor sees her.)   
DOCTOR: Rory, I think I've found her.   
RORY: What do you mean you've found her? Whoa. No, but, she's not, she's not here.

[Red Waterfall room]

RORY [in glass]: I can see her, but she's not here.

[Green Anchor room]

AMY [in glass]: Where am I? In fact, where are you?   
(A white robot enters. It has a blank face, one red and one green button on its torso, and is holding up a hand.)   
RORY: Whoa.   
DOCTOR: Hands. Hello, hands. Robot with hands, Rory.   
HANDBOT: Welcome to the Twostreams facility. Will you be visiting long?   
AMY [in glass]: Er, Doctor, something's happening.   
(The image in the glass starts to wiggle.)   
DOCTOR: Er, Amy? Stay calm. Stay still. Ah, time's gone wobbly. I hate it when it does that.   
HANDBOT: Will you be visiting long?   
RORY: Good question. Bit sinister. What's the answer to not get us killed?   
DOCTOR: It's okay, I've got you, you're fine.

[Red Waterfall room]

ROBOT [OC]: Will you be visiting long?   
RORY [in glass]: Doctor? A little help, Doctor.   
AMY: And where have you been?

[Green Anchor room]

RORY: What do I tell it?   
AMY [in glass]: I've been here a week.

[Red Waterfall room]

DOCTOR [in glass]: A week?

[Green Anchor room]

DOCTOR: A week? I'm so sorry. Ah-ha. Same room, different times. Two different timestreams running parallel but at different speeds. Amy, you're in a faster timestream.

[Red Waterfall room]

AMY: Doctor, it's going again.

[Green Anchor room]

RORY: Doctor!   
DOCTOR: Amy!   
AMY [in glass]: Doctor!

[Red Waterfall room]

DOCTOR [in glass]: Come on. Gotcha. There. Stabilised, settled, shush.

[Green Anchor room]

RORY: Why has this got hands?   
DOCTOR: Organic skin. Ultimate universal interface, grown and grafted, not born. I mean, it's actually seeing with its fingers, scanning the room. But why not just give it eyes?   
HANDBOT: Will you be visiting long?   
DOCTOR: As long as it takes.

[Red Waterfall room]

DOCTOR [in glass]: Amy, what exactly did you do?   
AMY: I just, I came in

[Green Anchor room]

AMY [in glass]: And I pressed the door button.   
RORY: Oh.

[Red Waterfall room]

RORY [in glass]: Amy, there are two buttons. The green anchor and the red waterfall.

[Green Anchor room]

RORY: Which one did you push?   
AMY [in glass]: I pushed the red waterfall.   
RORY: Great.

[White space]

(Rory goes outside, lets the door close and presses Red Waterfall. The door opens on an empty room.)   
RORY: Amy?   
(He steps back, the door closes and he presses Green Anchor.)

[Green Anchor room]

RORY: I pressed Red Waterfall, and she wasn't there.   
DOCTOR: Okay, so you can't follow her directly. You know, it's never simple. Did you hear that, Handbot? She pressed the wrong button, that's all. We're aliens, we didn't know.   
HANDBOT: Statement rejected. Apalapucia is under planet-wide quarantine. This is a kindness facility for those infected with Chen Seven.   
(The Doctor covers his mouth and nose with his coat lapel.)   
DOCTOR: What?   
RORY: Chen Seven, hmm?   
DOCTOR: The one day plague.   
RORY: What, you get it for a day?   
DOCTOR: No, you get it, and you die in a day.   
HANDBOT: There are forty thousand residents in the Twostreams Facility. Please remain in the sterile areas. Visiting hours are now.   
(The Handbot beams itself away.)   
DOCTOR: Sterile area. I'm safe.

[Red Waterfall room]

AMY: What about me?

[Green Anchor room]

DOCTOR: Chen Seven only affects two-hearted races like Apalapucians.

[Red Waterfall room]

RORY [in glass]: And Time Lords.   
DOCTOR [in glass]: Yeah, like me. Walk into that facility, I'm dead in a day.

[Green Anchor room]

DOCTOR: Time moves faster on Amy's side of the glass.

[Red Waterfall room]

DOCTOR [in glass]: Amy, you said you'd been here a week. What did you eat?

[Green Anchor room]

AMY [in glass]: Nothing. I wasn't hungry.

[Red Waterfall room]

DOCTOR [in glass]: No, because that Red Waterfall time is compressed. That's the point. The Time Glass syncs up the

[Green Anchor room]

DOCTOR: Two timestreams for visits. You could be in here for a day, and watch them live out their entire lives.   
RORY: And watch them grow old in front of your eyes?

[Red Waterfall room]

RORY [in glass]: That's horrible.

[Green Anchor room]

DOCTOR: No, Rory, it's kind. You've got a choice. Sit by their

[Red Waterfall room]

DOCTOR [in glass]: Bedside for twenty four hours and watch them die, or sit in here for twenty four hours and watch them live. Which would you choose?   
(The Doctor pulls the Time Glass out of the table. Amy's one vanishes.)   
AMY: Doctor? Doctor, no, don't leave me.

[Green Anchor room]

DOCTOR: I'm here, Amy. I'm right here.   
AMY [in glass]: Where are you? Am I looking at you?   
DOCTOR: Turn left just a fraction. Bit more. Stop. That's it.   
AMY [in glass]: Eye to eye?   
DOCTOR: Eye to eye to eye.   
RORY: Hello.   
DOCTOR: Amy, I'm taking the Time Glass back to the Tardis. Like satnav, I'll use it to get a lock, then smash through using the Tardis to get you out. Until then, you're on your own.   
(The Doctor sonicks the glass.)   
RORY: Er, what are you doing?   
DOCTOR: Locking it on to Amy. Small act of vandalism. No one'll mind.   
(An alarm sounds.)   
DOCTOR: Ah, that'll be the small act of vandalism alarm. Amy, I need you to go into the facility just for a bit. Find somewhere safe and leave me a sign. Remember, you're immune to Chen Seven, but don't let them give you anything. They don't know you're alien. Their kindness will kill you. Now go.   
(Amy presses a button labelled Check In.)   
AMY [in glass]: Rory, I love you. Now save me. Go on.   
(Through the check-in door, she is sprayed with a gas.)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: This is locked onto Amy permanently. Play the signal into the console, the Tardis'll follow it. Now then, I know you're in here.   
(The Doctor rummages through a tool box.)   
DOCTOR: Er, er, ha ha! How do I look?   
(The Doctor has found a pair of thick rimmed glasses.)   
RORY: Ridiculous.   
DOCTOR: Glasses are cool, see?   
(He puts them on Rory.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Hello, handsome man.   
RORY: Oh, hello.   
DOCTOR: Hello, Rory-cam.   
RORY: Huh?   
(The image of the Doctor is on the Time Glass.)   
RORY: Oh, you can see what I see.   
DOCTOR: We're breaking into Twostreams. Now, I can't go in there. The Chen Seven'll kill me, no regeneration. You will be my eyes and ears.   
RORY: Rory-cam. Rescue Amy. Got it.   
DOCTOR: That's the spirit. Now, smashing through a timewall could get a bit hairy.   
RORY: Is it safe?   
DOCTOR: Don't know. Never tried. Best hold onto something.

[Check in area]

(Massive, white and deserted.)   
AMY: What the?   
(She is grabbed by a beam of light from a panel in the ceiling. It has a pleasant female voice.)   
INTERFACE: Welcome to the Twostreams Facility.   
AMY: Er, who are you and why can't I see you?   
INTERFACE: I am the Interface between yourself and the systems of the Twostreams Facility. I will be your guide, your teacher, your friend.   
(An image of a woman appears at a check in desk.)   
CHECK IN GIRL: Welcome to Twostreams. What is your name, please?   
AMY: Amy. Amy Pond.   
CHECK IN GIRL: Welcome, Amy Pond. I see you're travelling alone. As a resident, you will now have access to all of the entertainment zones inside. For a taste of adventure, why not try the mountain zone, and explore Apalapucia's famous Glasmir Mountains. Or try our roller-coaster zone, authentically modelled on the famous Warpspeed Death Ride at Disneyland, Clom. All that you could wish for and more is through the Departure Gate, provided for you with kindness.

[Arrivals area]

INTERFACE: Unexpected visitor. Welcome. Please seek assistance.   
(A Handbot is up ahead.)   
AMY: Hello? Hey. Oi, wait.   
(The Handbot turns and scans her.)   
HANDBOT: You are carrying unregistered bacteria. Please let me help you.   
AMY: No, I'm not from this world. Your medicine'll kill me.   
HANDBOT: Statement rejected. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.   
(Amy ducks and hides.)   
AMY: No, no, please, I hate needles.   
HANDBOT: Secondary delivery system engaged.   
(It's head opens to reveal a needle gun. It misses its target and more Handbots beam in.)   
HANDBOT: Unauthorised infection on check-in, version two two three.   
(Amy jumps over a counter and gets into the service area.)

[Service corridor]

INTERFACE: Unauthorised resident detected.   
(Amy hides from a Handbot.)   
AMY: Come on.   
HANDBOT: This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.   
(And the chase is on.)   
INTERFACE: Unauthorised resident detected. Unauthorised resident detected.   
AMY: No. No, no.   
HANDBOT: This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed.   
(Amy pulls at a mesh screen around a vent.)   
AMY: Come on, please.   
(She gets inside.)   
HANDBOT: No residents detected. No residents detected.   
AMY: They didn't see me. They didn't see me.

[Tardis]

RORY: Red Waterfall. We made it.   
DOCTOR: Good old us.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

RORY; How do we know that we're in the same Red Waterfall as Amy?

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Focus on the positive.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

(Rory looks at a topless Greek-style statue of a lady.)   
DOCTOR [OC]: We locked onto Amy's timestream.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Eyes front, soldier.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

RORY: Right, yes. Sorry.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Apalapucians are the great cultural scavengers, Rory. This gallery's a scrapbook of their favourite places.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

(Mona Lisa on a pedestal.)   
RORY: Bit of Earth, bit of alien, bit of whatever the hell that is.

[Gate Room]

(With several free standing portals and a central control column.)   
AMY: Interface?   
INTERFACE: I am here, Amy Pond.   
AMY: Shush, shush. Turn that light off. So I'm, what is this? How does it work?   
INTERFACE: This is the Gate. From here you may depart to any of Twostreams' entertainment zones.   
(Amy presses buttons on the central column.)   
INTERFACE: Cinema. Aquarium. Garden.   
AMY: Garden? Why not?   
INTERFACE: Garden.   
(The Iconian Portal flickers with light, then Amy runs through.)

[Garden]

(Amy runs onto a terrace.)   
AMY: That is beautiful. I mean, freaky hedges.   
INTERFACE: The perfect replica of a Shill Governor's Mansion on Shallanna.   
AMY: You really could spend a lifetime in here. Not that I'm going to. Interface?   
INTERFACE: Amy Pond?   
AMY: Listen, I need somewhere safe to hide and wait for my friends. Where in Twostreams is safe?   
INTERFACE: Twostreams is a safe, nurturing environment.   
AMY: You know what I mean. Where can I go so the Handbots can't find me? Okay. Before, I was stood by a sort of vent, and there was light and smoke, and the Handbots couldn't see me. Why not? Okay, I will put it another way. What were those vent thingies?   
INTERFACE: The vents channel the exhaust fumes from the Temporal Engines that hold the multiple timestreams in place.   
AMY: And these Temporal Engines mess up the Handbots' sensors. So, where's the Temporal Engines?   
INTERFACE: Temporal Engines held within.   
(Interface shows Amy an image of the entrance to the Temporal Engines, by the Arrivals lounge.)   
AMY: Okay.   
(Two Handbots beam in.)   
HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.   
(Amy grabs their sensing hands and pushes them together. They short out.)   
AMY: Ha! Don't like that, do you?   
(She finds the door and goes inside.)

[Temporal Engine room]

AMY: Temporal engines. Somewhere to hide.   
(She goes back to the door and writes on it with her lipstick - Doctor I'm waiting - and puts an arrow to the door handle.)

[Tardis]

RORY [OC]: Where is everyone?   
DOCTOR: Right, Rory, switch the Time Glass on and sonic it.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

DOCTOR [OC]: I'm sending a command signal to the screwdriver. Amy's here somewhere, if I can just get a lock on her.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: I wonder what happens if we mix the filters?   
(Lots of blurry people appear in the Time Glass, and via Rory-cam on a screen in the Tardis.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, there they are. Forty thousand time streams overlapping. Red Waterfall isn't one time stream, it's thousands.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

RORY: Are they happy?   
DOCTOR: Oh, Rory.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Trust you to think of that.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

DOCTOR [OC]: I think they're happy to be alive. Better than the alternative.   
(Rory lowers the Time Glass and is confronted by a red haired female Samurai warrior. He falls backwards.)   
RORY: I come in peace. Peace, peace, peace, peace.   
WARRIOR: I waited.   
RORY: Sorry, what?   
WARRIOR: I waited for you. I waited for you.   
(The warrior raises her helmet. She is an older Amy.)   
RORY: Amy.

[Tardis]

RORY [OC]: Doctor, what's going on?   
DOCTOR: Er

[Red Waterfall corridor]

RORY: Amy.   
DOCTOR [OC]: I think the timestream lock might be a bit wobbly.   
(Amy raises her sword.)   
RORY: No, please. Please.   
AMY: Duck.   
(Amy's katana goes straight through a Handbot's head.)   
AMY: Handbots carry a black box in case they go offline. I've changed the cause of termination from hostile to accidental.

[Tardis]

AMY [on screen]: Easy to re-programme. Used my sonic probe.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

RORY: Amy.   
AMY: Rory.   
RORY: Why?   
AMY: Because I've survived this long by making the Handbots think I don't exist.

[Tardis]

AMY [on screen]: Don't touch the hands.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

AMY: There's anaesthetic transfer on the skin. If they touch you, you go to sleep.   
RORY: But you're still here?   
AMY: You didn't save me.   
RORY: But, this is the saving. This is the us saving you. The Doctor just got the timing a bit out.   
DOCTOR [silent]: Sorry.   
AMY: I've been on my own here a long, long time. I've had decades to think nice thoughts about him. Got a bit harder to stay charitable once I entered decade four.   
RORY: Forty years? Alone?   
AMY: Thirty six years, thanks.   
RORY: No. Right. I mean, you look great. Really, really.   
AMY: Eyes front, soldier.   
RORY: Still can't win then.   
AMY: In fact, I think I can now definitely say I hate him. I hate The Doctor. I hate him more than I've ever hated anyone

[Tardis]

AMY [on screen]: In my life, and you can hear every word of this through those ridiculous glasses, can't you, Raggedy Man?   
DOCTOR: Er, yes. Putting the speaker phone on.   
AMY [on scanner]: You told me to wait, and I did. A lifetime.   
DOCTOR: Amy   
AMY [on scanner]: You've got nothing to say to me.   
DOCTOR: Amy, behind you.

[Red Waterfall corridor]

(Two more Handbots. Amy throws her katana to Rory and touches the Handbots hands together.)   
AMY: Feedback. Knocks them out.

[Tardis]

AMY [on scanner]: Learned that trick on my first day.

[Arrivals area]

RORY: Okay, so we just take the Tardis back to the right time stream, yeah?

[Tardis]

RORY [OC]: We can stop any of this happening.

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR [OC]: We locked on to a timestream, Rory. This is it.   
RORY: This is so wrong.   
AMY: I got old, Rory. What did you think was going to happen?   
RORY: Hey, I don't care that you got old. I care that we didn't grow old together. Amy, come on, please.   
AMY: Don't touch me. Don't do that.   
RORY: It's like you're not even her.   
AMY: Thirty six years, three months, four days of solitary confinement. This facility was built to give people the chance to live.

[Tardis]

AMY [on scanner]: I walked in here and I died. Do you have anything to say? Anything, Doctor?   
DOCTOR: Where did you get a sonic screwdriver?   
AMY [on scanner]: I made it. And it's a sonic probe.

[Arrivals area]

(The lipstick has all but disappeared from the door now.)   
RORY: You made a sonic screwdriver?   
AMY: Probe.

[Amy's lair]

(Rory follows Amy into the place she has made her home. There is a Handbot with a smiling face drawn on its head and hooks instead of hands.)   
RORY: Oh.   
AMY: Don't worry about him. Sit down, Rory.   
(The Handbot sits, as does Rory.)   
RORY: You named him after me?   
AMY: Needed a bit of company.   
RORY: So he's like your pet? Is it safe?   
(Amy gets the remains of her lipstick from a box and looks at it.)   
AMY: Yep. I disarmed it.   
RORY: How? Oh, you disarmed it.   
AMY: Oh, don't get sentimental, it's just a robot. You'd have done the same.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: I don't know that I would have.   
AMY [on scanner]: And there he is. The voice of God. Survive, because no one's going to come for you. Number one lesson.

[Amy's lair]

AMY: You taught me that.   
DOCTOR [OC]: Is that really all I taught you?

[Tardis]

AMY [on scanner]: Don't you lecture me, blue-box man flying through time and space on whimsy. All I've got, all I've had for thirty six years, is cold, hard reality.

[Amy's lair]

AMY: So no, I don't have a sonic screwdriver because I'm not off on a romp. I call it what it is. A probe. And I call my life what it is. Hell.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Amy Pond, I am going to put this right. You said you learned from an

[Amy's lair]

DOCTOR [OC]: Interface. Can I speak with it?   
AMY: Doesn't work in here. Two twenty three. The garden'll be clear now. Stay or go?   
RORY: Sorry, me? No, I'm coming with you.   
AMY: Then try not to get killed. Or do. Whatever.

[Garden]

AMY: When I first came here, I had to trick the Interface into giving me the information, but I've reprogrammed it now. It'll tell me anything except how to escape.   
RORY: You hacked it? That's genius.   
DOCTOR: Sorry to interrupt that beautiful moment, but temporal engines

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Like that have a regulator valve. Has to be kept at a distance from the main reactor or there'd be feedback. Interface, where's the regulator?   
INTERFACE: The regulator valve is held within.   
(Showing a diagram of the location.)   
DOCTOR: Oh. Very, very ah.

[Garden]

DOCTOR [OC]: Interface, I need to run through some technical specifications.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Rory, give me to Amy a minute.

[Garden]

RORY: Here you go.   
(He hands over the glasses and she slowly puts them on.)   
AMY: They look ridiculous.   
RORY: That's what I told him. Still, anything beats a fez, eh?   
(They laugh briefly together.)   
RORY: What is it?   
AMY: I think that's the first time I've laughed in thirty six years.   
RORY: I'll just, er, leave you two geniuses alone. I'll be back in a minute.   
DOCTOR [OC]: There's still time, Amy. There's still time to fix everything.   
(Rory goes walking along the terrace until he comes to the portal.)   
RORY: How can you have a door without a wall?   
(A Handbot is approaching as he walks into the invisible wall by the portal.)   
RORY: Oh. Holographic wallpaper? Oh, sorry. Argh.   
(The Handbot touches his neck and he falls backwards.)   
HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.   
(It is about to fire its needle gun at Rory when Amy chops its head off.)   
RORY: Oh.   
AMY: Rory?   
RORY: Glasses.   
AMY: You stupid   
RORY: Oh. You saved me.   
AMY: Don't get used to it.   
RORY: Have you been crying? A little bit.   
AMY: Shut up, Rory.   
RORY: You have, haven't you?   
AMY: Woman with a sword. Don't push it.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Okay. So, here's the plan.

[Garden]

DOCTOR [OC]: Time is always a bit wibbly-wobbly, but in Twostreams it's extra wobbly.   
(Amy puts the glasses back on Rory.)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: I've worked out how to hijack the Temporal Engines and use them to fold two points of Amy's timeline together. We're bringing her out of the then and into the now. Amy, I just need to borrow your brain a minute. It won't hurt, probably. Almost probably and then

[Garden]

DOCTOR [OC]: Amy Pond, I'm going to save you.

[Tardis]

AMY [on screen]: No.

[Garden]

AMY: Time's up. Handbots coming.

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR [OC]: Amy, you've got to help us help you. I need you to think back

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Thirty six years ago. Amy? Amy!

[Arrivals area]

(Amy goes back to the Temporal Engines entrance and shuts the door in Rory's face. Rory uses the Time Glass to read the faded message.)   
RORY: You told her to leave us a sign.

[Tardis]

RORY [OC]: And she did. And she waited.

[Temporal Engine room]

RORY: Oh Amy, why won't you help yourself?   
AMY: He wants to rescue past me from thirty six years back, which means I'll cease to exist. Everything I've seen and done dissolves. Time is rewritten.   
RORY: That's, that's good, isn't it?   
AMY: I will die. Another Amy will take my place. An Amy who never got trapped at Twostreams, an Amy who grew old with you, and she, in thirty six years, won't be me.   
RORY: But you'll die in here!   
AMY: Not if you take me with you.

[Tardis]

AMY [on screen]: You came to rescue me, so rescue me.

[Temporal Engine room]

RORY: Leave her and take you?

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: We could take this Amy with us, easy, but if we do, our Amy has to wait thirty six years to be rescued.

[Temporal Engine room]

RORY: So I have to choose. Which wife do I want?   
AMY: She is me. We're both me.   
RORY: You being here is wrong. For a single day, an hour, let alone a lifetime. I swore to protect you. I promised.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Rory

[Temporal Engine room]

RORY: This is your fault.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: I'm so sorry, but, Rory

[Temporal Engine room]

RORY: No, this is your fault! You should look in a history book once in a while, see if there's an outbreak of

[Tardis]

RORY [OC]: Plague or not.   
DOCTOR: That is not how I travel.

[Temporal Engine room]

RORY: Then I do not want to travel with you!   
(Rory takes off the glasses and throws them away. In the Tardis, the Doctor can hear younger Amy crying.)   
DOCTOR [OC]: Rory, is the Time Glass still on? If the link's still active, I think I can hear Amy. Our Amy.   
(It is. Rory looks through it to see her standing nearby.)   
RORY: Oh, Amy.

[Amy's lair]

RORY: Look me in the face and say you won't help her.   
AMY: I will not help her.   
RORY: Okay, okay. Look me in the face and say it now.   
(He holds up the Time Glass so that Amy can see her weeping younger self.)   
AMY [in glass]: Rory? Rory is that you?   
(Rory sonicks the Time Glass so that it appears in the past.)

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: Rory, where are you?   
RORY [OC]: Same place as you, and a bit ahead.

[Amy's lair]

OLDER AMY: I remember this.   
AMY [in glass]: But who's she? There's no one else here but. Me?   
(Rory the Handbot holds the glasses out to Rory with his hook.)

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: Why are we still here?

[Amy's lair]

OLDER AMY: Because they leave you. Because they get in their Tardis and they fly away.

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: No. Rory wouldn't, not ever. Something must have stopped him.

[Amy's lair]

OLDER AMY: You did. Or rather, the old version of you.

[Past Temporal Engine room]

OLDER AMY [in glass]: The me version of you. I refuse to help them. I won't let them save myself.   
AMY: Why?

[Amy's lair]

OLDER AMY: If you escape, then I was never trapped here. The last thirty six years of my life rewrites, and I cease to exist. That's why old me refused to help then. That's why I'm refusing to help now. And that's why you'll refuse to help when it's your turn. And nothing you can say will change that.

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: Three words. What about Rory?   
OLDER AMY [in glass]: Rory?

[Amy's lair]

OLDER AMY: I called my robot Rory.   
AMY [in glass]: You called your robot Rory?

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: Oh, so you didn't call it the Doctor, or Biggles

[Amy's lair]

AMY [in glass]: Our favourite cat?   
OLDER AMY: Do you, er, do you

[Past Temporal Engine room]

OLDER AMY [in glass]: Remember that summer when he came back to school with that ridiculous haircut?   
AMY: He said he'd been in a rock band.

[Amy's lair]

OLDER AMY: Liar. And, and then he had to learn to play the guitar.

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: So we wouldn't know he couldn't play it. Mmm hmm.

[Amy's lair]

OLDER AMY: All those boys chasing me, but it was only ever Rory. Why was that?

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful

[Amy's lair]

AMY [in glass]: And then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick?

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: Then there's other people, and you meet them and think, not bad, they're okay. And then you get to know them, and their face just sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.   
BOTH: Rory's the most beautiful man I've ever met.   
AMY: Please? Do it for him.

[Amy's lair]

OLDER AMY: You're asking me to defy destiny, causality, the nexus of time itself, for a boy.

[Past Temporal Engine room]

AMY: You're Amy, he's Rory, and oh yes, I am.

[Temporal Engine room]

(Rory has been waiting outside all this time.)   
OLDER AMY: I am going to pull time apart for you.   
(She kisses Rory. Rory the Handbot discreetly turns its back.)

[Tardis]

OLDER AMY [in glass]: Okay, Doctor, Twostreams is back on air. Right, okay, so this is big news.

[Temporal Engine room]

OLDER AMY: This is temporal earthquake time. I am now officially changing my own future. Hold on to your spectacles. In my past, I saw my future self refuse to help you. I'm now changing that future and

[Tardis]

OLDER AMY [in glass]: Agreeing. Every law of time says that shouldn't be possible.   
DOCTOR: Yes, except sometimes knowing your own future's what enables you to change it. Especially if you're bloody minded, contradictory

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR [OC]: And completely unpredictable.   
RORY: So basically, if you're Amy, then?   
DOCTOR [OC]: Yes, if anyone could defeat pre-destiny,

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: It's your wife.

[Arrivals area]

OLDER AMY: It's not about what I'm doing, but who I'm doing it for. I'm trusting you to watch my back, Rory.   
RORY: Always. You and me, always.   
OLDER AMY: Because here's the deal. You take me, too. In the Tardis. Me too.   
RORY: But that means that there'll be two of you.

[Tardis]

RORY [on screen]: Permanently. Forever.   
OLDER AMY [on screen]: And that way we both get to live.

[Arrivals area]

RORY: Two Amys together. Can that work?   
DOCTOR [OC]: I don't know.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: It's your marriage.

[Arrivals area]

RORY: Doctor.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Perhaps. Maybe, if I shunted the reality compensators on the Tardis, re-calibrated the Doomsday bumpers and jettisoned the karaoke bar, yes. Maybe. Yes. It could do it. The Tardis could sustain the paradox.

[Arrivals area]

RORY: Right. Amy and Amy.   
(Young Amy is there, seen through the Time Glass.)   
RORY: The wife and the wife. Right. Right.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Okay. Amy, Past Amy, stand by the door. Future Amy, you too.

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR [OC]: Future Amy, can I borrow your sonic scr

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Probe.

[Arrivals area]

OLDER AMY: It's a screwdriver.   
DOCTOR [OC]: Rory, sonic it. Double our power. Amy Now, you're our link to Amy Then.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: We need to get a signal through, and that signal

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR [OC]: Will be a thought.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Amy Now and Amy Then, share a thought. Something so

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR: Powerful that it can rip through time. Rory

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Sonic the plinth front. Inside you'll find

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR [OC]: Three levers and a jumble of wiring.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: That's the regulator valve. After we re-route it, you have ten minutes to get back to the Tardis.

[Arrivals area]

RORY: Okay.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Pull out the red and green receptors. Re-route the blue into the red and

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR [OC]: The green into blue. Leave the red loose and on no account

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Touch anything yellow. Come on, Rory. It's hardly rocket science. It's just

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR: Quantum physics.   
RORY: Yes, right. Blue into red and then green   
DOCTOR [OC]: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now, the levers.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Throw them in order.

[Arrivals area]

DOCTOR [OC]: And Amys, start thinking the most important thought you have ever had.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Hold it in your head and do not let it go. Lever one.

[Arrivals area]

BOTH AMYS: Macarena. Macarena.   
RORY: She's doing the Macarena.   
BOTH AMYS: Macarena. Macarena.   
RORY: Our first kiss.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Lever two, Rory. Lever three.   
(The Time Glass and the screen blow out. The past Arrivals area is empty.)

[Arrivals area]

(Both Amys are together.)   
RORY: Oh, Amy.   
AMY: Oh, my God.   
OLDER AMY: Oh, my God.   
(Rory hugs young Amy. Older Amy looks a bit embarrassed.)   
RORY: Sorry.   
OLDER AMY: Hello.   
AMY: Hello.   
BOTH: I don't know what to   
RORY: Weird.   
BOTH: Okay, this is weird. Right, just stop doing that.   
RORY: How about Amy One speaks first?   
BOTH: Which one's Amy One?   
RORY: Well   
BOTH: I am. No, I am. Rory? Rory, just stop doing that.   
(The Rory-cam glasses start to spark.)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Rory. Rory, take the glasses off. You're getting temporal feedback.   
(Bits of the console go bang.)   
DOCTOR: Whoa! Calm down, dear. Rory, Amy, we've created a massive paradox and the Tardis hates it. She's self-phasing, trying to get out of here. What's the nasty Amy done to you. Just calm down, dear. Hang on in there. Rory, you've got eight minutes left. I'm sorry, you're on your own now.   
(The glasses explode.)

[Arrivals area]

RORY: I'm not on my own. I've got my wives.   
HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed.   
RORY: Incoming!   
HANDBOT: Rhis is a kindness.   
OLDER AMY: With me.   
(Older Amy gives her younger self a stout staff.)   
HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed, this is a kindness. This is a kindness.   
OLDER AMY: Amy, Kate Hayler, year ten hockey.   
AMY: Go for the shins.   
HANDBOT: This is a kindness.   
(With those disposed of, more Handbots beam in.)   
RORY: They're cutting off the Departure Gate. We can't get back to the Tardis.   
OLDER AMY: Side door. We'll go behind them.

[Staircase]

AMY: So you think you're going to come with us, just like that.   
OLDER AMY: Yeah, just like that.   
AMY: Rory, talk to her.   
OLDER AMY: Rory, talk to her.   
RORY: Now, ladies

[Basement]

AMY: Where are you going to live?   
OLDER AMY: Not with you, don't worry. I'll go travelling. Pop back for Christmas, maybe Easter.   
RORY: Amy, you always say, cooking Christmas dinner, you wish there was two of you.

[Gate Room]

RORY: Can't we just teleport in?   
OLDER AMY: It's not a teleport, it's a time jump.   
AMY: They can't shunt within the same timestream.   
OLDER AMY: Yes.   
RORY: The Tardis is in the Gallery.   
INTERFACE: Gallery closed.   
OLDER AMY: The controls are stuck. They've locked them from outside.   
RORY: Can you unlock them?   
OLDER AMY: Yeah, give me a minute and your cutest smile. That's the one.   
RORY: Can you stop flirting with me. You're old enough to be my   
OLDER AMY: I've known you my whole life. How many games of Doctors And Nurses? Shush. Don't get coy now.   
AMY: Er   
(Handbots enter via the portals. Rory tries to sonic the control column.)   
HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.   
(Older Amy starts swinging her katana.)   
OLDER AMY: No!   
RORY: Come on.   
OLDER AMY: Go! I've got your back.

[Gallery]

(There are Handbots waiting there.)   
HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.   
(Amy gets touched.)   
RORY: No!   
(He smashes the Mona Lisa over the Handbot's head, and picks Amy up as Older Amy finally comes through the portal. She stares as he runs with his Amy into the Tardis without looking back.)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Ah, it's just an anaesthetic. She'll be fine.   
(The Doctor goes to the door. Older Amy starts running towards the Tardis.)   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry.   
(And slams the door in her face.)   
RORY: What are you doing?   
DOCTOR: I lied to her, Rory. There can never be two Amys in the Tardis. The paradox is too massive.   
RORY: You can't leave her. She'll die.

[Gallery]

OLDER AMY: Doctor, let me in.

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: No, she'll never have existed. When we save our Amy, this future won't have happened.   
RORY: But she happened. She's there.   
OLDER AMY [OC]: I trusted you!   
DOCTOR: No, she's not real.   
RORY: She is real. Let her in.   
DOCTOR: Look, we take this Amy, we leave ours. Only one Amy in the Tardis. Which one do you want?   
(The Doctor puts Rory's hand on the door latch.)   
DOCTOR: It's your choice.   
RORY: This isn't fair. You're turning me into you.   
DOCTOR: Your choice, Rory.   
RORY: I, er   
OLDER AMY [OC]: Doctor? Doctor! Doctor? Doctor?

[Gallery]

OLDER AMY: Rory, please.   
(She puts her hand against a glass pane in the door. Rory does the same.)   
OLDER AMY: The look on your face when you carried her. Me. Her.

[Tardis]

OLDER AMY [OC]: When you carried her away. You used to look at me like that.

[Gallery]

OLDER AMY: I'd forgotten how much you loved me. I'd forgotten how much I loved being her. Amy Pond, in the Tardis, with Rory Williams.

[Tardis]

RORY: I'm sorry, I can't do this.   
(He unlatches the door.)

[Gallery]

OLDER AMY: If you love me, don't let me in. Open that door, I will, I'll come in. I don't want to die. I won't bow out bravely.

[Tardis]

OLDER AMY [OC]: I'll be kicking and screaming, fighting.

[Gallery]

OLDER AMY: To the end.

[Tardis]

RORY: Amy. Amy, I love you.

[Gallery/Tardis]

(Split screen.)   
OLDER AMY: I love you, too. Don't let me in. Tell Amy, your Amy, I'm giving her the days. The days with you. The days to come.   
RORY: I'm so, so sorry.   
OLDER AMY: The days I can't have. Take them, please.

[Tardis]

OLDER AMY [OC]: I'm giving you my days.   
RORY: I'm so, so sorry.

[Gallery]

(Five more Handbots.)   
HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.

[Tardis]

HANDBOT [OC]: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.

[Gallery]

OLDER AMY: Interface?   
INTERFACE: I am here, Amy Pond.   
OLDER AMY: Show me Earth. Show me home. Did I ever tell you about this boy I met there, who pretended to be in a band?   
(A Handbot touches Older Amy, and she collapses. The Tardis dematerialises.)

[Tardis]

RORY: Did you always know it would never work? Saving both Amys?   
DOCTOR: I promised you I'd save her, and there she is. Safe.   
RORY: Yeah, there she is.   
(Amy is waking up. The Doctor sticks his tongue out at her.)   
DOCTOR: I'll leave you two alone.   
RORY: You all right?   
AMY: Mmm hmm.   
RORY: How are you feeling?   
AMY: Where is she?


	5. Thalia Pond Series 6 Part 4

[Hotel]  
(A lone policewoman walks the corridors of a deserted hotel, then opens the door to room 214. There is a sad clown in there, holding a balloon and sitting on the bed.)   
LUCY [OC]: My name is Lucy Hayward, and I'm the last one left.   
(Room 215 has an old-fashioned photographer with a girl and a birthday cake.)   
LUCY [OC]: It's funny. You don't know what's going to be in your room until you see it, then you realise it could have never been anything else.   
(Further along is a second Room 214, and a gorilla comes out of the bathroom. Lucy remembers some news reports, screams and backs out. She writes in her notebook.)   
LUCY [OC]: The gaps between my worship are getting shorter. This is what happened to the others. It's all so clear now. I'm so happy. Praise him. Praise him.   
(Something big, heavy and snarling comes down the corridor. She stands to meet it.)   
LUCY [OC]: Praise him.   
VOICE [OC]: Praise him.

[Staircase]

(Of the same hotel. The Tardis has parked herself on the first floor landing of a staircase which winds its way up the floors in a tight set of flights.)   
AMY: Let's go to Ravan-Skala, he says. The people are six hundred feet tall. You have to talk to them in hot air balloons and the Tourist Information Centre is made of one of their hats, he says. I'm sorry, but I don't see any huge hats.   
DOCTOR: Amy, Beaky, this could be the most exciting thing I have ever seen.   
RORY: You're kidding.   
AMY: How can you be excited about a rubbish hotel on a rubbish bit of Earth?

[Reception]

DOCTOR: Because, assembled Ponds, this is not Earth. This has just been made to look like Earth. The craftsmanship involved. Can you imagine?   
AMY: What? Then where are we?   
DOCTOR: I don't know. Something must have yanked us off course. Look at the detail on that cheese plant!   
RORY: Right, but who would mock up an Earth hotel?   
(The Doctor finds an apple in a large bowl.)   
DOCTOR: Colonists maybe, recreating a bit of home, like when ex-pats open English pubs in Majorca. No, whoever did this, I am shaking his stroke her hand stroke tentacle.   
RORY: Have you seen these? Look at the labels underneath.   
(A set of photographs on the wall.)   
RORY: Commander Halke, defeat.   
(A Sontaran.)   
RORY: Tim Heath, having his photo taken. Lady Silver-Tear, Daleks.   
AMY: Paige Barnes, other people's socks. Tim Nelson, balloons. Novice Prin, sabrewolves. Royston Luke Gold, Plymouth? Lucy Hayward, that brutal gorilla. Doctor, what does it mean?   
DOCTOR: I don't know. Let's find out.   
(He rings the bell on the desk and three people appear, two of them brandishing objects as weapons, the third waving a white flag.)   
RORY: Whoa!   
DOCTOR: Blimey, that was a bit quick.   
GIBBIS: We surrender.   
(A grey alien with slightly rodent front teeth and no hair.)   
RORY: No, it's okay, we're not   
GIBBIS: We surrender.   
RORY: We're nice.   
DOCTOR: She's threatening me with a chair leg.   
RITA: Who are you?   
(Dressed in hospital scrubs.)   
HOWIE: Oh god, we're back in reception.   
(A bespectacled awkward teenager.)   
GIBBIS: We surrender.   
DOCTOR: I've never been threatened with a chair leg before. No, hang on, I tell a lie.   
AMY: Did you just say, it's okay, we're nice?   
RITA: Okay, I need everyone to shut up, now.   
(Someone or something is watching on the CCTV.)   
HOWIE: Rita, be careful, yeah?   
RITA: Their pupils are dilated. They're as surprised as we are. Besides which, if it's a trick, it'll tell us something.   
DOCTOR: Oh, you're good. Oh, she's good. Amy, with regret, you're fired.   
AMY: What?   
DOCTOR: I'm kidding. (silent) We'll talk. (normal) I take it from the pathological compulsion to surrender, you're from Tivoli.   
GIBBIS: Yes. The most invaded planet in the galaxy. Our anthem is called Glory To Insert Name Here.   
DOCTOR: You with the face, Howie, you said you were surprised to be back in reception.   
HOWIE: The walls move. Everything changes.   
DOCTOR: You, clever one. What's he talking about?   
RITA: The corridors twist and stretch. Rooms vanish and pop up somewhere else. It's like the hotel's alive.   
(The Doctor turns off the musak.)   
DOCTOR: That's quite enough of that.   
HOWIE: Yeah, and it's huge, with, like, no way out.   
RORY: Have you tried the front door?   
RITA: No. In two days it never occurred to us to try the front door. Thank God you're here.   
(Amy laughs. The Doctor opens the front doors.)   
DOCTOR: They're not doors, they're walls. Walls that look like doors. Door-walls, if you like, or dwalls. Woors even, though you'd probably got it when you said they're not doors. I mean, the windows are   
(Pulls back the curtains to reveal more bricks.)   
DOCTOR: Right, big day if you're a fan of walls.   
RITA: It's not just that. The rooms have things in them.   
DOCTOR: Things? Hello! What kind of things? Interesting things? I love things, ask anyone.   
RITA: Bad dreams.   
DOCTOR: Well, that killed the mood. How did you get here?   
RITA: I don't know. I'd just started my shift. I must have passed out, because suddenly I was here.   
HOWIE: I was blogging. Next thing, this.   
GIBBIS: Oh, I was at work. I'm in Town Planning. We're lining all the highways with trees so invading forces can march in the shade.   
DOCTOR: Ah.   
GIBBIS: Which is nice for them.   
ALL: Yeah.   
DOCTOR: So, what have we got. People snatched from their lives and dropped into an endless, shifting maze that looks like a 1980s hotel with bad dreams in the bedrooms.   
(The Doctor takes George's Rubik's cube from his pocket.)   
DOCTOR: Well, apart from anything else, that's just rude.

[First floor landing]

DOCTOR: We'll pop back to the Tardis, I'll do a planet-wide diagnostic sweep, and then we'll have a sing song.   
AMY: Where's the Tardis? You parked it there, didn't you?   
HOWIE: What's a Tardis?   
RORY: Our way out. And it's gone.   
(The musak starts up again.)   
DOCTOR: Okay, this is bad. At the moment, I don't know how bad, but certainly we're three buses, a long walk and eight quid in a taxi from good. Are there any more of you?   
RITA: Joe. But he's tied up right now.   
DOCTOR: Doing what?   
RITA: No, I mean he's tied up right now.

[Restaurant]

(Joe is tied to a chair. All the tables are populated with ventriloquist's dummies, which are laughing. They fall silent and look around as the Doctor enters, followed by Amy and Rory, then the others.)   
DOCTOR: Hello. I'm the Doctor.   
JOE: We're going to die here.   
DOCTOR: Well, they certainly didn't mention that in the brochure. Is Joe there? Can I have a quick word?   
JOE: Oh, it's still me, Doctor, but I've seen the light. I lived a blasphemous life, but he has forgiven my inconstancy, and soon he shall feast.   
DOCTOR: Well, you've been here two days. What's he waiting for?   
JOE: We weren't ready. We were still raw.   
DOCTOR: But now you're what, cooked?   
(The Doctor observes Joe's horseshoe tie clip and dice cufflinks.)   
JOE: If you like. Soon you will be, too. Be patient. First, find your room.   
DOCTOR: My room.   
JOE: There's a room here for everyone, Doctor. Even you.   
DOCTOR: You said you'd seen the light now.   
JOE: Nothing else matters anymore. Only him. It's like these things. I used to hate them. They make me laugh now. Gottle o' geer. Gottle o' geer.   
(Laughter.)   
JOE: You should go. He'll be here soon.   
DOCTOR: I think you should come with me.   
(The Doctor slides a luggage trolley under Joe's chair.)

[Reception]

DOCTOR: Why you four? That's what I don't understand. Aside from all the other things I don't understand.   
GIBBIS: What does it matter? Sooner or later, someone will come along and rescue us.   
(He turns off the musak.)   
GIBBIS: Or enslave us.   
DOCTOR: First, we find the Tardis. Quick thing before we go. If you feel drawn to a particular room, do not go in, and make sure someone else can see you at all times.   
RITA: Joe said, he will feast. Is there something here with us?   
DOCTOR: Something to add, Joe?   
JOE: Here comes a candle to light you to bed. Here comes a chopper to chop off your head. Chop, chop, chop, chop.   
HOWIE: Can we do something about him?

[First floor corridor]

(Joe's mouth has been taped shut, and Gibbis is wheeling him along.)   
GIBBIS: Personally, I think you've got the right idea. Times like this, I think of my old school motto. Resistance Is Exhausting.   
HOWIE: I've worked out where we are.   
RORY: Hmm?   
HOWIE: Norway.   
RORY: Norway?   
HOWIE: You see, the US government has entire cities hidden in the Norwegian mountains. You see, Earth is on a collision course with this other planet, and this is where they're going to send all the rich people when it kicks off.   
RORY: Amazing.   
HOWIE: It's all there on the internet.   
RORY: No, it's amazing you've come up with a theory even more insane than what's actually happening.   
(A man in his underwear and with a whistle around his neck steps out of room 158.)   
DOCTOR: Hello.   
TEACHER: Have you forgotten your PE kit again? Right, that's it, you're doing it in your pants!   
(And goes back inside the room.)   
DOCTOR: Hey! Don't!   
(Howie opens room 155. There are a lot of pretty girls there.)   
BLONDE: Oh, look, girls, it's H-H-H-Howie!   
BRUNETTE: What's loser in K-K-K-Klingon?   
HOWIE [OC]: Praise him.   
HOWIE: Shut the d, d, d, the door. This is just some m, m, messed up CIA stuff, I'm, I'm, I'm telling you.   
DOCTOR: You're right. Keep telling yourself that. It's a CIA thing, nothing more.

[Second floor corridor]

(They find the pages from PC Lucy's notebook. Rory kneels to tie his shoelace and spots a Fire Exit.)   
RORY: Er guys?   
AMY: Look.   
(Something roars.)   
AMY: Okay, whatever that is, it's not real, yeah?   
DOCTOR: No. No, I'm sure it isn't, but just in case, let's run away and hide anyway. In here.   
(Rita pulls Joe's chair into a room.)   
RORY: No, this way! I've found a   
(The Fire Exit door becomes room 219.)

[Rita's room]

FATHER: A B in mathematics? You are lazy. Do you understand me, girl? Lazy.   
RITA: I'm sorry. Daddy, I'm so sorry.   
RITA [OC]: Praise him.

[Second floor corridor]

DOCTOR: Rory, come on!   
RORY: There was a   
DOCTOR: Come on!

[Gibbis' room]

DOCTOR: Eek!   
(There are Weeping Angels here.)   
AMY: Don't blink.   
HOWIE: What?   
(The lights flicker. The Angels have moved forward.)   
DOCTOR: Amy, get back. Why haven't they got us yet?   
(He steps forward and tries to touch an Angel. His hand goes through it.)   
DOCTOR: Amy, they're not real.   
AMY: What?   
DOCTOR: They should have got us by now. Amy, look at me. Focus on me. It's your bad dream, that's all.   
RORY: I don't even think they're for us.   
(Gibbis is hiding in the wardrobe. Something is stomping slowly down the corridor.)   
AMY: Doctor, what are you doing?   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry, I just have to see what it is. I just have to see.   
(He looks through the security peep hole in the door.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, look at you. Oh, you are beautiful. Oh, dear.   
(The ropes fall off Joe. He rips off his gag and goes into the corridor.)   
DOCTOR: I think it's going after Joe.

[Second floor corridor]

JOE: Come on, come to me. Come to me. Argh!   
JOE [OC]: Praise him.   
(It all goes quiet. Gibbis looks out of the wardrobe and the Doctor goes into the corridor. He sees a shadow turning the corner at the end.)   
DOCTOR: Leave him alone!   
(He runs through the maze of identical corridors.)

[Staircase]

DOCTOR: Joe!

[Corridors]

DOCTOR: Joe! Joe!   
(He finds him slumped by a wall.)   
DOCTOR; Joe? Joe! Joe. Joe, what happened?

[Restaurant]

(Someone boils a kettle. Joe is laid on a table and the Doctor is scanning him.)   
RORY: If we can wedge a chair under the door handles, that should stop anything from getting in.   
RITA: Help yourself to tea. Guys, tea over here.   
AMY: If it's any consolation, I've met the Weeping Angels, so I know how. In fact, I thought that room was for me.   
GIBBIS: Joe was right. Whatever it is in here, it actually wants to kill us. Not oppress us or enslave us, kill us!   
AMY: Listen. The Doctor's been part of my life for so long now, and he's never let me down. Even when I thought he had, when I was a kid and he left me, he came back. He saved me. And now he's going to save you. But don't tell him I said that, because the smugness would be terrifying.   
GIBBIS: Of course, if the Weeping Angels were meant for me, then your room is still out there somewhere.   
RITA: Tea?   
RORY: Every time the Doctor gets pally with someone, I have this overwhelming urge to notify their next of kin. (laughs then flinches) Ooo. Sorry. The last time I said something like that, you hit me with your shoe. And you literally had to sit down and unlace it first.   
RITA: What exactly happened to him?   
DOCTOR: He died.   
RITA: You are a medical doctor, aren't you? You haven't just got a degree in cheese-making or something.   
DOCTOR: No! Well, yes, both, actually. I mean, there is no cause. All his vital organs simply stopped, as if the simple spark of life, his loves and hates, his faiths and fears were just taken, and this is a cup of tea.   
RITA: Of course, I'm British, it's how we cope with trauma. That and tutting.   
DOCTOR: But how did you make it?   
RITA: All hotels should have a well stocked kitchen, even alien fake ones. I heard you talking when you arrived. Look, it's no more ridiculous than Howie's CIA theory, or mine.   
DOCTOR: Which is?   
RITA: This is Jahannam.   
DOCTOR: You're a Muslim.   
RITA: Don't be frightened.   
DOCTOR: Ha! You think this is Hell.   
RITA: The whole '80s hotel thing took me by surprise, though.   
DOCTOR: And all these fears and phobias wandering about, most are completely unconnected to us, so why are they still here?   
RITA: Maybe the cleaners have gone on strike.   
DOCTOR: Ha! I like you. You're a right clever clogs. But this isn't Hell, Rita.   
RITA: You don't understand. I say that without fear. Jahannam will play its tricks, and there'll be times when I want to run and scream, but I've tried to live a good life, and that knowledge keeps me sane, despite the monsters and the bonkers rooms. Gibbis is an alien, isn't he?   
DOCTOR: Yeah. Sorry.   
RITA: Okay. I'm going to file that under Freak Out About Later.   
AMY: Doctor, look at this. I found it in a corridor, I completely forgot I had it.   
DOCTOR: (reads) Er, my name is Lucy Hayward and I'm the last one left. It took Luke first. It got him on his first day, almost as soon as we arrived.   
LUCY [OC] + DOCTOR: It's funny. You don't know what's going to be in your room until you see it, then you realise it could never have been   
DOCTOR: Anything else. I just saw mine. It was a gorilla from a book I'd read as a kid. My God, that thing used to terrify me. The gaps between my worships are getting shorter, like contractions.   
LUCY [OC]: This is what happened to the others, and how lucky they were. It's all so clear now. I'm so happy. Praise him.   
DOCTOR: Praise him.   
HOWIE: Praise him.   
DOCTOR: What did you just say?   
HOWIE: Nothing. Praise him!   
GIBBIS: This is what happened to Joe!   
HOWIE: God, it's going to come for me now.   
GIBBIS: You'll lead it right here.   
DOCTOR: I won't leave you. I promise you. You have my word on that.   
HOWIE: I don't want to get eaten.   
AMY: Calm down.   
GIBBIS: He's going to lead the creature right here!   
DOCTOR: Hold it!   
(He fires his sonic screwdriver to get silence.)   
DOCTOR: Thank you.   
GIBBIS: Don't you see? He'll lead it right here.   
RITA: What do you suggest?   
GIBBIS: Look, whatever it is out there, it's obviously chosen Howard as its next course. Now, tragic though that is, this is no time for sentiment. I'm saying if it were to find him, it may be satisfied and let the rest of us go. All I want to do is go home and be conquered and oppressed. Is that too much to ask?!   
RITA: It's okay. I'll stay with Howie. You take the others and go.   
DOCTOR: No. We stay together.   
(He goes over to Gibbis.)   
DOCTOR: Your civilisation is one of the oldest in the galaxy. Now I see why. Your cowardice isn't quaint, it's sly, aggressive. It's how that gene of gutlessness has survived while so many others have perished. Well, not today. No one else dies today. Right? Brilliant. Howie, any second, it's going to possess you again. When it does, I'm going to ask you some questions. Please try to answer them.   
HOWIE: I hope my mum's all right, she's going to be w, worried.   
DOCTOR: Howie? Howie. Howie, you're next. We're all dead jealous. So, tell us. How do we get a piece of the action? Why isn't he possessing all of us?   
HOWIE: You guys have got all these distractions, all these obstacles. It'd be so much easier if you just let it go, you know? Clear the path.   
AMY: You want it to find you even though you know what it's going to do?   
HOWIE: Are you kidding? He's going to kill us all. How cool is that?   
(They leave Howie at the table.)   
DOCTOR: It's as I thought. It feeds on fear. Everything, the rooms, Lucy's note, even the pictures in reception, has been put here to frighten us. So we have to resist it. Do whatever you have to. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, think of a basket of kittens, but do not give in to the fear.   
AMY: Okay, but what are we actually going to do?   
DOCTOR: We're going to catch ourselves a monster.

[Pasiphae Spa]

(They scatter around to try and trap it. The name Pasiphae confirms the monster as a Minotaur, to me at least.)   
HOWIE [OC]: Bring me death! Bring me glory! My master, my lord, I'm here! Come to me. I'm waiting here for you. He has promised me a glorious death. Give it to me now. I want him to know my devotion.   
(Rory is armed with a mop.)

[Room 216]

(The sad clown.)   
RITA: Anything to do with you? How's it going?   
AMY: Don't talk to the clown.   
(Something with hooves stomps past the door, its horns scraping on the ceiling, and into the Spa.)

[Second floor corridor]

HOWIE [OC]: Praise him. Praise him.   
(Amy gets a baton of wood. Rita shuts the Spa doors and Amy jams the wood through the handles.)   
AMY: Rory, he's in!   
(He uses the mop to jam the other doors. The Doctor turns out the lights.)   
HOWIE [OC]: Let his name be the last thing I hear. Let his breath on my skin be the last thing I feel. I was lost in shadows, but he found me.

[Reception]

(Howie is actually here, tied to a chair, and his voice is being transmitted through the intercom.)   
HOWIE: His love was a beacon that led me from darkness to light, and now I am blinded by his majesty. Humbled by his glory! Praise

[Pasiphae Spa]

DOCTOR: That's quite enough of that.   
HOWIE [OC]: Him.   
(The Doctor pulls out the wires.)

[Reception]

HOWIE: What's going on? You lied to me.   
GIBBIS: Calm down, Howie. This is for your own good.   
HOWIE: Oh, at least stand where I can see you.   
GIBBIS: I've been told not to speak to you.   
HOWIE: Don't mean you can't listen.

[Pasiphae Spa]

DOCTOR: Nothing personal. I just think we should take things slowly. Get to know each other. You take people's most primal fears and pop it in a room. A tailor-made hell, just for them. Why?   
(The Minotaur, for that is what it looks like, answers in snarls.)   
DOCTOR: Did you say they take? Ah, what is that word? The guard? No, the warden? This is a prison.

[Reception]

HOWIE: You were right, you know. Chances are, if you hand me over, he'll leave you alone.   
GIBBIS: Yes, well, we saw how that idea got shot down in flames.   
HOWIE: It's not like chucking me out of a plane to lighten the load. I'm asking you for this. I'm begging you.   
GIBBIS: You're possessed. You'd say anything.   
HOWIE: Possessed guys can be quite strong. Who's to say I didn't overpower you?

[Pasiphae Spa]

DOCTOR: So what are we, cell mates? Lunch? We are not ripe. This is what Joe said, that we weren't ready. So, what, what, you make us ready. You what? Replace? Replace what, fear? You have lived so long even your name is lost. You want this to stop. Because you are just instinct. Then tell me. Tell me how to fight you.   
HOWIE [OC]: My master, my lord. I'm here!

[Outside the Spa]

RITA: That's Howie.   
AMY: He's got out.

[Staircase]

HOWIE: Oh, bring me death.

[Pasiphae Spa]

DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no! Rory, watch out!   
(Amy and Rita burst in.)   
DOCTOR: Stay back!   
(The Minotaur smashes a glass door and knocks Rory down.)   
DOCTOR: Pond, bring the fish.   
AMY: What, the fish? Oh, the fish.   
DOCTOR: Where'd he go?

[Outside the Spa]

RORY: Somebody hit me. Was it Amy?   
(The Doctor gives chase, and finds Howie's broken glasses.)   
RITA; Rory, are you all right?   
AMY: We should find the Doctor.   
(Amy is drawn to room 7. She opens it.)   
VOICES: Praise him. Praise him.   
(Rita pulls her back and shuts it.)   
RITA: You shouldn't have done that. What did you see?   
AMY: Nothing. Nothing. I don't know. It was weird.   
RITA: Come on.

[Corridor]

(The Doctor finds Howie's body and returns his glasses. Gibbis approaches from the opposite direction to Amy, Rory and Rita.)   
GIBBIS: He got free. He overpowered me. It might leave us alone now. Maybe now we'll be safe. Wait!

[Reception]

(Howie's photograph is on the wall.)   
DOCTOR: Have you found your room yet?   
RORY: No. No. Is that good or bad?   
DOCTOR: Maybe you're not scared of anything.   
RORY: Well, after all the time I spent with you in the Tardis, what was left to be scared of?   
DOCTOR: You said that in the past tense.   
RORY: No, I didn't. You know, Howie had been in speech therapy. He'd just got over this massive stammer. What an achievement. I mean, can you imagine? I'd forgotten not all victories are about saving the universe.   
(Two bodies are laid out in the Restaurant. Amy puts the goldfish bowl from the Spa on a side table in Reception.)

[Staircase]

DOCTOR: Rita! Brilliant! How are you? Not panicking, are you? Good, good. Because I am literally an otter's toenail away from getting us out of here.   
RITA: Why?   
DOCTOR: Excellent question. Excellent question. Why what?   
DOCTOR: Why is it up to you to save us? That's quite a God complex you have there.   
DOCTOR: I brought them here. They'd say it was their choice, but offer a child a suitcase full of sweets and they'll take it. Offer someone all of time and space and they'll take that, too. Which is why you shouldn't. Which is why grown-ups were invented.   
RITA: All of time and space, eh?   
DOCTOR: Oh, yeah. And when we get out of this, I'll show you too.   
RITA: I don't know what you're talking about, but whatever it was, I have a feeling you just did it again.   
(The Doctor spots the CCTV camera.)   
DOCTOR: Right down to the smallest detail. Got you, Mister Minotaur.   
(The Doctor goes back downstairs. Rita goes up to the camera.)   
RITA: Praise him.

[Corridor]

VOICES [OC]: Praise him. Praise him. Praise him. Praise him. Praise him. Praise him. Praise him. Praise him.   
(The Doctor is drawn to Room 11. He opens the door.)   
DOCTOR: Of course. Who else?   
(He shuts the door and puts the Do Not Disturb notice on it. Downstairs, Gibbis is drawn to the goldfish.)

[Security room]

(Nine screens in a bank on the wall.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, you beauty. Come on, big fellow, where are you? Rita, where are you going?   
(He phones room 311. She hears it and stops.)   
DOCTOR: Come on, come on, come on! Come on.   
(The phone is answered.)   
DOCTOR: Rita, where are you going? Can you take the phone into the corridor? Will it reach?   
(She does.)   
DOCTOR: You started to praise it, didn't you?   
(She nods.)   
DOCTOR: Rita, come back, please. We'll find a way to stop it, I swear to you.   
RITA [on screen]: No, I need to get as far away from you all as possible.   
DOCTOR: No, no, no, you don't. The creature only wants whoever's praising it.   
RITA [on screen]: And then you'll put yourself in its way.   
DOCTOR: I'm coming to get you. Block out the fear and stay focused on your belief.   
RITA [on screen]: The hotel will keep us apart. I could be fifty miles away by now.   
(Growl.)   
RITA [on screen]: I want you to do me one last favour, Doctor. I can feel the rapture approaching, like a wave. I don't want you to witness this. I want you to remember me the way I was.   
(Amy and Rory enter.)   
AMY: What's going on? Rita's disappeared. What's she doing there?   
DOCTOR: Rita. Rita, please. Let me find you.   
RITA [on screen]: You stay where you are. Please, let me be robbed of my faith in private.   
DOCTOR: Look, Rita. Rita. Go into the room. Lock the door.   
RITA [on screen]: I'm not frightened. I'm blessed, Doctor.

[Corridor]

(The Minotaur is close.)   
RITA: I'm at peace.

[Security room]

RITA [on screen]: I'm going to hang up.   
DOCTOR: No. No, no, Rita.   
RITA [on screen]: Goodbye, Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Rita!   
RITA [on screen]: Thank you for trying.   
DOCTOR: Rita, please! Please! Please.   
(Rita puts down the phone and waits, smiling, as the shadow of the Minotaur is cast over her. The Doctor sonics the monitor off.)

[Bar]

(Gibbis is raiding the kitchen. Three bodies laid out now. The Doctor is smashing breakables in frustration.)   
DOCTOR: Okay. It preys on people's fear and possesses them. But Rita wasn't afraid. She was brave and calm. Maybe it's something to do with the people, some connection between the four of you that'll tell me how to fight it.   
GIBBIS: Yes, you keep saying that, but you never do. And while we wait, people keep dying. And we'll be next.   
AMY: Look, he'll work it out. He always does. Just let him riff and move anything expensive out of his way.   
DOCTOR: Oh, no. Oh, no, no.   
AMY: Doctor, what is wrong?   
DOCTOR: It's not fear. It's faith. Not just religious faith, faith in something. Howard believed in conspiracies, that external forces controlled the world. Joe had dice cufflinks and a chain with a horseshoe. He was a gambler. Gamblers believe in luck, an intangible force that helps them win or lose. Gibbis has rejected any personal autonomy and is waiting for the next batch of invaders to oppress him and tell him what to do. They all believe there's something guiding them, about to save them. That's what it replaces. Every time someone was confronted with their most primal fear, they fell back on their most fundamental faith. And all this time, I have been telling you to dig deep, find the thing that keeps you brave. I made you expose your faith, show them what they needed.   
RORY: But why us? Why are we here?   
DOCTOR: It doesn't want you. That's why it kept showing you a way out. You're not religious or superstitious, so there's no faith for you to fall back on. It wants her.   
AMY: Me? Why?   
DOCTOR: Your faith in me. That's what brought us here.   
RORY: But why do they lose their faith before they die and start worshipping it?   
DOCTOR: It needs to convert the faith into a form it can consume. Faith is an energy, the specific emotional energy the creature needs to live. Which is why at the end of her note, Lucy said   
AMY: Praise him.   
DOCTOR: Exactly.   
RORY: No. Oh, please, no.   
(Stomp, stomp, growl.)

[Corridor]

(They run. Amy stops at a crossroads.)   
DOCTOR: Amy? What are you doing?   
AMY: He is beautiful.   
GIBBIS: Leave her! Just leave her!   
(The Doctor grabs Amy and half-carries her away into -)

[Amy's room]

(Little Amelia is sitting on her suitcase, looking out of the window. Rory tries to hold the door shut as the Minotaur pounds on it. Amy drops to her knees.)   
AMY: Doctor, it's happening. It's changing me. It's changing my thoughts.   
DOCTOR: I can't save you from this. There's nothing I can do to stop this.   
AMY: What?   
DOCTOR: I stole your childhood and now I've led you by the hand to your death. But the worst thing is, I knew. I knew this would happen. This is what always happens.   
(The Minotaur bursts in.)   
DOCTOR: Forget your faith in me. I took you with me because I was vain. Because I wanted to be adored. Look at you. Glorious Pond, the girl who waited for me. I'm not a hero. I really am just a mad man in a box. And it's time we saw each other as we really are.   
(The Minotaur staggers backwards.)   
DOCTOR: Amy Williams, it's time to stop waiting.

[Corridor]

(The Minotaur collapses. The Doctor goes to it as the lights flicker.)   
DOCTOR: I severed the food supply, sacrificing their faith in me. I gave you the space to die. Shush, shush.   
(The hotel dissolves into a hologrid.)

[Hologrid]

AMY: What is it, a minotaur or an alien? Or an alien minotaur? That's not a question I thought I'd be asking this morning.   
DOCTOR: It's both, actually. Yeah. Here we go.   
(He reads a holographic database.)   
DOCTOR: Distant cousin of the Nimon. They descend on planets and set themselves up as gods to be worshipped. Which is fine, until the inhabitants get all secular and advanced enough to build bonkers prisons.   
RORY: Correction. Prisons in space.   
(He and Gibbis are looking down through a porthole.)   
AMY: Where are the guards?   
DOCTOR: No need for any. It's all automated. It drifts through space, snatching people with belief systems and converts their faith into food for the creature.   
GIBBIS: See that planet there?   
RORY: Which one?   
GIBBIS: There. The grey one there.   
RORY: Mmm hmm.   
GIBBIS: That's where I'm from.   
AMY: It didn't want just me, so you must believe in some god or someone, or they'd have shown you the door too. So what do Time Lords pray to?   
DOCTOR: According to the in-flight recorder, the programme developed glitches. It got stuck on the same setting, the fears from the people before us weren't tidied away.   
(The Minotaur growls.)   
AMY: What's it saying?   
DOCTOR: An ancient creature, drenched in the blood of the innocent, drifting in space through an endless, shifting maze. For such a creature, death would be a gift. Then accept it, and sleep well. I wasn't talking about myself.   
(The Minotaur dies.)   
GIBBIS: Could I have a lift? Just to the nearest galaxy would do.

[Street]

(The Tardis materialises on a leafy suburban street, with a row of terraced houses opposite a small park. One of them has a well preserved E-type Jaguar parked outside.)   
AMY: Don't tell me. This isn't Earth, that isn't a real house. And inside lives a goblin, who feeds on indecision.   
DOCTOR: No. Real Earth, real house, real door keys.   
AMY: You're not serious?   
RORY: The car too? But, that's my favourite car. How did you know that was my favourite car?   
DOCTOR: You showed me a picture of it once and said this is my favourite car.   
AMY: Rory, can you give us two minutes? Two minutes?   
RORY: She'll say that we can't accept it because it's too extravagant and we'll always feel a crippling sense of obligation. It's a risk I'm willing to take.   
AMY: Hey.   
(The Doctor leans against the long red bonnet with Amy.)   
AMY: So. You're leaving, aren't you?   
DOCTOR: You haven't seen the last of me. Bad Penny is my middle name. Seriously, the looks I get when I fill in a form, it's   
AMY: Why now?   
DOCTOR: Because you're still breathing.   
AMY: Well, I think this is about the washing up, personally.   
DOCTOR: I mean, you're right, there's still heaps of stuff out there to look at. Do you know, there's a planet whose name literally translates as Volatile Circus? Or maybe there's a bigger, scarier adventure waiting for you in there.   
AMY: Even so, it can't happen like this. After everything we've been through, Doctor. Everything. You can't just drop me off at my house and say goodbye like we've shared a cab.   
DOCTOR: And what's the alternative? Me standing over your grave? Over your broken body? Over Rory's body?   
AMY: If you bump into my daughter, tell her to visit her old mum sometime.   
DOCTOR: And look after him.   
AMY: Look after you. Bye.   
(The Doctor goes into the Tardis, and it dematerialises. Rory comes out of the house with champagne and glasses.)   
RORY: What happened? What's he doing?   
AMY: He's saving us.

* * *

Closing Time

Original Airdate: 24 Sep, 2011

[Ladies clothing]  
(Evening. The Sanderson & Grainger department store sign and the street lights are flickering in the pedestrian area outside. The last customers are leaving.)   
WOMAN: Thank you.   
KELLY: Better cash up then. Suppose John Joe can just wait for me.   
SHONA: No, I'll do it. You head off.   
(The lights flicker again.)   
KELLY: When's the council going to fix this? Last night my telly went off in the middle of Top Model.   
SHONA: John Joe's waiting. I'll do the changing rooms, too.   
KELLY: Oh, thanks, Shona.

[Craig's home]

SOPHIE: There's a list on the fridge.   
CRAIG: I saw it.   
SOPHIE: And I've labelled the food and sort of numbered it.   
CRAIG: Sophie, you don't need to number food.   
SOPHIE: It's just a suggestion. Also, my mum might phone.   
CRAIG: Might?   
SOPHIE: And your Mum, and my Dad, and you know, just some people.   
CRAIG: I can cope on my own. Now, please go and have a rest. You need it. I love you.   
SOPHIE: I love you, too. And thank you for this. And I do know you can cope on your own. And I may have drawn some arrows in the fridge.   
CRAIG: You really have to go now.

[Changing rooms]

(There are garments and accessories scattered everywhere.)   
SHONA: Oh, Kelly.   
(One of the cubicle curtains moves in the flickering light.)   
SHONA: Hello? Sorry, we need to close up. Two minutes, okay?

[Living room]

CRAIG: Mum, it's not just you. I'm phoning everybody. I'm texting the world. Craig Owens can do it on his own. No one is coming to help me.   
(A knock at the door.)   
CRAIG: Mum, I'm going to have to call you back. I'm coping. I'm coping on my own. I'm coping on my own!

[Front door]

CRAIG: I'm coping on my own!   
DOCTOR: Hello, Craig. I'm back.   
CRAIG: She didn't. How could she phone you?   
DOCTOR: How could who phone me? Nobody phoned me, I'm just here. Oh, you've redecorated. I don't like it.   
CRAIG: It's a different house. We moved.   
DOCTOR: Yes, that's it.   
CRAIG: Doctor, what are you doing here?   
DOCTOR: Social call. Thought it was about time I tried one out. How are you?   
CRAIG: I'm fine.   
DOCTOR: This is the bit where I say I'm fine too, isn't it? I'm fine, too. Good. Love to Sophie. Bye.   
(The Doctor turns to leave, then the lights flicker.)   
DOCTOR: Something's wrong.   
(He runs inside and heads upstairs with the sonic screwdriver.)

[Staircase]

DOCTOR: On your own, you said. But you're not. You're not on your own.   
CRAIG: Just shush.   
DOCTOR: Increased sulphur emissions. And look at the state of this place. What are you not telling me?   
CRAIG: Doctor, please.   
DOCTOR: Shush.   
CRAIG: No, you shush.   
DOCTOR: Shush!   
CRAIG: Shush!   
DOCTOR: No, you shush!   
CRAIG: Doctor!

[Changing rooms]

SHONA: Hello, who's in there?

[Alfie's bedroom]

(The Doctor bursts in.)   
DOCTOR: Whatever you are, get off this planet.   
ALFIE: Whaaaa!!   
CRAIG: You've woken him!

[Changing rooms]

SHONA: Hello? Are you all right?   
(She pulls back the curtain to reveal - a Cyberman!)

[Kitchen]

DOCTOR: So when you say on your own   
CRAIG: Yes, I meant on my own with the baby. Yes. Because no one thinks I can cope on my own. Which is so unfair, because I can't cope on my own with him. I can't. He just cries all the time. I mean, do they have off switches?   
DOCTOR: Human beings. No. Believe me, I've checked.   
CRAIG: No, babies.   
DOCTOR: Same difference. Sometimes this works though. Shush.   
(Alfie goes quiet.)   
CRAIG: Can you teach me to do that?   
DOCTOR: Probably not.   
CRAIG: Oh, please. Come on, I need something. I'm rubbish at this.   
DOCTOR: At what?   
CRAIG: Being a dad. You read all the books, and they tell you you'll know what to do if you follow your instincts. I have no instinct. That's what this weekend's about, trying to prove to people I can do this one thing well.   
(The Doctor is flicking through the books on the table. He laughs at Daisy's Wild Ride.)   
DOCTOR: So, what did you call him? Will I blush?   
CRAIG: No, we didn't call him the Doctor.   
DOCTOR: No, I didn't think you would.   
CRAIG: He's called Alfie. What are you doing here anyway?   
DOCTOR: Yes, he likes that, Alfie, though personally he prefers to be called Stormageddon, Dark Lord Of All.   
CRAIG: Sorry, what?   
DOCTOR: That's what he calls himself.   
CRAIG: And how do you know that?   
DOCTOR: I speak baby.   
CRAIG: Of course you do. I don't even know when his nappy needs changing, and I'm the one supposed to be his dad. Oh.   
DOCTOR: Yeah. He's wondering where his mum is? Where is Sophie?   
CRAIG: She's gone away with Melina for the weekend. She needs a rest.   
DOCTOR: No, he's your dad. You can't just call him Not Mum.   
CRAIG: Not Mum?   
DOCTOR: That's you. Also Not Mum, that's me. And everybody else is peasants. That's a bit unfortunate.   
CRAIG: What are you here for? What's happening?   
DOCTOR: I just popped in to say hello.   
CRAIG: You don't do that. I checked upstairs when we moved, it's real. And next door, both sides, they're humans. Is it the fridge? Are there aliens in my fridge?   
DOCTOR: I just want to see you, Craig! Cross my hearts. I've been knocking about on my own for a bit. Bit of a farewell tour. One last thing, popping in to see you, then I'm off to the Alignment of Exedor.   
CRAIG: The Alignment of Exedor?   
DOCTOR: Seventeen galaxies in perfect unison. Meant to be spectacular. I can't miss it. Literally can't. It's locked in a time stasis field. I get one crack at flying my Tardis straight into it, if I get my dates right. Which I have.   
CRAIG: Sounds nice.   
(The Doctor looks through the local paper.)   
DOCTOR: So this is me, popping in and popping out again. Just being social. Just having a laugh. Never mind that.   
CRAIG: Never mind what?   
DOCTOR: Nothing.   
CRAIG: No, you've noticed something. You've got your noticing face on. I have nightmares about that face.   
DOCTOR: Ooo, nope, given up all that. Done noticing things. I didn't even notice that, for example. Well, got to go. Good seeing you, Craig. Goodbye, Stormageddon.   
CRAIG: No, no, wait, wait. Can you do the shushing thing?   
DOCTOR: No, it only works once, and only on life forms with underdeveloped brains.   
CRAIG: Hang on. You said farewell tour. What do you mean, farewell?   
DOCTOR: Shush.

[Outside Craig's home]

DOCTOR; Just go. Stop noticing. Just go. Stop noticing, just go. Stop noticing, just go. Stop it. Am I noticing? No. No, I am not. And what I am not doing is scanning for electrical fluctuations. Oh, shut up, you. I'm just dropping in on a friend. The last thing I need right now is a patina of teleport energy. I'm going. Do you hear me? Going. Not staying, going. I am through saving them. I am going away now.

[Toy department]

(The Doctor is demonstrating a remote control helicopter to a group of children.)   
DOCTOR: It goes up tiddly up, it goes down tiddly down for only forty nine ninety nine, which I personally think is a bit steep, but then again it's your parents' cash and they'll only waste it on boring stuff like lamps and vegetables. Yawn!   
CRAIG: Yeah, Soph. Just enjoy your holiday. Yeah, coping.   
DOCTOR: Nobody panic, but I appear to be losing control.   
(The helicopter crashes near Craig.)   
CRAIG: Yeah, love you.   
DOCTOR: Oops. Guys, guys, ladies and gentlemen. While I deal with this awkward moment, you go and find your parents slash guardians. Try in lamps. Craig!   
CRAIG: What the hell are you doing here?   
DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. I work in a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on in case I forget who I am. Very thoughtful, as that does happen.   
CRAIG: You were leaving. The Alignment of Exeter, what about that? One chance to see it, you said.   
DOCTOR: Well, I was on my way, you know. Saw a shop, got a job. You got to live in the moment. Craig, mind Yappy.   
CRAIG: What?   
DOCTOR: Yappy. The robot dog. Not so much fun as I remember. You look awful.   
CRAIG: I haven't slept, have I? I still can't stop him crying. I even tried singing to him last night.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, he did mention that he thought you were crying, too. He didn't get a wink. Yappy, say goodbye to Craig and Stormageddon. Goodbye, Craig. Goodbye, Stormageddon.   
(As the Doctor puts down the little robot dog, something whizzes past the end of the aisle.)   
DOCTOR: What was that?   
CRAIG: You're here for a reason, aren't you? You noticed something, and you're investigating it. And because it's you, it's going to be dangerous and alien.   
DOCTOR: Might not be.   
CRAIG: Doctor, I live here. I need to know.   
DOCTOR: No, you don't.   
CRAIG: My baby lives here. My son.   
DOCTOR: Sheila Clark went missing Tuesday. Atif Ghosh last seen Friday. Tom Luker last seen Sunday.   
CRAIG: Why's none of this on the front page?   
DOCTOR: Oh, page one has an exclusive on Nina, a local girl who got kicked off Britain's Got Talent. These people are on pages seven, nineteen, twenty two. Because no one's noticed yet. They're far too excited about Nina's emotional journey, which in fairness, is quite inspiring.   
CRAIG: And what else?   
(The Doctor wheels Alfie's buggy out into -)

[Children's clothing]

DOCTOR: These funny old power fluctuations which just happen to coincide with the disappearances.   
CRAIG: That's just the council putting in new cables, isn't it?   
(He stops at an Out Of Order lift.)   
DOCTOR: Oh yes, that's it. Mystery solved. Wasting my time. Now, you can go home and I can go to Exedor. Goodbye.   
(He uses his sonic screwdriver.)   
DOCTOR: And here's the lift.   
CRAIG: It says it's out of order.   
DOCTOR: Not any more. See? Here to help.   
CRAIG: It says danger.   
DOCTOR: Oh, rubbish. Lifts aren't dangerous.   
CRAIG: Do I look like I'm stupid?   
(Alfie makes a comment in Baby. The Doctor laughs.)   
DOCTOR: Quiet, Stormy. Oh, all right. There's more.

[Lift]

DOCTOR: Just between you, me and Stormy, don't want to frighten me punters. Someone's been using a teleport relay right here in this shop. Missing people last seen in this area. Before you ask, CCTV's been wiped.   
CRAIG: A teleport? A teleport? A teleport like, a beam me up teleport, like you see in Star Trek?   
DOCTOR: Exactly. Someone's been using a beam me up Star Trek teleport. Could be disguised as anything.   
(There are six circles in a circle on the ceiling.)   
CRAIG: But a teleport in a shop? That's ridiculous.

[Cybership]

CRAIG: What was that? Was that the lights again?   
DOCTOR: (strangled) Yes, that's it. That's all. It's the lights.   
CRAIG: Why did you say that like that?   
DOCTOR: Like what?   
CRAIG: Like that, in that high pitched voice.   
DOCTOR: Just keep looking at me, Craig. Right at me. Just keep looking.   
CRAIG: Why?   
DOCTOR: Well, because, because, because I love you.   
CRAIG: You love me?   
DOCTOR: Yes, Craig. It's you. It's always been you.   
CRAIG: Me?   
DOCTOR: Is that so surprising?   
(The Doctor puts his arms around Craig's neck and uses the sonic screwdriver on whatever it behind the definitely not a lift any more scene behind him.)   
CRAIG: Doctor, are you going to kiss me?   
DOCTOR: Yes, Craig. Yes, I am. Would you like that? Bit out of practice, but I've had some wonderful feedback.   
CRAIG: Doctor, no. I can't. I'm taken.   
(Craig looks behind him.)   
CRAIG: Oh, my God!   
DOCTOR: Or we could just hold hands if it make you'd feel more comfortable.   
(A Cyberman notices them.)   
CRAIG: What is happening?   
DOCTOR: Well, first of all, I don't really love you, except as a friend.   
CRAIG: What is that?

[Lift]

DOCTOR: Quick reverse.   
CRAIG: What the hell just happened?

[Children's clothing]

DOCTOR: They must have linked the teleport relay to the lift, but I've fused it. They can't use that again. Stuck up there on their spaceship.

[Soft furnishings]

CRAIG: What were those things?   
DOCTOR: Cybermen.   
CRAIG: Ship. A spaceship. We were in space?

[Pedestrian precinct]

(After sunset.)   
DOCTOR: It's got to be up there somewhere. Can't get a fix. It must be shielded.   
CRAIG: But you fused the teleport. You sorted it. They can't come back.   
DOCTOR: No, no, no, I've just bought myself a little time. Still got to work out what they're doing before I can stop it.   
CRAIG: But if they've got the teleport and they're that evil, why haven't they invaded already?   
DOCTOR: Craig, take Alfie and go.   
CRAIG: No.   
DOCTOR: No?   
CRAIG: No. I remember from last time, people got killed. People that didn't know you. I know where it's safest for me and Alfie, and that's right next to you.   
DOCTOR: Is that so?   
CRAIG: Yeah. You always win. You always survive.   
DOCTOR: Those were the days.   
CRAIG: I can help you. I'm staying.   
DOCTOR: Craig. Craig. All right. All right, maybe those days aren't quite over yet. Let's go and investigate. I mean, there's no immediate danger now.

[Jewellry section]

DOCTOR: Good afternoon, Val.   
VAL: Hello.   
CRAIG: Where am I investigating?   
DOCTOR: Well, look round. Ask questions. People like it when you're with a baby. Babies are sweet. People talk to you. That's why I usually take a human with me.   
CRAIG: So, I'm your baby?   
DOCTOR: You're my baby.   
(The Doctor hugs Craig. Val smiles indulgently.)   
VAL: Hope you don't mind me saying, Doctor, but I think you look ever so sweet, you and your partner and the baby.   
DOCTOR: Partner. Yes, I like it. Is it better than companion?   
VAL: Companion sounds old-fashioned. There's no need to be coy these days.   
DOCTOR: You've not noticed anything unusual around here lately, Val?   
VAL: Well   
DOCTOR: Yes, yes?   
VAL: Mary Warnock saw Don Petheridge snogging Andrea Groom outside the Conservative Club on his so-called day off golfing.   
DOCTOR: Yeah. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.   
(The Doctor air-kisses Val and moves away.)   
VAL: And then there's that silver rat thing.   
DOCTOR: What?

[Ladies underwear]

(The thing that has just scuttled past.)   
CRAIG: All right, Alfie, you watch Daddy investigate. You look cute, I'll do the talking.   
(He finds Kelly by a rack of bras.)   
KELLY: Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you?   
CRAIG: Hiya. I'm Craig.   
KELLY: Yeah?   
CRAIG: Do you mind if I just ask you some questions.   
KELLY: You what?   
CRAIG: Just between me and you, in confidence, have you noticed anything unusual? Interesting?   
KELLY: You what?   
CRAIG: Talk to me about ladies wear.   
KELLY: George!   
(Enter the well built security guard.)   
CRAIG: Hi, George. Nice uniform.

[Toy department]

(The Doctor is underneath a table, scanning.)   
DOCTOR: A silver rat, glowing red eyes.   
VAL: Yes. Then it zizzed off. I wanted to get one for my nephew, but stockroom say there's no such item.   
DOCTOR: I bet they do.   
VAL: Well, what was it then? Answer me that.

[Ladies underwear]

GEORGE: Can I help you, sir?   
CRAIG: Have you seen how cute my baby is? Look at his face. I'm going to head off, actually. All right, whoa.

[Toy department]

CRAIG [OC]: Whoa!   
VAL: What's all that hullabaloo?   
DOCTOR: Er, that'll be my partner with the er   
VAL: Ah.

[Ladies underwear]

(Craig has knocked over a rack of frillies.)   
GEORGE: Make a habit of hanging round in women's wear, sir?   
CRAIG: I'm sorry. Oh, shush. Alfie, come on.   
KELLY: He's a pervert. Look at him.   
DOCTOR: Hello, everyone. Here to help.   
KELLY: Hello, Doctor.   
GEORGE: Hello, Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Hello. Has anyone seen a silver rat? No. Okay. Long shot. I see you've met my friend, Craig. Nice uniform, George.   
GEORGE: Thank you, Doctor. If he's with you, that's all right, then.   
KELLY: Sorry. I thought he was hassling me, because that's the last thing I need today, because Shona's not turned up, right, so I'm doing twice the work for the same money, if you don't mind.   
DOCTOR: Shush.   
CRAIG: Please teach me how to do that.   
DOCTOR: No. Hold on. Un-shush. Shona?   
KELLY: My supervisor. She's meant to be in today but never showed up.   
DOCTOR: Well, where did you last see her?

[Changing rooms]

CRAIG: How do you do that? It's a power, isn't it. Some sort of weird alien hypnotic power. I bet you excrete some sort of gas that makes people love you.   
DOCTOR: Would that I could, Craig.   
(The Doctor looks through a curtain and a woman screams.)   
DOCTOR: Er, sorry, Madam. I'd try that in red if I were you.   
CRAIG: I'm right though, aren't I?   
DOCTOR: Well, you love me, I've never excreted any weird alien gases at you.   
CRAIG: I don't love you. Don't start that again.   
(Alfie gurgles.)   
DOCTOR: Yes, I know. Course he does. Of course you do. We're partners.   
CRAIG: Yeah, but I did exactly what you would have done, and I nearly got arrested.   
DOCTOR: Stormy thinks you should believe in yourself more.   
CRAIG: Great. So now my baby's reviewing me.   
DOCTOR: Here. Right here. Last night. A Cyberman took Shona.   
CRAIG: A Cyberman? I thought it was a little silver rat.   
DOCTOR: It's not a rat. It's a Cybermat.   
CRAIG: All right. Don't have a go at me just because I don't know the names.

[Ladies clothing]

DOCTOR: Cybermats are infiltrators. Very small, very deadly. They collect power like bees collect pollen. One of them's been sucking the electrical energy from this area. But why a shop? You know, why not a nuclear power station?   
CRAIG: Okay, why?   
DOCTOR: Let's ask it. We wait for the shop to shut. We stake the place out and grab ourselves a Cybermat.   
CRAIG: And this is just a coincidence, is it?   
DOCTOR: What is?   
CRAIG: Aliens in Colchester. Aliens twice in my life, happening to me, just when you turn up.   
DOCTOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not my fault, Craig.   
CRAIG: Oh, shush. Look what you've done now.   
DOCTOR: It's his nappy. He's mentioned it twice.   
CRAIG: Well sorry, I don't speak baby, do I.   
DOCTOR: There's a changing station over by Electrical Goods.   
CRAIG: And of course, you'd know that. Come on, Alfie.   
DOCTOR: Craig! It's a coincidence. It happens. It's what the universe does for   
(The Doctor sees Amy and Rory walking towards him when a little girl stops them.)   
ELLY: Can I have your autograph, please?   
AMY: Er, yeah. Sure.   
DOCTOR: Fun.   
AMY: What's your name?   
ELLY: Elly.   
AMY: To Elly. I like your hairband.   
ELLY: Thank you.   
(The Doctor conceals himself.)   
RORY: All right?   
AMY: There you go.   
ELLY: Thank you.   
(Amy and Rory leave. Elly points towards the Doctor. He turns to see a big perfume advert on the wall nearby with Amy's face on it. Petrichor. For The Girl Who's Tired Of Waiting.)   
DOCTOR: Amelia Pond.

[Ground floor]

(The Doctor, Craig, and Alfie hide amongst the perfume and make up counters as George makes his rounds. When it is clear, the Doctor starts scanning with his sonic screwdriver.)   
DOCTOR: Right, let's be having you then, Cybermat.   
(Alfie cries.)   
DOCTOR: Shush.   
CRAIG: Can't you put that on quiet?   
DOCTOR: No. It's a sonic screwdriver. Sonic equals sound. Take this. I got it on my discount, ten percent off. It's a papoose.   
CRAIG: Why do I need a papoose?   
DOCTOR: Alfie wants you attached to him. You are far too slow when he summons you.   
CRAIG: When's he going to stop giving me marks?   
DOCTOR: Never. That's parenthood. Couldn't you have just got a babysitter? No, any babysitter. Doesn't have to be a hot one.   
CRAIG: I told everyone I know I didn't need their help this weekend.   
DOCTOR: Well.   
CRAIG: They won't even answer my calls. I didn't know there was going to be an invasion of Cyberman.   
DOCTOR: Shush.   
(Down in the basement, the lights are playing up.)   
DOCTOR: It's okay.   
(They get Alfie out of the buggy to go into the papoose when the Cybermat shows itself. The Doctor snares it in a butterfly net.)   
DOCTOR: Ah ha! That's very odd. It must be on low power. Or I'm better at that than I remember.   
CRAIG: Oh, is that it?   
DOCTOR: Yeah.   
CRAIG: Oh, that's quite cute. Look at that. Look, Alfie, look.   
(The Cybermat bares its teeth.)   
CRAIG: Argh!   
(The Doctor sonicks it into submission. Down in the basement, George hears some noises and goes to investigate. There is a Cyberman behind him.)   
CRAIG: Metal rat, real mouth! Metal rat, real mouth.   
DOCTOR: Yes, I know it is.   
CRAIG: Metal rat, real mouth.   
DOCTOR: Stop screaming. Stop, stop screaming. Shush.   
(George screams.)   
DOCTOR: Come on!

[Basement]

DOCTOR: George!   
(He finds the torch, then the man.)   
DOCTOR: George   
(The Cyberman knocks him out. A little later...)   
CRAIG: Doctor! Doctor! Doctor! What happened?   
DOCTOR: Oh, I've been, I've been chipped, chapped, chopped. The Cyberman. It killed George, took him back to the ship.   
CRAIG: The Cybermen are here? But you said   
DOCTOR: Yeah, I know what I said. I say a lot of things. But I fused the teleport. It should have taken them days to repair.   
CRAIG: Are you okay?   
DOCTOR: Oh, I should be dead, but the arm it chopped me with, it was damaged. Old spare parts. Must have changed those missing people.   
CRAIG: They've changed the missing into Cybermen? Why didn't they change you?   
DOCTOR: A long story. I'm not exactly compatible. But why are they using spare parts? Why? Everything I find out makes less sense.   
CRAIG: Doctor, listen to me. If the Cybermen are here, then we're not safe. We've got to go. We've got to go back to base.   
DOCTOR: We've got a base? When did we get a base?

[Kitchen]

(The Doctor is mixing something up in a bowl.)   
CRAIG: I'm going down the shop. We've run out of milk. You know what to do if he cries.   
(Craig throws a mobile phone to the Doctor and leaves.)   
DOCTOR: No.   
CRAIG [OC]: Me neither.   
(Alfie cries.)   
DOCTOR: Oh.

[Alfie's room]

DOCTOR: Hello, Stormageddon. It's the Doctor. Here to help. Shush. Hey. There, there. Be quiet. Go to sleep. Really. Stop crying. You've got a lot to look forward to, you know. A normal human life on Earth. Mortgage repayments, the nine to five, a persistent nagging sense of spiritual emptiness. Save the tears for later, boy-o. Oh, no. That was crabby. No, that was old. But I am old, Stormy. I am so old. So near the end.   
(The Cybermat starts to flicker back into life.)   
DOCTOR: You, Alfie Owens, you are so young, aren't you? And, you know, right now, everything's ahead of you. You could be anything. Yes, I know. You could walk among the stars. They don't actually look like that, you know. They are rather more impressive.   
(The Doctor sonicks up a holographic starscape.)   
DOCTOR: Yeah. You know, when I was little like you, I dreamt of the stars. I think it's fair to say in the language of your age, that I lived my dream, I owned the stage, gave it a hundred and ten percent. I hope you have as much fun as I did, Alfie.   
(The Cybermat is making its escape.)   
DOCTOR: Your dad's trying his best, you know. Yes, I know it's not his fault he doesn't have mammary glands. No, neither do I. Alfie, why is there a sinister beeping coming from behind me?   
(The Cybermat gnashes its teeth at him.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, no you don't.   
(The Doctor sonicks it.)   
DOCTOR: Come on, Alfie. Run! It's only stunned.

[Kitchen]

DOCTOR: It's going to be okay. Good Alfie. Yes. Don't worry about anything. We're going to go outside.   
(The Doctor drops his screwdriver as he goes through the patio doors.)   
DOCTOR: Oops.

[Craig's home]

CRAIG: I'm back!   
(He puts his phone down on the hall table. It starts to buzz.)

[Garden]

(More of a patio, really.)  
DOCTOR: Come on, Craig, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

[Craig's home]

CRAIG: Doctor? Doctor?   
(He goes into the kitchen, puts the milk in the fridge and the Cybermat leaps for his throat. Craig grabs it and manages to hold it off.)

[Garden]

(Craig's phone has gone to answerphone.)   
DOCTOR: Craig? Don't worry. Alfie is fine. But on no account enter the house.   
CRAIG [OC]: Doctor!   
DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!   
CRAIG [OC]: Help me!   
(The Doctor puts Alfie in his baby bouncer and crashes through the glass door.)

[Kitchen]

CRAIG: Where's Alfie? Where's Alfie?   
DOCTOR: He's safe. He's safe!   
CRAIG: Get it off me!   
DOCTOR: I think I can find the right frequency, shut it down again!   
CRAIG: Kill it!   
DOCTOR: All right, all right, all right! Move!   
(The Doctor hits the Cybermat with a large pan. It leaps onto the Doctor.)   
DOCTOR: Argh! Baking tray, Craig. Baking tray!   
(Craig gets the tray and they get the Cybermat onto the floor under it.)   
DOCTOR: Hold it down!   
CRAIG: Get on with it!   
DOCTOR: Ah, it must be shielded from metastatic energy. Of course.   
CRAIG: Of course.   
DOCTOR: Don't worry, I have an app for that. Stand back. Stand back!   
(The Doctor zaps the Cybermat.)   
DOCTOR: Success. That was amazing. You must be really, really strong. That thing should have had you easily.   
CRAIG: Is it definitely dead?   
DOCTOR: Inactive, yes. Technically never been alive. It was playing possum before, to take us by surprise. Bravo.   
CRAIG: Phew. Alfie!

[Living room]

(Craig is walking up and down with Alfie while the Doctor takes the Cybermat apart.)   
CRAIG: (yawns) I'm knackered. That thing was eating up the electricity?   
DOCTOR: And transmitting it up to the Cybership. But why? Why do they need power? Why are those conversions not complete yet, and what are they doing up there?   
CRAIG: You said you were going to look at its brain.   
DOCTOR: No, I had to wipe its brain. Now I can reprogram it and use it as a weapon against them.   
CRAIG: The Cybermat came after us?   
DOCTOR: No, after me.   
CRAIG: They sent it after us.   
DOCTOR: After me. Because of me, you and Alfie nearly died. Do you still feel safe with me, Craig?   
CRAIG: You can't help who your mates are.   
DOCTOR: No. I am a stupid, selfish man. Always have been. I should have made you go. I should never have come here.   
CRAIG: What would have happened if you hadn't come? Who else knows about the Cybermen and teleports?   
DOCTOR: I put people in danger.   
CRAIG: Stop beating yourself up. If it weren't for you, this whole planet would be an absolute ruin.   
DOCTOR: Craig, very soon I won't be here. My time is running out. I don't mean Exedor. Silence will fall when the question is asked. Don't even know what the question is. I always knew I'd die still asking. Thing is, Craig, it's tomorrow. Can't put it off any more. Tomorrow is the day I   
(Craig and Alfie are asleep on the sofa.)   
DOCTOR: Ah.

[Outside Craig's home]

(Next morning.)   
DOCTOR: Safe mode. Clever me. Come along, Bitey.

[Living room]

(Craig wakes to hear Sophie's voice leaving a message.)   
SOPHIE [OC]: So I'll be back about ten, because Melina's totally gone off on one. She's going to kill David Jenkins. I know I'm stupid to worry. I can't wait to get home to my special boys!   
CRAIG: Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Kitchen]

CRAIG: Doctor?   
SOPHIE [OC]: Love you, Alfie. Love you, Craig.   
(There is a message on the fridge door. Dear Craig. Gone to stop Cybermen. Sorry, goodbye. The Doctor.)   
CRAIG: You idiot!

[Ladies clothing]

VAL: Morning!   
DOCTOR: Morning. Teleport's still fused. They didn't repair it. So, the Cyberman last night. How did it get down here, how did it get out? And why, why, am I asking you?   
VAL: You found the silver rat?   
DOCTOR: But where are the silver men?

[Kitchen]

(Craig is putting Alfie into the papoose.)   
CRAIG: I'm sorry, Alfie, I can't leave you here on your own. There's something up with the Doctor, and we owe him. I wouldn't have you or Mummy if it wasn't for him. He needs someone. He always needs someone. He just can't admit it. I promise nothing's going to happen to you. All right, come on, here we go.

[Changing rooms]

DOCTOR: Secondary teleport. No, there is no other teleport. They must have had a back-up system. Something complicated, something powerful, something shielded. Something like a door? A door! A disillium bonded steel door disguised as a wall.   
(At the back of the cubicle.)   
DOCTOR: That is cheating. So, it didn't teleport down, it climbed up.

[Cybership]

(The tunnel is nice and circular, with the occasional tree root poking through. At the bottom is a big cavern with the Cybership in it. The inside is the exact opposite of the normal Cyber clean and shiny.)   
DOCTOR: Well, well, well. You have been busy.

[Ladies clothing]

CRAIG: Doctor? Doctor?   
VAL: Another row? He went in the changing rooms. Something about silver men.   
CRAIG: Oh, God, no. Val, I need you to look after Alfie for me, okay? Please look after him. The Doctor needs me.   
VAL: I understand. You two need time alone.   
(Craig hands the papoose over and runs off.)   
CRAIG: And don't follow me!   
VAL: I wasn't intending to.

[Cybership]

(The Doctor finds George's name tag amongst the dirt on the floor.)   
CYBERMAN: You have come to us.   
DOCTOR: Took me a while. Lot on my mind. Let's see. This ship crashed here centuries ago. No survivors, but the systems are dormant, waiting for power, and then the council stick a load of new cables right on top of you. Bitey wakes up and channels the power. You start crewing up from the shop as best you can. Not enough power, not enough parts.   
CYBERMAN: When we are ready, we will emerge. We will convert this planet to Cyberform.   
DOCTOR: What, the six of you?   
CYBERMAN: You know that is enough. You know us. You are the Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Correct. And the Doctor always gives you a choice. Deactivate yourself, or I deactivate you.   
(A second Cyberman approaches from behind.)

[Changing rooms]

CRAIG: Doctor? Doctor?   
(He finds the hole in the wall, grabs a laser barcode reader and heads inside.)

[Cybership]

(The Doctor has been seized.)   
DOCTOR: Argh!   
CYBERMAN: He must be the new leader.   
CYBERMAN 2: No. He is not like us. Brain and binary vascular system incompatible. They will be discarded. Other body parts may be of use.  
CRAIG: Oi, Cybermen! Get off my planet, or I activate this.   
DOCTOR: Craig, stop this. Get out!   
CRAIG: It's like you said, Doctor. Got to believe you can do it.   
CYBERMAN: You located us?   
CRAIG: Yeah. Teleport in the lift, bit rubbish. And that little Cybermat never stood a chance. So you see what you're dealing with?   
CYBERMAN: You are compatible. You are intelligent.   
(The Cyberman zaps the barcode reader from Craig's hands and a third one grabs him.)   
CRAIG: Argh! No, I'm not intelligent. You don't want me.   
CYBERMAN: Do not fear. We will take your fear from you. You will be like us. You will be more than us.   
CRAIG: No, no, no.   
CYBERMAN: Your designation is CyberController. You will lead us. We will conquer this world.   
CRAIG: Doctor!   
DOCTOR: Craig!   
CRAIG: Do something, please!   
(Craig is clamped into a conversion chamber.)   
CRAIG: Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Craig, don't worry. I've reprogrammed their Cybermat. It'll drain their power.   
(The Cyberman stomps on the Cybermat.)   
CYBERMAN: You have failed, Doctor. Begin conversion. Phase one. Cleanse the brain of emotions.   
DOCTOR: No. Craig, fight it! They can't convert you if you fight back. You're strong. Don't give in to it.   
CRAIG: Help me!   
DOCTOR: Think of Sophie. Think of Alfie. Craig, don't let them take it all away.   
CRAIG: Make it stop. Please, make it stop!   
DOCTOR: Please, listen to me. I believe in you. I believe you can do this. I've always believed in all of you, all my life. I'm going die, Craig. Tomorrow, I'm going to die, but I don't mind if you just prove me right. Craig!   
(A Cyberman helmet closes over Craig's face.)   
CYBERMAN: Begin full conversion.

[Ladies clothing]

(Alfie is crying.)   
VAL: Don't worry, It's just a little light going out.

[Cybership]

(They are on the monitor.)   
CYBERMAN 2: Unknown soundwave detected.   
CYBERMAN: It is the sound of fear. It is irrelevant. We will remove all fear.   
DOCTOR: Alfie, I'm so sorry! Alfie, please, stop. I, I can't help him.   
CYBERMAN: Emotions eradicated. Conversion complete. Alert. Emotional subsystems rebooting. This is impossible.   
DOCTOR: He can hear him. He can hear Alfie. Oh, please, just give me this. Craig, you wanted a chance to prove you're a dad. You are never going to get better one than this.   
CYBERMAN: What is happening?   
DOCTOR: What's happening, you metal moron? A baby is crying. And you'd better watch out, because guess what? Ha ha! Daddy's coming home!   
(The Cyberman helmet opens again, and Craig starts to break out of the conversion chamber.)   
CRAIG: Alfie! Alfie, I'm here! I'm coming for you!   
DOCTOR: Yes, Craig.   
CRAIG: Alfie!   
(The Doctor gets free of the confused Cyberman and grabs his sonic screwdriver.)   
DOCTOR: Alfie needs you!   
CYBERMAN: Emergency. Emotional influx!   
DOCTOR: You've triggered a feedback loop into their emotional inhibitors. All that stuff they cut out of themselves, now they're feeling it. Which means a very big explosion.   
CYBERMAN: Overload. Overload. Overload.   
CRAIG: Get it open! We need to get to Alfie!   
DOCTOR: They've sealed the ship!   
CRAIG: We've got to get out of here!   
DOCTOR: I know!   
(The Cybermen's heads start exploding.)   
DOCTOR: The teleport!   
(The Doctor sonicks the controls and they beam away just before the whole Cybership goes KaBOOM.)

[Ladies clothing]

VAL: How did you get in there?   
CRAIG: Alfie!   
VAL: Here's your daddy.   
(Val hands Alfie over. He gurgles.)   
DOCTOR: That was another review. Ten out of ten.   
CRAIG: The Cybermen. They blew up. I blew them up with love.   
DOCTOR: No, that's impossible. And also grossly sentimental and over simplistic. You destroyed them because of the deeply ingrained hereditary human trait to protect one's own genes, which in turn triggered a, a, a. Yeah. Love. You blew them up with love.

[Ladies underwear]

DOCTOR: The building should be totally safe structurally, and of course the bonded disillium contained the explosion.   
KELLY: Right. Why you telling me all this?   
DOCTOR: I don't know. Shush.   
VAL: It suits you.   
(Craig has a new shirt.)   
CRAIG: Thanks.   
VAL: Discount applies to partners.   
CRAIG: Great.   
VAL: Are you two married then?   
CRAIG: No, no. We talked about it, but it's just a piece of paper, isn't it?   
DOCTOR: Thank you for your help, Val. Good noticing. Keep them peeled.   
VAL: I will. I'm glad you two made up for baby's sake.   
DOCTOR: Ah.   
CRAIG: How do you mean?   
VAL: It's nice for baby to have two daddies who love each other.   
CRAIG: Wait. Hang on a sec. Two daddies? You think I'm?   
VAL: His companion.   
CRAIG: Ha ha ha! Doctor?   
VAL: Oh. Now where's he rushed off to?   
CRAIG: He's gone.

[Living room]

CRAIG: Who's tidied all this up?

[Kitchen]

DOCTOR: See, I do come back.   
CRAIG: How did you?   
DOCTOR: Time machine. But even with time travel, getting glaziers on a Sunday. Tricky.   
CRAIG: You went back in time? That means you used up your hours. What about Exedor?   
DOCTOR: What about you being in trouble with Sophie when she comes back? I couldn't let that happen.   
CRAIG: You used up your time for me?   
DOCTOR; Course I did. You're my mate. I notice Stormageddon's very quiet and happy. Oh, he prefers the name Alfie now. And he's very proud of his dad.   
CRAIG: He calls me dad?   
DOCTOR: Yes, of course he does now. Yeah, I know. He's a bit thick, isn't he?   
CRAIG: Oi, shut up, you two.   
DOCTOR: Well, now it's time. I have to go.   
CRAIG: Doctor, I know that something's wrong. I can help you.   
DOCTOR: Nobody can help me. I hope Sophie won't mind. I need these.   
(Tardis-blue envelopes.)   
CRAIG: Where are you going to go?   
DOCTOR: America.   
CRAIG: Sophie'll be home any second. Are you sure   
DOCTOR: I can't miss this appointment, Craig. Goodbye, mate.   
CRAIG: Wait there. One second.   
(Craig returns with a stetson.)   
CRAIG: From Sean's stag.   
DOCTOR: Wow.   
CRAIG: You ride 'em, pardner.   
DOCTOR: Oh, thanks.   
CRAIG: Bye.   
(Knock on the door.)   
CRAIG: Doctor, that will be Sophie arriv   
(The Doctor has gone out the back. Craig answers the door.)

[Front door]

SOPHIE: Hello, hello, I forgot my keys.   
CRAIG: Oh, I've missed you so much.   
SOPHIE: I missed you, too. Both of you. Are you wearing a papoose?   
CRAIG: Yes.

[Living room]

SOPHIE: Oh, my God, the place is spotless. Has anything happened? You look different.   
CRAIG: Nothing happened. Nothing weird.   
SOPHIE: Look at you two, thick as thieves. Who's Daddy's little boy then?   
ALFIE: Doctor.   
SOPHIE: What? Craig?

[Outside the Tardis]

DOCTOR: Well then, old girl. One last trip, eh?   
(Some children nearby stop playing to stare at the weirdo talking to a police box.)   
DOCTOR: Hey. I'm the Doctor. I was here to help. And you are very, very welcome.   
BLONDE GIRL [OC]: It was funny. He seemed so happy, but so sad at the same time.   
DARK BOY [OC]: I was just a kid. I thought maybe he was a cowboy on his way to a gunfight.   
GIRL IN SCARF [OC]: I really liked his hat.

[Study]

(River puts the eye witness reports back into their folder and checks her diary. 22/04/11 5:02pm Lake Silencio.)   
KOVARIAN [OC]: Tick tock, goes the clock, and what now shall we play? Tick tock, goes the clock, now summer's gone away.   
RIVER: Hello?   
KOVARIAN: Such a lovely old song. But is it about him?   
RIVER: You know about the Doctor?   
KOVARIAN: So very well. Oh, don't try and remember me. We've been far too thorough with your dear little head.   
(Two Silence creep up behind River.)   
RIVER: Oh! What are they? What are those things?   
KOVARIAN: Your owners.   
RIVER: My what?   
KOVARIAN: So, they made you a Doctor today, did they? Doctor River Song. How clever you are. You understand what this is, don't you?   
RIVER: According to some accounts, it's the day the Doctor dies.   
KOVARIAN: By Silencio Lake, on the Plain of Sighs, an Impossible Astronaut will rise from the deep and strike the Time Lord dead.   
RIVER: It's a story.   
KOVARIAN: And this is where it begins.   
(Two soldiers enter with a NASA spacesuit.)   
KOVARIAN: You never really escaped us, Melody Pond. We were always coming for you.   
RIVER: How do you know who I am?   
KOVARIAN: I made you what you are. The woman who kills the Doctor.   
RIVER: No! No! No!   
(River is injected with a sedative.)   
KOVARIAN: Tick tock, goes the clock, and all the years they fly. Tick tock, and all too soon, your love will surely die.   
(River wakes up in the spacesuit, under water.)   
CHILDREN [OC]: Tick tock goes the clock, the cradle now be rocked. Tick tock, goes the clock till River kills the Doctor.

* * *

The Wedding of River Song

Original Airdate: 1 Oct, 2011

[London 5:02pm 22nd April, 2011]  
(Not the London we know though, with steam trains running on aerial tracks through the Zurich Re building, cars carried by balloons)   
NEWSMAN [OC]: And it's another beautiful day in London. There are reports of sunspot activity and solar flares causing interference across all radio signals so apologies for that. Pterodactyls fly over children playing in Hyde Park.)   
GIRL: Guys, look!   
(The pterodactyls swoop and the children run to the trees, past the sign 'Pterodactyls are vermin. Do not feed.'   
A Roman centurion in a chariot waits at the traffic lights and the headline on the Londinium Cotide is - War of the Roses enters second year.   
On a TV in a shop window is a breakfast television programme -)   
BILL TURNBULL [on TV]: So do you think you can top last year's Christmas Special?   
SIAN WILLIAMS [on TV]: And can you tell us anything about it?   
DICKENS [on TV]: Well, all I can say now is that it involves ghosts, and the past, the present and future, all at the same time.   
SIAN WILLIAMS [on TV]: Ooo, we love a ghost story.   
NEWS ANCHOR [on TV]: Crowds lined the Mall today as Holy Roman Emperor, Winston Churchill, returned to the Buckingham Senate on his personal mammoth.

[Churchill's office]

(Winston Churchill is having his blood pressure checked by his Silurian male nurse.)   
MALOHKEH: Not too many late nights in Gaul, I hope.   
CHURCHILL: Just the one. I had an argument with Cleopatra. Dreadful woman. Excellent dancer.   
MALOHKEH: I can tell from your blood pressure.   
CHURCHILL: What time do you have, doctor?   
MALOHKEH: Two minutes past five, Caesar.   
CHURCHILL: It's always two minutes past five. Day or night, it's always two minutes past five in the afternoon. Why is that?   
MALOHKEH: Because that is the time, Caesar.   
CHURCHILL: And the date. It's always the twenty second of April. Does it not bother you?   
MALOHKEH: The date and the time have always been the same, Caesar. Why should it start bothering me now?   
CHURCHILL: I want to see the Soothsayer. Where is he?   
MALOHKEH: In the Tower, where you threw him the last time.   
CHURCHILL: Get him.   
(A bedraggled figure in toga and shackles is brought it.)   
CHURCHILL: Leave us. Tick tock goes the clock, as the old song says. But they don't, do they? The clocks never tick. Something has happened to time. That's what you say. What you never stop saying. All of history is happening at once. But what does that mean? What happened? Explain to me in terms that I can understand what happened to time.   
DOCTOR: A woman.

[Disabled spaceship]

(Earlier -)   
DOCTOR: Imagine you were dying. Imagine you were afraid and a long way from home and in terrible pain. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, you looked up and saw the face of the devil himself. Hello, Dalek.   
DALEK: Emergency. Emergency. Weapon system disabled. Emergency.   
(The Doctor opens up the top of the Dalek.)   
DOCTOR: Hush, now. I need some information from your data core. Everything the Daleks know about the Silence.

[The Docks of Calisto B]

(A cloaked figure walks through destruction towards the figure in the stetson, who then steps into a seedy space bar.)   
DOCTOR: Gideon Vandaleur. Get him. Now.   
BARMAN: Who says he's here?   
(The Doctor drops the Dalek's eyestalk onto the counter. A short while later, the Doctor is at a table reading Knitting for Girls when the cloaked figure sits down with him.)   
DOCTOR: Father Gideon Vandaleur, former envoy of the Silence. My condolences.   
VANDALEUR: Your what?   
DOCTOR: Gideon Vandaleur has been dead for six months.   
(The Doctor sonicks the figure, which is wearing the same style eyepatch as Madam Kovarian, and it goes rigid.)   
DOCTOR: Can I speak to the Captain, please?   
(The small figure in the eye nods and runs.)

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Hello again, the Teselecta time-travelling shape-changing robot powered by miniaturised people. Never get bored of that. Long time since Berlin.   
CARTER: Doctor, what have you done to our systems?   
DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: They'll be fine if you behave. Now, this unit can disguise itself as anyone in the universe, so if you're posing as Vandaleur, you're investigating the Silence. Tell me about them.   
CARTER: Tell you what?   
DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: One thing. Just one. Their weakest link.

[Calisto B space bar]

(A game of chess is in progress, and a Queen is sizzling with voltage. The Doctor's opponent is an alien in an eyepatch.)   
DOCTOR: The crowd are getting restless. They know the Queen is your only legal move, except you've already moved it twelve times, which means there are now over four million volts running through it. That's why they call it Live Chess. Even with the gauntlet you'll never make it to Bishop Four alive.   
GANTOK: I am a dead man, unless you concede the game.   
DOCTOR: But I'm winning.   
GANTOK: Name your price.   
DOCTOR: Information.   
GANTOK: I work for the Silence. They would kill me.   
DOCTOR: They're going to kill me too, very soon. I was just going to lie down and take it, but you know what? Before I go, I'd like to know why I have to die.   
GANTOK: Dorium Maldovar is the only one who can help you.   
DOCTOR: Dorium's dead. The Monks beheaded him at Demon's Run.   
GANTOK: I know. Concede the game, Doctor, and I'll take you to him.

[Charnel house]

(Lots of skulls, some on shelves, some on the floor.)   
GANTOK: The Seventh Transept, where the Headless Monks keep the leftovers. Watch your step. There are traps everywhere.   
DOCTOR: I hate rats.   
GANTOK: There are no rats in the transept.   
DOCTOR: Oh, good.   
GANTOK: The skulls eat them.   
(The skulls on shelves turn to look at the visitors.)   
GANTOK: The headless monks behead you alive, remember.   
DOCTOR: Why are some of them in boxes?   
(Nice boxes on pillars.)   
GANTOK: Because some people are rich, and some people are left to rot. And Dorium Maldovar was always very rich.   
(The Doctor opens Dorium's box. The blue head sneezes.)   
DOCTOR: Thank you for bringing me, Gantok.   
GANTOK: My pleasure. It saves me the trouble of burying you. Nobody beats me at chess.   
(Gantok draws his weapon and moves forward, triggering a trap. He falls down into a pit of ravening skulls.)   
DOCTOR: Gantok!   
(Gantok gets eaten, then the skulls turn their attention upwards. The Doctor sonics the pit closed again. Dorium opens his eyes.)   
DORIUM: Hello? Is someone there? Ah, Doctor. Thank God it's you. The Monks, they turned on me.   
DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid they rather did, a bit.   
DORIUM: Give it to me straight, Doctor. How bad are my injuries?   
DOCTOR: Well   
DORIUM: Ha, ha! Oh, your face.

[Churchill's office]

CHURCHILL: This is absurd. Other worlds, carnivorous skulls, talking heads. I don't know why I'm listening to you.   
DOCTOR: Because, in another reality, you and I are friends. And you sense that. Just as you sense there is something wrong with time.   
CHURCHILL: You mentioned a woman.   
DOCTOR: Yes. I'm getting to her.   
CHURCHILL: What's she like? Attractive, I assume.   
DOCTOR: Hell, in high heels.   
CHURCHILL: Tell me more.

[Charnel house]

DORIUM: Oh, it's not so bad, really, as long as they get your box the right way up. I got a media-chip fitted in my head years ago, and the Wi-Fi down here is excellent, so I keep myself entertained.   
DOCTOR: I need to know about the Silence.   
DORIUM: Oh. A religious order of great power and discretion. The sentinels of history, as they like to call themselves.   
DOCTOR: And they want me dead.   
DORIUM: No, not really. They just don't want you to remain alive.   
DOCTOR: That's okay, then. I was a bit worried for a minute there.   
DORIUM: You're a man with a long and dangerous past, but your future is infinitely more terrifying. The Silence believe it must be averted.   
DOCTOR: You know, you could've told me all this the last time we met.   
DORIUM: It was a busy day and I got beheaded.   
DOCTOR: What's so dangerous about my future?   
DORIUM: On the Fields of Trenzalore, at the fall of the Eleventh, when no living creature can speak falsely, or fail to answer, a question will be asked. A question that must never, ever be answered.   
DOCTOR: Silence will fall when the question is asked.   
DORIUM: Silence must fall would be a better translation. The Silence are determined the question will never be answered. That the Doctor will never reach Trenzalore.   
DOCTOR: I don't understand. What's it got to do with me?   
DORIUM: The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight. Would you like to know what it is?   
DOCTOR: Yes.   
DORIUM: Are you sure? Very, very sure?   
DOCTOR: Of course.   
DORIUM: Then I shall tell you. But on your own head be it.

[Tardis]

DORIUM [in box]: It's not my fault. Put me back. Ow! I've fallen on my nose. Have you got wi-fi here? I'm bored already and my nose is hurting. We all have to die, Doctor, but you more than most. You do see that, don't you? You know what the question is now. You do see that you have to die.

[Senate room]

CHURCHILL: But what was the question? Why did it mean your death?   
DOCTOR: Suppose there was a man who knew a secret. A terrible, dangerous secret that must never be told. How would you erase that secret from the world? Destroy it forever, before it can be spoken.   
CHURCHILL: If I had to, I'd destroy the man.   
DOCTOR: And silence would fall. All the times I've heard those words, I never realised it was my silence, my death. The Doctor will fall. Why are we here?   
CHURCHILL: This, this is the Senate Room.   
DOCTOR: Why did we leave your office?   
CHURCHILL: Well, we wanted a stroll, didn't we?   
DOCTOR: I think I've been running. Why do you have your revolver?   
CHURCHILL: Well, you're dangerous company, Soothsayer.   
(There is a single tally mark on the Doctor's arm.)   
DOCTOR: Yes. I think I am.   
CHURCHILL: Resume your story.

[Tardis]

DORIUM [in box]: Doctor, please, open my hatch. I've got an awful headache. Which to be honest means more than it used to. It's like some terrible weight pressing down on my   
(The Doctor has put Dorium's box down upside down.)   
DORIUM: Oh. I see.   
DOCTOR: Why Lake Silencio? Why Utah?   
DORIUM: It's a still point in time. Makes it easier to create a fixed point. And your death is a fixed point, Doctor. You can't run away from this.   
DOCTOR: Been running all my life. Why should I stop?   
DORIUM: Because now you know what's at stake. Why your life must end.   
DOCTOR: Not today.   
DORIUM: What's the point in delaying? How long have you delayed already?   
(The Doctor makes a telephone call.)   
DOCTOR: Been knocking about. A bit of a farewell tour. Things to do, people to see. There's always more. I could invent a new colour, save the Dodo, join the Beatles. Hello, it's me. Get him. Tell him, we're going out and it's all on me, except for the money and driving. I have got a time machine, Dorium. It's all still going on. For me, it never stops. Liz the First is still waiting in a glade to elope with me. I could help Rose Tyler with her homework. I could go on all of Jack's stag parties in one night.   
DORIUM: Time catches up with us all, Doctor.   
DOCTOR: Well, it has never laid a glove on me! Hello?

[Nursing home]

NURSE: Doctor, I'm so sorry. We didn't know how to contact you. I'm afraid Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart passed away

[Tardis]

NURSE [OC]: a few months ago. Doctor?   
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, I   
NURSE [OC]: It was very peaceful. He talked a lot about you, if that's any comfort. Always made us pour an extra brandy in case you came round one of these days.   
DORIUM: Doctor? What's wrong?   
DOCTOR: Nothing. Nothing. It's just.   
(He puts the phone down and takes the Tardis blue envelopes from his pocket.)   
DOCTOR: It's time. It's time.

[Calisto B space bar]

VANDALEUR: Surely you could deliver the messages yourself?   
DOCTOR: It would involve crossing my own time stream. Best not.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: According to our files, this is the end for you. Your final journey. We'll deliver your messages. You can depend on us.   
DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Thank you.

[Calisto B space bar]

VANDALEUR: Doctor, whatever you think of the Teselecta, we are champions of law and order just as you have always been. Is there nothing else we can do?

[Senate room]

CHURCHILL: Why would you do this?   
(The postman delivers the invitation to Rory and Amy. River gets hers, too.)   
CHURCHILL: Of all the things you've told me, this I find hardest to believe. Why would you invite your friends to see your death?   
DOCTOR: I had to die. I didn't have to die alone.

[Road]

AMY: Doctor!   
DOCTOR [OC]: Amy and Rory. The last Centurion and the girl who waited. However dark it got, I'd turn around, and there they'd be.

[Senate room]

DOCTOR: If it's time to go, remember what you're leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.   
CHURCHILL: And did you tell them this was going to happen?   
DOCTOR: It would help if you didn't keep asking questions.   
(There are three tally marks on his arm now.)   
DOCTOR: (sotto) We don't have much time.

[Road]

(River shoots off his stetson.)   
CHURCHILL [OC]: And this woman you spoke of. Did you invite her?   
RIVER: Hello, sweetie.   
DOCTOR [OC]: Yes, she was there. River Song came twice.

[Lakeside]

(The picnic.)   
DOCTOR: Napoleon gave me this bottle. Well, I say gave. Threw. Salud!   
ALL: Salud!   
RORY: So, when are we going to 1969?   
DOCTOR [OC]: Everything was in place. I only had to do one more thing. I only had to die.   
(The Doctor waves at Delaware by his pickup, and River sees the Impossible Astronaut.)   
RIVER: Oh, my God.   
DOCTOR: You all need to stay back. Whatever happens now, you do not interfere.   
RORY: That's an astronaut. That's an Apollo astronaut in the lake.   
(The Doctor goes to the astronaut, who is now the adult River, not the child Melody as before.)   
DOCTOR: Well, then. Here we are at last.   
RIVER: I can't stop it. The suit's in control.   
DOCTOR: You're not supposed to. This has to happen.   
RIVER: Run.   
DOCTOR: I did run. Running brought me here.   
RIVER: I'm trying to fight it, but I can't. It's too strong.   
DOCTOR: I know. It's okay. This is where I die. This is a fixed point. This must happen. This always happens. Don't worry. You won't even remember this. Look over there.   
RIVER: That's me. How can I be there?   
DOCTOR: That's you from the future, serving time for a murder you probably can't remember. My murder.   
RIVER: Why would you do that? Make me watch?   
DOCTOR: So that you know this is inevitable. And you are forgiven. Always and completely forgiven.   
RIVER: Please, my love, please, please just run!   
DOCTOR: I can't.   
RIVER: Time can be rewritten.   
DOCTOR: Don't you dare. Goodbye, River.   
(The Doctor winks, then shuts his eyes. The astronaut suit zaps him multiple times but he doesn't die this time.)   
RIVER: Hello, Sweetie.   
DOCTOR: What have you done?   
RIVER: Well, I think I just drained my weapon systems.   
DOCTOR: But this is fixed. This is a fixed point in time.   
RIVER: Fixed points can be rewritten.   
DOCTOR: No, they can't. Of course they can't. Who told you that   
(Everything dissolves into white.)

[Senate room]

CHURCHILL: Well? What happened?   
DOCTOR: Nothing.   
CHURCHILL: Nothing?   
DOCTOR: Nothing happened. And then it kept happening. Or, if you'd prefer, everything happened at once, and it won't ever stop. Time is dying. It's going to be five oh two in the afternoon for all eternity. A needle stuck on a record.   
CHURCHILL: A record? Good Lord, man, have you never heard of downloads?   
DOCTOR: Said Winston Churchill.   
CHURCHILL: Gunsmoke. That's gunsmoke. Oh, I appear to have fired this.   
(The Doctor has a spear.)   
DOCTOR: We seem to be defending ourselves.   
CHURCHILL: I don't understand.   
DOCTOR: The creatures that lead the Silence. Remarkable beings. They're memory-proof.   
CHURCHILL: But what does that mean?   
DOCTOR: You can't remember them. The moment you look away, you forget they were ever there.   
(Four tally marks on his arm.)   
DOCTOR: Don't panic. In small numbers, they're not too difficult.   
(But his other arm is covered in marks. They are hanging from the ceiling in a big cluster. A grenade rolls in. The Doctor knocks Churchill down. Boom, and soldiers enter.)   
SOLDIER: Go! Go! Go! Keep the Silence in sight at all times, keep your eye drives active.   
CHURCHILL: Who the devil are you? Identify yourselves.   
AMY: Pond. Amelia Pond.   
DOCTOR: No! She's on our side. It's okay.   
(Amy is wearing an eyepatch.)   
DOCTOR: No. No, Amy. Amy, why are you wearing that?   
(Amy shoots the Doctor.)

[Railway carriage]

(The Doctor wakes on a couch, looking up at a ceiling fan. There is the sound of a train whistle.)   
NEWSMAN [OC]: The Government has again apologised for extensive radio interference caused by solar flare and sun spot activity.   
DOCTOR: Amy?   
AMY: Those stun guns aren't fun. I'm sorry. I wanted to avoid a long conversation. You need to get up, though. We'll be in Cairo shortly.   
DOCTOR: Amy Pond. Amelia Pond from Leadworth, please, listen to me. I know it seems impossible, but you know me. In another version of reality you and I were best friends. We, we travelled together. We had adventures. Amelia Pond, you grew up with a time rift in the wall of your bedroom. You can see what others can't. You can remember things that never happened. And if you try, if you really, really try, you'll be able to   
(He is gesturing with a model Tardis.)   
DOCTOR: Oh.   
(And on the far wall are her sketches - Dalek, Silurian, vampire, pirate, Weeping Angel.)   
DOCTOR: Oh.   
AMY: You look rubbish.   
DOCTOR: You look wonderful.   
AMY: So do you. But don't worry, we'll soon fix that.   
(She holds up a tweed jacket.)   
DOCTOR: Oh, Geronimo.   
(A little later, shaved and dressed.)   
DOCTOR: Okay, you can turn round now. How do I look?   
AMY: Cool.   
DOCTOR: Really?   
AMY: No.   
DOCTOR: Cool office though. Why do you have an office?! Are you a special agent boss lady? What's that mean? Not sure about the eye patch, though.   
AMY: It's not an eye patch. Time's gone wrong. Some of us noticed. There's a whole team of us working on it, you'll see.   
DOCTOR: And you've got an office on a train. That is so cool. Can I have an office? Never had an office before. Or a train. Or a train slash office.   
AMY: God, I've missed you!   
DOCTOR: Okay. Hugging and missing now. Where's the Roman?   
AMY: You mean Rory.   
DOCTOR: Mmm.   
AMY: My husband Rory, yeah?   
(She gets a drawing from her desk.)   
AMY: That's him, isn't it? I've no idea. I can't find him, but I love him very much, don't I?   
DOCTOR: Apparently.   
AMY: I have to keep doing this, writing and drawing things. It's just it's so hard to keep remembering.   
DOCTOR: Well, it's not your fault. Time's gone wrong. Do you remember why?   
AMY: The lakeside.   
DOCTOR: Lake Silencio, Utah. I died.   
AMY: But then you didn't. See, I remember it twice, different ways.   
DOCTOR: Two different versions of the same event, both happening in the same moment. Time split wide open. Now look at it. All of history happening at once.   
AMY: But does it matter? I mean, can't we just stay like this?   
DOCTOR: Time isn't just frozen, it's disintegrating. It will spread and spread and all of reality will simply fall apart.   
(A soldier enters. Guess who.)   
RORY: Ma'am? We're about to arrive. Eye drives need to be activated as soon as we disembark.   
AMY: Good point. Thank you, Captain Williams.   
DOCTOR: Hello.   
RORY: Hello, sir. Pleased to meet you.   
AMY: Captain Williams, best of the best. Couldn't live without him.   
(The Doctor compares him to his sketch, and laughs. Rory leaves.)   
DOCTOR: No.   
AMY: What is wrong?   
DOCTOR: Amy, you'll find your Rory. You always do. But you have to really look.   
AMY: I am looking.   
DOCTOR: Oh, my Amelia Pond. You don't always look hard enough.   
AMY: Why are you older? If time isn't really passing, then how can you be ageing?   
DOCTOR: Time is still passing for me. Every explosion has an epicentre. I'm it. I'm what's wrong.   
AMY: What's wrong with you?   
DOCTOR: I'm still alive.   
(The train crosses a viaduct into a pyramid with a Stars and Stripes on the side and the title Area 52.

[Storage area]

RORY: You have to put it on, sir.   
DOCTOR: An eye patch. What for?   
AMY: It's not an eye patch.   
RORY: It's an eye drive, sir. It communicates directly with the memory centres of the brain. Acts as external storage.   
AMY: Only thing that works on them. Because no living mind can remember these things.   
RORY: The Silence.   
(Held in individual tanks filled with liquid.)   
RORY: We've captured over a hundred of them now, all held in this pyramid.   
DOCTOR: Yeah. I've encountered them before. Always wondered what they looked like.   
AMY: Well, put your eye drive on and you'll retain the information, but only for as long as you're wearing it.   
DOCTOR: The Silence have human servants. They all wear these.   
AMY: They'd have to.   
RORY: This way.   
(The Doctor puts the eye drive on.)   
RORY: They seem to be noticing you.   
DOCTOR: Yeah, they would.   
AMY: So why aren't the human race killing the Silence on sight any more?   
DOCTOR: That was another reality. What are the tanks for?   
RORY: They can draw electricity from anything. It's how they attack. The fluid insulates them. And I really don't like the way they're looking at you.   
DOCTOR: Me neither.   
RORY: Ma'am, I'm sure it's nothing, but I should really check this out. They haven't been this active in a while. You two, upstairs. Check all the tank seals. Then the floors above. Get everyone checking.   
SOLDIER: Sir.   
RORY: You go ahead, Ma'am.   
AMY: Thank you, Captain Williams. Doctor, this way.   
DOCTOR: Captain Williams, nice fellow. What's his first name?   
AMY: Captain. Just through here.   
DOCTOR: Just give us a moment. Just need to check something, Ma'am.   
(The Doctor goes back to Rory. Amy speaks into a hidden microphone on her lapel.)   
AMY: We're in. He's on his way.   
DOCTOR: The loyal soldier, waiting to be noticed. Always the pattern. Why is that?   
RORY: Sorry, sir?   
DOCTOR: Your boss, you should just ask her out. She likes you. She said so.   
RORY: Really, sir. What did she say?   
DOCTOR: Oh, she just sort of generally indicated.   
RORY: What exactly what did she say?   
DOCTOR: She said that you were a Mister Hottie-ness, and that she would like to go out with you for texting and scones.   
RORY: You really haven't done this before, have you?   
DOCTOR: No, I haven't.   
RORY: See you in a moment, sir.   
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes.   
AMY: Come on, Doctor. Time for you to meet some old friends.   
RORY: Attention all personnel.

[Control room]

RORY [OC]: Attention all personnel. Please check all assigned containment units.   
(A lady in a white coat is watching a screen.)   
KENT: You were right. Just his presence in the building caused the loop to extend by nearly four chronons.   
(The clock now reads 05:02:57, 58, 59.)   
DOCTOR: Hi, honey. I'm home.   
RIVER: And what sort of time do you call this?   
KOVARIAN: The death of time. The end of time. The end of us all. Oh, why couldn't you just die?   
(She is tied to a chair.)   
DOCTOR: Did my best, dear. I showed up. You just can't get the psychopaths these days. Love what you've done with the pyramids. How did you score all this?   
RIVER: Hallucinogenic lipstick. Works wonders on President Kennedy. And Cleopatra was a real pushover.   
DOCTOR: I always thought so.   
RIVER: She mentioned you.   
DOCTOR: What did she say?   
RIVER: Put down that gun down.   
DOCTOR: Did you?   
RIVER: Eventually.   
KOVARIAN: Oh, they're flirting. Do I have to watch this?   
RIVER: It was such a basic mistake, wasn't it, Madame Kovarian. Take a child, raise her into a perfect psychopath, introduce her to the Doctor. Who else was I going to fall in love with?   
DOCTOR: It's not funny, River. Reality is fatally compromised. Tell me you understand that.   
RIVER: Dinner?   
DOCTOR: I don't have the time. Nobody has the time, because as long I'm alive, time is dying. Because of you, River.   
RIVER: Because I refused to kill the man I love.   
DOCTOR: Oh, you love me, do you? Oh, that's sweet of you. Isn't that sweet. Come here, you.   
AMY: Get him!   
(Soldiers grab the Doctor.)   
RIVER: I'm not a fool, sweetie. I know what happens if we touch.   
(The Doctor grabs River's arm.)   
RIVER: Get off me. Get him off me! Doctor, no. Let go! Please Doctor, let go!   
WOMAN: It's moving. Time's moving!   
(05:03 and counting.)   
RIVER: Get him off me! Doctor!   
DOCTOR: I'm sorry, River. It's the only way.   
(They flash back to the lakeside, then the soldiers pull him off.)   
RIVER: Cuff him.   
DOCTOR: Oh, why do you always have handcuffs? It's the only way. We're the opposite poles of the disruption. If we touch, we short out the differential. Time can begin again.   
RIVER: And I'll be by a lakeside killing you.   
DOCTOR: And time won't fall apart. The clocks will tick. Reality will continue. There isn't another way.   
RIVER: I didn't say there was, sweetie.   
(In the storage area, a Silence puts its hand onto the glass of its tank, and it begins to crack. Captain Williams notices liquid dripping through to a lower level.)   
RIVER: There are so many theories about you and I, you know.   
DOCTOR: Idle gossip.   
RIVER: Archaeology.   
DOCTOR: Same thing.   
RIVER: Am I the woman who marries you, or the woman who murders you?   
DOCTOR: I don't want to marry you.   
RIVER: I don't want to murder you.   
(Amy feels a drop on her head.)   
DOCTOR: This is no fun at all.   
RIVER: It isn't, is it?   
AMY: Doctor, what's that?   
DOCTOR: The pyramid above us. How many Silence do you have trapped inside it?   
KOVARIAN: None. They're not trapped. They never have been. They've been waiting for this, Doctor. For you.   
RORY: They're out! All of them.   
(And the soldiers are getting slaughtered. Rory bars the door.)   
RORY: No one gets in here! Ma'am, my men out there should be able to lock this down. We have them outnumbered.   
KOVARIAN: And you're wearing eye drives based on mine, I think. Oops.   
DOCTOR: What do you mean?   
(Electricity surges through Doctor Kent's eye drive. She screams.)   
DOCTOR; Help her! Help her!   
(Soldiers are being affected, too.)   
AMY: She's dead.   
(The Doctor's eye drive tries to zap him.)   
DOCTOR: Eye drives off now. Remove them.   
(Amy takes the Doctor's eye drive off him, but then her own powers up.)   
KOVARIAN: The Silence would never allow an advantage without taking one themselves. The effects will vary from person to person. Either death or debilitating agony. But they will take you all, one by one.   
(Madame Kovarian's eye drive starts to zap.)   
KOVARIAN: What are you doing? No, it's me. Don't be stupid. You need me. Stop it. Stop that!   
DOCTOR: We could stop this right now, you and I.   
KOVARIAN: Get it off me.   
DOCTOR: Amy, tell her.   
AMY: We've been working on something. Just let us show you.   
DOCTOR: There's no point. There's nothing you can do. My time is up.   
AMY: We're doing this for you!   
DOCTOR: Then people are dying for me. I won't thank you for that, Amelia Pond.   
KOVARIAN: Get it   
RIVER: Just let us show you.   
AMY: Please. Captain Williams, how long do we have?   
RORY: Er, a couple of minutes.   
RIVER: That's enough. We're going to the Receptor Room right at the top of the pyramid. I hope you're ready for a climb.   
RORY: I'll wait down here, Ma'am. Buy you as much time as I can.   
AMY: You have to take your eye drive off.   
RORY: Can't do that, Ma'am. Might forget what's coming.   
AMY: But it could activate any second.   
RORY: It has activated, Ma'am. But I'm of no use to you if I can't remember. You have to go now, Ma'am.   
AMY: Yes.   
RORY: Now!   
AMY: Yes, thank you, Captain Williams.   
(Amy leaves, taking one last look back. Rory fights the pain to keep his gun hand steady as three Silence break through the door.)   
SILENCE: Rory Williams, the man who dies and dies again. Die one last time and know she will never come back for you.   
(Amy lets loose a machine gun at them.)   
AMY: Come on, you. Up you get. You all right?   
(She takes his eye drive off.)   
KOVARIAN: Amy, help me.   
(Her eye drive is hanging off.)   
AMY: You took my baby from me and hurt her. And now she's all grown up and she's fine, but I'll never see my baby again.   
KOVARIAN: But you'll still save me, though. Because he would, and you'd never do anything to disappoint your precious Doctor.   
RORY: Ma'am, we have to go, now.   
AMY: The Doctor is very precious to me, you're right. But do you know what else he is, Madame Kovarian? Not here.   
(Amy puts Kovarian's eye drive back in place.)   
AMY: River Song didn't get it all from you, sweetie.   
(Amy takes Rory's arm and they leave as Kovarian starts screaming.)   
AMY: So, you and me, we should get a drink some time.   
RORY: Okay.   
AMY: And married.   
RORY: Fine.

[Receptor room]

(Open to the sky, where the cap of the pyramid should be.)   
DOCTOR: What's this? Oh, it's as timey-wimey distress beacon. Who built this?   
RIVER: I'm the child of the Tardis. I understand the physics.   
DOCTOR: But that's all you've got, a distress beacon.   
RIVER: I've been sending out a message. A distress call. Outside the bubble of our time, the universe is still turning, and I've sent a message everywhere. To the future and the past, the beginning and the end of everything. The Doctor is dying. Please, please help.   
DOCTOR: River! River, this is ridiculous. That would mean nothing to anyone. It's insane. Worse, it's stupid. You embarrass me.   
AMY: We barricaded the door. We've got a few minutes. Just tell him. Just tell him, River.   
RIVER: Those reports of the sun spots and the solar flares. They're wrong. There aren't any. It's not the sun, it's you. The sky is full of a million, million voices saying yes, of course we'll help. You've touched so many lives, saved so many people. Did you think when your time came, you'd really have to do more than just ask? You've decided that the universe is better off without you, but the universe doesn't agree.   
DOCTOR: River, no one can help me. A fixed point has been altered. Time is disintegrating.   
RIVER: I can't let you die.   
DOCTOR: But I have to die.   
RIVER: Shut up! I can't let you die without knowing you are loved by so many, and so much, and by no one more than me.   
DOCTOR: River, you and I, we know what this means. We are ground zero of an explosion that will engulf all reality. Billions on billions will suffer and die.   
RIVER: I'll suffer if I have to kill you.   
DOCTOR: More than every living thing in the universe?   
RIVER: Yes.   
DOCTOR: River, River, why do you had have to be this? Melody Pond, your daughter. I hope you're both proud.   
RORY: I'm not sure I completely understand.   
AMY: We got married and had a kid and that's her.   
RORY: Okay.   
DOCTOR: Amy, uncuff me now. Okay, I need a strip of cloth about a foot long. Anything will do. Never mind.   
(The Doctor takes off his bow tie.)   
DOCTOR: River, take one end of this. Wrap it around your hand, and hold it out to me.   
RIVER: What am I doing?   
DOCTOR: As you're told. Now, we're in the middle of a combat zone, so we'll have to do the quick version. Captain Williams, say I consent and gladly give.   
RORY: To what?   
DOCTOR: Just say it. Please.   
RORY: I consent and gladly give.   
DOCTOR: Need you to say it too, mother of the bride.   
AMY: I consent and gladly give.   
DOCTOR: Now River, I'm about to whisper something in your ear, and you have to remember it very, very carefully, and tell no one what I said.   
(He whispers something very short.)   
DOCTOR: I just told you my name. Now, there you go, River Song. Melody Pond. You're the woman who married me. And wife, I have a request. This world is dying and it's my fault, and I can't bear it another day. Please, help me. There isn't another way.   
RIVER: Then you may kiss the bride.   
DOCTOR: I'll make it a good one.   
RIVER: You'd better.   
(The clock starts moving forward as we go to a white-out and flashbacks of the events at the lakeside when the Doctor died and was cremated.)   
DOCTOR [OC]: And you are forgiven. Always and completely forgiven.   
(The steam railways and cars on balloons vanish from London. The pterodactyls go away.)   
CHILDREN [OC]: Tick tock goes the clock, he gave all he could give. Tick tock goes the clock, now prison waits for River.)

[Garden]

(Amy is sitting at the patio table looking up at the night sky. There is a flash of light nearby.)   
AMY: Heard there was a freak meteor shower two miles away, so I got us a bottle.   
RIVER: Thank you, dear.   
AMY: So where are we?   
RIVER: I just climbed out of the Byzantium. You were there. So young. Didn't have a clue who I was. You're funny like that. Where are you?   
AMY: The Doctor's dead.   
RIVER: How are you doing?   
AMY: How do you think?   
RIVER: Well, I don't know unless you tell me.   
AMY: I killed someone. Madame Kovarian, in cold blood.   
RIVER: In an aborted time line, in a world that never was.   
AMY: Yeah, but I can remember it, so it happened, so I did it. What does that make me now? I need to talk to the Doctor, but I can't now, can I?   
RIVER: If you could talk to him, would it make a difference?   
AMY: But he's dead, so, so I can't.   
RIVER: Oh, Mother, of course he isn't.   
AMY: Not for you, I suppose. You're seeing the younger versions of him running around, having adventures.   
RIVER: Yeah, I am. But that's not what I mean.   
AMY: Then what do you mean?   
RIVER: Okay. I'm going to tell you what I probably shouldn't. The Doctor's last secret. Don't you want to know what he whispered in my ear?   
AMY: He whispered his name.   
RIVER: Not his name, no.   
AMY: Yes, it was. He said it was.   
RIVER: Rule One?   
AMY: The Doctor lies.   
RIVER: So do I, all the time. Have to. Spoilers. Pretending I don't know you're my mother, pretending I don't recognise a space suit in Florida.  
AMY: What did he whisper in your ear?   
RIVER: Oh, that man. He's always one step ahead of everyone. Always a plan.   
AMY: River, what did he tell you? River.   
(Rory gets home to see Amy and River hugging and dancing around the garden.)   
RORY: Hey. What?   
AMY: He's not dead. He's not dead.   
RORY: Are you sure, River? Are you really, properly sure?   
RIVER: Of course I'm sure. I'm his wife.   
AMY: Yes! And I'm his (pause) mother in law.   
RIVER: Father dear, I think Mummy might need another drink.   
RORY: Yes. Yes.

[Charnel house]

(Dorium's box is being returned to its pedestal by a cloaked figure.)   
DORIUM [OC]: Who's carrying me? I demand to know. I'm a head, I have rights. I want my doors open this time. I demand that my doors are open.   
(The figure opens his door and turns to leave.)   
DORIUM: Is it you? It is, isn't it. It is you, I can sense it. But how did you do it? How could you possibly have escaped?

[Calisto B space bar]

CARTER [memory]: Is there nothing else we can do?   
(The Doctor leaves, then pops back again with a big grin on his face.)   
DOCTOR: Actually, thinking about it

[Receptor room]

(What the Doctor whispered was -)   
DOCTOR: Look into my eye.   
(The Doctor waves at River from the eyeball of the Teselecta.)

[Charnel house]

(The Doctor removes the cloak.)   
DOCTOR: The Teselecta. A Doctor in a Doctor suit. Time said I had to be on that beach, so I dressed for the occasion. Barely got singed in that boat.   
DORIUM: So you're going to do this? Let them all think you're dead?   
DOCTOR: It's the only way, then they can all forget me. I got too big, Dorium. Too noisy. Time to step back into the shadows.   
DORIUM: And Doctor Song, in prison all her days?   
DOCTOR: Her days, yes. Her nights? Well, that's between her and me, eh?   
DORIUM: So many secrets, Doctor. I'll help you keep them, of course.   
DOCTOR: Well, you're not exactly going anywhere, are you?   
DORIUM: But you're a fool nonetheless. It's all still waiting for you. The fields of Trenzalore, the fall of the Eleventh, and the question.   
DOCTOR: Goodbye, Dorium.   
DORIUM: The first question. The question that must never be answered, hidden in plain sight. The question you've been running from all your life. Doctor who? Doctor who? Doctor Who.


End file.
